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Author Topic: Scared & Confused!  (Read 1164 times)

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Offline Curious12311

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Scared & Confused!
« on: May 01, 2021, 08:55:33 am »
Hi - thank you for the account approval.  I know you answer a ton of inquiries on this forum so Iíll try to make a long story short - I'm a married man of 15 years - monogamous.  Wife is too.  I went on a vacation about 6 weeks ago, drank too much and ended up at a strip club with friends.  Poor decisions were made and I engaged in unprotected oral sex with a stripper.  

The encounter didn't last long but it was enough to really scare me.  I performed cunnilingus on her for maybe a minute or so and she did the same for me in return, fellatio.  No orgasms/ejaculation by either person, just a quick interlude that didn't last long.  It was dark and I didnít notice any cuts/abraisons/discharge etc with her vagina.  She exchanged phone #ís with me and I later texted her to ask if sheís clean/gets regular testing.  She didn't directly answer my question about being tested but she did deny not having any STD's.  Since she is a complete stranger to me, I'm not sure that I believe her on that. 

Now I'm almost convinced that I possibly contracted HIV from her.  I am consumed with anxiety and stress.  I have woken up with night sweats a couple of times and I am having trouble with my appetite at times.  I would assume that is due to anxiety/stress, but I instantly assume the worst.  I have scoured the internet looking for probability/odds of contracting anything.  I see that oral sex is low risk for transmission, even saw that on the Transmission & Risks section on this site - ďlikelihood of it happening is rare, as there are only a few documented cases.Ē  On certain sites, I see that there are no documented cases.  That is what Iím confused about, I really want to know that Iím safe and have peace of mind, but if there is indeed a possibility of transmission, that is what is scaring me so much.

Lastly, I was tested for all other STI's and all were negative.

There is so much conflicting information on websites, message boards, reddit, etc. but I feel like there are some super knowledgeable people on this forum that could help me sort my thoughts/fears on this.  Your feedback is greatly appreciated!  Thanks!

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Scared & Confused!
« Reply #1 on: May 01, 2021, 11:22:36 am »
Quote
I later texted her to ask if sheís clean/gets regular testing.

Not sure why you think cleanliness is a concern or why she should be testing for cleanliness? To be clear with you, living with HIV does not mean I or any of the other member here are somehow dirty!

Hi - thank you for the account approval.  I know you answer a ton of inquiries on this forum so Iíll try to make a long story short - I'm a married man of 15 years - monogamous.  Wife is too.  I went on a vacation about 6 weeks ago, drank too much and ended up at a strip club with friends.  Poor decisions were made and I engaged in unprotected oral sex with a stripper. 

The encounter didn't last long but it was enough to really scare me.  I performed cunnilingus on her for maybe a minute or so and she did the same for me in return, fellatio.  No orgasms/ejaculation by either person, just a quick interlude that didn't last long.  It was dark and I didnít notice any cuts/abraisons/discharge etc with her vagina.  She exchanged phone #ís with me and I later texted her to ask if sheís clean/gets regular testing.  She didn't directly answer my question about being tested but she did deny not having any STD's.  Since she is a complete stranger to me, I'm not sure that I believe her on that. 

Now I'm almost convinced that I possibly contracted HIV from her.  I am consumed with anxiety and stress.  I have woken up with night sweats a couple of times and I am having trouble with my appetite at times.  I would assume that is due to anxiety/stress, but I instantly assume the worst.  I have scoured the internet looking for probability/odds of contracting anything.  I see that oral sex is low risk for transmission, even saw that on the Transmission & Risks section on this site - ďlikelihood of it happening is rare, as there are only a few documented cases.Ē  On certain sites, I see that there are no documented cases.  That is what Iím confused about, I really want to know that Iím safe and have peace of mind, but if there is indeed a possibility of transmission, that is what is scaring me so much.

Lastly, I was tested for all other STI's and all were negative.

There is so much conflicting information on websites, message boards, reddit, etc. but I feel like there are some super knowledgeable people on this forum that could help me sort my thoughts/fears on this.  Your feedback is greatly appreciated!  Thanks!

Read your post three times.

What you posted about the encounter with the stripper was no HIV risk whatsoever and there are no documented cases. Lacks all the conditions required for acquiring HIV. It would have been a minute risk if you had given a guy a blowjob but that did not happen.

Regarding the wife, somewhat obvious but I mention it to anyone who is in a relationship. If you engage in condomless sex with your wife, you are obviously at risk. Often within relationships, condomless sex is based on trust or past test results. However, this does not prevent HIV, and any condomless intercourse is accepting the greater risk of acquiring HIV.

So move on with your life, put this behind you and remember as you are sexually active test at least yearly for STI's and if you do choose to engage in condomless intercourse, consider testing more frequently for HIV and STI's.

Here's what you need to know to avoid HIV infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions. Consider talking to your health care provider about taking PrEP going forward as an additional layer of HIV protection.

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as Ďsafeí in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also, note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

Kind regards

Jim

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HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
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Offline Curious12311

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Re: Scared & Confused!
« Reply #2 on: May 01, 2021, 12:07:45 pm »
Hi Jim,

Thanks so much for the quick reply and the reassuring words/facts. 

More importantly, I sincerely apologize for my poor choice of words regarding being "clean".  What I meant when I posed my question to her was to inquire if she was clean with regard to testing (no STI's/etc) and lifestyle safety.  I didn't mean to imply that she was dirty or for that matter anyone else living HIV is.  It was certainly a poor choice of words and I truly did not mean to offend you or anyone else reading participating on this forum!

Again, I trust what you are saying as I feel like this forum and site has the most relevant and accurate information.  What you are doing here is providing a fantastic resource and I appreciate you taking the time to answer my questions. 

Very best regards and thank you again Jim!

Offline Curious12311

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Re: Scared & Confused!
« Reply #3 on: May 03, 2021, 05:49:29 pm »
Hi Jim,

Thanks again for your original reply.

I donít mean to take up your time... Iím  having a very hard time with anxiety and letting this go, mostly because I am reading so much conflicting information on the internet.  Iím not sure why other sites keep showing that oral sex is a risk when everyone is adamant here (current and past moderators) that it is not.  It seems that other sites just provide generalized information and this forum is more specific.  Reading stuff on other sites is what I think is causing the doubt to creep into the back of my mind. 

It has bothered me so much that I purchased an Oraquick home test.  I tested at 43 days past the oral sex encounter so just a little past 6 weeks..  It was negative.  I was very relieved at that moment but started reading again that not to believe the test results since it wasnít done at the 3 month mark.   

Should I be confident in the test result?  Iíve seen a lot of information on here that at 6 weeks, if positive, it would most likely show that result and that any result at 12 weeks would be highly unlikely to change. 

Iím just anxious to put this behind me and let it go.  Thank you again for your time and the great support that you are providing here.

Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Scared & Confused!
« Reply #4 on: May 03, 2021, 06:10:25 pm »
"Oral sex" covers many different activities. The activities you mentioned as explained are not HIV risks.

So, you had no HIV exposure from the stripper and, I am not going to pretend what you posted about that encounter was an HIV risk. Not testing for HIV over that would be conclusive already.

The only possible exposures would either be from your wife or something you have not posted here. In that case, OraQuick is a rapid test and should be taken at 3 months past last exposure.

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

« Last Edit: May 03, 2021, 06:15:02 pm by Jim Allen »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
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Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
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HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

 


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