Author Topic: New Year, New Beginnings, New Dating Thread, Part XV (Read 57433 times)

BT65 · « **on:** January 02, 2008, 06:16:38 pm »

OK, OK. I started it this time.

It's very, very icey cold here. I'm really hoping that when the weather starts getting warmer, it doesn't rain for three days like they're predicting. With all the snow we have (20+ inches) that will be awful. Oh well, can't stress about the future.

Afraid, you made the right decision to get that guy out of your life. Even though you are hurting like hell right now, time will make it feel all better. And if the therapist you have isn't working for you, check around. Have you been in contact with your ASO?

Cin, I have PN that I take Neurontin for-have for years. The PN started back in the early 90's after I was megadosed on AZT. It just got progressively worse over the years, especially when I became diabetic. I hope you get it checked out.

Queen, yeah, it looks like the ball's in your court as far as calling that place you were talking about. I hope Rico can make it there.

OK ladies, I started it. Now continue it!

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #1 on:** January 02, 2008, 06:53:18 pm »

Uh Betty, You might want to number the thread so it doesn't get lost with the others.... but nice title...

camille07 · « **Reply #2 on:** January 02, 2008, 07:47:25 pm »

Bett- Nice job on the title, and we definitely were in need of a new thread.

We texted back and forth last night but nothing earth shattering. He was going through some emotional stuff I figured out pretty quickly. Not verbally, sometimes you just get a vibe of what someone is feeling with needing to convey it with words.

We emailed back and forth all day today and we discussed things about us. I basically said you don't need to make this relationship we have complicated. We are friends and will continue to be friends for a long time. I defined it as everything that we do when we're together without the romance. I felt it necessary to create boundaries. The whole thing is really new to me. I'm very open about what i'm feeling where in the past I would hold things in and it just created confusion and ambiguity. I'm learning a lot from this whole experience and understanding that I'm a lot stronger, by the grace of God, than what I originally thought. I was feeling very fragile at times. I also added that he has to stop feeling sorry for himself (the divorce) and get over it already. Its time to move on. And he was overjoyed by getting a wake up call and was in agreement with needing to live life now. He tended to go into the past a lot and get anchored by past actions.

Today I found out where our office is moving to and its not only an hour away but its a block away from my soon to be ex husband. I emailed him and he suggested we car pool. I was happy to hear that because my suv sucks up my purse, where as, his civic is great on mileage. Its funny that we seem to get along better now as friends.
Right now friends are a huge blessing and I seem to have them everywhere.

I even heard from my darling dear Jack, the alcoholic, which surprised me. And Not by email...by the phone what a concept. He called to tell me that he's been sober for sometime now which I congratulated him profusely.
I asked when did he have his last drink? He replied, "yesterday, but only one pint and I was walking and I was cold and I wanted to just get out of the house and I was breathing and pooping and and and".........an excuse for every one. Then I asked, "and before that?" He replied, "well new years of course". I see and before that? "ohhh no, not for at least two weeks, but I know I've really kicked it this time. Oh and none tonight".
Very good Jack, very good.

I heard a lot of "I need to see you, we can start over, fresh, I'm a new person." I just kind of shook my head, my goodness, two years with this person. Then it ended a bit abruptly from my end due to the cat fight which erupted out in the hallway. "oh oh, cats fighting got to go now, we'll do lunch sometime bah bye".

Afraid- from the other post you definitely did the right thing. You may feel awful, but you should be proud because it took a lot of courage to do what you did. My mother gave me this advice when I was experiencing an unrequited love of sorts. I said "I've tried and tried for him to love me, why can't he, it hurts so much" and she said, "Sweets, let me tell ya, you can try as hard as you want for someone to love you but you can't change a person. Try directing your love and attention towards those in your life that do love you." It wasn't a life changing, light bulb going off kind of thing, but rather sound advice. It made it easier to accept the things I can't change and adapt.
I give you a big hug tonight.

Heck, hugs all around

Camms

Afraid · « **Reply #3 on:** January 02, 2008, 08:14:00 pm »

Thanks ladies..

You all have been so great, listening to me vent..I truly appreciate it. I am numb right now, and hoping that I stay this way. I am proud of myself because normally when I am hurting or when I am going through something I sedate myself, with xanax or ambiem, but I didn't do that today. I am going to try and approach this a different way. So I put on my Yolanda Adams Cd, and listened to her song called the battle is not yours...Wow! that struck a nerve..it has me thinking about things that's really important like my health and my future, that I have been so unconcerned with because I have been so consumed with this man..

My friend asked me today when she and I spoke, do I love myself, and honestly that's a good question..I haven't really thought about that since my dx..I was highly disappointed in myself, even though me contracting this disease wasn't my fault.
I am just going to put my faith in God and hope that he restores my faith in myself...

"A REAL WOMAN DOESNT COUNT HOW MANY TIMES SHE FALLS..SHE JUST KNOWS TO GET BACK UP. YOUR PAST WAS LEARNING, YOUR PRESENT DEFINES YOUR FUTURE, PERFECTION IS FALSE,AND ONLY YOU CAN MAKE OR BRAKE YOURSELF.THOSE THAT TALK FEAR YOU AND KNOW YOUR GREATNESS!"

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #4 on:** January 02, 2008, 10:36:06 pm »

I am soooooo exhausted, can't seem to get a real post out of me, lol. I'll do a "catch up" this weekend, since Iceman has his kids then, and i will be home.

Way to go, Afraid, hang in there, hang in there!

Queen, I wish we had time to get some $$$ together for Rico, this is so sad.

Cam, I am confused with the ex that you will be car pooling with vs. Jack. All this time I thought Jack was the one you shared the house with. Splain? LOL

Girls, if you haven't already, post your bday in the "birthday thread." I believe Queen and confused are next up!

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=17128.0#bot

tendai · « **Reply #5 on:** January 03, 2008, 05:27:30 am »

Hie guys!!

compliments of the New Year to u all! and all the best for 2008. sure missed u.
i spent my Christmas with my family, my mum, aunt, cousins, sisters etc. basically just a bunch of women making noise and eating as much as possible. at least the shops were a bit stocked so we didnt exactly starve but the banks situation was terrible. u'd queue for hours and hours just to get a tiny bit of cash that wont buy much. anyway we all pooled resources and it wasnt so bad.

Afraid - i'm glad u got that no good man out of your life. sounded like negative energy to me, real toxic relationship. i hope u'll be back on your feet and up and at them soon. hang in there girl.

Camms - sorry spencer didnt work out. i guess he just needs to work things out in his head and sort things out. but im glad u;re not suspending your life or anything waiting for him.

Queen - i hope Rico can get to his mum's funeral. over here when someone dies and the relatives abroad cant come home for some reason, the people here usually take a video of the funeral and send it to them, same for weddings and graduations etc. i know its not the same as actually being there but its something.

Betty - i most certainly do not envy you with all that snow girl. i guess u have to be born in such a climate to stand it year after year...

Cindy - good to hear u and Iceman still acting like lovestruck teenagers!

On my side my stalker has turned out to be something else. Apparently he was with an ex of mine when we bumped into each other in town and the ex asked for my number and he memorised it when i was telling the ex. So he started calling me and we would talk and talk for hours on end or until the network dropped the call or something. Went on for about a week, he calling me morning noon and night. He sounded quite nice, i mean his voice and all. we met up in town after Christmas and spent the day together and it was really nice.
i had disclosed to him over the phone during one of our conversations and he didnt believe me at first. So i told him i was going to the lab in january for my cd4 count and invited him to go with me so he can see for himself and he said fine. as if.
anyway he wasnt freaked out by my status coz he kept on calling and we kept meeting and all. he's not a strnager to the disease as both his parents are on arvs. he is neg himself or sio he claims. he sounds serious about this relationship, almost too serious. talking about having babies and settling down already. i kind of wonder why and i'm not lettting myself fall in love with him until i'm 100% convinced abut him.

BT65 · « **Reply #6 on:** January 03, 2008, 07:33:39 am »

Good morning ladies:

It's only 2 degrees outside here! Egads, I hope it warms up when I have to go out today.

Camms, funny story about Jack. Funny how alcoholics always have a million excuses as to why they're drinking. I know I did. Even when I was on all that medication the last time I was strung out, I always had a reason for taking it all. I think the real reason I continued it for so long was because I didn't want to go through the withdrawals. (Which, by the way, was like being in hell). I'm glad you're setting boundaries with Spencer. You're not letting him think he runs the whole show and that's awesome. It takes a lot of courage.

Afraid, good for you for sticking to your guns. And good for you for not numbing out. That definitely does not work. The problems are always there when you're done numbing. Wherever you are, there you are. Know what I mean?

Cin, I'll look forward to this weekend to catch up on what's going on with you.

Tendai, good to hear from you girl! It sounds like you really had a nice time on Christmas with your family. And this guy you're seeing and you being cautious, I don't blame you. At least he's not all freaked out about the HIV. Good luck whatever you decide to do.

I looked outside last night, about 8:30, and my car was covered again with snow. But it was too cold to go out at that time. Of course, with it only being 2 degrees today, makes me kinda wish I had gone to the library yesterday to return the movies. *saying the Serenity Prayer*

Monday I have an appointment with my doctor to get a pap smear and to check out some things that have been going on with me. See, when I was 16 I was diagnosed with two faulty valves in my heart.(Probably due to my amphetamine abuse). I've never had them checked since then and for the past 4 or 5 months, it's been bothering me (my heart). So, I might see what he wants to do to check out the 'ol ticker and see what's going on with it. Also, every night, about 5 times a night, I get woke up with a severe cramp in my right leg/foot and it's always along the same path. My oldest sister thinks it may be related to my PN. It's bothersome at best.

Well, I hope all you ladies have a good one. Check back in later.

cjc · « **Reply #7 on:** January 03, 2008, 07:47:18 am »

Hello Ladies. No snow here but temperatures are in the teens. Robert looked like that kid in The Christmas Story when I took him out to the bus.I can't put my arms down Gotta work today, a split shift. No big deal as long as I get to eat in between shifts. My 18 yo is going to Greensboro to stay the night with one of his friends. Not much changed there, his bags will be searched before he leaves. That really irritates me but he still is trying to steal from us and I am just really upset about it. I am tired of doing for him, or anyone else for that matter, and getting kicked in the face for my efforts. Tendai, be careful of that guy. He still sounds like a stalker to me but I hope you will be happy. Glad you and your family were able to enjoy a decent meal. Cam, sounds like the losers flock to you kinda like me. Just keep your head up and know YOU are valuable, not something to be used and discarded. Afraid, glad you cut that guy out of your life. My words to Cammie can apply to you as well. You are valuable, not something to be used and discarded . Betty, good title , hope you are inside and warm. We seem to post at the same time lately. Hope your heart problems and PN can be fixed. I am surprised I don't have heart trouble with all the cocaine I used to do. Have a great day ladies, I will check in tonight. Cristy

camille07 · « **Reply #8 on:** January 03, 2008, 08:45:37 am »

Good morning girls-

Cin - My ex is, lets just call him Max. Jack is the guy that I lived with after Max and I separated. Jack in my ground zero, he is my who reason for being here.
Spencer called me really upset last night. He bought a ticket for his one daughter to see wicked (just the two of them) plus she's a great singer. I thought was a great gift. Last night he had dinner with his kids when he found out that the soon to be ex took them all to see Wicked out of spite. He calls her the warden fittingly. He said maybe I can swap out the tix for another show. I said, why don't I just give you money for the other ticket and we'll make a day of it. He said eff it, my treat. So I'm going to see Wicked and I'm sooo excited, just finished the book. As for the warden, I think I shall send her a Thank You card...LOL.

Afraid · « **Reply #9 on:** January 03, 2008, 10:46:01 am »

Hello Ladies..

I just am not sure what his problem is because we had our discusson. I broke down in front of him and told him how I felt and what I was no longer going to expect, and that I needed time to myself..he said he understood but yet..He calls me last night, and me like a fool answers his call and he's like did you eat? I'm like yes..he's like well what did you eat and I was like I cooked so he's like can I come over..I'm like no you can't.

I just don't understand what his problem is..is he trying to f*ck with me on purpose? he know hoe bad this situation is bothering me and he still insists on bothering me instead of letting me go, being that he is not willing to be who I need him to be to me..why is he doing this to me?

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #10 on:** January 03, 2008, 04:55:13 pm »

Hey Ladies-----

I see we have all had our own bit of drama except for Cindy and Betty. Cam, I have no clue who Wicked is and what a name? What type of music is that? I have been in an old school kinda mood lately. I got Rick James on my phone----Give it to me, Baby for text messages and Cold Blooded for ring tone. And since I am still down one hearing aid I have the Geto Boys--- My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me for voicemail.....

I swear I be hearing shit sometimes....

Well, Wishful disclosed to her man and her friend, if you haven't read the thread. I'm just glad things went smoothly for her there. So I am guessing she hasn't bounced to Florida...Yay!!! I'm glad to see she posted. I'm going to have to put an A.P.B on Ms. NY. I wish she would post soon. And where the hell is Em? I read somewhere she got her daughter, right? Can't compete with that but would love to hear how things are going.I'm missing Dragonette too.....I need a tissue and a hug, dammit.....

I finally can see again. I went to the eye doctor,got my eyes examined and ordered some contacts. I'm going with clear this year because I have astigmatisms in both eyes. Really bad in the right eye though. I wore colored contacts for so long, I forgot what color my eyes are....Pretty light brown...Then the doctor put those god forsaken drops in my eye to dilate my pupils. Thank the Goddess I didn't smoke anything before I left....

I am not sure what is going on with Rico. He called while I was at the eye doctor but I couldn't answer my phone. I think he is still going but he missed the funeral. I think he is going to spend time with his Dad. I've been getting updates from my gf.

I have been running around like a chicken with it's head cut off. I am tired. I haven't eaten yet so I need to think about that and will prolly take a nap later. But before I go...Afraid.....He is toying with you but acting like he is concerned now. Don't fall for it and stay strong. Most of all be true to yourself. You don't need him and him trying to pay you some attention now is neither required or desired. Fuck him and feed him beans!!!!

Almost forgot....Tendai....Your dude sounds like a stalker to me too. Be careful...

Afraid · « **Reply #11 on:** January 03, 2008, 05:30:12 pm »

Hello Ladie...

Before I start to rant queen you are too funny..I laughed so hard when I read.... I have the Geto Boys--- My Mind is Playing Tricks on Me for voicemail.....

I swear I be hearing shit sometimes..

Anyway I guess that I'll be finding another pcp doctor..too..Maybe I am to sensitive when it comes to certain subjects, but he asked me if I wanted to have kids I said I sure do, and he said well don't you think that's risky? did you ever think about adoption? I said to him yeah but I rather have my child come through me..My eggs work just fine, I then stated to him that it's only like a 1-2% chance that the baby will become infected as long as I do what I need to do, and he was like well what about the 1-2 chance, I could have punched him in his face..I am so not feeling men today..

Queen, I know that he is trying to play on my emotions, and I refuse to let it happend this time..like you said I will stay focus. and yes he can eat beans, or go the the federal jail and share a meal with his woman..Oh and his mother calls me today, and she is like oh I just wanted to see how you were doing and I'm like I'm just fine, the she's like you know who wants to talk to you, and I was like I'm good. We have nothing to discuss...

this might be a little off subject but does anyone know anything about lexapro?

