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Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

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Recent Posts

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Forums Gatherings / Re: Monthly Virtual Gathering
« Last post by Jim Allen on February 22, 2024, 09:22:54 am »
The invite will be sent out today. Looking forward to catching up with you all and hearing whats going on with you.
Living With HIV / Re: How to deal with rejection
« Last post by Jim Allen on February 22, 2024, 09:21:32 am »
You could also try dating other people living with HIV. However, why limit yourself? Anyhow if you want there is a personals site: https://personals.poz.com/
Living With HIV / Re: How to deal with rejection
« Last post by Jim Allen on February 22, 2024, 09:17:33 am »

Sorry to hear this is getting you down and that the one guy said it was "too much" Sounds like a prick and you are better off without him. As for the other guy, it's unclear why he isn't interested unless he said, "HIV eww!" or something.

It only three dates and I know a lot of us tend to think all rejection is due to HIV status, as that's on our mind but try to keep in mind dating regardless of HIV status comes with rejection, it's simply always the possible outcome when dating and it's a part of life, be kind to yourself, pick yourself up and try again. 

I can only speak from my experince but as a guy, women reject us all the time  ;D. I've been rejected because I have kids, too fat, too skinny, too tall, or not tall enough, being generally difficult (I am) .... As for more HIV-specific rejection, I have to say I've had a few polite "No thank you" over the years but that's only the odd one or two people over the decades, generally nobody cared after I explained it and it did not get in the way of my dating or sex life that has otherwise been good.

Also how do I disclose this information in the best way? Iíve both waited a few dates and said it after the first date.

I always told them before the first date or if it was a chance meeting then I told them straight out.

That way I weed out anyone who simply can't cope with it so I don't waste my time on them.

straight up ghost or slowly wean conversation off

They are not rejecting you, how could they as they don't know you? You are more than just a person living with HIV. So try not to take it personally. I know that's easier said than done, but try to keep in mind it's their flaw, you are better off knowing sooner rather than later and you can then move onto the next without wasting too much time or heartbreak.

I explain I am undetectable, what prep is, etc.

Prehaps too much info. Why even go into explaining PrEP? That would make me think I need it despite you telling me the virus is suppressed..

Took me a while to find a way that works for me, brief and straight out and then wait for questions is what I find works. I normally say something like

"I have a manageable health condition controlled by meds meaning I am healthy and happy ...... it's HIV and as my meds suppress the virus I can't pass it on during sex" 

Anyhow, keep trying, and don't let a few bumps in the road whilst dating get you down.  ;) Hugs.
Living With HIV / Re: How to deal with rejection
« Last post by Tonny2 on February 22, 2024, 07:42:31 am »

               ojo.           Hello there!Ö Welcome to the forums. I will let somebody else to reply to your post, because is something that we all deal with it differently. in my case , when I was diagnosed, I was living with my partner, who is HIV negative and he stayed with me after my eight diagnosis. We lived together seven more years after my DX. I still talk to him and I asked him why he stayed with me and he told me because he loved me. So I think that you have to find the right one before you tell him your status, There are a lot of people who the who disagree with me, but this is my humble opinion. You have to love yourself first. Otherwise, the rejections will bring you down.Ö Wishing you the best and please keep us posted.Ö Hugs
Living With HIV / How to deal with rejection
« Last post by pozwoman28 on February 22, 2024, 07:13:15 am »
Hi everyone. This is my first post here. I am a 28 year old woman and was given HIV 5 years ago by a guy who decided that me sleeping when I was drunk meant I wanted to have sex with him. Fast forward 5 years after dealing with shame, trauma, trauma from a previous relationship, depression, anxiety, etc. I finally felt like I was ready to date and put myself out there. I am a woman, so telling my status to straight men has been difficult. Iíve had one person that knew me before that was cool with my status and things didnít work out between us for various reasons. The two guys that Iíve told other than that will try to seem cool with it but will either straight up ghost or slowly wean conversation off until I basically have no choice but to do it myself out of respect for myself. I recently had a guy fully wanting to date me and then I told him and he felt empathy for me and my situation but couldnít get past my status and felt like it was all ďtoo muchĒ. It hurts a lot because I just want to feel accepted and loved. HIV is a part of me that barely impacts me as I am undetectable. I explain I am undetectable, what prep is, etc. but it just weirds everyone out and ruins everything. Iím just feeling so defeated and not sure how to proceed. I donít want to give up but putting my heart through this rejection over and over is a lot. Any advice on dealing with this, I would be so grateful. Also how do I disclose this information in the best way? Iíve both waited a few dates and said it after the first date. The guys always seem to empathize with me and understand but the stigma gets in the way and then I become not worth it for them to date.
Do I Have HIV? / Re: Please help blood possible with spit in eye
« Last post by Jim Allen on February 22, 2024, 04:47:44 am »
You had no HIV risk from this, zero.

Saliva is hostile towards HIV, breaking down the receptors needed to infect. Next to that, this concern has a lack of quantity, exposure to the environment and a poor route. Trace blood is commonly found in saliva but spitting has never resulted in HIV transmission and you will not be the world's first.

As for healthcare settings, it's also not an HIV risk, you don't get HIV from spitting, end of story.

