POZ Community Forums
Main Forums => Living With HIV => Topic started by: Mouse on July 15, 2006, 02:35:28 pm
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Everyone here knows I have pet mice. It's my username, even. How obvious is that?
I guess everyone here also understands I identify with them, to a point. I guess a lot of people would take that to mean that I think I'm small (which I am) and paranoid (which I am) and maybe even prey (I can be). But that's not what was on my mind when I first thought of the analogy between these animals and I. There are a lot of things that people don't care to learn about mice because everybody sees them as animals that are overbred as food for other, more worthy creatures. They aren't even protected by animal welfare laws like dogs or cats. You can do whatever you want to a mouse, you can't be arrested, and no one will get mad at you for it. They might even laugh if you tease it or harm it or dangle it in front of your pet snake.
A lot of you know about my pet mouse, Morgan. He's the runty little sick thing I picked up at the pet store near me.
People generally go through hell in their lives. Everyone. It's impossible to have a perfect life, seriously, nobody does. But I assure you that you've never gone through hell quite like this mouse has. Mainly for the fact that you've never been like five inches long and lived in a 10 gallon glass tank with 20 other tough guys that were like twice your size and wanted to kick the shit out of you for the first 6 weeks of your life.
You know?
And, you've never had blood sucking creatures crawl all over every part of your body and mouth for like months at a time and had to be picked up and held down by a GIANT to get orange flavored antibiotics shoved down your throat.
Life is rough!
I took him home in a little white and red box that proclaimed, "I'M GOING HOME!" on the side with two little cardboard handles. He scampered around and generally freaked until I got him home. My intentions, when I bought him for like $1.50, were to get him home, fill up a cage with soft bedding, some paper towels and some snacks, give him water and a tube to hide in, and let him die somewhere comfortable. He deserved it, at least, because he was clearly suffering. Not breathing well, he had an enormous scab going down most of his back and onto the base of his tail so deep that I thought it would fall off. I figured I'd find him on one side of the cage and his tail on the other. It was pretty bad. He was also really lethargic. He wouldn't eat much, he wouldn't drink much, and he kept ripping his scabs open and I had to keep putting non toxic disinfectant stuff on him to keep it from getting nasty.
But, see, the thing of it is - he had totally different plans. He basically told me, "Fuck that, I don't feel like dying." And over $200 later and stuff after the $1.50 I originally purchased him with, he is napping right now in his cage on my desk inside the remnants of a cardboard tube that he decided would look a whole lot cooler if he shredded it.
See, Morgan and I are a lot alike, and I figured that from the first time I saw him. There is the obvious stuff, like I said. He IS really small. A runt, in fact, which is why the other males in his cage at the pet store decided to make short work of him. He's really nervous. He dashes away when even go to put his food bowl in his cage. He's not that tough looking, you know. He's kinda scrawny and scraggily and unimpressive. Also, he gets sick and gets infections like if he looks at something the wrong way because he's little and immuno-compromised.
But, you know what else? He's really stubborn and determined. When I had him in a wire cage he kicked out the bedding he didn't like until I switched to a softer brand. There was really no doubt in my mind that he was going to die overnight when I brought him home, either. And he's coped with being on like fifty thousand kinds of medications since he was like two months old.
You wouldn't think you had so much in common with a mouse, right?
But he doesn't feel like giving up - he never has, so I'm not going to give up on him. And I seriously think that if everybody had that attitude things would make a lot more sense for a lot of people. Jaser isn't psychotic here, people. He doesn't think the mouse talks to him. Swear to God. But I've gotten something from him anyway. And I hope everyone else understands what I'm getting at here, also. Right now, after all of that shit, and all of the shit I still have to do with him - give him antibiotics twice a day, take him to the vet like every two weeks, he is so freaking happy all the time. He runs on his wheel, he makes nests and destroys all the expensive toys I buy him.
I guess I just feel pretty lucky today. And Morgan still has his tail.
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Bravo
everyone shoudl read this post IMHO
- matt
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KUDOS! Jaser.
robert
(who, believe it or not, has listened everytime Jaser had something to say...he just keeps to himself)
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I am touched,
thank you.
Pat
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Jaser,
I loved your post!
You have a fantastic outlook on life.
You're also very creative.
I'm going to copy & paste that post and save it.
Thank you ;D
Love,
Kelly
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Jaser,
I have to agree with the others…..well done indeed!!!