BT65 · « **Reply #12 on:** January 03, 2008, 07:02:21 pm »

Good evening ladies:

Camms, I don't know who Wicked is either. But have fun.

Afraid, this guy is just trying to get you to think that you need him-which you don't! Tell him to go to get a clue. Tell his mother to get a clue. You just hang tough.

OK, there's nothing going on here. I went out today to return a couple movies to the library. The roads aren't that bad; but they're not that good either. We're supposed to be done with the snow for now. Rain on the way. I can't believe it. We're going to have major flooding.

Now, there's something I must fess up to. The reason my doctor had me get the phenotype was because I went on a drug holiday (with my doc's approval). That's when my viral load went seering and my CD4s went plunging. Matty talked about doing that in a post from awhile ago. Anyway, my doctor got the phenotype results back and I'm going back on the Trizivir and Sustiva. Those are the two I was previously on and I didn't build any resistance to him. The lab sent me copies of the phenotype, but I don't know how to read it, so when I do see my doc Monday, I'm going to take it with me and have him explain it to me. So, back on the meds I go. Hey, does anyone else here have problems with their fingers crampping up real bad? I'm assuming it's PN. Either that or my circulation just plain sucks. Hmmmmm, could be the years of smoking/inactivity. I'm still smoke-free. I'm waiting for the heavy feeling in my chest to go away (like the one you get from smoking). A lady told me it takes awhile, but it will go away. Anyway, I hope all you ladies are doing alright.

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #13 on:** January 03, 2008, 07:09:05 pm »

Hi GFs~

I am going to try and post, but I am ready to tip right over from exhaustion! I fasted this morning and had my blood drawn this morning. I see my PCP and ID docs the week after next, so I'll have new labs back by then.

So this morning I sleep in a little cause the lab doesn't open until 8am, and the hood is all quiet as I pull out of my court. The streets are quiet, the HS kids have been picked up by the school buses, and its too early for the ankle biters to catch their buses yet. I pull out onto the main drag through my neighborhood and accelerate up to 30mph in a 25mph zone, in my Liberty. Out of NOWHERE this little blue Toyota Carolla comes FLYING up and I see almost the entire front of the car in my driver's side mirror. This crazy cracker is looking to pass me! In the hood (lol, not really, but thats what I call it)! In a 25mph zone! I mean DUDE is all the way on the opposite side of the street and punching it.

Um, a Corolla has a 4-cylinder the last time I checked and my Liberty has a 6-cylinder. Oh, and NEW tires thanks to Iceman and my credit card.

I got passed by a bunch of teenagers last year and followed them to the ice cream store while calling the cops on the driver. I yelled at her fat ass in front of everyone getting ice cream and embarrassed the shit out of her for putting her friends' lives at risk on a blind curve in the hood. Anyhow, I digress, but with that day from last year in my mind, what do I do in a split second this morning? I look ahead along the 1/4-mile between me and the stop sign where I need to turn, and.....

I punch the HELL outta that gas pedal while Little Corolla Bitch is trying to take me on the driver's side on a residential street. I know I shouldn't have done it, but the cunt (oops, scuze me, did I type that?

) pissed me off! Who drives Jeep Libertys these days? Mostly Moms, its like the new minivan, so I bet this cracker thought she could just zip on past me while I took my kids to school or something.

Not so.

I FLOORED it and then as we are approaching the stop sign she has her right turn signal on, like I'm gonna back off and get outta her way or something? I lay on the horn as she starts veering over to the right, I am practically hugging the curb and starting to brake for the stop. We get to the stop sign and there is traffic coming from our left that we have to wait for. I look down through her window, laughing at this STUPID bitch who is probably about 20 years old, and I mouth, "What's your problem?"

I sure don't think she expected the Liberty with the big yellow smiley face on the spare tire cover to give her a run for her money at 8am today.

Nuff said.

I got her tag a few miles down the road when I turned to go to the lab and she went past me. Very EASY tag for this numbers girl to remember, and a very PRETTY shade of blue on that Corolla.

It will certainly stand out the next time I see it. Mmmm hmmm.

Bitch.

More soon when I post about Jabba the Hutt who keeps sitting at my desk at work! Stay tuned! I am on a roll and its not even a full moon! I am just sick and tired or STOOOOOPID people who disrespect me for no good reason.

Don't make me kick your ass.

*************************************************
Betty~ You posted while I did. Here's my finger situation, lol.

BT~

My middle finger on my right hand will "curl" up overnight into my palm and I wake up looking like Spiderman waiting to shoot a new web!

I have to UNBEND my finger and it hurts very badly. I bite my tongue and support the finger so it doesn't pop back into place too quickly while I straighten it out, and hyperflex itself in the other direction. It was better yesterday morning for the first time in months, and I had had a bunch of water the night before. A friend told me to drink more water about a year ago when this started.

I am going to ask my doc about it in 2 weeks and see whats going on, its started to get double-jointed and stiff-like. Maybe its arthritis? I dunno, but it burns and it feels like there is no elasticity from the finger down through my palm and to the underside of my forearm. Like a ligament is too short or something!

After my race through the hood this morning, I really NEED that middle finger! LOL

************************************
Forgot to add, yesterday, January 2nd, was 2 months for Iceman and I. Yippee!!!

vivyt · « **Reply #14 on:** January 03, 2008, 08:19:40 pm »

Wow...Moon I definitely would not mess with you LOL

!

Afraid: I was on Lexipro for about a year. I stopped when I was found out I was positive and got REAL sick. My therapist recommended it even though I was against it. I feel like people would rather take pills then deal with issues and emotions. My therapist and I had many discussions about it and she told me that the problem with medication is that people take it as a cure all and don't get any therapy. She said that in order for it to work the two have to go together. She recommended it for me just to get me "over the hump". Of course I was going to therapy too. I stopped taking it because I was so sick and taking all kinds of medication and I just thought it wouldn't help my "medical" condition. I am still in therapy and I can honestly say that the time I was on Lexipro did help. I don't know if that helped any. Let me know if you have any other questions.

BT65 · « **Reply #15 on:** January 04, 2008, 07:29:26 am »

Good morning ladies:

Well Cin, with my middle fingers acting up and yours, we could really raise some hell!

I get really angry at people when I'm out driving also who try to own the road (or parking lot or whatever). I'm trying to practice having patience and just ignoring assholes, but it sure is hard sometimes. Anyway, we pm'd about our fingers, and I'm going to talk to my doctor Monday when I see him about it being PN. Oh, congratulations on the two-month anniversary of you and Iceman!

Afraid, I forgot that you asked about Lexapro. I've never been on that one myself. Antidepressants are a hit and miss thing with people. Some will work for some people, but not for others. The only thing you can do is try it. I'm on an antidepressant and have been on one or another for a few years. Just don't rely on just that to help you feel better. Like Viv said, it's got to be a combination of that and therapy. I've had the same therapist since 1991 and I wouldn't trade him. I think antidepressants are good if there's something in your brain that's not firing right (the antidepressant can help it to work the way it should). But the only way you know that is to try. So, you might as well give it a shot. The worst that can happen is that it won't work; in which case all you have to do is stop it. And give yourself some time. Antidepressants normally take anywhere from 3-6 weeks before you see any benefit.

OK, so today I'm going to my father's to do his shopping. He's really doing pretty well nowadays. I don't know if he stopped taking his Xanax or if he's still taking it and his body just got used to it. He's feeling pretty spry, so I'm happy about that. Not really much else to report. I wonder how Drag's vacation is going. I can't wait until she gets back so we can hear all about it. I wonder if Em did get her daughter. If she did, I'm sure it's taking time to adjust. And I wonder what's happening with NY. Hmmmmm, I wish we would hear from her. I worry about her. OK, I'm sure I'll check in later. I hope all you ladies have a good one!

camille07 · « **Reply #16 on:** January 04, 2008, 07:51:15 am »

You guys, I am laughing my ass off over here. Wicked is a Broadway show based on the novel. It the story of Wicked Witch of the West and her point of view of things.

I went over to spencer's last night and he make me chicken with penne and vodka sauce. The sauce and penne were great but he ask how the chicken was....He stared at blatantly came out and said so dry I can't swallow it. OMG, I guess I left my manners at home but he at me blankly and started laughing and laughing. Then we watched Dexter, (it's not a new person) its a series on showtime. Things are going very well between the two of us.

Cin - good luck on your labs!

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #17 on:** January 04, 2008, 04:11:08 pm »

Honestly, with how I am feeling today, I would want to give some people the finger, call them everything but the child of God/ddess and kick some ass!!!! My insurance company is getting on my last fucking nerves. Excuse the cussing but I am pissed. And there will be more of it, so if you have a problem with my profanity, move the fuck on.....Now for those still around, here's the scoop.....

Remeber how my left hearing aid died on me? The right one is now dead too. I noticed it when I was up at 7 am this morning. Rico had come over last night and is leaving out for Puerto Rico today if he hasn't already. I changed batteries but nothing, so I left a message for Ed again. By the time I woke back up, he had left me 2 messages. For some reason he is getting conflicting stories from my insurance company. One minute they say they will cover the cost of repair then the next is the won't. The cost of repair is 187 per hearing aid but they say they cover up to 1500 for hearing aids. SO WHAT IS THE FUCKING PROBLEM!!!! I try to have a plan B in most situations so I call my ASO. Laurie, the receptionist tells me my case manager isn't in. She only comes in twice a week. Gee, maybe she should quit and I can have her job!!!! I go on to explain the situation to her. She says in order to try to get help from them, I have to have a denial letter from the insurance company. She tells me to call the insurance company and find out what is going on. I do. I call member services and gets some named Cassie who acts like she is reading from a script. She in turn tells me that my ENT needs to call some 800 number and try to get approval.....WTF? What in the hell does the 1500 cover when it comes to hearing aids? You would think they wouldn't have a fucking problem paying for the repair which would cost them just under 500 bucks. Hello? Saving them some money here, not asking for a new pair, just fix the goddamn ones I have!!!!

The only reason I have not totally gone postal is because I have been puffing like Puff the Magic Dragon over here. It's bad enough I feel like a second class citizen for things already. I guess this is just something else to add to the list.....Thanks for letting me vent. I will be back later to comment on everyone's posts. I am just a little bit too pissed at the moment....

wishful · « **Reply #18 on:** January 04, 2008, 04:33:39 pm »

qUEEN: hEY MAMI..im with you what is the fucking problem??? Maybe you should talk to a asupervisor there but looking at the time you may have to wait til monday..dat some real live BS...i was getting mad just reading it..i feel for u chick..Good luck..Ill try n get on my friends computer tonight since i disclosed and dont have to hide anymore...Everyone have a great weekend

I havent had to to catch up so im not iggin my peeps..i just need to take some time out and read all before i dive in...

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #19 on:** January 04, 2008, 04:53:27 pm »

Queen~ I love your spirit, and I don't have a fucking problem with the fucking way you post shit around here!

I'm wondering if the insurance company covers up to a $1500 VALUE on hearing aids while YOUR cost is $187? I know, I can't stand it either when I call a place and know more than the peckerhead on the phone does.

They always tell you to say this: "May I speak with your supervisor?" I know you feel like you've tried everything, but you need someone who knows whats going on! Ugh!

And GF, what is up with sending me all those text messages that said "Go Cowboys"? You know I'm on a budget, lol!

JK

I am going to group tonight, Iceman has his girls. He's been under a little stress lately with trying to get a new DR table for his place. He went to pick up the second one today since the first one was cracked, and on the way to the furniture store he gets a call. The second table that has come in is damaged too! He goes and drops off the first table and tells them that THEY are going to deliver the DR table to his house 50 miles away when it comes in. Some of the chairs were messed up, too. Its the damn freight forwarders throwing everything around. I would be livid at this point, but he has been patient, and being a Scorpio, he isn't afraid to speak his mind and kill them with kindness at the same time. Also, his ex is being a cunt about him seeing the girls more. He lives in the same town as them, and only gets them every other weekend, no weekdays or anything.

I have a good mind to go knock on her door and act like I'm selling newspapers or something......Grrrrrrrrr.

I have some good pics of Iceman and I from New Years. They turned out good!

I'll be posting a lot this weekend since I don't have Ice around.

More soon! Also, Camms how much vodka was in that dinner? Your post is all kinda funny, try reading it GF! LOL

JK!

BT glad your dad is feeling better, so good to hear that! Woo-hoo!

~ Cindy

BT65 · « **Reply #20 on:** January 04, 2008, 07:13:08 pm »

Good evening ladies:

OK Camms, I get it. I hope you have fun!

Queen, wow, what a hassle. I'm sorry you're having to go through all this shit just to be able to hear. Hang in there gf. I agree with talking to a supervisor.

Cin, how's your middle finger?

I look forward to hearing more from you this weekend.

OK, so today I started back on HIV meds. I hope this will knock down my viral load so I can stop being so tired all the time. Well, my sinuses are bothering me also, but when aren't they? On the left side where the sinus was completely crushed it hurts all the time. Anyway, I went to my dad's today and did his shopping. He bought us lunch from Arby's, that's what he wanted. I went there after I did his shopping and picked it up. We had a nice conversation during lunch. I asked him if he would ever vote for a woman for president and he said "yeah, if she were smart enough."(Now, remember, my dad is 79, pretty set in his ways, so even saying that was like a big step). It was nice. Then this evening my best guy friend and I went out to eat at like a buffet place. I had a migraine when I came back from my dad's, so I slept for a couple hours before going out to eat. I was thinking about buying a crock pot because in "off topic" people are posting crock pot recipes and some of them really sound good. They have crock pots on sale at Kohl's this weekend, so I might have to venture over there. Meanwhile, I have to do laundry tomorrow and I want to get it done early because it's supposed to start raining tomorrow and rain through Tuesday at least. Flooding here we come! It's already slushy from the sun being out today. I can't imagine what it'll be like even by Sunday night. *singing row, row, row your boat*

Have a nice night ladies. Queen, I'm sending positive energy your way and a big {{{HUG}}}

Afraid · « **Reply #21 on:** January 04, 2008, 09:47:59 pm »

Hello Ladies..

Queen I am not sure who your health care provider is however I work for Aetna, and I was reading your post, and I am a little lost of why they would say that they will cover it then recant there statement. I would suggest what one of the other ladies said and talk to a supervisor, because a lot of the reps are not fully educated when it come to there jobs..trust me I know, because I sometimes tell people anything to get them off my phone. I hope all goes well with you with that situation..But please stay on top of that because we all know that it's really important.

I wish you the best with that...

cjc · « **Reply #22 on:** January 05, 2008, 08:30:25 am »

Hello Ladies. Damn, Queen, talk about being frustrated. I wish those dipshits would get it together so you can get your hearing aids fixed. Meanwhile puff away, I am right there with you. Everybody else , hope you are okay. I have a sinus infection and have had it for about 3 weeks. I have a doctor's appointment on the 14Th, I just hope I can last til then. I am off today so I will try dosing up on Mucinex to try and break up the clogs. Betty, glad you got started back on meds and glad you had a good day with your dad. Hope things continue to improve. I will check in later, Robert wants more drinky. Cristy

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #23 on:** January 05, 2008, 02:32:47 pm »

HI GFs~

I am doing OK today, but it certainly is quiet when I don't have Iceman around. I am afraid to call him cause his one daughter likes to play with his phone. But, he always ends up calling me when he has the girls and I get so excited, lol!

