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Author Topic: I can't stand it anymore  (Read 22041 times)

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Offline twofires

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I can't stand it anymore
« on: January 10, 2007, 05:49:02 pm »
so I go to my health care provider today, having some issues revolving around the so-called "Happy Holiday Season" (burn in hell for all the good it does me) maybe some Seasonal Affective Disorder but mostly financial scary problems involving CPA's, self-employment/sole proprietorship, and my ADAP & Ryan White re-certification eligibilty

i was given a business card, this is supposed to be a "referral" for some mental health

honestly, I wish I lived in San Fran and could take care of my own mental health with a quick trip to my local medicinal marijuana provider (my buddy there says they actually deliver now)

anyway, I call the damn mental health fucktards and after a series of vague STUPID questions, the damn bitch gets christian on my ass and hangs up on me cuz she can't bear to hear words like SHIT and FUCK etc

Mind you, this is the same crisis hotline people are expected to call if they are in fact suicidal or homicidal

god damn fucking bible belt swine motherfucking pieces of shit

STILL no call back from the so-called "supervisor who is in a meeting"

apparently, crises are supposed to happen during business hours, and my crisis better fucking fit their god damn fucking worksheet because anything else is, well, not their problem

WHAT THE FUCK!!!
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Lisa

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #1 on: January 10, 2007, 06:49:37 pm »
I don't know where you live, but hopefully there are more options for you other than this single place. Is there an ASO(Aids Service Organisation) you can contact? They are generally more helpful. Is there a public mental health facility near you?
I am sorry that you are in such straits without a response.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Eldon

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #2 on: January 10, 2007, 07:02:28 pm »


Hey Twofires,

There is NO REASON or ANY excuse for you to be treated as such. I agree the all of this condeming superficial stuff needs to come to an END. It is NOT helping us, it is hurting us.

Do what you can to get the Director on the phone or even take a trip down there to have some sort of administrative action done. i trust that you got the name of the lady who slammed the phone down on you.






"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #3 on: January 10, 2007, 07:04:43 pm »
The other post makes sense now......  I live in kc but there are others that live in your area im sure that can hopefully guide you to other caring individuals.  You can call me and bitch at me anytime!!!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #4 on: January 10, 2007, 07:07:50 pm »
my care provider is the only game in town

staffed with a boatload of christian zealots

when I was in Ft Lauderdale, I went through 3 different care providers, the first two were closed down by the Feds for everything from stupid paperwork to passing our meds stupidly

now I am in the hick shit town with 1 count 'em 1 care provider getting Ryan White & ADAP funds

I cannot begin to express my frustration

I can see the bastards getting closed down any day now....
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Eldon

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #5 on: January 10, 2007, 07:11:59 pm »


Hey Twofires,

In this case, there is every reason to feel the way that you do. Something has to get done in order to come to some sort of SOLUTION. With any problem there IS a SOLUTION.





"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #6 on: January 10, 2007, 07:13:42 pm »
now how the FUCK is rhetoric going to help me?

does rhetoric know a better way to tie a noose???
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #7 on: January 10, 2007, 07:16:22 pm »
Easy man....  are you really having those kinds of thoughts?
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #8 on: January 10, 2007, 07:17:58 pm »
I get hung up 3 times by the crisis hotline....what the fuck do you think?
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Eldon

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #9 on: January 10, 2007, 07:18:38 pm »


Hey Now,

IF I were there and IF I were in the position to do something for you...I would LISTEN and take some ACTION. I am trying my best here to relate to your situation somehow as it is frustrating. Everyone needs to get their arse off of their shoulders and get something done here. No Pun.





"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #10 on: January 10, 2007, 07:30:58 pm »
you ARE in a position to help

all of you

by letting me fucking vent

telling me to take it elsewhere is a blow off
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Cliff

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #11 on: January 10, 2007, 07:36:42 pm »
Venting and lashing out at people who have nothing to do with your frustrations are two different things. 

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #12 on: January 10, 2007, 07:39:49 pm »
you want some lashing out?

step up front

your comment is stupid.

Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Eldon

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #13 on: January 10, 2007, 07:41:43 pm »


OK...

You are frustrated. We are concerned. We are listening. What is it that you seek right now?





"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #14 on: January 10, 2007, 07:45:59 pm »
we sound a little condescending....
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Eldon

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #15 on: January 10, 2007, 07:51:43 pm »


Hey 2,

There is no rank pulling going on here.

What can WE do to HELP you?

What is it that you seek?






"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #16 on: January 10, 2007, 07:54:50 pm »
I'll say this: I do NOT need anyone telling me to Take It Elsewhere

I get enough of that from my so-called "Care Provider"
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline RapidRod

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #17 on: January 10, 2007, 07:58:25 pm »
Then don't bitch about it. We advised you where to post. That's all we can do. It's all up to you.

