POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => I Just Tested Poz => Topic started by: juju_114 on July 24, 2017, 07:38:03 pm
-
So it's been about a month since I got hiv and I have been doing very good with adherence and keeping record of my treatment. The problem I have is stigma. I'm terrified of the idea of living alone. I want to know how was dating after you found out that you had hiv? Did you ever found love or found people who accepted you? I'm 21 and I feel like my life is over. Who will love me?
-
The one who loves you will be the one who loves you: that is all you need to know. You will know it when it happens.
Work on your self stigma, practice safer sex, and good things will follow.
Your life is not over, but just beginning, just not the way you expected that it would begin. So what? You are young and all things are possible, as long as you stay adherent to your antiretroviral regimen.
You will be fine and will love and be loved.
Best wishes to you on your journey to self acceptance, good health, and long life.
-
When I first tested positive in 1995, I made the decision to never date anyone who was not already HIV+. Even though my viral load has been undetectable for about 18 years, I have stuck to this decision. You still have to go by the safe sex guidelines because the person could have another STD, plus if that person has a different strain of HIV than yours, you can have a super infection. I know they say it's much harder to transmit the virus if you are undetectable and on treatment, but I am from the generation when this was a fatal disease. I have always been a naturally paranoid person, and I am just too afraid to be with someone who is HIV negative. Times were very different and scary in 1995, and those things we were told back then have never left my mind. I also am aware that it is harder for a man to contact it from a woman, but I am still so paranoid about it.
I had the fears and concerns you feel when I was first diagnosed, only the outlook was very bleak in 1995. I got started on aggressive treatment immediately and just focused on the inner peace I felt concerning the progress I had made in drug rehab. I was finished with detox. I felt so much peace and relief that my body no longer craves heroin. I didn't have to worry about how, when, and where I would get my next hit. I focused on that which made me very happy. I found a part-time job and eventually worked up to full time. I was initially told I had only 2-5 years to live. Then my infectious disease doctor said it would be 5-7 years which helped tremendously with my anxiety about dying, etc. I told myself if I can just have five good years, I can accept this. I was terrified, so I saved up as much money as I could to ease the future burden on my parents who I thought would be taking care of me. Then in 2000 my viral load became undetectable. How things have changed. I'm not only still alive, but drug-free and have never been sick or fatigued. If you had told me 23 years ago that things would be this good, I wouldn't have believed you. I responded very well to HAART. I don't allow myself to get complacent. This disease can still kill people. But, if we stay on treatment, our prognosis is a long life, and most of us are still able to work, etc. My t cells (CD4 count) was around 1,300 and viral load undetectable when I had my labs done three months ago.
-
OP
You are 21 and thankfully in 2017 the treatment is at a stage where you as a young person should expect to live a normal life. Its early days and your only a month in, it takes a while to get your thoughts around this, and to fully digest the diagnosis.
On aside note have you thought about or been offered any HIV counseling? Also have you considered looking and joining any local support groups, it can really help meeting people face to face.
As for dating, well with any dating or sex situation there are people who are going to say no thank you. That is always a possibility with or without HIV and its something you too will experience, however rejection is simply part of dating and happens for all sorts of reasons.
Living with HIV just adds an additional aspect to dating, just like living with any illness or long term condition does, HIV is not unique in that sense. It has not stopped me from dating and I've dated both HIV negative and Positive people and I have been very happy and loved during stages of my life and so will you be.
Jim
-
plus if that person has a different strain of HIV than yours, you can have a super infection.
when a person is on successful treatment, their meds work as both PEP and PrEP stopping any further infections. There have only been about a dozen cases of "super infection" and all those patients were not on successful treatment but had high viral loads and low cd4s. Super infection is rare and something a person on treatment needs to never worry about
I know they say it's much harder to transmit the virus if you are undetectable and on treatment,
actually is not just "much harder" but it simply doesn't happen. Undetectable = Untransmittable
https://www.preventionaccess.org/faq
Of course, you are completely correct about the necessity of safer sex practices to prevent other STIs like syphilis, Hep C, gonorrhea and chlamydia - all of which are huge epidemics in themselves.
-
I was diagnosed in 1985 and effective treatments were not developed until 1996.
But even in the pre 1996 era, I got on with being in community groups as a volunteer, worked and fell in and out of love.
In this era of effective treatments I still do those things, but also play sport and study.
Everybody differs on whether to sero-sort, or to use condoms. Your body your decision. Nobody else really should have a right to police your body and your morality. Of course in many jurisdictions the police and courts still try to do that.
-
I recently been diagnosed last month and I'm afraid that no one will love me. I would like to hear stories from you guys. Have you ever dated someone negative? Have you been rejected more than accepted?
-
I recently been diagnosed last month and I'm afraid that no one will love me. I would like to hear stories from you guys. Have you ever dated someone negative? Have you been rejected more than accepted?
-
Hi
I merged you posts as its similar if not the same topic.
To answer the question, it has not really been a problem and i've dated plenty both HIV negative and positive people. With any date or sex situation there are people who are going to say no thank you. That is always a possibility with or without HIV and its something you too will experience, however rejection is simply part of dating and happens for all sorts of reasons.
Living with HIV just adds an additional aspect to dating, just like living with any illness or long term condition does, HIV is not unique in that sense.
Jim
-
How hard was it to find those people? Are you dating now?
-
As difficult or easy as normal. I mean its not like shopping for new pants but examples are I've met people in the office, the pub, nightclubs, festivals so the usually places.
End of the day HIV is not a barrier to dating, (if you don't let it be) so from my point of view its just a metal block not a real world issue when it comes to dating.
Some people have said "no thank you" fine, move on to the next, that's okay. I also have been rejected for having a making leg or having 2 kids and someone not wanting a relationship with someone who also has kids.
Fair enough, I wish them well and I move on and look on, I am not everybody's cup of tea and I am sure you are not either. That is normal in the world of dating.
Jim