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Author Topic: Anxiety of getting others infected  (Read 7325 times)

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Offline megaleviathan

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Anxiety of getting others infected
« on: June 04, 2017, 02:26:09 am »
Hello, For the past month I have been struggling with the worry that I can get people around me infected. I am familiar with the modes of transmission of the condition and that HIV is a weak virus that cannot survive that long outside the body, yet despite this, I was my hands five times when I go to the bathroom, use 70 percent alcohol, have separate utensils. I havent had sex in 3 year because of the fear of harming someone.
I suffered from insomnia because I accidentally launched a drop of water into someones eye while drinking, and during that time I had a mouth sore so im not sure if it had blood or not. I spent the whole night til morning reading about transmission is unlikely and even texted my doctor about it but he did not reply. I hope i didnt transmit my condition to him through spit or possible spit with blood and water. My viral load is 43 then latest is 38 copies,
I realized that im rambling, im sorry. I live in ac country where mental health support is not really a priority and most cases of mental breakdowns are refered to priest and religious counselling.
I feel sad, because despite whatever I read, i still need reassurance.
Do you know any resources I can visit or read about what I am feeling, a book, a chat support, anything? I tired of searching on the internet only to find people who dont have the disease tell me its all in my head and to get a prescription for anxiety. In my country, psych meds are almost a taboo.
Thank you for reading, and I appreciate any input a lot.

Offline harleymc

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,523
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #1 on: June 08, 2017, 04:58:20 am »
Hi I am sorry to read that you are having such massive problems with anxiety.

I am a great fan of face to face therapy for anxiety but realise that not all people can access it.Here are two web based sites that I have found useful when I was dealing with anxiety and the depression that flowed from the anxiety.

They are both run by the Australian National University, they are not commercial sites trying to sell you anything.

https://ecouch.anu.edu.au/welcome
https://moodgym.anu.edu.au/welcome

I found the ecouch was a bit better at anxiety and the moodgym a bit better for depression.  They both take some effort to work through and they are not a quick fix, but have a try.


I wish you all the best

Offline megaleviathan

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #2 on: August 26, 2017, 09:59:48 am »
Thank you!

Offline kentfrat1783

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  • Posts: 421
  • Instagram: kentfrat1783
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #3 on: September 13, 2017, 07:30:25 pm »
Hi,

I am now to all of this as well so I'm not sure if I can be that helpful but here I go.

Anxiety - I have it and know the feeling.  I was Dx after finding out I had PCP and my mind somewhat shut down after that but still anxious about others getting infected and what other will think of me.  I too wash my hands a lot and use hand sanitizer like crazy.  My CD4 found was also basically non-existent so that doesn't help me either.  Just make sure not to wash your hands too much.  I've done that too and they get raw and sore.

Reading - Nothing is wrong with reading but make sure to only go to reputable sites.  This site is a great resource but from my education days ".com's" are not the best sites, usually.  I started with the cdc.gov and went from there.  Now I'm not saying that you should never go to a .com but some only tell you half of the picture or just fabricate data.  Also it seems like all I do now is research so if I come to a page that is way out of the range of normal info I'm reading then I know it's a junk site.  Just use your gut. 

Therapy - For some this is good and others not so much.  I'm not sure what country you are in but as you have stated it you only have the church to go too (and I'm assuming you don't like that option).  Do you have any friends you can trust with knowing and just allowing you to talk.  Again, this may not be an option but sometimes friends are a good resource.  Have you ever just tried to write down what you are feeling?  I've done that in the past and helped.  Just getting it out of your mind onto paper is great.

Just know we are here and ask questions. 

Kenneth
Date - CD4 - Percent - VL
08/23/23 - 366 - 26%
06/20/23 - 349 - 21% - UD
04/15/23 - 229 - 19% - <20
11/14/22 - 486 - 24% - 73
10/12/22 - 316 - 19% - <20
06/20/22 - 292 - 21% - <20
01/25/22 - 321 - 22% - <20
09/22/21 - 278 - 19% - <20
02/02/21 - 225 - 19% - <20
06/08/20 - 257 - 20% - <20
03/17/20 - 285 - 19% - 101 (2.00)
12/17/19 - 290 - 20% - <20
09/17/19 - 218 - 16%
06/18/19 - 173 - 16% - <20
03/13/19 - 170 - 16% - <20
January 2019 - Started Triumeq
12/05/08 - 174 - 18% - <20
08/28/18 - 166 - 15% - <20
05/08/18 - 106 - 11% - <20
03/05/18 -   90 - 10% - <20
12/11/17 -   60 -   8%
09/07/17 -   42 -   6% - 54 (1.70)
May 2017 - Started Atripla
05/11/17 -    2 -    1% - 169,969 (5.23)
OI's: PCP
Dx`d May 11, 2017
Location: US

Offline megaleviathan

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #4 on: September 14, 2017, 05:15:54 am »
Thank you so much for you kind words.
I live in a country where mental health is under rug swept. No joke, the advice that you'll hear range from Sleep on it, Let's just drink and go to church.
I feel lost most of the time and a big disappointment. I am a nurse and I let this happened to me. I now fear going outside. I now fear meeting people. I want to talk to others but Im afraid going to them would be a big burden. No ones prepared with handling this kind of news. I do have good days when I am so busy I dont have time to feel. But whenever i am idle, the thoughts consume me. Then I work myself until I feel numb and tired. Ill try writing down my thoughts. I have no objections to spiritual interventions like praying and counselling but from my experience they just end up as a conversation on why being gay is not desirable.  I will get better

