POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: hattershateme225 on March 22, 2011, 07:21:42 pm
-
If you read the question above then you know mainly wat I am going to be talking about I have been just thinking alot lately and wondering why can't a man just accept me for me and the status and stop being scared of me I will not bit and most importantly I informed you so u should really think dang this woman cares about herself and others I ain't no crooked person I am real and I keep it that way all the time but as soon as I tell they run now ain't that something hmmmm....IDK but I know one thing I am lonely but not desperate don't get it twisted just lonely and I just want my soulmate to come rescue me is that even true? Is it going to happen to me I don't know :-\Maybe I should give up I don't know I am 29 lonely and single wat kind of life is this never thought this happen to me! But wait a minute here I am getting off the subject here but back to the main point here and I would like some answers today cuz I am so tired real talk so is there any man out there that will love me for me and be with me through the good and the bad that ain't going to be scared of me I am tired of the question popping up:HOW WILL WE HAVE SEX? I feel if that man is that worried than maybe he should not try and get to know me and plus if we just friends we should not even be on that subject at all but hey I am open to all advice!!!! :'(
-
Yes.
But you just need to give it time, someone is out there for you. Also, have you considered dating a Poz?
-Will
-
Hey Hatters,
I've only just been recently diagnosed with HIV, so I haven't even had the experience of being rejected yet (since I haven't even told anyone, besides my mom). I can only imagine how hurtful it is.
I don't want to seem insensitive, but I've thought about this somewhat since being diagnosed: have you thought about dating only HIV+ men? I'm not knocking anyone that has a relationship with someone who is negative, by any means. I just think it would be the easiest way to avoid being rejected.
Dan
-
This is a tough one. My quick answer to your question in the subject line would be yes. Like the other posts in your thread I would suspect you may have a better chance gaining that acceptance from another HIV+ individual.
Dont give up but dont make it an all consuming task to find love.
-
To be honest with you if I do date someone poz like me it won't be that simply do u realize yall can't never have sex well atleast unprotected sex and if for any reason that the condom break and his seamon or his fluids period get inside wooh u might end up getting full blown and I am scared of that and I am doing good but I would date someone like me bt it would really like be some limits u dig and then I do want my own kids so how am I going to do that? I won't be able to at all cuz the virus be in a man seamon unless we use someone else seamon and that cost alot of money see I dnt have no kids at all I was on the personals here and I feel I get rejected over there so I mean ppl just want to reject me maybe I ain't they type IDK but if a man that was poz wanted to talk to me I would give it a chance just we would have gentle protected sex you know am I wrong for this?
-
Thank You Cure that was real talk just like the other man said I have looked into that but the thing is like I said before we cannot have sex not unprotected sex cuz they can make me sick and that I ain't never been and I ain't tryin to find out neither but I could be in a relationship with someone of the same situation bt we could not have kids unless we want to adopt or go to a sperm bank.
-
You bring up a lot to consider. I was just answering the question regarding acceptance. Are you on meds yet? Why do you think you would get 'full blown'?
-
To be honest with you if I do date someone poz like me it won't be that simply do u realize yall can't never have sex well atleast unprotected sex and if for any reason that the condom break and his seamon or his fluids period get inside wooh u might end up getting full blown and I am scared of that and I am doing good but I would date someone like me bt it would really like be some limits u dig and then I do want my own kids so how am I going to do that? I won't be able to at all cuz the virus be in a man seamon unless we use someone else seamon and that cost alot of money see I dnt have no kids at all I was on the personals here and I feel I get rejected over there so I mean ppl just want to reject me maybe I ain't they type IDK but if a man that was poz wanted to talk to me I would give it a chance just we would have gentle protected sex you know am I wrong for this?
My wife and I have nothing but unprotected sex, have now for going on 6 years. Both our viral loads have remained undetectable and our Cd4's generally top 1000+. We even have a beautiful HIV negative 3 year old, who is our world. You know, regardless if your positive or not, finding true love ain't easy.
And to be honest, and I'm just keeping it real, to be successful at dating you have to believe you are the shit. Doubt in self is not attractive to the other party.
Edited to change a positive to a negative..
-
Yes I am on medication I take three different pills at night Norvir,Reyataz,and Truvada I am undetectable and my cd4 count is 1017 ;D I am doing good very good been going thru this since 2005
-
U said that you and your wife have an HIV poz lil girl see if I have a baby I don't want her/him to have that and go through the pain I go threw and I am so happy fo you and your wife I do have confidence in myself I just thinkin about my health I don't want to die so therefore I do what I have to do and I take care of myself the man I was with before was not HIV+ and we had unprotected sex and he ain't never got it at all he accepted me the only reason I left him cuz he cheated on me
-
And to be honest, and I'm just keeping it real, to be successful at dating you have to believe you are the shit. Doubt in self is not attractive to the other party.
Ditto on that! Ultimately, your status will not matter nearly as much as who you are.
I am in a serodiscordant realtionship, and my negative partner has never had any kind of squeamishness over it. Yes we take precautions, but they're no different than you would take if you were single. Just relax, and when it's meant to be, it will be. If you don't want your status to be the main aspect of your realtionship, it's up to you to make sure it isn't. Don't keep bringing it up endlessly, if you need to talk about something or have a doctors visit, that's one thing, but talking about it repeatedly may scare some people off.
