POZ Community Forums
Off Topic Forums => Off Topic Forum => Topic started by: Ihavehope on February 23, 2007, 07:17:43 pm
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We all know that the first few months and even years can be full of many negative emotions so I guess this applies for the verterans or those who have been living with HIV for more than a couple of years.
good days (Healthy and going on with life as usual etc)
Bad days (tired, ill, bad reactions to meds, depressed etc)
i.e. 80% good days 20% bad days.
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All of my days are good, when I find out I've made it through another day. Unless I get ill, I usually don't have a bad day.
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Good Days? I still wake up in the morning, bad days,wondering if I will
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100% Good - a slow process of reprioritizing my goals, but fortunately, no illnesses and no side effects.
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Yeah, generally all of my days I *think* are good. You learn to adjust your expectations. Of course, when I have a diarrhea day it's NOT a good day but I've managed to get that under control in the past year with my major HAART switch. I still have them, just not days and days in a row. Anyway, my life's not been better in ages because of my improved numbers and that diarrhea issue.
However, I'm not going to be little Johnny Sunshine like some of my brethren and right 100% or everyday. I'd be lying. I'll go with 90/10 just for the sake of balance and to be a contrarian.
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40/20 the rest of the days i sleep then change the sheets, then sleep some more....
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that only adds up to 60, Lis
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No shit Philly... did you note that the rest of the time is spent in the bed with sleeping and sweating? why must you be such a boarish ass...?
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hmmm... I hadn't thought of it that way. Damn I'm an ignorant moronic faggot.
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Every day for me is filled with sunshine and rainbows, unicorns and leprechauns, kittens and smurfs.
Sometimes I wish I had something real to feel sorry for myself about, like what some of the people here go through. Instead, I just feel sorry for myself because I make really bad decisions.
I think I will go pet my cat now.
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I have good days and bad days. Some days start off baddly and end nicely and vice versa. I do go through some days when I don't think my life is real. That, how did this happen to me crappy day sorta shit. My job keeps me sane, for the most part. I only cry when the highway patrol gives me a ticket, but I think it is worse not to cry. I have cried three times in three months, and I always have felt better after cryin'. But I've always been a stoic little bitch.
rob
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However, I'm not going to be little Johnny Sunshine like some of my brethren and right 100% or everyday. I'd be lying. I'll go with 90/10 just for the sake of balance and to be a contrarian.
Heheh I am Johnny and while I'm still well, I'm gonna make the damned most of it! I am in general quite a happy person to the point that when first visiting with the ID specialist they were shocked to see I wasn't distraught or worried or crying or suicidal. Rather, I took it that HIV was just a part of my life from now on.
Last time I was in the hospital my family were mad, because I didn't say anything until I needed a ride home after being released. But, since it was just a few stiches, I didn't see any reason to have anyone waiting hours and hours for me. I haven't disclosed to them because I'm not in need of any special care and it would worry them to the point that they would become horribly intrusive on my life.
In a strange way, I think I'm happier because I no longer feel the need to have a man in my life.
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Actually there was a record store I patronized regularly in the 90's and the owner (who unfortunately died from you-know-what last year, peace be upon him) used to call me "Sunshine" because he said I always had a huge smile on my face for seemingly no reason. I also have one of those big smiles that make my eyes look like little half moon slits, so one nickname in college was "Demi Lunes."
So oddly, even when I'm depressed most people can't tell. I'm sure everyone thinks I'm fake but it's just the way I am. I think my mother used to smack me if I frowned or something... I don't know.
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Why does everything have to have a label or a percentage? I mean do you have to be just a top or a bottom.................Basquo, if you're reading this, this doesn't apply..................................
And, I find that I'm much happier on gray days................okay, I know you're saying(well, only those of you that give a crap) that's weird(that's another one, I can never remember, is it the e or the i first, but this time i did remember), "he's happier on gray days." Really, I love gray days, or is it grey days? I think it can be either.
I just feel like you should be with someone special on a sunny day doing something special! Of course, were I in a relationship, I'd love spending any kind of day with my partner(or do you prefer significant other, lover............Basquo?)