Offline PozLawyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 59
  • Bipolar HIV+ former DC BigLaw attorney
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #5 on: September 30, 2017, 02:13:24 pm »
Hello, For the past month I have been struggling with the worry that I can get people around me infected. I am familiar with the modes of transmission of the condition and that HIV is a weak virus that cannot survive that long outside the body, yet despite this, I was my hands five times when I go to the bathroom, use 70 percent alcohol, have separate utensils. I havent had sex in 3 year because of the fear of harming someone.
I suffered from insomnia because I accidentally launched a drop of water into someones eye while drinking, and during that time I had a mouth sore so im not sure if it had blood or not. I spent the whole night til morning reading about transmission is unlikely and even texted my doctor about it but he did not reply. I hope i didnt transmit my condition to him through spit or possible spit with blood and water. My viral load is 43 then latest is 38 copies,
I realized that im rambling, im sorry. I live in ac country where mental health support is not really a priority and most cases of mental breakdowns are refered to priest and religious counselling.
I feel sad, because despite whatever I read, i still need reassurance.
Do you know any resources I can visit or read about what I am feeling, a book, a chat support, anything? I tired of searching on the internet only to find people who dont have the disease tell me its all in my head and to get a prescription for anxiety. In my country, psych meds are almost a taboo.
Thank you for reading, and I appreciate any input a lot.

I am sorry to hear what you are going through.  I would normally tell people to get in with a therapist who is comfortable with HIV patients so that you can discuss your concerns.  Some of your anxiety may be due to lack of information, and some may be just plain old anxiety that exists no matter how much we know!

However, if your primary worry is about infecting others, I hope that some information can help.  The Centers for Disease Control, along with virtually every HIV expert in the world (beginning with the Swiss Statement), just recently stated that a viral load that is "undetectable" or less than 200 copies/ml (you said yours was 43 and 38) means you cannot transmit the virus sexually.  Unless you share a needle with someone, there is no risk of you transmitting the virus as long as you stay on your medicine and stay suppressed.

And don't focus on "undetectable" too much.  "Undetectable" used to mean less than 50 copies/ml because that's as low as the test could go.  And the results were the same: no transmission of HIV occurred.  Today's tests are more sensitive, but there is no clinical evidence that there is any difference between 20 and 50 copies/ml, and the CDC's statement goes so far as to say 200/ml.

Poz.com posted the news a couple days ago at https://www.poz.com/article/cdc-effectively-no-risk-of-sexual-hiv-transmission-if-undetectable
Follow me on Twitter at @PozLawyer https://twitter.com/PozLawyer.

Diagnosed August 2014
Tivicay + Descovy, VL UD, CD4 fluctuates b/w 400-600
Married, serodiscordant.  Husband is negative.
Avid gamer (Gaymer!).  https://daggr.net/members/3696/

Offline Jim Allen

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  • Threads: @jim16309
    • Social Media: Threads
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #6 on: September 30, 2017, 05:55:19 pm »
Quote
I am familiar with the modes of transmission of the condition and that HIV is a weak virus that cannot survive that long outside the body, yet despite this, I was my hands five times when I go to the bathroom, use 70 percent alcohol, have separate utensils. I havent had sex in 3 year because of the fear of harming someone.
I suffered from insomnia because I accidentally launched a drop of water into someones eye while drinking, and during that time I had a mouth sore so im not sure if it had blood or not. I spent the whole night til morning reading about transmission is unlikely and even texted my doctor about it but he did not reply

@OP

Look I am sorry to hear about your fears as they are affecting your life.

But Lets be crystal clear on this, no matter what your HIV VL load, UD or not UD  treated or untreated HIV it does not matter as HIV is simply not transmitted by sharing utensils, shaking hands and/or sharing a glass, drinking the same water/drink or spitting was never a risk for transmission.

HIV is not transmitted this way and your VL load makes no difference, you are no danger to the people around you in normal day to day activities. Now you indicate that you yourself know this, yet you have this ongoing fear or feelings for more than 3 years.

Really you should speak to someone face to face as it can not be healthy to continuously feel this way and have irrational fears. Take it easy and I hope things do get better for you.

Jim   
« Last Edit: September 30, 2017, 06:14:21 pm by JimDublin »
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Offline Jim Allen

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Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #7 on: September 30, 2017, 06:17:42 pm »
Quote
but there is no clinical evidence that there is any difference between 20 and 50 copies/ml, and the CDC's statement goes so far as to say 200/ml.

Just as a note, the CDC statement based on the studies into sexual transmission looked  in that limited context and set the bar at 200.

Clinically speaking UD is not 200 when looking into other aspects of this illness and patient care, suppression below 50 is optimum. Put it in another way if I always had a VL of 200 my doctor would be switching my treatment. 

« Last Edit: September 30, 2017, 06:24:10 pm by JimDublin »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
HIV TasP
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP

My Instagram
Threads

Offline PozLawyer

  • Member
  • Posts: 59
  • Bipolar HIV+ former DC BigLaw attorney
Re: Anxiety of getting others infected
« Reply #8 on: September 30, 2017, 06:32:32 pm »
Just as a note, the CDC statement based on the studies into sexual transmission looked  in that limited context and set the bar at 200.

Clinically speaking UD is not 200 when looking into other aspects of this illness and patient care, suppression below 50 is optimum. Put it in another way if I always had a VL of 200 my doctor would be switching my treatment.

Agreed.  Did not mean to imply that <200/ml = undetectable, just uninfectious per CDC statement.  My doctor, too, would not want to see me consistently at 200/ml.
Follow me on Twitter at @PozLawyer https://twitter.com/PozLawyer.

Diagnosed August 2014
Tivicay + Descovy, VL UD, CD4 fluctuates b/w 400-600
Married, serodiscordant.  Husband is negative.
Avid gamer (Gaymer!).  https://daggr.net/members/3696/

 


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