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #18 on: January 10, 2007, 07:59:25 pm »
oh Please do tell Queen Akasha that she also is a major FUCKUP for even mentioning someing health related in this stupid forum
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Eldon

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #19 on: January 10, 2007, 08:01:39 pm »


Hey 2,

Let's compromise here. What is it that you seek?





"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #20 on: January 10, 2007, 08:10:34 pm »
oh Please do tell Queen Akasha that she also is a major FUCKUP for even mentioning someing health related in this stupid forum

Seriously man..... settle down a little bit.  She isnt attacking people like you are.  I have asked you SEVERAL times what you need, you just keep bitching.  Which is fine BUT the difference is you are starting to attack the messengers! 

You say you want sympathy and to vent and we are TRYING to tell you WHERE you can get that.  What is it that you dont like about the living with forum?
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #21 on: January 10, 2007, 08:11:34 pm »
eldon, you are repeating yourself and starting to sound like the stupid people at the crisis hotline reading from their script.

are you all so tuired of my "bitching"????

shall I never disturb your pleasant little world ever again?????
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #22 on: January 10, 2007, 08:13:00 pm »
We dont mind bitching about THINGS but being bitched AT is not healthy for YOU and it is NOT healthy for US.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Eldon

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #23 on: January 10, 2007, 08:17:21 pm »


Hey 2,

When it does not click the first time. It has to get repeated over and over again until it clicks inside of your mind. Now are you going to continue to AVOID the question?

What IS it that you seek right now?

How can we HELP you if you are bitching at us?

Answer the question so I do not have to keep repeating myself. When you AVOID it , it does not solve the problem.





"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #24 on: January 10, 2007, 08:22:25 pm »
This is how and where to do it to get the MAXIMUM bang for your buck two....

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=7680.msg89104#msg89104

What do you need.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #25 on: January 10, 2007, 08:24:11 pm »
what the hell is this, the Spanish Inquisition???
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #26 on: January 10, 2007, 08:27:19 pm »
Are you KIDDING ME?  YOU brought all this up!!!!

You ATTACK us, you OBVIOUSLY need some help so we ask what we can do......

Tell us about what is bothering you if you want us to listen we will!!!!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Eldon

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #27 on: January 10, 2007, 08:32:57 pm »

OK 2 Stop it right now.

You had your intentions when you started this thread tonight.

Was you intent to find someone to provke to your anger? i think it is. this is how I perceive it.

Everyone who is reading this thread right now. DO NOT give in to this iobvious intent of provoking someone. IT IS A WASTE OF YOUR TIME AND YOUR ENERGY!





"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #28 on: January 10, 2007, 08:34:40 pm »
HOW DARE YOU ELDON

really, How Dare You?
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #29 on: January 10, 2007, 08:39:20 pm »
Two, he is partially correct.  You ARE trying to draw people into this.  You have revealed VERY little about what it is that is wrong yet you keep bashing all of us for not helping you.

Now.... about the car and CPA.... how can i help.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #30 on: January 10, 2007, 08:42:09 pm »
I am not "drawing" anyone into my thread. They come of their own accord.

I am pissed as hell at the world, and if you see this as drawing people into my problem then JUST STOP READING MY THREAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #31 on: January 10, 2007, 08:45:16 pm »
First you want our help and now you are telling us to stay the hell away......

I feel for you man, you're in some bad karma right now.  Good luck brother.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #32 on: January 10, 2007, 08:46:44 pm »
did I ask for help???

Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #33 on: January 10, 2007, 08:48:36 pm »
You arent asking you are SCREAMING for help.  You might not know it exactly, but it is oozing from your every pore right now.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Eldon

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #34 on: January 10, 2007, 08:49:16 pm »


Hey 2,

You just ADMITED your intent. Congratulations. It was also posted in the other thread before you even spoke the words.  

Leave AC alone. The pissing match is oficially over.






"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #35 on: January 10, 2007, 08:49:34 pm »
brilliant deduction

now, having been to to get the fuck out of here, I do so
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #36 on: January 10, 2007, 08:51:51 pm »
two threads is SOOOOOOO confusing!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline ACinKC

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #37 on: January 10, 2007, 08:52:53 pm »
*
« Last Edit: January 11, 2007, 09:51:39 am by ACinKC »
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline Eldon

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #38 on: January 10, 2007, 08:57:07 pm »


Hey 2,

Yes, I said what I said and I will say it again if I need to do so. Something in your world triggered your Anger which let to an intent which led to other things which led to your thread getting locked and this one will just as well.

PLEASE NOTE: When someone is trying to HELP you do not beat up on them. They may be the only ones to help you with your situation. If you don't have anyone else then you are S.O.L. That is a terrible place to be in.

THINK ABOUT IT AND YOUR ACTIONS.