BT~ So GLAD to hear you are on meds again. I forget how high your VL was? Can you remind us? I worry so much about people who aren't on meds and have a VL. I know there are many differences in opinion on the subject, but why risk an OI with a high VL? I know, I know, many people fear side effects and all from meds, but personally, I fear an OI more than anything! I have NEVER had an OI from HIV, but I saw my husband wither away and die in front of me in the span of 11months from non-Hodgkins lymphoma. What a way to go, dammit, still pisses me off that he didn't take his meds back then. I guess that's why I feel so strongly about everyone getting on meds when the time comes. I have a guy in group who has a VL of 200,000. He is a beautiful black man, with a big heart. He is recovering from addiction as well. God bless him, he is such a joy to have at group. Yes, I am kicking his ass about getting on meds and he said its in the works for the end of the month. He has just moved here and is on his way to building a great support system.

SHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My phone just rang, it was my Aunt. My Grandmother turned 81 yesterday and I just talked to her last night. Turns out she went to take down Christmas decorations today, rather than waiting for my father to help. She fell and broke her right wrist. I mean, really broke it. My aunt is with her at the hospital right now. They were all supposed to take Gram out for her birthday dinner tonight, too! GRAM IS A LEFTY, thank goodness for small miracles. She fell down 3 years ago and really messed up her right rotator cuff and nerves in her right arm. She is finally doing better after years of physical therapy and now she goes and breaks the right wrist.

Dammit.

I said I would go to her place tonight and keep her company while watching the Skins game. It will exhaust me, but Grandma's rock, so I want to do the right thing.

OK, breathe. As far as my middle finger, BT, the damn thing woke me up this morning at 6am cause it hurt so bad. Just call me "Spidey" spinning my web. I had to unbend my finger, and got a drink and then went back to bed until 10am. I needed the rest. I have been stressed about Jabba the Hut at work being disrespectful about work stations, but one thing is for sure, I have put the fear of God into her, she won't even look my way. More on her later, I don't want to waste my time right now.

Afraid~ I hope you are hanging in there, its good to see you post. Stay with us, OK?

Cristy and BT~ Sorry about the sinuses. I know that must suck for each of you. Cristy just stay on meds and hope it clears up. Betty, does anything help the pain for you? I am an ibuprofen girl myself, but it sounds like you have some serious damage in that sinus.

Queen, I hope you're doing alright with the hearing aid crap. Hang in there.

~Cindy

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #24 on:** January 05, 2008, 02:58:43 pm »

Nothing to really report today...Everything still sounds muffled. I can see this hearing aid/insurance thing dragging out forever while I am the one suffering. Where is all the talk show bitches when I need some fucking help!!!! I guess you have to have baby paternity drama or fucking the next door neighbor to get any help from them. On Monday I plan on calling my case manager at my ASO but I pretty know how that is going to go. I'll need a denial letter from the insurance company. I left a message for Ed on Friday explaining what the insurance company said he had to do but I get the funny feeling he has prolly already talked to the people. It's just a lot of fucking red tape and bullshit.

There is still drama swirling around Rico who still hasn't left for Puerto Rico. From what I could hear, his Dad is upset because he isn't there yet. Rico has the money for the plane ticket but no plane leaves from here. He has to be in either Cleavland, Pittsburgh or Buffalo. And there is no one willing to take him. His ex brother in law was suppose to but I guess he either lied or something. In a way, I am glad I can't hear because of that situation. What I am getting from my friend through text messages is that Rico has been running his mouth to her parents. About what? I am not sure but she is now pissed with him. He is pissed with her for some reason, I'm guessing cause when this all happened, she had said she would help him and she hasn't. More drama. I feel for him but I got my own issues to deal with over here.

I am getting more frustrated by the minute. I have tried to vent by blogging about it but it only helped for a minute. I can't go anywhere or do anything. It really sucks. I can't hear anything but muffled noises. I can't even turn the tv up on full blast, the noise of it gets on my nerves. Even having sex has become a bit frustrating when you can't hear the moans or screams of passion.....UGH....I guess I should be grateful I have a good imagination.....

BT65 · « **Reply #25 on:** January 05, 2008, 05:30:02 pm »

Good evening ladies:

Cin, my last vl was 214,000. So, I had no problem going back on meds. I hate trying to get used to the Sustiva again, but, it is better than having an OI, trust me. I had pcp in the early 90's and also the wasting syndrome from crypto and neither were fun. Tell that man in your group to get his ass on meds! What year did your husband die in? You know, meds today are so different than they were. AZT is what started my neuropathy, back when doctors didn't know how to prescribe it and over-prescribed it. So, things definitely have improved. I'm sorry about your grandmother. That sucks that she broke her wrist. You're a very sweet granddaughter to go over there to sit with her.

Queen, I wouldn't want to deal with Rico's drama either. I sure hope you can get the stuff worked about. I don't see what the hassle is.

Other than that ladies, I really don't have much to report. I just thought I'd stop by and see what was going on. I went out today to get some groceries and it's like a slush factory outside. Tomorrow it's supposed to get in the upper 40's and rain, Monday 50's and rain, Tuesday same, then Wednesday back into the 30's and snow. Very peculiar weather. Take care ladies-

uk lady · « **Reply #26 on:** January 05, 2008, 05:54:40 pm »

hey all & hey betty guess i have found it! all new to me bit confusing at mo this place !!!

BT65 · « **Reply #27 on:** January 05, 2008, 06:34:53 pm »

UK, I'm glad you found it. Please feel free to read all of our previous posts to catch up on the conversation. This is a place to spout, support and just talk. Hope to hear more!
Peace-
Betty
PS. Cin can post our other dating threads. I'm not really good at that kind of stuff.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #28 on:** January 05, 2008, 08:10:50 pm »

The previous dating thread is posted at the begining of this thread. Welcome aboard, Uk.....

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #29 on:** January 05, 2008, 10:50:16 pm »

Queen~

I don't see any links posted in this thread. I believe Winiroo did it in our Yuletide thread. So here goes, for Ms. UK. Have fun catching up. It will take you DAYS to do, but its worth it. I may write a book at some point!

For new readers, here's our 2007 history of Dating Threads, which started in June. Thank you Cristy for starting this!

I really hope he is doing OK.

Betty~ My husband died on 8/21/96, a month before the PIs came out, which may very well have saved him. That is, if he had decided to take his meds. $:-\$

No one from the family called back tonight. I even called my Dad at 5pm to find out how Gma was doing, and no one called. So, I stayed home watching an uneventful Skins v. Seagulls game, until the 4th quarter. Man! That was an awesome start to the 4th quarter, but my Skins couldn't hold out. Props to QB Collins for continuing to deliver despite getting pummled in the pocket. Also, #47 Cooley, aka "Mr. Reliable" had some good plays in that 4th quarter, too. Its still a damn shame about Taylor's death. I feel he was there at that game today, just like everyone said he was. Pretty damn cool if you ask me.

BT~ Its supposed to be 66 degrees here in Maryland on Monday. Iceman said he would come over for dinner tomorrow night but he can't stay.

He has a very early day about an hour down the road Monday morning. I wish I didn't have so much fatigue. Betty, I wonder if its our diabetes along with the HIV? We're all different, I know, I have fibromyalgia, too, but this fatigue is crazy. I burn out so quick. I have just got to get my ass onto that treadmill. Maybe tomorrow.......lol!

Its off to bed. I fell asleep watching the Presidential Debates from New Hampshire. Never been too much into politics, but I'd love to get a better understanding as to where everyone is coming from. So far I like Hillary and Edwards, mainly because of their views on the war and health insurance. Its early yet in the race tho, and I have a lot of info to learn.

Good night to all......Oh, btw, when they showed a picture of Bin Laden on TV tonight, my middle finger worked just fine!

~Cindy

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #30 on:** January 05, 2008, 11:42:22 pm »

You are right, that was Winiroo's thread, Cindy. I have been feeling tired too, not sure what that is all about. I have put off doing laundry for 2 days now. Gotta get my ass in gear tomorrow for sure. I'm not sure I like Hillary's stance on insurance. But then what do I know of politics? I only follow it when the boys get to bickering about it in Off Topic....

I am looking forward to sleeping alone in my bed tonight. I am just not in the mood for Rico tonight. I can hear myself fine, Cindy, it's Rico I can't hear when it comes to the screaming...

I just want to snuggle up in my covers and just drift off to sleep. I think the drama with Rico is starting to get on my nerves too. Among a few other things and I have to admit, I am glad I haven't disclosed to him yet. For good reason too but I am just not willing to post them here. Let's just say, I am really yearning for a poz man or at least a neg one who can handle me being poz. Or just be man enough to handle me in general. I don't think that will happen with Rico. Rico is feeling more like a fling to me now and I am craving more.

The weather has been weird here too. Tomorrow it is suppose to be in the 40's with rain and about 51 on Monday. And this is January, let's see what happens towards the end of the month and into February.It'll probably be a damn blizzard. I'm going a little stir crazy in the house. I haven't been anywhere since New Years Eve. But it's not like I have money to go off jet setting or anything.

I guess I will keep on watching Rome on HBO on Demand til I get sleepy....

sunseeker · « **Reply #31 on:** January 06, 2008, 12:29:52 am »

Hi Ladies

Well, it sure sounds like I have missed a lot. I have been sicker than a dog and having to work. I am off to bed but look forward to a long post and catching up with you guys tomorrow. Miss ya

BT65 · « **Reply #32 on:** January 06, 2008, 06:57:03 am »

Good morning ladies:

Cin, luv the new avvy! I wish I had a digital camera. I might get one in March or this summer. That was unfortunate about the football player's death. I'm not really into football a whole lot. I like the Chicago Cubs; that's about how far my sports goes. As for politics, I like Obama and Edwards. I did like Hillary until I saw Sicko and it was in there about how much she was paid by some drug companies to back off her stance on universal health care. I need to listen to the debates more myself, also to see how everyone sounds. I was watching a little of them when the candidates were in Iowa, but CNN kept cutting off the democrats to get to the republicans.

I'm not sure what's making us so tired, Cin, if it's our diabetes combined with HIV or what. I think mine is my high viral load and getting used to the Sustiva again. I have no idea why I'm up right now (7:00 a.m) and I will probably skip church today and go back to bed. I have laundry that I have to do today. I've been putting it off long enough.

Queen, you know yourself best when it comes to Rico. If you think it's too much drama with him, move on. Easier said than done, I know. But you're a strong woman. You can do it.

Sun, good to hear from you. Looking forward to hearing more from you today sometime.

Well, that's about it for me. I got up this morning at 6:00 a.m. Not sure why. I think I'll probably go back to bed in a little while. It's just too early to be up. When I shut my eyes and listen, it's like the whole world's asleep. Take care ladies-

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #33 on:** January 06, 2008, 07:42:39 am »

BT~

Damn, why do we have to have diabetes AND HIV? I woke up at 530am and tested my sugar. It was 369, after only being 209 at bedtime last night. So, I am thinking I am having trouble with a diabetes issue called the "Dawn Phenonenon." Here's a link:

http://www.healthcentral.com/diabetes/c/17/1388/taming-dawn/1/

I keep making excuses that I have eaten too much the night before, but these high sugars are absolutely raging in the morning. I need to adjust my pump over the next few days and see what happens. I have laundry to do today, too.

I sent Drag an email to see how her travels were going since we haven't heard from her. I hope to hear something soon, I'll keep everyone posted. I think she said she was traveling until the 4th or something, but I bet she is tired. I know I would be. Hell, I'm tired just sitting here, lol!

Sun~ Good to hear from you. Now why are you sick and working? Have you had your job long enough to have sick leave? Sometimes just one day off is enough to refuel the system. As I have gotten older and wiser, I have taken days off even when I don't have leave, just to rest and have peace of mind when I am under the weather. Take care of yourself!

Its funny how Queen, BT and I are tired and all we really have to deal with is laundry. I sure am glad I don't have kids, lol! Whew!

OK, something has been eating at me a little. Little Sis who's mother is newly diagnosed with cancer, actually spoke to my ex best friend's/her big sister's husband the other day. You follow that? Little Sis told the husband that she and I have never lost touch, and the husband was dead silent after sucking in a lot of air. Ex best friend/Big sis is SO insecure, that her even learning of Lil Sis and I being friends still, after all of this time, would greatly upset her. Little Sis told the husband that she was sorry he was in the middle of all of this. Little Sis and I feel bad for him because he is a nice guy, but he married a looney-tune nutbag, who is going to crash and burn sooner or later. Its really a laugh that she is so selfish and insecure. See my quote from Drag in my signature line below? Yep, she's one of the one's who is losing control, and has always tried to be the center of attention. Its a shame that she has two young kids now, cause they will see right through that crap with their mother.

Oh and the main thing that hit me as weird.....Husband told Little Sis that he and ex best friend/big sis heard "I was left at the altar." Um, yeah. They didn't even know Doofus. Goes to show how news still travels in my hometown. So stupid how people twist stories around, but still, anything to make me look bad. I haven't even been a part of my ex best friend's life for 5 years and she goes and makes up stories about me based on what little info she can get her hands on. "No, honey, we were just building a house together, and like YOU, he couldn't handle my confidence and strength, so he ran."

I can be such a sarcastic bitch, I love it! LOL Its alright, I know the two people who may have started the rumor mill, one is someone that still talks to my Mom. I am thinking of telling my mother something untrue, just to see if it goes along the gossip train in town, then I'll have my source. Mom can't keep her mouth shut about most things. Oh well.

OK, time to go check my sugar and maybe do some laundry. Only good thing about being up this early is that I'll sleep good tonight, I hope. Oh and I drank about 20 oz of water last night before bed, and the middle finger was NOT curled up this morning! Yay!

~ Cindy

BT65 · « **Reply #34 on:** January 06, 2008, 09:23:38 am »

OK, I just had to make a comment about the gossip that's affecting our girl, Cin.

Cin, don't you just love it when people make shit up and then relay it? I guess these people have nothing better to do with their time. If I were you, I would make something outrageous up, tell your mum and see how quickly it gets around. But make sure it's something really juicey; something really wild. Of course, don't include anyone else (like Iceman) in it; can't harm the innocent. Maybe you could make up something like "Oh mum, did you know before I met Iceman, I had a slew of one-night stands and had a myriad of STDs from them also. Wow, glad that's over."

Anyway, just had to add that in. Have a good one ladies.

Afraid · « **Reply #35 on:** January 06, 2008, 10:58:16 am »

Good Morning Ladies...

I just wanted to give you all a update on what's been going on with me..I relasped, meaning I have been talking to him. I don't know what's is wrong with me or why he has the hold on me that he does. I am not in denial nor am I ashame to tell you ladies this, because I know that you all have my nest interest at heart. I wanted to tell my best friends but I know that she would have ripped me a new ass hole, just for talking to him, she felt that I should have been stop speaking to him. See my story is a little deeper then I stated in my previous threads, and she knows all about the physical abuse.
and I don't mean a push here and a push there. I mean he closed hand hit me stomped me, dragged me all through the house by my hair, then he proceeded to kick me in my woman hood..I know I know..why didn't I call the police, because I knew that at the time I would have just taken him back anyway.
I am just getting so frustrated with this whole situation that I have going on, and I don't know what to do.

I wish I had Moonlight's attitude then maybe I can give him the finger and tell him to f*ck off a couple a times then maybe he would get the picture.
I just keep thinking is my self esteem that low, do think this badly of myself to where I am accepting his bullshit even when we are not in a relationship.