And, just since the subject of sunshine was brought up, one of my favorite sayings is, "the sun don't shine up the same dog's ass everyday."
There's also, "I'm fucking this cat, and if it has any kittens, I'll give you one." Anyone that doesn't get it............................well, let's say if you're in the kitchen doing something and someone comes along and tries to help or tell you how, well that is what you say to them..........well, if you don't want their help or they are giving bad advice. Please, I know a roux is equal parts flour and butter. Okay, so I'll have a lot of Roux.
These sayings, both, are courtesy of an old friend, name Michael, that now has his own car repair shop in Baltimore. I'm sure someone else said them first, but I heard him say them first.
For those that read, thank you for taking the time. Please stop by and post on my blog.........Gosh, golly, gee....................or not.
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I would have to say I have more good days than bad. Percentages...mmm, I'll go with 90-10. I'm usually tired on a daily basis but that's where naps come in. But really most of my bad days come from the diabetes and not the hiv.
The latest is feeling very jittery which I can't stand and has also been having bouts of dizziness but only when I lay down at night, I know that sounds weird but it's true. Not sure if there is anything that can be done about it so I just deal with it for now.
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20% 'Good' days: Something nice happened, major chore accomplished, felt upbeat.
60% 'Mediocre, average, satisfactory': Nothing positive or negative, run-of-the-mill.
20% 'Bad' days: Got upset, new problem with which to deal, friend or person pissed me off, especially tired, etc.
Reckon I can live with those percentages.
Gary
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OMG...% frighten me... ahhhhhhhhh, being a veteran has it's advantages and disadvantages.. For me folks, lot's of stress, work, school, being involved in outreach, and a few organizations keeps me really busy and overwhelmed. Stressed about 90% of the time.. not good, but not bad either... health issues, 99% stress. And doing life on a daily basis.. My word, it's just too much... Though I do believe that is what keeps me a going strong.
Actually wish I had your folks out look on life.. a friend once said to me a day above ground Mark is a good day.. He, and you are correct, just wish I had the option to escape reality..
But hey.... were in this together.. I'm really glad I found ya's
Mark
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This is a good topic!
I tie it more to the ability in getting up and off to work.
10% - jump up feeling great.
60% - D R A G out of bed and V E R Y slowly get with it.
30% - Gawd, should I just retire on SS disability? Can I? Should I? How should I? Hit snooze several more times....
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Some of the time, I can feel pretty good most of the time. And some of the time, I can fell like crap most or some of the time. The hell with Percentages :P
Seriously, I am happy to be breathing everyday. I look forward to each and everyday. I always try to keep a good outlook, even If I am feeling a little crappy that day. I do the best I can.
Ray
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By your definition I have very few bad days. It's been years since I had a HIV related bad day.
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winter months cycle: 70% just plain tired/20% numb/10% good and productive
winter = out of order. inactive zone. fatigued. too many day naps. it's takes considerable effort to get motivated and be productive.
spring, summer, fall cycles: 80% very good days /10% mid-range days/10% poor days
360 degree attitude adjustment when i get outdoors / resume active mode (back injuries on the increase, though)
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winter months cycle: 70% just plain tired/20% numb/10% good and productive
winter = out of order. inactive zone. fatigued. too many day naps. it's takes considerable effort to get motivated and be productive.
spring, summer, fall cycles: 80% very good days /10% mid-range days/10% poor days
360 degree attitude adjustment when i get outdoors / resume active mode (back injuries on the increase, though)
Interesting point. Being in a northern place where the winters are cold and damp, I find this time of year to be one of lethargy and not felling very motivated. There's always a fog of fatigue hanging over me. Once spring comes and the days brighten up I feel much more alive and upbeat.
Have there any studies that show a correlation between cd4 counts and the season?
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Or is it just plain old Seasonal Adjustment Disorder? My good days consist at present of actually being arsed to get out of bed to answer the phone. The good days are getting more frequent because of the people at the other end of the phone ;D