"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #39 on: January 10, 2007, 09:07:02 pm »
« Last Edit: January 11, 2007, 12:29:08 am by Strayboy74 »

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #40 on: January 10, 2007, 09:11:24 pm »
twofires,

I'm not sure what happened with this thread but I sympathize with your initial post and I'm sorry the focus was moved away.

I wish I could offer to help in a tangible way but can't.  Your situation seems to be greatly out of whack in regard to the role of an ASO.  If you go through the public (county or state) mental health system most of the time you're screwed so a decent ASO is critical.  Your experience with the hotline doesn't sound too surprising though -- appalling but not surprising. 

Excuse my bluntness but you seem greatly wound up -- are you going to be OK?  If you're feeling self-destructive please call 911 or the hotline again and ask for assistance.  I assume you don't have medical insurance or you'd probably have other options.  Do you have Medicare or Medicaid?  Again I assume you don't since I believe you've said you're self-employed.   Like I said, I'm no real help.

Obviously you live where you do for a reason but is moving to a location with a better standard of care for HIV+ people a possible option?  At all?  If you're receiving substandard treatment (and it sounds like it to me) your chances of successfully dealing with the virus are diminished.  I know, unhappily and unfortunately, you are not alone as far as the poor level of services offered.  Again I am without any helpful advice.

I hope you're OK and having a temporary bad time with all the stupid crap you've had to deal with and also hope you have more options than you're presently aware of. 

This isn't meant as an inquisition, I swear!

Boo
 

String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #41 on: January 10, 2007, 10:07:22 pm »
Twofires those of us who deal with ADAP for our survival can and should empathize with your frustration. I feel your need to rage against the machine coming through my computer screen...and I know for you it is real and not something to make light of. I have been dealing with a $6000 hospital bill for two years now that one day I am told is covered, the next day it is not...depending on which bureaucrat I have on the phone. Rant, rage, drink or drug we all know options can sometimes seem limited. I hope you can sleep on it and come back tomorrow. I promise I will listen. 

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #42 on: January 10, 2007, 10:36:41 pm »
>Excuse my bluntness but you seem greatly wound up -- are you going to be OK?

NO I am NOT ok

I just got shut down by a moderator

I won't go into my disgust for Mr Killjoyfoil

i am SOOO SOOORRY for not sticking to the "proper" forum

I am also SOOOOOOOO SORRRRRRRYYYYY for using profanity as if none of you have EVER heard SHIT or FUCK

but if this is what gets my threrads killed, then why should I even think this is any kind of haven for HIV positive people??
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #43 on: January 10, 2007, 11:39:51 pm »
Quote
Excuse my bluntness but you seem greatly wound up -- are you going to be OK?

NO I am NOT ok

I'm sorry.  Like I said, no one can really do anything to change the situation but we can offer understanding, empathy, sympathy, encouragement, or whatever types of words might help you to figure out how to get to OK, if that's possible.   I say, as someone who has had mental/emotional problems all my worthless life and sees a psychiatrist once a month (but I usually do a great job of masking my thoughts/emotions), you may need professional help beyond the abilities of an online forum.  Dealing with HIV is bad enough as it is but if one doesn't have much of a support system when he needs it he's got to be frustrated and angry and feeling like nothing will improve. 

I don't give a rat's ass how much cursing someone does as long as it's not racist, misogynistic, too misanthropic, etc. but the moderators have reasonably higher standards for how discourse should occur here.  If they tell me not to write "fuck" I might argue but if they tell me not to write "fuck off" that's a more reasonable request.

I am sorry I cannot help but from your previous posts you seem like many of the other people here trying to live with HIV but today something seems to have hit the fan. 

Good night.

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #44 on: January 10, 2007, 11:43:12 pm »
I'm sorry.  Like I said, no one can really do anything to change the situation but we can offer understanding, empathy, sympathy, encouragement, or whatever types of words might help you to figure out how to get to OK, if that's possible.   

damn it YES!!!!!

so how is it I get my other thread killed when I just need a sympathetic ear??????????????
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Strayboy74

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #45 on: January 10, 2007, 11:49:16 pm »
so how is it I get my other thread killed when I just need a sympathetic ear??????????????


I want to know what you have to say!

we all do!

Offline twofires

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Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #46 on: January 10, 2007, 11:54:17 pm »
apparently the moderator thinks not......
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Strayboy74

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  • Posts: 1,054
  • tastes like chicken
Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #47 on: January 10, 2007, 11:55:23 pm »
apparently the moderator thinks not......
JUST SAY IT!!

Offline twofires

  • Member
  • Posts: 345
    • Artists Farm
Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #48 on: January 10, 2007, 11:56:38 pm »
ok fine:

I Need BUDS!
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: I can't stand it anymore
« Reply #49 on: January 11, 2007, 12:00:15 am »
ok fine:

I Need BUDS!

see, that's all you had to say

 


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