My friend said something to me that made so much attention, when I had my biopsi done, and he told me in bold words Bitch I am not taking you, take a cab..my best friend took me..he didn't call see how I was or even show at the hospital later on that day nothing. So she said if he wasn't concerned about your health then why are you concerned about his making sure that he has health insurance F*ck him. I could talk you all heads off for hours about th epain I went through and is still allowing myself to go through. I just need to toughen up and grow some alligator skin.

Queen, I hope that the situation with your health insurance company works out for you..alright ladies I am officialy done rambling

Winiroo · « **Reply #36 on:** January 06, 2008, 12:49:32 pm »

Billy and I are trying to get over the flu. I had my flu shot thankfully but I still feel like dog crap.
I'll catch up with reading the thread eventually.

Afraid - Sounds like you know whats what. When you get tired of the bullshit and abuse I guess you'll quit allowing it to happen.

Wendy

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #37 on:** January 06, 2008, 01:09:17 pm »

BT, your post made me laugh. I spoke to Mom earlier and told her I wanted to start a wild flaming rumor, lol! I think I'll just shut up. :l I'll have my moment when the mother dies and I show at the funeral. Mmmmm hmmmm. Anyway, enough of that nonsense for now......

Oh, Afraid, what are we going to do with you? You are in deep, girl, WAY TOO DEEP. So deep that you don't know any better. I don't mean this in a bad way, I am just on the outside looking in at a very troubled little sister here. A lot of things come to mind after reading your last post. You have taught this jerk how to treat you. You have no self esteem.

You KNOW NO DIFFERENT, and that is probably the scariest thing of all. Making a change, even if for the better, is still stressful, because it is a change. I used to always be scared of change, but now I see it as entertainment, of not knowing whats ahead for me, and its kind of exciting. Our relationships with men are very different. I am very rigid and do not tolerate disrespect AT ALL. Even when I was trying to meet dates on Match.com (yes, neggies), I would draw the line just by what a guy would type in a harmless email. Thing is, I have always had this sixth sense, this uncanny gift of having intuition like you wouldn't believe. Also, my sense of protecting myself mentally and physically was instilled in me at a very young age. I attribute that to being diagnosed with diabetes at age 11. From then on out, I knew I had to make good mental decisions, or else bad ones could flow over and be detrimental to my physical health. Little did I know that diabetes in 6th grade would get me mentally prepared for living with HIV years later. I have been poz 14 years now.

I could go on and on, Afraid, but plain and simple, you need to reach out and get help. More than what we can offer through your computer monitor. You have to change your ways and get rid of old habits and behaviors which aren't doing you any good.

I think you should have called your GF, so that she would have ripped you a new asshole. That right there would give you much needed strength at a delicate time, when you're not able to be strong enough on your own.

So, call your GF and call your local Health Dept. Ask a case manager if they can get you some therapy with a therapist. I went this past summer to sign up with my Health Dept and they immediately wrote me a referral to a therapist after hearing how crazy my year had been. Thing is, inside of myself, I knew I could get through this on my own, having been through therapy before from '97 - '04. I knew I had the mental strength to overcome the obstacles coming my way. And so I have.

You have been down a much darker path than I, with how you became infected, and also by what you've endured with this "man" in your life who has abused you. Its OK to pick the phone up and ask for help, its OK to admit defeat in the meantime while you get your mental strength back up. Please STOP doing what you know is wrong. Don't talk to his parents, don't help him out, don't avoid your GF who wants to help. Now is the time to reach out. Please quit sinking and start swimming girl! I am putting this "in your face" cause there is only so much I can do for you through my computer. Its not up to me or anyone else to save you from this dreaded situation, YOU have that responsibility. Start being responsible and ask for some help. Get some counseling, and take the challenge everyday to change one thing at a time and learn to say "NO" to the bad parts of your past.

Chin up, Afraid. This is up to you.

*****************DEEP BREATH*******************************

Wendy~ You posted while I did. I hope you and Billy feel better soon. I had a bad cold last January that had me out of work for a week. Knock on wood about the flu. I got my shot on Halloween. I'm so sorry you don't feel well. Just rest up, its all you can do while this thing runs its course.

***DRAG UPDATE***

Drag replied to my email and she is back at home. She sent me a pic and looks absolutely wonderful! Guess what?!??! She met up with Dan J. and Hermie! Can you believe it? How COOL is that? I was so excited to read it!

Drag emailed a picture she took of a billboard she saw. She said they were actually everywhere, and they were for pozzies!

The slogan reads:

"Wake up to your strength and capacity to reflourish."

She says the mud stains on the woman's body (to me, symbolic of having the virus) are actually images of flowers, which indicates rebirth and growth in the face of this virus. That is really deep, and really cool!

Drag said that she will be taking a mental break from the Forums for a few weeks, and wanted me to pass that info along to all of you. She needs a breather and she also REALLY needs to rest those wrists of hers, too. She is reading along, but just not posting. Somehow, I don't think she'll be able to stay away from us for that long, though!

Drag's trip to Spain was very good and she had a wonderful time with her BF and his family, although she has been runing on fumes. Time to catch up on some much-needed sleep!

That's about it for now. Check out the Positive Billboard below! Amazing! I wish I saw ads like this in the US!

~ Cindy

[attachment deleted by admin]

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #38 on:** January 06, 2008, 01:16:49 pm »

Howdy Cowgirls----*snickering@Cindy*

Afraid, I am with Winiroo, it's obvious to me that you are not done or tired of this man's shit and him treating you like shit. I am not taking your situation lightly because I have been where you are but at this point, I have to say if you like it then I love it. We have all given you good advice as you know but you continue to make yourself a victim. That really kind of angers me and since I consider you one of the girls here then I'm not going to bite my tongue about it. I would suggest you get some type of help but if you are going to continue to be around the man then you would be wasting your time as well as the time of those who would be trying to help you. I will pray for you and that you finally will get tired of the shit.

I don't know what's going on with us being tired, Cindy and Betty. It's funny to me too that none of us has gotten our laundry done yet. But I am going to get off of my ass today at some point and do it. First, I have to tackle the dishes. My roomie seems to start them but can never finish them and dishes that sit tend to get on my nerves. I am tired of waiting on her to do them. Not that she is lazy or anything but she has problems with her hands. So usually I am the one that does them but even I get tired of washing them on a daily basis. There's not that many so when I am done here, I will go do them.

I am all too familiar with those who likes to embellish a story. I have 2 sisters that do that. They have been quiet lately since the holidays. I knew it wouldn't last anyway but am grateful they are not bugging me. When my oldest sister was upset with my other sister because she was being ignored. I just came out and told her, why does she even let it get to her? I guess it made her think. I don't let them get to me anymore and I take anything they say as an act of jealousy. They don't look out for me or try to help me in any way, not that I would ever ask them for anything anyways. So, in my book that means Fuck them and feed them beans. I would suggest you do the same, Cindy in regards to your ex friend. I just feel bad for her husband but it sounds like to me that he is hen pecked anyways. He needs to grow a backbone or some nuts.

Winiroo and Sunseeker, Sorry you girls aren't feeling well. I usually do go with the flu shot. But I was sick around Thanksgiving time but nothing major. I think it was flu symptoms too. First time it happened to me. Get better soon.

I am off to bust some suds and wait on the roomie to wake from the dead so we can do laundry....

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #39 on:** January 06, 2008, 01:20:50 pm »

Queen~

You must have posted while I did. I got my laundry done. Now when the heck do the Cowboys play again? I can't get the schedules straight, too much laundry, lol!

I agree with what you said about my ex best friend and her hubby. He does need some nuts, but I guess he feels obligated to take care of one (lmao) since they have kids. Its just so damn funny to be on the outside looking in with my Little Sis, at how pathetic they are. LOL

Some people are so damn simple. "Good luck with that" I say.

~ Cindy

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #40 on:** January 06, 2008, 01:48:44 pm »

Actually, I am not sure when the Cowboys play again. I only see one game for tv today. But we are still good, you guys only beat us because we weren't playing with our first string. But a win is a win. Don't ya wish your team was hot like us!!!!! 13-3 baby!!!!!

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #41 on:** January 06, 2008, 02:01:06 pm »

sunseeker · « **Reply #42 on:** January 06, 2008, 03:02:05 pm »

Hi Girls
Well, I did not get as much sleep last night as I wanted to, stayed up talking on the phone to the Latin Lover. We had a great new years and our friendship is getting stronger and stronger. Its very nice. I started back to work this week after vacation and went back sicker than a dog. I am sure that it did not help that I was out and up with the Latin Lover until 530 in the morning. Lets just say we kept ringing in the New Year over and over again. Boy was it great to be touched, kissed and you now what else. I have no regrets and either does he. We are still just friends but with the added benefits. So far I have been able to keep my walls up and not get all emotional like I did before. With that note I have been talking to a guy who is + and I met him on another + web site. We have not met but have been talking on the phone and IM'img. He is ten years older than me so not sure how that is going to work out, but I will not make judgements till we meet and see even if we click. Since I am not wanting to put all of my eggs in one basket I joined Eharmony and have been talking to one guy pretty regularly. He seems really nice and I can tell already that he wears his heart on his sleeve. He has already told his 5 year old son about me. Which I think that is a little to soon in my opinion so I know that I am going to have to tread lightly with this one, just due to the disclosure issue. I figure after I meet him then I will decided when the right time will be to tell him. My gut feeling is that it can go either way with him accepting my status. Just from the the emails its seems that he is very lonely and I can see him falling hard due to that and just from the tone of his emails. But then on the other hand I can see him wanting to run just because he has a son and the stigma that goes with being +. OK well I have rambled long enough. Now on to you girls.

Afraid- I am afraid for you and your situation. I only say this because I can speak from someone looking from the outside in and coming from a law enforcement back ground. I see women who are in your situation all of the time and end up going back to the men that don't treat them well due to lack of self esteem. Don't get me wrong I think each of us lack self esteem in different areas of our lives. I can tell you that I lost a big part of me when I found out that I was +, but the one thing that I discovered about myself was that I lacked so much self esteem that I would date or stay with who would ever love me or would have me and most of them did not love me. And what it boils down to is that we all want to be loved, and not the love that we get from our friends and family. I understand where you are coming from but I beg you to stand up for yourself and don't pick up the phone when he calls, throw away any pictures that you have of him, take him off your insurance. Start small with taking baby steps and I think that you will feel very liberated. Well, I have said my peace and hope that you don't hate me and I am here if you ever want to talk, need strength or advise or just place to bitch and you can even tell me you don't want me to say anything but listen.

Winiroo- I hope you are feeling better soon, I know this cold has been kicking my butt and am looking forward to the next three days off to relax and try to get rid of this cold.

Betty- I hope that you are adjusting to taking meds. I remember when I started taking meds it was because I was so tired, but my numbers were great and did not warrant them. So my doctor was a little hesitate but I feel better about taking them. It just made it really real for me that I was +.

Queen- Maybe it has worked out for the best that you have not disclosed to Rico about your status. I know what you mean that you are yearning for a + man. I can't but feel better that I am talking to a + vs the guy from eharmony who I may have to tell at some point and it just makes it harder since he has a kid. I know I am a kid person so I want to make sure that I tell him before I meet his son because its no fair to bring a small child into a relationship and not have things work out. However being with the Latin Lover has also made it easier to disclose, knowing that there are guys out there that don't mind that I am +. I guess only time will tell.

Drag- We miss you and enjoy your mental break look forward to catching up with you when you are ready.

Moon- It seems that you have a little Payton Place going on in your city. Don't you love the rumors that go around and how stupid people are and how they believe them. Hope you and Betty get your sugar levels back on track. How is work going and when do you get to see Iceman.

Well, I am off to get a few things done. I should go to the store but not sure if I want to get dressed.

Afraid · « **Reply #43 on:** January 06, 2008, 03:54:36 pm »

I want to start off by saying that I am not offended by what anyone of you have posted about my situation, I must admit this is the tough love that I need. I need people that is not going to sugar coat it for me.

I know that he doesn't love me, and I know what I have to do, but why am I so scared of taking that step and moving forward, even if it's baby steps..I am seeking therapy, as I stated in my previous post, I had to change therapist because of conflict of interest, so I am hoping that when I see my new therapist on the 23rd that this will actually help me some. I hate feeling the way I do. I want to move on and feel liberated about it.
I am going to call hr and ask then how do I have him removed from my health insurance..I know that it probably will not be anytime soon, because open enrollment is over, but I will try and see if there is a loop hole.

please guess don't become frustrated with me, if I am not moving the way you would like for me to be moving..trust me I am trying, I really am..and believe it or not you guess are really helping me see this through a different perspective, and I really appreciate the tough love you all are giving me...

sunseeker · « **Reply #44 on:** January 06, 2008, 04:45:55 pm »

Afraid

Don't worry no one is going to be come frustrated with you or your choices. Ultimately you are the only one who has to walk in your shoes, not us. Hang in there we are here for you.

Afraid · « **Reply #45 on:** January 06, 2008, 05:51:58 pm »

Well I just called my phone rpovider, and I got my # changed so there will be no more calling me..I am starting to take my baby steps

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #46 on:** January 06, 2008, 05:53:11 pm »

Hi Afraid~

I'm glad that you can appreciate the tough love, cause I really think its what you need right now. I wish there was more we could do, but with just this damn internet, reaching out here can sometimes help. So, I'm glad you're posting, also glad to hear that therapy is in the works.

I wanted to ask, how is this guy on your health insurance? Are you married? Married before? I didn't think you could get a BF on health insurance anywhere. I would talk to someone in HR about removing him. Even though your situation stinks, this guy still has rights and I can't imagine that you can just drop him from your plan.

Oooh girl you just posted while I did. So glad to see that you got your number changed. Be sure NOT to give it to anyone who would give it to him.

~Cindy

Afraid · « **Reply #47 on:** January 06, 2008, 06:47:27 pm »

Moon..

you can have a domestic partner on your health insurance, but I will be calling first thing
in the morning, to see how can I go about having removed, it's a slow process, but any process is better then no process...

BT65 · « **Reply #48 on:** January 06, 2008, 07:32:47 pm »

Good evening ladies:Wow, a lot has gone on since I last posted. I didn't get my laundry done today and have only been up for about three hours. Yes, I slept the day away today. Didn't take the movies back, didn't make it to the store. I have to go out tomorrow; I have a doctor's appointment at 11:00 to get a pap smear.

So I will take care of all the other stuff then.

Cin, thanks for the update on Drag. Loved the picture. Yes, wouldn't it be nice if we had adds like that here? I love your avvy by the way also. How long ago was that picture taken?
Queen, I can't stand dishes that sit around either. It's nice that you do them every day. Did you get your laundry done girl?

Afraid, I'm glad you got your phone number changed. Now just don't give in to the temptation to give it to that evil bastard. You know, men who abuse women, don't stop. They don't stop. As long as you put up with what he's giving out, he will continue to do it. I've been in your situation and the only thing that changed was when I put a stop to it. As I always say, if nothing changes, nothing changes. If you continue to let him into your life, he will continue his b.s. We're here for you, but like Cin has told you, we don't take the place of a therapist or someone else there who can help you.
Sun, wow, sounds like you've got it going on!(with the guys) Good for you. Play the field. Oh, I've been on meds before many times. I know it will take awhile for my body to adjust to the Sustiva again. I'm very treatment experienced, believe me. Anyway, good luck with whatever you do.

