POZ for a month. Dealing with it.

[1n1s2]

I tested POZ in early December and was quickly put on medication treatment. After one month of taking regular meds my CD4 count is significantly improved,  in the high 600's and viral load less than 10% of what it was before.

I'm not sure when or how I got infected. But I have a general idea. I don't pretend to having been a 100%safe person. I've contacted my most recent sexual partners, most of whom where brief encounters with condoms, and they are getting tested.

It hasn't hit me yet emotionally. All of my reactions have been dealing with the actions that need to be taken. My only concern was the expense of the pills. But working with my doctor and insurance provider I was able to enter a program that will be helping me out for the foreseeable future, a great relief.

I haven't engaged in casual or recreational sex since the diagnosis. Although I must admit that I have partaken in some drugs, nothing with injections, to relieve work and other stress. NOTE... I have NEVER missed a day in taking medication.

Why haven't I cried? Why am I not afraid? Should I be? I haven't told my family or best friends. I don't know how. but also don't know if their input would be valuable, and I don't want to concern them unnecessarily with something I have under control for the time being. (I don't have any illusions that things won't deteriorate eventually)

I just wanted to share. Let me know how much of a cold heartless monster I am

[Ptrk3]

Firstly, sorry to hear about your diagnosis, but glad you found these forums for support and enlightenment.

In regard to medications:  in case you don't know, there are several co-pay assistance programs out there that will pay significantly toward your insurance co-pays.  Many of these programs are not "means tested," so it does not matter what your income or assets are.  You can peruse this link for information on these programs:

https://www.poz.com/basics/hiv-basics/drug-assistance-programs

So go ahead and google your medication to learn if there is a co-pay assistance
program or programs available to you.

Whether you disclose your condition to family, friends, or others is a personal decision that should not be taken lightly because once you disclose, you can't take the disclosure back.  This is not to suggest that you should not, but that you should think carefully about it and do what is right for you under your unique circumstances.

Certainly, one should disclose to potential sexual partners and to the appropriate medical personnel, but others may or may not need to know.  These days, HIV is very much like many other medical conditions, and people may or may not disclose those conditions to others.  Why should you?  It is your business alone, unless, of course, you desire to convey the information for your own reasons (emotional support, etc.).  Take your time on this:  no hurry or rush needed.

I'm glad to read that you are on medication and doing well.  Best wishes to you for a long and healthy life. 

[klauss]

Hey 1n1s2,

I also tested Poz in 05 December 2016,newly like you,reading your post,I can relate,I'm on meds also but only from 07 January,no major side effects,only from time to time un upset stomach.

I also told anybody,only I and my doctor now for the time being,d'not now we are "monsters'' ,I consider my self a tough person,and try to manage my condition,I go to work everyday,is a bit new and hard to go for prescription for meds and test ,every month but I try to manage the situation the best way I can,just like you....
I haven't cried yet ,but I have a little bit of anger with me ,because I alowed to get HIV+ but from where I am right now ,only thing I do right from now,is taking my meds every single day(i take them at 8 pm),take blood test ,trying to stay healthy as much as I can and trying to have a positive attitude....

[paintedroom]

Welcome to a really invaluable resource 1n.
I tested positive in july last year and that first month was a trip to say the least(made infinitely easier by  the contributors here).
I wonder sometimes whether it`s hit me yet as it`s quite the elusive and ghostly companion - i never really felt physically sick and only had a couple of kaposi sarcoma(i say only because they are now much diminished).Today i am well and at last results the virus was undetectable and my CD4`s were rising..i have no reason to believe otherwise today.The emotional and psychological side of this experience is all important so a sound and reasonable relationship with oneself is king.Do positive things every day whether that means visiting here or exercising or enjoying good relations with family and friends.I chose not to tell a soul and so far i have found that to be a wise choice for me.My noble rationale was simple,i am coping well,why burden anyone else.My less noble rationale was the uneasy self scrutiny that might result from the pitying eyes and tone of the well meaning. The Stigma is the potent enemy that needs to be treated with stool and whip some days.Overall i feel very dam grateful every day..a short read of the stories of the LTS`s will remedy any lows you might feel.

Wishing you well,you will get better and as they say around here, you will live a long and rewarding life just like the lesser negative crowd.P.

[1n1s2]

yeah. I'll be able to open up sometime in the future I think.

The three drugs I'm on are Prezcorbix, Tivicay, and Descovy
which have a combined cost in my area of $5000 a month.
So being on my insurance program that makes it a lot cheaper a month is great.