In healthcare, there is a more theoretical risk when dealing with things like arterial spray directly into the eye. However, this is also extremely rare, these rare suspected cases are a tiny handful over the entire 40+ years of HIV with most of them from the 90s with an absence of any phylogenetics to confirm and nothing in the past 20+ years.  I only know of a single confirmed and unique case.

Anyhow, the guy was not bleeding to death directly into your eye so stop comparing healthcare risks to your household situation! Move on with your life. I wish you well but please do not post about this again.

Here's what you need to know to reduce your HIV risks:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse correctly and consistently, with no exceptions. Consider talking to your healthcare provider about PrEP as an additional layer of protection against HIV

Keep in mind that some sexual practices described as safe in terms of acquiring HIV still pose a risk for other easier-acquired STIs. So please do get tested at least yearly for STIs, including but not limited to HIV, and more frequently if condomless intercourse occurs.

Also, note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms; testing is the only way to know.

Kind regards


Please Note.
As a member of the "Do I have HIV" Forum, you are required to only post in this one thread no matter how long between visits or the subject matter. You can find this thread by going to your profile and selecting show own post, which will take you here. It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread, and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Any additional threads will be removed

Seroconversion rate among health care workers exposed to HIV-contaminated body fluids: https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/28449921/

A systematic review of risk of HIV transmission through spitting: implications for policy https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29687590/


Saliva neutralizes HIV-1 infection by displacing envelope gp120 from the virion.
Int Conf AIDS 1998 Jun 28-Jul 3; 12:267 (abstract no. 21143)

Malamud D, Nagashunmugan T, Friedman HM, Davis CA, Abrams WR
Dept. Biochemistry Univ. Penn Dental Med., Phila 19104-6003, USA.

BACKGROUND: Incubation of HIV-1 with human saliva decreases infectivity. This inhibition is specific for HIV-1, with no effect on adenovirus, HIV-2 or SIV and appears to work at the level of the virus rather than the host cell. We have now identified an active protein fraction and provide evidence that the mechanism of action involves stripping of gp120 from the virus.

CONCLUSION: The specific inhibition of HIV-1 infectivity by human submandibular saliva is associated with removal of gp120 from the virus. The active fraction contains several proteins, including two high molecular weight glycoproteins.

Mechanisms of anti-HIV-1 activity of human submandibular saliva.
Conf Retroviruses Opportunistic Infect 1997 Jan 22-26; 4th:140 (abstract no. 412)
Nagashunmugam T, Malamud D, Davis C, Friedman HM; University of Pennsylvania, Philadelphia, PA.

Neutralizing effect of secretory IgA to HIV in parotid saliva of HIV-infected patients.
Int Conf AIDS 1998 Jun 28-Jul 3; 12:1142 (abstract no. 60770)

Moja P, Desgranges C, Pozzetto B, Lucht F, Genin C
Gimap University of St.-Etienene, France.

BACKGROUND: The aim of this study was to test S-IgA purified from secretions of HIV seropositive patients in a neutralization assay to determine whether specific S-I&A can protect from HIV infection.

CONCLUSION: These data demonstrate that secretory IgA, which is the predominant isotype in secretions, can inhibit HIVMN infection of MT4 cells. HIV neutralization has been carried out with CD4+ T cell line adapted virus strain as a standardized model system, but the use of mucosal autologous primary isolates in neutralization test would be useful to estimate the actual protective effect of these antibodies in each patient.

Do I Have HIV? / Re: Please help blood possible with spit in eye
« Last post by Anxious9 on February 22, 2024, 04:23:01 am »
Hi no it wasn’t on a bus i was sat in a building either way still
Sat next to each other my concerns were the man was from high risk country and we sat right next to each other
 The man spit went on my eyes and face  possibly could of had blood with spit that’s all I wanted to know if it was risk
should I be worried from this am I at risk from blood gone onto my eyes and face?

Sorry for the confusion I’m not in hospital setting I meant in comparison
I just meant  asking what the risk is for my question compared to those in health care settling ie someone in lab or health care environment

Is this risk?  and he spoke and his spit blood when into my eye with possible blood? When talking to me  Does that put me at risk that I should be worried and need testing? Or not
Do I Have HIV? / Re: Please help blood possible with spit in eye
« Last post by Jim Allen on February 22, 2024, 04:14:10 am »
So someone spoke to you on the bus and some spit may have contacted your eye and you are wondering if in healthcare settings it would be a risk?

It's not an HIV risk in healthcare settings or on the bus.
Do I Have HIV? / Please help blood possible with spit in eye
« Last post by Anxious9 on February 22, 2024, 03:49:52 am »
Hello please can you help,

Is this
A risk or a concern  or not?
I sat next to man he was saying he
Has moved from
Nigeria and with it being  high
Risk country  While he was sat
Beside he turned and we was facing 
me while taking to me  I seen his  Spit mixed with possible blood, went on eye eyes eye and face. I am worried about risk being
Blood in the spit.

if there was blood does that mean I'm at risk? with possible blood? In eyes

Someone who
Knowledgeable on the risks  can help to
Understand if itís a
Risk or not  I have read many forums and things in internet which is confusing because it all says different things  i
Have seen people post simlar posts how is this situation happend within a lab or health care settings can explain how
Is different from health care setting? Was that a risk compared to my question?

Thank you
Estoy infectado? / Re: DUDA CONDON SALIDO
« Last post by MIKE3510 on February 22, 2024, 01:04:26 am »
muchas gracias!!
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