Wendy, I hope you and Billy get to feeling better.

Well ladies, new episodes of The Wire start tonight and I'm going to have a front-row seat. My bro should be here in about 1/2 hour, then the show will be on at 9:00. It's a really good cop show-supposed to be one of the best. Other than that, school starts again this week.

Hopefully it will go by as fast as it did the last time and I can do as well as I did the last time. This eight weeks I'm taking Social Psychology and Ethics. Should be interesting. Have a good one ladies-

Winiroo · « **Reply #49 on:** January 06, 2008, 08:13:45 pm »

Thanks for all the get wells ladies.

Afraid - My opinion... You ask "why am I so scared of taking that step and moving forward, even if it's baby steps"
Likely because fear of change and or fear of confrontation.
You know what to expect from him and even though what you expect will leave you feeling shitty or in pain it is sometimes more scary to not know what to expect. So you get stuck in an endless cycle of being shit on and beaten down.

I'm glad you've decided not to be shit on anymore. Stick with it, you will like yourself more in the end. Definately find yourself a counselor. I'd suggest a female. It may feel stupid at first but if you find yourself a good one she will help you find insight and strength.

You deserve it.

Wendy

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #50 on:** January 06, 2008, 10:20:51 pm »

Hi Gfs~

I'm glad to see that we're all rallying around Afraid when she needs us most. Hang in there! I echo what everyone else has said. You know that YOU have to make the difference here by starting within yourself!

BT~ Why are you sleeping so much? Is it from the new meds or perhaps from all of the shoveling earlier in the week? I hope you got the rest you needed. Good luck at the GYN's. BTW, the pic that is up there now with the brown sweater, was taken 7/21/07. The previous one that I had up for a day was on Christmas Eve. I like this one better, but who knows?

Oh I miss Ice tonight, but we had a great talk on the phone for a little while tonight. His ex won't let him see the girls as much as he wants to. I feel so bad because he has been so nice to her, for the girls' benefit. Now his Scorpio stinger is starting to come out. Go, baby, GO! LOL

Ice watched The Wire tonight as well. I don't have that channel, just basic here, so I watched Extreme Makeover and DH. Recording Cashmere Mafia's premiere.

What a mild night, the heat hasn't kicked on yet, its about 45 degrees here. It will be mid-60s tomorrow and Tuesday - crazy!

Yes, Sun, have fun dating cause there is strength in numbers and it does your ego GOOD. Plus, you also have choices.

Win, hope you're getting some rest and don't have too much of a fever, if you have one at all. Take care of yourself.

Oh, I ran 1-3/4 miles on my treadmill tonight. Well it was a walk and run and walk program on the treadmill. It was 30 minutes and I did the entire thing. There are no bars on the treadmill and I get unbalanced really easily (blonde hair and all) so I concentrated on staying upright! LOL I did well. My sugars were high today, but I'm hoping to run a few nights a week. Hell, even 2x will make a difference for me! My heart is a lot stronger than I thought it was, but this damn lipo gut is driving me nuts!

Good night all, I have to be ready to "peck" at 730am tomorrow!

~ Cindy

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #51 on:** January 06, 2008, 10:25:51 pm »

I agree, a lot has been going on. First, let me say that I am not trying to be an uncaring bitch to you, Afraid. If anything when I posted earlier, I was getting a bit frustrated. I am glad that you have made a move by getting your number changed, that is making progress. And I realize it is hard for you.

Sunseeker, Why am I not surprised about Latin Lover...

Do what works for you, girl. Sorry to hear that you're not feeling well. There seems to be a lot of that going around. Not sure what to say about the other guys yet. The jury is still out til you give me more to work with....

Betty, I have been catching up on the Wire by watching it on HBO on Demand. I didn't know tonight was the new episode. I have been watching the I love NY reunion. And no, I still didn't get my laundry done. I was motivated to do it but my roomie didn't get up til late and by then the motivation went out the window. I also got caught up in my game too. I know I better go tomorrow or I will be running around here butt naked..

Since it's suppose to be in the 50's tomorrow, I feel like I should get out and do something. Besides laundry but it will get done first even if I have to leave my roomie's ass here...I just want to do something......

vivyt · « **Reply #52 on:** January 06, 2008, 11:13:18 pm »

Afraid,

You are stronger than what you think. The "baby steps" that you are talking about are actually huge steps forward. Just continue to take it a day at a time or if that seems like too much take it an hour at a time. It is good that you are getting therapy. Is there anyone else close to you that you can talk to? I cannot imagine what it must feel like to go through all that!

Talking (or posting) about it helps. I know that sometimes it is better to put it out there rather than get all wrapped up in your head.

Hang in there...I am thinking about you!

BT65 · « **Reply #53 on:** January 07, 2008, 08:27:24 am »

Morning ladies:

I have got the most ungodly headache, right around my sinuses. Especially my left sinus, the one that was crushed. And it radiates into my eyes, down through my shoulders, and down the middle of my back. You gals know what I mean? Yeah, one of those kind of headaches. I woke up to the alarm so I will make it on time to see my doctor. All I want to do though is sleep, sleep and more sleep! I feel really nauceous also. I'm going to have to quit drinking my coffee, 'cause every time I take a drink, it almost comes back up. It is probably this very strange weather. Right now it is 58 degrees outside.(Remember just a week ago I was talking about all the snow). Tomorrow it's supposed to be in the 50's also, then back down into the 30's and snow. And it might also be my body getting used to the Sustiva again. Who knows. Anyway, that's where I'm at right now.

Wendy, I love your pic in your avvy!

Cin, wow, treadmill? You're really motivated. I don't know what to do about the lipo-belly syndrome. I have that majorly also. I want to lose 30 lbs from what I've put on since I quit smoking. I can't do treadmills though. Right now, for me, yoga is what helps. I think it's because of the breathing that's done, which helps me not want to smoke.

Queen, I'm going to try to get my laundry done today. But it might not get done until tomorrow. I need to do it soon though, before I run out of clothes!

I'm going to check out a few other threads and maybe lay down for 1/2 hour to see if I can get this pain in my head to subside. Have a good one ladies-

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #54 on:** January 07, 2008, 12:47:11 pm »

There's a new addition to the family. My son stopped over last night and brought with him a kitten that had followed him home a few days ago. He knows how much I love cats and how many there are here. Now we have 5, just call us the crazy cat ladies...

If I had to guess she looks to be just a little over 10 weeks old. I named her Egypt Nefertiti. She is a very affectionate little thing. I kept her in my room last night. She and the other cats have to get use to her. Not sure how Princess Polly is going to take to having another female in the house. But Lucifer is still loyal to her..

BoogieMan has been quite curious by her. Her response was hissing at him. Ziggy I don't even think realizes she's here.

There are a few things I need to take care of today besides laundry. Trying to make some sense of this hearing aid issue for one. So I am going to go now or I'll never get anything done. Will report back later....

wishful · « **Reply #55 on:** January 07, 2008, 01:44:22 pm »

Queen thats cute...although im not a cat lover..i do like kittens..but when they grow they seem to have an attitude just like females..thus me not having 2 many chick friends...

i hope this year will be prosperous...im the brokest...but i cant complain bcus their are others in worst situations..

My moms been in the hospital since before xmas and i havent went up there to see her yet...i dont know whats wrong with me..but im going today as my dad wants to put her into a nursing home..She is undetected but she has other problems like COPD and she is on oxygen..She will be 60 this year in April..i want to give her a party...

After disclosing surprisingly things are back to normal..He still so open for me its a shame but again im not complaining

..Just i havent felt safe and secure with anyone for a long time but now i feel if i get sick or somthing i will have someone there for me...I hope im right...I have been so wrong so many times in the past...*crossing my fingers*

HAs anyone heard from MS NY yet?..i have been calling her but no answer or answering machine will pick up..i hope everythings ok but u know how babies keep you busy...

i see a few new pics of people are up..Betty Looking good there lady! Winiroo-You too...i put up this pic of my bodaciousness a few days ago, im surprised noone said anything...

you guys are never on when im on...toodles...

cjc · « **Reply #56 on:** January 07, 2008, 01:49:44 pm »

Hello, everyone. Not much going on here . I feel like shit and am sick but hope to hold out until next Monday when I go for my doctors appointment. I do not have diabetes but have been tired as hell since last week. I think my tiredness is just cause I am sick . I did go get my front tires changed and paid my car insurance. I have also spoken with a lawyer about SSI or disability. I can't keep working so much and never having enough.. I think this will be the year of improving things for me. I started back on the Chantix yesterday and am trying to quit smoking again.. And I opened a minimun balance checking account. I am going to try and use it to build some credit. Hopefully that will work. Hope everyone is well. Queen, good luck with Nefertiti. I probably qualify as a crazy cat lady, too. I have 4 now. Later. Cristy

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #57 on:** January 07, 2008, 04:05:21 pm »

Not much to really report on. No call back from Ed. I did get ahold of my case manager at the ASO, she is trying to reach the Office of Vocational Rehabiliatation, the ones who paid the co pay for my hearing aids when I didn't have insurance. Em dropped me some info via PM but am holding off on that til around Thursday.

Wishful, girl, all I can see in your avatar is that ghetto booty of yours...

Glad things are working out well for you but am sorry to hear about your Mother. I am a bit worried about Ms. NY too. I haven't heard from her since before Christmas. She was saying then that she was a bit busy with 2 papers for school and of course the wee one. I hope she is well. I really need to get bold and take some new pics since I don't have the braids in my hair anymore. I'll have to work on that.

Christy, I am still keeping up with the dragons but I can't never get on the page now. It says it is too busy or something. That is why I haven't posted there lately.

I guess that is about it for me. Still trying to get the laundry done...*sighs*

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #58 on:** January 07, 2008, 06:34:14 pm »

Hi GFs~

I am so tired and hungry, and HOT. It hit near 70 today and will do so again tomorrow. The house is stuffy so I opened a few windows, its getting nicer in here now.

Yes, Wishful, you got some "back" girl! Love the pic! More power to you! I used to have "back" but now its all on my front, lol!

My "back" has been reduced from a bubble butt to a flat lipo ass. Sigh.

Queen, sorry to hear that Mr. Ed didn't get back to you. I would start telling people that this is an emergency, tell them you have not been able to hear since the week before Christmas. Keep on that ASO chick who should be giving up her job to you. Glad to hear about the kitty "ENK" as I have dubbed her. Be careful, a few more and you will truly be a "Cat Lady."

Any news on Rico? When will he return?

Cristy - I hope you feel better soon, and best of luck with the Chantix! Betty can be an inspiration to you! Starting Feb 1st in Maryland there will be NO SMOKING allowed in restaurants and bars. No offense, but finally my hair won't stink after I go rock out at those places! I just learned that Chantix has a 44% success rate! Good luck!

Wishful, sorry to hear about your mother. What is COPD, exactly? And you said she is "undetected?" Is she poz as well?

BT, so sorry about that damn sinus. I see you on here, maybe you're posting a report from the doc. Let us know what he said. Yes, I got on the damn treadmill and then today I had THE worst vertigo of my life. I am thinking the impact from running yesterday may have compressed the bad disks in my neck slightly, giving me weird sensations. I don't know. I feel better now, but I may have to look into getting some new running shoes and maybe just speed walking for now, less impact.

I went to see my Grandmother tonight and she is FINE. Walking around the house, talking about this and that....You'd never know her wrist was boken! She will actually go in tomorrow to have a plate and pins put it. Ugh.

More soon. Take care, you ladies under the weather! And where is Cam!? We need an update before I worry too much!

MY BROTHER RETURNED TO US SOIL LAST FRIDAY!!!!!!!!! THE FAMILY IS SO RELIEVED!!!

~ Cindy

Winiroo · « **Reply #59 on:** January 07, 2008, 07:03:50 pm »

I'm doing ok. Alot of snot and postnasal cough crap that has gotten into my lungs. The fevers are all below 100.
I'm able to get everything done that needs to be gotten. LOL Started my period this week too. Ain't that peachy!
I'm working on coughing this crap out of me and keeping my nose clean. I'm feeling better everyday so I think the worst of it is over.

Thanks for the complement Bettytacy and Wishful. That pic was from a white elephant party I went to December 28th. I had a drink in me so my cheeks are nice and pink. LOL I nearly always blush when I drink. I am a cheap date I rarely drink so alcohol hits me pretty easy.

I was tickled when I read Queen post about Wishful's ghetto booty. You can definately tell your proud of your rump.
I've been blessed with muscular thighs and bottom. So I think I gotta pretty good bottom for a white girl. LOL

Cindy - Glad your Grandma is doing good. She must be one tough granny. plate and pins <yikes>

Get well soon Cristy and anyone else who's got the crud...

BT65 · « **Reply #60 on:** January 07, 2008, 09:25:06 pm »

Good evening ladies:

Well, I have no ass to speak of. I really didn't have one in '94 when I weighed 87 lbs. That was really awful! Yes, Wishful, you definitely got some back.

Cin, I am so glad to hear about your brother! YIPEE!! You must be soooooo happy he's home safely. Sorry to hear about your granny's wrist and having to have pins put in it. You know what? They used to make people tougher than what they are now. Some older people are in a lot of pain, sick, and you'd never know it. Now, you be careful having that vertigo! You don't want to pass out or anything. I miss hearing from Camms also.

Queen, girl you just have to raise some holy hell! It seems like something would be happening by now; hell, before now. I hope voc. rehab can help you out.

Cristy, I really hope you feel better, sweetie. If it's time for you to go on disability, then it's time. Did you say a lawyer is handling it? I think that might be the best way to go anymore. People really seem to have a hard time getting it anymore. Good luck to you girl. Keep up on the Chantix also! I don't know the price of cigs where you are, but here in Hoosierville, they're getting ready to add on another $2/pack tax. So that will take prices up to $7-something a pack pretty soon. Yikes!

Well, it's storming here. My poor cat is running around like someone's firing a weapon at her. It got up to almost 70 here today. It's supposed to last a couple more days, then back to 30 and snow.

Yes, I went to the doc today. He said it's just going to take a couple weeks for my body to adjust to the Sustiva again. He gave me a lab slip to have my VL done in a month to make sure the Sustiva/Trizivir are doing their job. We talked for about 45 minutes. It was a good visit, all in all. He's a really good doctor and he talks like a normal guy, not like he thinks he's Socrates or anything. So, everything's alright. When I took the Sustiva tonight, I didn't eat anything high in fat, and that helps. I remember I've given that advice to people; so I decided to take my own advice. That's it for now. School starts Thursday. I was supposed to start tonight, but my teacher is out of town until next Monday. Have a good one ladies-

confusedme · « **Reply #61 on:** January 08, 2008, 12:30:09 am »

I'll have to come back and catch up later. I'm finally starting to get sleepy. I just wanted to check in with y'all. I've been so driven and determined to make things work financially. I've really been working hard on it. Things finally started looking like they would work out quickly around Thursday or Friday. The bills were almost caught back up with some serious sacrifice. The Saturday afternoon, the other shoe dropped. I got fired. I couldn't believe it. The reality of it all is still sinking in. I found out at the end of the day and by then I had other drama. I rarely work Sundays so I was cool yesterday but today just ripped my soul. Signing up for unemployment, searching for a job. Its been so long since I had nothing to do. For years now it was school, internships, work. I am just feeling lost. I'll be fine most of the day and then the tears come from nowhere and without provocation. I hate not being in control of my emotions. I really thought this year was gonna be better ... that things would finally fall into place. I hope this is not the way the rest of the year goes.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #62 on:** January 08, 2008, 12:45:04 am »

I finally got my laundry done but was pissed waiting on the freaking cab 2 hours just to go around the damn corner to wash clothes. The one thing I can be grateful for was that it was hardly no one there by the time we got there. After finishing, it was once again another wait for a cab. I miss my damn car.