CaptCarl
-
Thank You Captain and I will take ur advice ;)
-
Yes I am on medication I take three different pills at night Norvir,Reyataz,and Truvada I am undetectable and my cd4 count is 1017 ;D I am doing good very good been going thru this since 2005
That's the same year I was diagnosed. I admit, I had my doubts in the beginning about ever finding someone. I really didn't speak about them too much, but they were indeed there. Once I got my feet under me though, it was just like when I was negative, the dating I mean. In this short time since my diagnosis I've even managed to contend with regrets. I was involved in a relationship that came too soon, and I was no where near ready, both emotionally and financially; my life was in shambles at the time. Both, a great woman and I, ended up with broken hearts separated by many miles.
And now, my wife and I are going through some issues and which has caused her to think a short term separation is a solution.
You're probably wondering why I'm sharing this with you. Part of it is I've opened a bottle of rum for the first time in 17 years trying to diminish some of the pain I feel from this separation, but the truth is I want you to see just how normal your life can be-- in a relationship I mean.
There's still the drama to contend with.
-
Ooops I am so sorry, my daughter is indeed HIV negative.
-
Just a side note, I was dxd "full blown" last spring (in May) and as of now, my numbers are at the HIV poz level and my doc would not, in theory, be prescribing meds yet. AIDS is not the same disease as it was 10-20-30 years ago and neither is being poz.
-
Well ok I am glad you corrected that about your baby and all cuz I was like wow skeebo and drewm that is just wonderful I am happy for u if u scroll up u will see that I am doing real well too
-
Those are damn fine numbers :)
Hang in there!
-
Congrats on those numbers!
Dan
-
I going to pray about all of this and try to be patience
But dre if you don't mind me asking do you got kids and u got a special someone that makes you smile
-
Hi
I understand you very much because I felt like that at the begining of my diagnosis, but I am happy I got to learn that I still deserve to be loved.
The first guy I dated post diagnosis was negative, and I disclosed to him. He was very supportive and caring, and he kept repeating to me that HIV did not define me. Unfortunately I had to move to another country and our relationship did not stand the distance.
Right now I am dating a positive guy and we live our lives to the fullest knowing how lucky we are to have each other and everyday that comes is a blessing. We do have our fights every now and then...but then, who doesn't?
Please dont worry, it may seem lonely now, but you will meet that special person someday. Just dont limit yourself or think you are worth any less than any other person because you are positive! No, you deserve the best.
hugs
C.
-
Something to keep in mind when it comes to starting a new relationship: what kind of vibes are you projecting, and what kind of guys do you seem to be attracting?
I've been extremely unserious about anything other than a hook-up for about five years now. Not that there's anything wrong with that per se, but I do find that I'm attracting a rogues' band of unserious, highly unlikely types to settle down with. This feeds on itself in an endless loop of great sex but little if any really personal connection.
I'm sure that part of this is my job; I work in a bar in Ft Lauderdale between five and seven nights per week, and my job is highly sexualized. Most of the guys I run into there see me more as an object of fascination than as a real-live person. That's the daily feed-back I get, and it becomes a sort of self-fulfilling prophecy of oddly diminished expectations. Needless to say, my luck meeting eligible husband material online is worse.
I do believe, however, that when I decide to get serious I'll find someone serious in return. I have no doubt that I am worthy of love and respect, and I have no doubt that I can still embark on a new romantic adventure with a proper beau when I'm ready. Til then, I'm shooting blanks without regret.
And for those who don't know me, I'm 51 and have lived with the virus since 1984: 27 years and counting. I'm past the fretting stage by now.
-
Well I know one day I willl find a real man but yes I know it takes time and patience but I don't have patience so I have to ask god for help in that one. Thanks for you all comments and support yall made a big difference by putting you all imputs Thank You once again and if u do have any other good adivce feel free to post it Thank You and god bless you all!!
-
Hey Bucko I am sending an honest vibe to them and being real about it and if they can't accept it then that is there lost not mine because they are turning down a real woman that is true and honest about everything you know....But I still do my thing and take it one day at a time I just have my days like I am sure alot of you all have your days when u just feel down and all but I also have my good days as well.
-
I just want to say that I am always so inspired by people like you. I've been poz for 2 years and it's still a big deal for me to even disclose to doctors, so I can just imagine how hard it must be to disclose to a potential love interest. When you do find that special guy, he will be lucky to have you!
It can take a while to find that someone special no matter what your status, but with your great attitude I'm sure you will find him soon. The good thing is that when you do find that special someone, you will know that you have someone who will be with you through thick and thin. When I first told my now-husband that I had tested positive, it was such a great feeling when I realized that he was only concerned about me, that he was going to stick by me, and that he wasn't just concerned about himself.
I read an article a few months back about what happens when a married person finds out they have a terminal illness. Apparently, the divorce rates are incredibly high when that happens. I couldn't imagine the person I thought was going to be there for me bouncing on me when I need him the most. So I guess as hard as it is to date with HIV, there is a positive to it. So few people can know that their partners will be there for them in their time of need, but we are lucky enough to have that certainty.
Anyway, hang in there! :)
-
@Sweet_C Thanks for the support and ur reply really do matter u are so bless u have a husband by your side and one day I will have a man by myside as well or husband hopefully soon though but until then I will just wait and be me and be honest at all times nomatter what because that is me so I hope that u will continue to come and check on me and give me good advice to lean on and uplift each other isn't that what we are here for to uplift each other and show support and stick together as one.