I started taking my meds at 8am, right before I go to work. but now I regret that. I wish I had done something more reasonable like 8pm. anyways its not a great inconvenience. i just have to run back in to my room sometimes if I forget. lol.

[mecch]

bienvenu to the forum 1n1s2. 

[Mightysure]

Sorry to hear about that.  You're very young into it. I don't think you've had enough to experience the gambit of emotions.  You haven't cried because you possibly don't want to go down that road.  It's dark. It's scary.  It's lonely.  You shouldn't be afraid.  It's not what it used to be.  Youre responding well to the meds. I'm assuming you're in otherwise good health.
Wait to disclose to non-essential people (people I describe as non sexual partners, past or present) because it's not their business.  I understand people don't want to deal with it alone, but you need to process it and be at a good place before you lay this on someone else because it may be hard for them as well and you don't want their reaction to put you in a bad place.
I told some non-essentials and while I'm fortunate that their reactions were awesome, I sometimes regret it.  They didn't have to know, but at the least I felt this pressure to tell people in my life. It was mostly external pressure to "come out". 
I'm just over two years and I don't even really think about it.  Its more of a headache for me dealing with insurance companies, pharmacies and copay assistance than the actual virus.  I think you'll get to that point as well.
I'm sorry you're hear in this section,  but it's a great place to be though. 

[JosephP]

Hey 1n1s2,

I also tested Poz in 05 December 2016,newly like you,reading your post,I can relate,I'm on meds also but only from 07 January,no major side effects,only from time to time un upset stomach.

I also told anybody,only I and my doctor now for the time being,d'not now we are "monsters'' ,I consider my self a tough person,and try to manage my condition,I go to work everyday,is a bit new and hard to go for prescription for meds and test ,every month but I try to manage the situation the best way I can,just like you....
I haven't cried yet ,but I have a little bit of anger with me ,because I alowed to get HIV+ but from where I am right now ,only thing I do right from now,is taking my meds every single day(i take them at 8 pm),take blood test ,trying to stay healthy as much as I can and trying to have a positive attitude....

I can no longer be considered a 'newby' as I was diagnosed three and a half years ago.. You haven't cried... you said. Well everyone reacts differently. I did cry and cried like a baby... Woke up in the middle of the night and cried! But not crying doesn't a monster make! Anger is very common, you will see in the forums. Those are emotions we go thru.. Yes, I was angry for allowing it to happen. How could I have been so stupid. But it did happen. I have yet to disclose to anyone. Maybe someday but for now, I need to concentrate on many other things. Take your meds as prescribed and make your doctor your best friend! Yes, the monthly running to the pharmacy to pick up the meds is taxing. Keep the positive attitude and, while it will not disappear, hiv will seem easier to handle.

[Tonny2]

yeah. I'll be able to open up sometime in the future I think.

The three drugs I'm on are Prezcorbix, Tivicay, and Descovy
which have a combined cost in my area of $5000 a month.
So being on my insurance program that makes it a lot cheaper a month is great.

I started taking my meds at 8am, right before I go to work. but now I regret that. I wish I had done something more reasonable like 8pm. anyways its not a great inconvenience. i just have to run back in to my room sometimes if I forget. lol.

          ojo        HELLO THERE....I THINK YOU CAN CHANGE THE TIME YOU TAKE YOUR MEDS, CHECK WITH YOUR DOCTOR HOW TO DO IT...I'VE BEEN HIV FOR 22 YEARS, I HAVE DISCLOSED JUST TO MY FAMILY...TAKE YOUR TIME, DIGEST YOUR DIAGNOSIS, THEN, YOU WILL DECIDE IF YOU WANT TO DISCLOSE OR NO...IF YOU DON'T CRY, DON'T WORRY, I DIDN'T DO IT EITHER, EVERY BODY REACTS DIFFFERENTLY...GOOD ATTITUDE HELPS, IT DOESN'T MATTER, NOW, HOW YOU ACQUIRED THE VIRUS, WHAT IT MATTERS IS THAT YOU KNOW YOU HAVE IT, NOW YOU TREAT IT...I HOPE YOU CAN FIND THE RIGHT TIME TO TAKE YOUR MEDS, I, EVEN AFTER 22 YEARS OF TAKING PILLS, I STILL RUN BACK TO MY HOUSE FOR MY MEDS, ALTHOUGH, SOMETIMES I TAKE THEM WITH ME WHEN I GO OUT FOR DINNER...BEST OF LUCK...HUGS                                    OJO