I finally did get to talk to Ed. He is waiting on me to bring the other hearing aid to him. Once again, I wish I had my car. Getting places is really a pain in the ass and with a cab you can never get anywhere on freaking time. My previous case manager would've driven me to the ENT but this one I have now is not very helpful at all.

On to Rico....He still has not gone to Puerto Rico and from my understanding is no longer going. I also found out that he plans on moving back to where he was on March 1st. I'm wondering when he was planning on telling me this or was he? He has given up his apartment and moved in with the ex in laws who I think is filling his head with hopes once again of getting back with his ex. I have not heard from him since last Friday. I am not stressing it either. But honestly, if he was in front of me about now, I think I would smack the taste out of his mouth. I am just tired of the bullshit and lies. And having to hear everything else from a 3rd party because he is not man enough to tell me himself. Good fucking riddance, I say. And don't let the door knob hit ya where the good Lord split ya. I am more than ready to kick his ass to the curb. A total waste of my time and energy despite getting a few nuts off. I have no regrets about not disclosing. I kept it safe and was responsible.

LOL@Winiroo. Girl, sometimes I tickle myself with the things that come out my mouth. Nothing wrong with having a ghetto booty. Wishful knows that and I bet her man just loves it. *Two snaps and a circle*. My ass is one of my best features too...

Hasta manana, chicas....

BT65 · « **Reply #63 on:** January 08, 2008, 08:19:41 am »

Good morning ladies:

Confused, I hope things start working out for you. You have been through a lot, and I'm sorry, but right now, I can't really recall too much of your story. Hang in there.

Queen, if your case manager is not helping you, maybe you should complain to the boss. That's what I would do. As for Rico, yeah, I would probably write him off.

Today it's 60 out right now and raining. By 4:00 it's supposed to be 48. Very strange. I don't know if this is global warming or what. Anyway, another thing the doc did was to prescribe me a medicine for my heart. I have times when it feels like I'm having a heart attack. So he sent a prescription to my home delivery pharmacy I use out of Tennessee. Other than that, still waiting for the brainfog to clear. I might go back to sleep after I eat breakfast. I'm really happy because when I got up my sugar was 120 and it hasn't been that good in quite awhile. I'm listening to some music I downloaded (it's only 8:20 a.m. here, so it's on low) and right now Rod Stewart's "Hot Legs" is playing. I just love that song. OK, I hope you ladies have a good one.

camille07 · « **Reply #64 on:** January 08, 2008, 08:35:45 am »

Hello Girls

Just wanted to pop in say good morning. I really need to catch up on my reading of these post. Lots to tell but, like I said, would like to get a feel as to how everyone is doing.

Have a great day girls.

hugs,

Camms

wishful · « **Reply #65 on:** January 08, 2008, 09:15:32 am »

lolol at everyone...Queen u already know...the man loves it! and cant get enuff of it But im trying to lose some..not all but some..that pic makes it look smaller than it really is..my thighs ass and hips are all ghetto..lolol and before the breast reduction the boobs were too..but they had to go and insurance paid...insurance aint paying for no lipo..lololo

Cindy: yes i think i posted that before my mom is poz as well..has been since 1995 or so..COPD is a lung disease that has to do with carbon dioxide and how the lungs respond to it..i think..lolololo..all i know is her blood gas levels are elevated and that is bad bcus her lungs cant keep the carbon out...so she wears a BIpap machine ..she is in the nursing home now..hopefully for rehab...i went and saw her last night and gave her her xmas gift..she was happy to see us...

Queen :Rico is too wishy washy point blank..u arent a damn mind reader and u arent a fool either..tell that fool to kick rocks...i def agree with him not being the one to disclose to..He;d prob tell errbody n they mommas instead of talkin to u about it....

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #66 on:** January 08, 2008, 12:26:02 pm »

It is high noon as I write this. I'm actually a bit calm today, not sure if that is because of the weather or what. Finally got the laundry done like I mentioned in my last post. I am just glad it is out of the way. I have my window open in my bedroom and am watching tv. I am always in my bedroom but not always laying down. I only go into the living room and dining room if I am entertaining someone. Plus my bedroom is in the front of the apartment so I can look out my window into the street.

I will still be trying to get a ride up to the ENT to take him my other hearing aid. And waiting on the call back from my case manager to see if OVR will pick up the cost of the repair to my hearing aids. Little Nefertiti, decided not to call her Egypt, is doing fine. She sleeps a lot and I think she will fit in with the other cats just fine. I actually heard her hiss last night, it was funny. My roomie says her hiss is kinda loud and it has to be for me to hear it. I still can't hear her meow though. She sticks up under me at all times and she sleeps wild as hell for a cat. She's all over the bed. I have to be careful at night not to roll on her but she usually wakes me up at one point because she is usually sleep on my head or she has her paws in my face...

Wishful, I know you're glad you got rid of some of those boobs. The heavier they are the more back problems you have. My oldest sister had to get a reduction too. I am happy with my 36c. Not to worry, I got those hips too but I hate my legs. My thighs look good but then when you get to my calves, it looks like I got bird legs. That's just my opinion of them. I got that impression from Rico too among other things. He is keeping some drama going between my one friend and her parents. To the point that now they are not even talking to her. And to me that is something a female would do, not a man. I don't like bitch made men so he is gone. And I think the parents are filling his head up again. Oh well.....Should he come and see me tomorrow, I will tell him that it is over. I just hope he doesn't ask why? He's not going to like my answers.

Confused, I think we posted at the same time last night. Sorry to hear that you lost your job, I know that sucks. Don't lose heart, take that free time and do a few things you have been meaning to, we all have those. And look for another job. We play the Giants this weekend at home. And Happy Birthday to you in advance. Cindy is good with keeping track of birthdays. Keep us posted on how you are doing.

wishful · « **Reply #67 on:** January 08, 2008, 04:36:17 pm »

yes Queen them bad boys were too big!! by back was killin me and over the last few years they had gotten larger..i think due to the meds cus my belly is way bigger than it used to be as well , i used to have a killer shape..but i still dont get any compalints..just from myself..lol Yeah Rico sounds like WEAKO to me..u dont need that in your life..

Oh lil Nefertiti is really cute..i always get sucked in by their cuteness then they start giving me they attitude n our relation is over..my best friend has like 5 or six kitties herself..n when i come over they really be throwing me shade! So i tell her to keep em away..besides the fact they make me sneeze my head off and immediately stuff my nose up until i leave...but its all good..im a puppy gal myself..Damn i didnt realize what time it was..i get off at 430 n im still n this peice as nice as it is outside..i gots to go...

Talk to u all soon

sunseeker · « **Reply #68 on:** January 08, 2008, 06:05:30 pm »

Hi

Girls so excited that I am not the only white girl with a booty. I got junk in my trunk, but now I am getting worried about taking meds that I am going to have to deal with Lipo. I had called the doctor yesterday to ask him about my Atripla and wanted to ask him about the lipo but I was with the Latin Lover and I did not want to get into a whole big discussion with him there, since he does not know that i am on meds and would like to keep it that way.

Glad to see that Cam posted and she is doing well. I am so tired today and would love to take a nap. I did not get home till 330 am and was hanging out with the Latin Lover and things went good we went to dinner, had ice cream and then hung out for a long time talking about us. That went well, he is so confused right now on what he wants, he wants friends with benefits, but I asked him if he thought that would just confuse the situation even more. He said he did not think so, but I think different. But I have to tell you I don't call him the Latin Lover for nothing, and I love sex so I am sure that I will give in. But I am prepared for the fall out and have put up those walls. Right now what I need is attention that only a man can give and he is willing to give it to me so I am willing to take it. I know I am crazy for doing this, and I would be telling all of you girls not to do it, I should be following my own advise. Its just hard when you connect with someone so intensely and that is not even in the bedroom.

Tonight I have my date with the + guy that I met online, but I am so tired and its raining like cats and dogs here and I would really like to stay in bed. But I guess I will go its the only way to hopefully break free from the Latin Lover and realize that there are other guys at there that I could like.

Queen- I am so jealous that you have a new kitten. I would love to have another one, but right now is just not the right time. Yesterday I had to take my cat to the vet since he has a cold and a respiratory infection. He is on antibiotics so that was an $100.00 visit.

Hope the rest of you ladies or doing well. I will keep you posted on how todays date went.

BT65 · « **Reply #69 on:** January 08, 2008, 06:35:12 pm »

Good evening ladies:

Camms, good to see you post again. What's going on with you?

Wish, my ex-sister-in-law had to have a breast reduction. They were really killing her back.

Queen, your new kitty is so cute! I'm a cat lover. I only have one though. She's a one kitty/owner cat (jealous and all that). And I really can't afford more than one. That was nice of you to take the cat.

Sun, you just have to do what's right for you. If you like to hang out with LL, then do that. If you get hurt, then I guess you know better next time. But if you can keep your heart locked up, why not? I hope your date with the poz man goes well. Can't wait to hear about it!

I have had this heavy-duty craving for pizza ever since I got up. I don't believe "the body craves what it needs" crap. I've just wanted a pizza sooo bad today. Maybe it's because it seems like every other ad on the t.v. today has been for pizza. Maybe I'll get one tomorrow. I got one chapter read out of one of my textbooks. I'm also reading Slash's autobiography (one of the guitar players from Guns N Roses). Very wild man. I've always thought he was hot though.(I know, some people think I have a strange taste). But, that's what makes me me. Anyway, nothing else. It's getting cold here again. Hope al you ladies have a good one-

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #70 on:** January 08, 2008, 10:49:52 pm »

Bed time for me. Just got home after work, massage, dinner with Iceman and then playtime at Iceman's house for a bit. Vertigo is still a bitch and dinner out tonight was bugging me because it was loud. I think part of it is exhaustion. Sugars are doing better but stay tuned. I tested my sugar 18 times today. Yes, 18. Yowwiieee!

I'll post more tomorrow night when I have some time at home in the evening. Hang in there Afraid, confused and Queen.

Look at the time, and its still 62 degrees in Maryland.

~Cindy

BT65 · « **Reply #71 on:** January 09, 2008, 07:23:59 pm »

Good evening ladies:

Well, the weather is back to normal here. The snow is melted and there's flooding in many places around here. In one town a little south of here, an SUV got drug by the water and turned upside down; two of the five kids in there drowned. That was really sad. What's going on with everybody? Queen, I hope you can get your hearing aid situation taken care of soon. Camms, let us know how it's going. Cin, what's going on with you? How's the vertigo? And oh, COPD is emphysema. That's what my father has. I really don't have a lot to report. I tried to quit drinking caffeine, but I had the worst headache/trouble concentrating/feeling like I had the flu etc. Now, it would seem that as much dope/booze as I've kicked (heroin, methadone, alcohol prescription drugs like Valium, Morphine) I wouldn't have any trouble with it. But, with school starting up again tomorrow night, I don't want to fuck that up right now. So I'll try this summer. I think this might be the summer to take off from school. I really don't think there will be any funding.

In other news, a transgendered old friend of mine died yesterday. I read her obit today. And I'm getting ready to call another friend of mine who has AIDS. His mother left me a message about 1/2 an hour ago and wants me to call her. I'm a little worried about this, but she knows I'm there for them. I hope you ladies have a good night-

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #72 on:** January 09, 2008, 09:21:24 pm »

There is nothing for me to report either. The hearing aid situation has me in a bit of a funk. Haven't heard anything from Rico but not expecting to either. And don't really want to. My bday is getting closer, nothing planned, not sure if Wishful is gonna surprise me with a visit...

Not being able to hear is really making me feel closed off. And people's reactions when you tell them you're hearing impaired doesn't help my mood much either.

Something I did do was drop Moffie an email. I had been thinking about him since Alan posted January bdays and Moffie's is on the 19th. Not sure how old he will be but it made my day to hear back from him. I did a bit of blogging today after reading about 2 disturbing articles on Yahoo. Not sure if any of you heard about it. One was where this guy(black guy at that) killed and started cooking his ex girlfriend. Another was when this guy, a crack head threw his 3 kids off of a bridge, their ages ranged from months old to 3 years old. It is stuff like that which makes me disgusted with people and this world.....

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #73 on:** January 09, 2008, 09:49:52 pm »

Hi GFs~

Trying to recover from an awful day health-wise.

Queen, that is some screwed up shit you heard in the news. I think everyone is on drugs and messed up. Pisses me off that people don't have more self control to stop themselves from doing crazy shit. Glad to hear you are in touch with Moffie. I miss having him here.

BT, sorry to hear about your friend who passed. Also, I know the feeling you get in the pit of your stomach when someone's family calls about a loved one who is struggling with their health. Hopefully your friend with AIDS is doing relatively OK.

Win, how are you feeling? I hope you're getting back to your old self.

As for me.....

I was fine getting up after only 5 hrs sleep. High blood sugar woke me again, but today it was only 269 and not 300+. I am still tweaking the pump to get this all resolved. I went to work, and soon after sitting at my computer I start getting vertigo, feeling like I am going to do a header into the keyboard. My neck started hurting and my blood pressure felt like it was dropping. After only an hour at work I was ready to go to the nurses station or call an ambulance. I was so out of it, I was afraid to leave my station for my 9am break, for fear of falling over. I felt like I couldn't walk! I had my co-worker keep an eye on me, but this was extreme. I have never fainted or passed out before in my life and I fought it off a dozen times this morning. My blood sugar was 140 and stable throughout all of this, as I tested every half hour.

I started feeling better in the afternoon, finally and my neck stopped hurting, too. I don't know if I had a major panic attack or what. I used to get "small" ones that I could still get through, still work through, etc, but some physical symptoms would manifest. Its been years since that's happened, though. I fought off the urge to take some alprazolam (I think thats the generic for Xanax, not sure) and was a trooper, but I started getting really scared early on. Mind over matter? I dunno.

I am going to bed now and sleeping GOOD tonight. We'll see what tomorrow brings. Maybe I'm just wiped out from all of this blood sugar BS. Any feedback on anxiety would be appreciated. I'm so confused at this point.

Oh and I went off on my mother in a cool way tonight on the phone. She was acting like a dumbshit cause Iceman's last name showed up on her caller ID when I called from my new cell he gave me. Just STUPID shit. I told her I would call the fucking phone company and ask if they could put my name on his account. Sarcastically, of course. She shut up and I told her I was sick of her "Let me play dumb games" all of the time. Its been YEARS since I have said something to her, the entire family just lets her be "her." I told her I knew SHE knew exactly what she was doing, being a pain in the ass for no good reason. We ended the phone call abruptly and I don't care. I'm sick of being the punching bag when she knows better. She and Dad are traveling to Disney this Saturday, stopping in GA on the way to see my brother along the way.

Yeah, tell Mickey I said "Hi."

Gheez.

Its been a long tiring day physically, and I need Cheech and my pillow. Thanks for letting me vent. Good night all.

~ Cindy

BT65 · « **Reply #74 on:** January 10, 2008, 09:44:27 am »

Good morning ladies:

I've been getting up later and later. But I've been staying up later also. My friend who is abusing prescription drugs has a history of doing this. And I know how he feels, but at the same time, something's gotta give sometime. The biggest thing that helped me was when my mum told me she and my dad weren't going to help me anymore. Period. Because my mum was my biggest supporter, but also my biggest enabler. So I talked to my friend's mum and told her pretty much that she's going to have to stop helping my friend. She agrees. So hopefully he will really get some help this time.

Queen, only a couple more days until b-day time! Do you have anything planned?

Cin, I used to get anxiety attacks all the time. Sometimes I get little ones when I'm in a large store, but I just talk to myself and tell myself I'm not going to faint, I deserve to be there just like everyone else. I know that sounds crazy, but it works for me.

I hope all you other ladies are doing o.k. Hope to hear from some of you all soon!

wishful · « **Reply #75 on:** January 10, 2008, 10:38:37 am »

Queen if i am welcomed u know ima come!!..with some grain and some cuervo or arbor mist..wateva u want..

I doubt if your more than and hour from me..that would be cool..hopefully u will have your hearing aids fixed..what if we go to a movie?? Can u hear any of that.? Let me know...

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #76 on:** January 10, 2008, 01:18:06 pm »

Still nothing to report. I still haven't been able to get the hearing aid issue squared away yet so Wishful, nope still can't hear. I probably could hear a movie at the theater since I assume it would be quite loud. Hey, I wouldn't mind seeing First Sunday with Ice Cube, Katt Williams and Tracy Morgan in it. It looks funny as hell. You sure you're only an hour away from me?

CIndy, I do hope you feel better. I am LMAO about your Mother. It sounds like she has got issues and wants to be the center of attention. Sometimes you have to dish out that tough love, I guess. My oldest sister sent me a bday card which was a surprise. In the card, she says tell me when is a good time to stop over with your present. Uh, what? I guess that means I'm going to have to get her one when her bday rolls around. I'm just wondering what all this is about? I do get along with her better than my other sister but even with her there is a catch sometimes. I'm gonna have to feel this one out for sure.

I was waiting until his day off for sure but I think it is officially over with me and Rico. Even though he took the bitch way out instead of being a man. Hey, I'm happy...*singing---He's out of my life* I think there was a Michael Jackson song like that back in the day...except he was crying in it...No, tears here, baby. I doubt I will find love and has pretty much given up on it. The men around here are weak.

Betty, I know what you mean about being up late. I was up til 6am playing World of Warcraft. One of my friends here was playing too so it made it that much more fun. I think the only reason I am up is because my sister is suppose to be coming over.

That's about it for me. I am off to watch my soaps and play a little bit of Warcraft. Later Ladies....

wishful · « **Reply #77 on:** January 10, 2008, 01:34:03 pm »

nope i aint sure..ure gonna have to pm me your address then i can map quest it...how far is it from west philly?..it doesnt matter anyways im still comin...

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #78 on:** January 10, 2008, 01:46:15 pm »

Girl, You coming from West Philly? Oh my, that may be a long haul depending on how you drive and the weather conditions.....

wishful · « **Reply #79 on:** January 10, 2008, 01:54:32 pm »

Girl i can drive to VA and get there before i get to you!!!...lololo i thought u lived nearer to philly..Damn!!!!

Winiroo · « **Reply #80 on:** January 10, 2008, 03:10:37 pm »

Getting better slowly but surely. Still coughing, but the fluid in my lungs is clear so thats not so bad. Still got a snotty nose. But I can breath out of it most of the time now.

My girlfriend of the last 25 + years is in town from New Jersey. I havent seen much of her. But she is one of those relationships where you can go without seeing her for a year and when you see her again its like no time passed.
She is the only life long friend I've had. I'd consider her more like family and her family is a crazy disfuctional addition too. Love them but damn they are a mess. LOL

Wendy

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #81 on:** January 10, 2008, 10:02:35 pm »

Wishful~ I was chuckling reading the posts after I saw you lived in Jersey. Queen is over hill and dale away from you, prob 6 hours, if you make it through the mountaiins with no trouble. LOL But hey, at least you had good intentions!

I sat down at work today and 5 minutes after being in that chair my neck started getting stiff and I started feeling bad again. About 20% of what I felt yesterday....I got up, took my big winter parka and lined my chair with it. It seemed to help, so I think all of this stems from the neck hurting and I get light-headed, and then I probably get anxiety, too. Sheesh! I took 4 ibuprofen this morning before I went in to work, to see if it was the neck thing. Turns out I am probably right, dammit.

Iceman went to replace my tail light/brake light bulb on the driver's side of my Jeep on Tuesday night. We go to check the lights and both lights are OUT, on the passenger AND the driver's sides! I was driving at night with NO running lights in back and just the 3rd brake light. I get there tonight and he checks them for the heck of it and says the drivers one is out AGAIN. Then as I am tapping the brake, the passenger one goes out too! Its raining here tonight, and it was obviously dark when we checked this evening. He goes to replace the passenger one and the new one from Tuesday night has a broken bulb, like it burned out right thru the glass and popped. I guess the connection is blowing these bulbs out on both sides. We're going to work on it more this weekend. Just call me "Winky" for now as far as the rear lights/brakes go.

I think its ironic considering what I have posted under my picture right now, "Could you share your brightest light?" LMAO

Yes, Mom is a Drama Queen, and plays dumb all of the time with a real attitude. I just didn't have time for it last night. So, I am not calling my parents for now. Let Dad deal with Mom's shit, maybe she'll wise up. A daughter can only take so much before she needs to speak up.

BT, I get anxious when there is nothing around me to reach out and balance on because of my bad neck. For example, if I go into the grocery store just to get my Rx, I'll get a cart to lean on. Just standing and holding the cart, I get unbalanced, I actually do better when I am walking, its weird. Damn neck.

Wendy, glad to hear you are on the mend. I am busy trying not to tip over! LOL Its really fun when I take my Sustiva. Its like my head is too damn heavy for this injured neck, and I just want to lay down. Glad to hear your good buddy is in town. Will you get to visit much?

Tonight Iceman asked if he "could keep me." Oh happy happy joy joy!!

I replied, "Please do."

Queen I am sorry about Rico. You mean he has gone AWOL, MIA with no closure, no phone call? I hate that shit, its just not right. I know someone who left me hanging a few months back. I'm sure you can think of who.....but on to greener pastures, I say.

Oh, tonight in traffic my Sirius Radio goes out, right in the middle of a Scorpions song. Huh? I look down and the display says, "To Subscribe, call ......" So, after a year, Doofus took me off of his subscription. If he only knew his parents were asking about me and are going to call soon, lol. I love being the better person, but yes, I am vindictive. If Doofus' wife (damn, that LOOKS strange, "wife") finds out that his parents are in touch with me, she'll flip! She doesn't even know me and she has issues.

Let me throw in my favorite quote here: "Good luck with that."

I got a 94% for my "production score" YESTERDAY at work, when my head was about to fall off. That is really GOOD. They want you to get at least an 88%. Those of us who are good "peckers"

(i.e. fast at typing and more claims per hour) also got introduced to blank claims yesterday too. You have a claim on the screen and every area of the form is empty, you have to fill out the entire thing. Before we were just fixing typos and stuff in pre-filled claims. So, I am happy with my score. Amazing how the right hand on the numbers keys is engrained in my brain. Its cool to just type and not even look now! I get better at it every day. Maybe I'll be "Head Pecker" soon! LOL OK, wrong tangent there, I'm going to bed, I am exhausted.

Night night,
~ Cindy

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #82 on:** January 10, 2008, 11:49:18 pm »

Yeah, Cindy that is pretty much how it went down with Rico. He just went missing. I don't think he knows that I even know that he moved in with his ex in laws. Or he might, it depends. I just feel bad for my friend because Rico is keeping so much shit going that her parents won't even talk to her which I think is sad. Her parents doesn't like the guy that Rico's ex is seeing because for one he is still married and known to be a player. I think the other reason is that one of the women the guy slept with came out saying she was poz. I guess the guy denied it and everyone kind of forgot about it. Once in a fit of anger, Rico declared that he hoped she came down with the "sickness" as he put it. That clinched it for me as far as disclosing but it was also a bit ironic considering he was dealing with someone with the "sickness". Karma has such a way, I swear.

Anyhoo, my oldest sister stopped over today and brought me my birthday present. I just love stuff for taking baths. You know gel, bath beads and that type of stuff. We got to talking and I came out and told her that I didn't appreciate how our other sister just took it upon herself to disclose for me. She went on to agree but I know she was doing the same thing too. I told her it would be nice if our sister would give me credit for being responsible instead of putting me out there like I am the Angel of Death. Overall, it was a decent visit. She talked loud so I had no problem hearing her. But I also let her know that my roomie knew my status. I guess in a way letting her know that I am trying to be more open with it but on my terms and not anyone else's.

My back has been really stiff lately. Ugh, I could use a massage but usually when I get one, it relaxes me to the point that sometimes I doze off to sleep. Otherwise, it has been pretty much an uneventful day. I may just go to sleep a bit early, well, early for me. But then I'll probably wake right back up again in the wee hours of the morning. I guess that's it for me.

sunseeker · « **Reply #83 on:** January 11, 2008, 12:02:59 am »

Hi Girls

Have a question for you. This is something that has just come up for me. A friend my has expressed interest in possibly dating but I think he is just looking for sex since we had been intimate a long time ago. But anyways, we got on this topic of safe sex. Long story on how we got there, but any ways he is very nieve and thinks that HIV is a gay diesease well as we all know that is not true. I told him that if I was going to have sex with him or anyone else it would be safe sex. He questioned why and I told him that I may have been infected and that I was waiting for my 6month window period and if I was going to have sex with him or anyone else it would be safe sex. He then told me that I was not infected since it was a gay disease and I would know if I was. I told him that there were a lot of positive people out there and that was very lame of him to think that way. So my question now comes to what you guys think. If I were to have sex with this guy, which I am not planning on it since he is so dumb, but do you think that I have fullfilled my obligation on telling him or anyone else that I maybe putting them at risk and if they choose to have sex with me then that is there problem. I know that I would always practice safe sex with anyone that I did not out right tell that I was +. So I am curious on your opinions. I know that even though I am undetectable and its harder for a female to transmit to a male they should carry some of the responsibility especially when I tell them that I may have been exposed. I would love to hear what you guys thing on this issue.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #84 on:** January 11, 2008, 12:25:38 am »

Hmmm, uh, ok....First off, IMO, You kind of gave him the heads up when you said you were exposed. What is sad is his ignorance saying that it is a gay disease. Kind of reminds me of Rico when I tried talking to him about it. The ice breaker to the conversation was a comedian speaking on hiv. I asked him what he knew about hiv. His answer which til this day is weird to me. He had a friend who had it but he knew because the meds were refrigerated. Uh, what? I was thinking his friend was on Kaletra that had to be put in the fridge but he gave me the impression that he thought all hiv meds were that way. I had to laugh because when he came over I never hid my meds. They are next to my bed and had often took them with him present. He had even reached over past them to get to the condoms....

Then some have the mentality that you don't look like you have AIDS. That kind of pisses me off because there is a difference which I had to explain to Rico too along with the point that it is harder for women to transmit the virus than men. I was hoping with me explaining all this to him among other things that he would've had a clue but nope, he was still clueless. And there were times when he was set to just dive in w/o any protection and this was in the beginning stages of knowing me. I guess when it comes to sex most hetero men tend to think with the wrong head or has that feeling of being invincible.

I would say educated him as much as you can but I wouldn't even consider sleeping with him. Just my 2 cents. I'm sure the other ladies will have more advice to give than me.

sunseeker · « **Reply #85 on:** January 11, 2008, 12:42:55 am »

No worries there I have no plans to sleep with him. I guess the thought that I had was if I met someone and did not want to disclose to them and was just using that excuse to see what their reaction was and they still wanted to be with me then a little bit down the road if things worked out I could tell them that I was positive. Lets face it ladies we know that guys come and go and and now I am wondering about having to disclose before its to soon. I have told guys in the past and they said they were OK with it then for whatever reason poof they are gone. But then on the other hand I don't like lying to people either and feel I should be up front but If i told them about the potential risk of being exposed and they were still willing to take the chance then they have to take some of the responsibility for it too.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #86 on:** January 11, 2008, 12:51:45 am »

Quote from: sunseeker on January 11, 2008, 12:42:55 am

No worries there I have no plans to sleep with him. I guess the thought that I had was if I met someone and did not want to disclose to them and was just using that excuse to see what their reaction was and they still wanted to be with me then a little bit down the road if things worked out I could tell them that I was positive. Lets face it ladies we know that guys come and go and and now I am wondering about having to disclose before its to soon. I have told guys in the past and they said they were OK with it then for whatever reason poof they are gone. But then on the other hand I don't like lying to people either and feel I should be up front but If i told them about the potential risk of being exposed and they were still willing to take the chance then they have to take some of the responsibility for it too.

Ok, well, disclosure is a touchy issue. And I will continue to say do what feels right for you. Now back when I mentioned it in regards to Rico, most of ladies were very supportive. Some felt I was wrong by not telling him but I have to say I am glad that I followed my gut instinct. Nor do I feel guilty for not telling him. He was not educated on the subject and quite spiteful in another sense. In my situation, I made sure I was the responsible one.

tendai · « **Reply #87 on:** January 11, 2008, 04:37:16 am »

sun i agree with Queen, do what feels right for you. i personally couldnt venture into a potentially serious relationship without disclosing. i think its easier to handle the rejection at an early stage before u really get to know and like someone. and that dude really needs some educating on the virus, he sounds totally ignorant..

BT65 · « **Reply #88 on:** January 11, 2008, 09:32:31 am »

Good morning ladies:

Well, Sun, let me just tell you a little of my past experience. When I married my second husband, he knew before we got married about me being poz. And there were time that he didn't want to use condoms; well, most of the time he didn't. So that was on him. He never tested poz, by the way. Also, the last guy I was in a relationship with knew I was poz and he hardly ever wanted to use condoms. So, I think that if the person you're going to have sex with knows about you being poz, but doesn't want to use condoms, then it's on them. We can't be responsible for that. BTW, the last guy I was in a relationship with never tested poz either. Oh, when I ended the relationship he called me and threatened to have me put in jail for "attempted murder" but that was at the most laughable. I echo Queen. You do what feels right for you. Disclosure is a personal issue. I don't think there's any textbook right or wrong.

Queen, tomorrow is the big day. Any plans? I'm glad the talk with your sister was civil. I like the way you talked about your oldest sister disclosing for you and you wanting to do it yourself. That took some guts. Good for you.

Cin, congrats on your 94% production score! That's really great and must make you feel good. I hope you're feeling better.

Today I have an assignment to do for one of my classes (social psych class). Last night's class, "Ethics" was really interesting. It's a philosophy class and I just love philosophy because of how it gets me thinking. And I have to run some of my old HIV meds that I don't take to my ASO so they can make use of them. It's so dark and dreary here. That's one thing I really don't like about winter-hardly ever any sun. It makes me just want to stay in bed all day and not do anything. It seems like it takes extra effort to go out. Ho-hum. I hope all you ladies have a good one-

wishful · « **Reply #89 on:** January 11, 2008, 10:45:22 am »

Ditto to what BT said...My ex didnt want to use them and the new bf is also tryin it but i stop him and pass him the gold wrapper...

Yes it is also their resposibilty but in the heat of the moment, sometimes they dont think straight and may have to reminded...BTW my ex is negative as well...and we went the majority of the relationship without use with his knowledge of my "sickness"..lol that was funny...the sickness, that shit, the 123 BOOM, the ninja, that thang..i have heard so many crazy names for the virus...sometimes it makes me mad but mostly i chuckle..especially knowing what i know and that the other person making these references and metaphors has no idea they are talkin to someone with it..i just SMH and hope that person talkin smack knows their damn status....
Yeah SUN do what you feel..i thought i would never tell my new bf..but i got drunk and there that went...You will know when its right...but im def with the not disclosing right away ..taht person may ot be able to be trusted with such info...You told him enough for now..but at the end of the window period what do u plan to say??

CIndy: Girl i thought i was goin to the movies and meeting up with someone i been wanting to meet this weekend until i put the damn addy in mapquest...7 freakin hours is what it said..i was like shit..i even changed the city thinking i was wrong..lololo But ..Queen im gonna come when it warms up and the kids are with their daddy in florida this summer..Shit i think Cindy is closer than u and ur just a state over from me...

Glad ur feelin better wini..Oh NY gurl is ok too..i got her on the fone but man man was screaming in the back so she had to go..but hopefully we will talk this weekend...

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #90 on:** January 11, 2008, 04:30:16 pm »

Man, I did not want to get out the bed today at all. Feeling a bit bummed, not sure why, maybe it is something hormonal or maybe because tomorrow is my bday and I'm broke and no plans, I dunno. I managed to crawl out of the bed around 3:30. Had to call my nurse to call me in some more Ziagen, thought I had more refills but didn't.

Yeah, I am located far away from everyone so it seems. It would be nice if I was located closer to one of you ladies. I don't know, I guess I am back in a bit of a funk. I wish there was something I could do to shake it off. I am sure I prolly will in a few days.

Wishful, I know what you mean about the names they give this virus. I have heard it called the same things as you. One thing I try to tell ignorant folks is that people who do have this virus, didn't ask for it. You'd be amazed at the mentality of some folks. I think if I ever do get with a neg person and disclose to them, I am going to draw up a paper stating that I disclosed my status so if the person ever wants to pull that attempted murder bullshit, my ass is covered.

Well since I am not feeling like my cheerful self, I think I will close it here. T.G.I. F. ladies...I am going to take a bath and soak...

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #91 on:** January 11, 2008, 04:55:53 pm »

Hi GFs~

T.G.I. F'n F!!!! LOL

In case I don't get on here tomorrow..........

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO OUR QUEEN!!
I have felt drunk all week with this vertigo/neck thing and I have never even been drunk before....but I imagine that this is what it must feel like. Its like being on Sustiva and your head also weighing 50lbs instead of 8lbs! LOL

I am in a good mood, I get to spend the weekend with Iceman. My GF and her husband invited us over for dinner tomorrow but it might fall through. We're supposed to go play Guitar Heroes on her WII. Since I'm the metal head I will probably kick ass, lol! They even have Iron Maiden on there from what she told me, can you believe it BT?

Tonight I have group and the youngest guy in there is turning 35 tomorrow, same day as Queen. He is the most newly diagnosed and is bouncing back really well. We are going to surprise him with a cake tonight.

After group I'll come back and get Cheech and head to Iceman's. Ahhhhh, I can't wait to relax some.

Sun~ As far as DohDoh Bird, JUST SAY NO. I think you have that part figured out already. If the guy thinks we have a gay disease then that right there can tell you how much he probably knows about other things - Nada. As far as if you gave him enough info? I disagree. Hinting at a possible positive status isn't the same as really telling the truth. I know you were just testing the waters with this guy, but in the future I would be up front and totally honest with anyone. After a few dates, if you like the guy, disclose. I know I know, you risk having them run, or having them say its OK and then never hearing from them again. You will survive. I even had an EMT/media spokesperson for the fire dept around here say I was trying to "secretly infect him" years ago, just because I kissed him. I laughed as he backed out the front door. I laugh still, all of these years later, when I see his dumbass on TV, reporting on a fire or something. You think an EMT would have a clue about transmission. Kiss kiss

LOL

Wishful, you got a 4WD to go see Queen, lol? I am about halfway between the two of you. I am in Maryland but about 45 minutes south of Gettysburg, in Frederick.

Tendai and BT, hope all is well. BT, are you treading water yet? They mentioned South Bend on The Weather Channel and I thought of you. Be careful and get those hip-waders out, lol.

~ Cindy

BT65 · « **Reply #92 on:** January 11, 2008, 09:18:38 pm »

Good evening ladies:

Wish, you're talking to NY and she's alright? I'm glad if she is. I'm sure she's busy with the new baby.

Queen, time to start the countdown! Three hours! You need to treat yourself to something, even if it's a good, long soak. I only have a shower where I live and believe me, I miss my soaks. I wish I had one of those in-the-ground tubs, do you know what I mean? I think they're called garden tubs. I just think they're the bomb.

Cin, I hope your group went well. I miss mine, but can't go for awhile because I have class on that night. I also hope your weekend with Iceman goes well, but I know it is probably always exciting. Well, at least one of us is getting some!

To tell you the truth ladies, I don't even care about having/not having sex right now. I think I'm going through some major hormonal changes. That's why I started the thread on menopause. I will probably make an appointment with this gyn that I saw in the past for problems. I should have called today, but got busy doing a paper for school, so I'll do it Monday.

I have been wanting a cigarette so bad today. Me and a friend of mine went out for supper. We went to one of the few restaurants where there's still smoking allowed and two people were smoking. That made me really crave one-bad. I have been sitting here all night going crazy, debating on whether to go to 7-11 and get a pack or not. The thing is, my addict mind says "just one more pack and then I'll quit" and that turns into a carton etc. Now, here in Hoosierville (Indiana) smoking is the governor's pet peeve. He's going to slap another $2/pack tax on cigarettes, which is going to raise them up to like $7/pack! I can't afford that. That's one of the main reasons I quit in the first place. It's been two months. And I stopped taking the Chantix a couple days ago. OK, I'll stop going on about smoking. I really do want a cigarette though.

I hope all you ladies have a good evening. Send me some good energy and thoughts that I won't light up again!

Winiroo · « **Reply #93 on:** January 11, 2008, 10:00:48 pm »

Cindy - Do you know whats wrong with your neck? Glad ya'll noticed the lights going out on the car. You be careful.

Sunseeker - I wouldnt have unprotected sex with anyone who isnt already infected. I know its harder for a woman to infect a man but it isnt impossible. I dont know how I could live with the guilt of infecting someone who was too ignorant to protect himself. Actually I think I'd have a hard time dealing with the guilt of infecting anyone reguardless of thier intellegence.

My girlfriend is flying back to New Jersey in the morning. I spent some time with her and her mom today. I left her a while ago. She was hanging out with her brothers in Mom's garage all of them sharing a bowl and drinking beer. Of course I was the party pooper and just watched them all talk stupid, but enjoyed making fun of them. I dont smoke or drink and travel anywhere. Plus there where kids in the house and mom and dad too. Not my style. I'm a light weight. No way I'm going to try and drive anywhere and drink or smoke. Plus with the kids there and mom and dad there, just didnt sit right with me.
Maybe I'm a prude. I dont care...

sunseeker · « **Reply #94 on:** January 12, 2008, 12:17:11 am »

[HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN]

Hey Girls

thanks for the replies. I guess I was not clear on what I was trying to get your opinion on, I guess more of a readers pole that anything. So hear goes let me try putting it a different way. If you meet a guy and he wants a one night stand and you tell him that you maybe infected and want to practice safe sex regardless (due to other ST D's) do you feel that you have met your obligation of disclosing without really disclosing. Because he is aware that you may have it but you are not sure so its his decision if he wants to go through with having sex protected or not. I know that I would not allow to have sex with someone unprotected just for my piece of mind.

For the record I have NO DESIRE to sleep with the guy that I had mentioned in my previous posts, I am not attracted to him and his ignorance even makes him less attractive. Just the conversation sparked the above thought.

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #95 on:** January 12, 2008, 01:52:38 am »

Thanks for the birthday wishes. I appreciate it. I did get my soak on but got pissed cause soon as I got in the MFing tub everybody wants to call and text me. And my dumb ass hates missing a call or text so I am standing up in the tub trying to answer everybody....

In the case of a one night stand, I would say you gave more info than you needed to but that's just me. I wouldn't feel the need to disclose especially since it was protected unless something like the condom broke or came off during servicing. One night means just that.

Winiroo, I wouldn't say you were being a prude at all. When my Dad was alive, we both smoke but I never would smoke in front of him. Until one day he said he wanted to smoke a blunt with me. I got all shy and giddy and my Dad got annoyed with me...LOL....That was the only time I ever smoked with him or in front of him. It's a respect thing. But in the hood, many smoke with their kids, you'd be amazed.

Now on to the Ziagen slip up or almost...I called the nurse and she supposedly called it in. Uh, few hours later, I call to see if it is ready and the girl tells me there was nothing called in. Now I am thinking.....HOLY MUTATIONS Batman....I jump on the phone and call my clinic number which in turn puts you into the doctor on call. Thank the Goddess it was my ID doc. He chastised me for waiting so late to call it in since I had took my last pills last night but got the number for my pharmacy. He calls me back 5 minutes later and says it's waiting on me.....WTF? That's not what they told me when I called and I gave the chick the correct spelling of my name and all my info. I thank him and hang up. I fly around the corner to the pharmacy to rip someone a new ass and it's the guy I call the nice pharmacist.....Damn, damn, damn....But I go on to explain how upset I was and what could've happened. He apologized and all was right as rain. But my doc had a point too...I shouldn't have waited til the last minute.

I think I am PMSing or something because I had stomach and back cramps that had me almost bawling like a baby. No good green around so I popped an 800 ib. And they seem to be coming back....Ugh...

Dragonette · « **Reply #96 on:** January 12, 2008, 06:43:22 am »

Happy Birthday Queen!I wish you everything you wish for yourself this year... I hope all troubles go away, first and foremeost the hearing aid issue will be resolved asap. and then everything else that is bothering you. above all, I wish you (and all of us) a peace of mind, happiness, chill, bliss, whatever you want to call it...

I thought id check in with you ladies, not that i havent been reading. i have to lay low cos of my arm. it got to the stage that when i arrived in spain i couldnt use it at all, not even to pour myself a glass of water. that scared the crap out of me, and of course i am dependent on it on my work.

spain was great, but even though i came back less than a week ago, it feels like weeks. i came back like Cindy wrote, on my last fumes, but i crashed out even more as i burned them down too, it was great, but took a lot from me and left me to confront all my fears about the future, how will we live, what will we do, what about our parents, and mostly will we be a "we".
i am in a wonderful relationship but it doesnt solve life's problems. far from it. but you know that already... there is all this issue of the conservative society in spain, and really leaving my parents and country. when you know that its for good, it breaks your heart... we went on holiday to portugal which was amazing, and where i took the pic of the billboards that Cindy posted. I saw them exactly on the 2 year anniversary of my diagnosis...

got tons of work too, i have to present to my collegues in over a week and i am nervous about that. but this too shall pass... i am really looking forward to going to israel in a month, and showing it to my BF.

that's the update from me... mostly being careful, or trying anyway. Cindy, sounds like your symptoms are brought on by the work. my arm issues stem from my neck too, from the tension in it while i work/live. b/c you have had the whiplash it's even worse. it's great that you are achieving, unfortunately RSI is always associated with achievement at work. it happens to "good" workers... take care of yourself pleeez.

Betty, I hope you didn't smoke. I have gone back to smoking in the past even after 4 years. I know how seductive it is...

Wishful, I didnt get to congratulate you on your disclosure. good on ya!!

Tendai, sorry I didnt get back to you yet. I am really bracing myself in this area. But I am happy for you. Please keep me updated.

Everyone else, lots of love, take care, know that I care even when I dont post...

BT65 · « **Reply #97 on:** January 12, 2008, 11:44:39 am »

Good afternoon ladies:

OK, first of all:

HAPPY BIRTHDAY QUEEN![/b]

I hope today goes well for you. You deserve some goodness in your life. Celebrate!

Drag, girl, good to have you back. I understand when you can't post because of your arm(s). I'm glad the vacation went well. I'm sorry that you have a lot of inner turmoil going on. Like you said, this too shall pass. One day at a time and all that....

Well, I didn't smoke. I came so close last night to getting my clothes back on and going to 7-11, but I knew one cigarette would lead to a carton etc. And with cigarettes going up to like $7/pack here soon, there's no way I can afford that. Oh, Sun, if I knew I was infected, I would tell someone and if they didn't want to wear a rubber, then that would be on them. That's just how I feel, and I know we're all different. And that's alright. We're all entitled to our own opinions.

It's almost noon here and I haven't even taken a shower yet. I have to and go get some more tampons. The period I'm having is extremely heavy. Monday I'm going to call a gynecologist I used to see, who is a very good doctor, and make an appointment to go see him. If there's something hormonal going on, I'd rather have a gyn handle it than my regular doc. Things like hormones are just precious to me.

I don't trust them to just anyone.

Well, I'm going to check a few more threads and take a shower. Have a good Saturday ladies-

cjc · « **Reply #98 on:** January 12, 2008, 12:01:21 pm »

Happy Birthday, Queen. Sorry you don't feel good. Hope you feel better soon. Not much going on. We are both sick and have Doctor appointment's Monday. Hope everyone else is well. Later, Cristy

vivyt · « **Reply #99 on:** January 12, 2008, 02:22:49 pm »

Happy Birthday Queen!!

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #100 on:** January 12, 2008, 02:41:26 pm »

TY....TY...TY for the bday wishes once again. And I made the 100th post and on my bday at that. Could it be a sign...

I have a headache I can't seem to get rid of. It sucks when you go to sleep with one and wake up and it is still freaking there. It might be my sugar because with all the fussing about my hiv meds, I forgot to take my dapsone and diabetic meds last night..It also feels like I may have an abcess by the root of my tooth or something, my jaw is slightly swollen on the right side. Not sure what I can do about it. Not sure I wanna call the dentist because he might say something needs to get pulled even though I don't have any cavities.

Christy, Sorry you and the baby are sick. I like the dragons you have. Every time I try to get more eggs, it says the server is too busy. I guess folks caught on to the beginning of the hour thing.

Dragonette, Welcome back from vacation and I hope you get better soon.

Since I made the 100th post, will someone step up to start a new dating thread....I'm gonna close here because my head is trying to pound again. Much love ladies....

MOONLIGHT1114 · « **Reply #101 on:** January 12, 2008, 04:23:10 pm »

Hi GFs~

I started a new thread, XVI....see you there!

~ Cindy

duby60 · « **Reply #102 on:** January 17, 2008, 06:33:07 am »

Happy New Year Gals.
Am so happy for all of you cos of your determination to have the best
in life.I want to encourage you to keep it up in whatever you do.I have been rather lonely but looking forward to meeting someone .
LOL

Winiroo · « **Reply #103 on:** January 17, 2008, 08:39:49 pm »

This thread has ended. All the ladies are now posting at http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=18329.0

Ann · « **Reply #104 on:** January 17, 2008, 08:41:29 pm »

I'll lock it... I can start locking them all and posting a fowarding link each time you ladies start a new one.

Ann

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Author Topic: New Year, New Beginnings, New Dating Thread, Part XV (Read 57433 times)

tendai