I just have to let you know that I think you are an amazing young man and an incredibly talented writer. Your style is simple yet quite emotional. I love the way you look at life and the way that your storytelling tugs at the heart strings. This post had me laughing and crying at the same time……and that’s a good thing. There is only one other writer on this forum that has had that effect on me…..and that would be Jonathan Kivett. So I guess you’re in some pretty good company……just saying!!!
Hugs,
Jim
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Jaser: I jsut wanted to add my kudos to you and Morgan. Morgan is a very lucky mouse, indeed.
I agree about your talents. This certainly has the makings for a children's story. Have you considered such and undertaking. Hope, dear Jaser, is in our very own hearts.
Thanks for this blessing on this day. chris
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Jaser, that's a beautiful story about Morgan.
Thank you,
brian
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Jaser...what to say, what to say...
You are wise beyond your years, young man. You have amazing qualities about you that many...er, rather most people three or more times your age only dream about possessing. You are someone who WILL make a difference in this world...hell, you already ARE!!!
In admiration,
Shane
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Best to you and Morgan, Jaser.
Touching and swell piece about you two.
Cheers,
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Jaser,
By now, I should not be surprised by any of your offerings here. Yet, I am in awe of this latest post. It is beautifully written, loaded with emotion and sentimentality, yet simple.
You've told me that you want to be a vet. You've told me you want to use your artistic skills. You've told me you love to write. Pick one - any one - you'll more than be successful, you'll find fulfillment.
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Thanks, you guys. I learn so much from having him and my other pets around. Really, I think they should be cloned so each of you can have a set, haha, but since that's not possible I settled with this. I seriously think that if I'm given the oppourtunity to learn as much as I do from them I should at least share it. ;D One of my friends where I live is so inspired by what my mouse has been through that she suggested I write about it, so I did. Because I always listen to her. She's bigger than me. :D He's become, to me, sort of an example of how much a living thing can go through and still be happy despite all of it. Everyone should be that lucky. And they could be, really, it's a matter of perspective. I think everyone is just confused. The world is confused! But not the world - really - just the people in it. :D
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yes. exactly.
big hello to the animals from me + the (every other weekend shared custody) dog.. 8)
Kate
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I agree mouse. I feel the same way. My boys are my life.
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:)
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It touched my heart to read this, Jaser.
Very well done.
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Well Jaser,
You have gone and done it again. You got my computer wet with my tears AGAIN. This time though, it was good tears, instead of the ones I shed over your first postings here. We've come a long way Baby, and you are turning into quite a special person. I say, keep on growing and learning, do the best you can in school, and when you are done, the world will be your playground. Your grasp of English, will serve you well in all your endeavors in life.
In Love and Admiration.
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The other day, my partner screamed at me (He's deathly afraid of things that crawl or fly, except for birds.) because a mouse had managed to launch itself into the deep end skimmer of the pool, where it clung for life to the thermometer. With one hand, I lifted the thermometer gently upward, my other hand cupped beneath should he lose his grip. When I set him onto the deck, soaked and weary from his lengthy death grip, he just stared at me. I'm not sure what he was thinking - maybe he was wondering why I thought he was a male?
After a minute or two, he seemed to get a bit of strength back in his legs as he basked in the warm sun. For fear that he might be visible to prey, I urged him gently to scamper off. When he disappeared from view, I went inside and cried. It was a surreal Zen-like moment of being at one with nature, of saving a life, of validating my own existence, of setting an example that I wish was universally possible to follow.
Ain't it the little things that have the greatest impact?
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Jaser thank U so much 4 your post...It was very touching and has been the bright spot of my day so far
Jason aka JAG
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jaser, we might be seperated by miles and years (lots of both :P) but one thing we have in common is our love for our pets.
There have been dark, dark nights when a cuddly, furry creature sleeping in our arms has saved our souls if not our lives. And there have been dark, dark nights when we helplessly held a cuddly, furry animal in our arms as it died. Exquisite pain, and incredible comfort, and all the things in between.
We are lucky to have been chosen by the creatures in our lives. And they are lucky we accepted the challenge. It breaks your heart, but it also keeps that heart beating. There is nothing I would exchange for the amazing joy and pain that goes with having pets.
Your mice, my ferrets. In the end, we are not alone, and we do the best we can. I salute you, Jaser... and anyone who has the courage to love another being on this weary planet. And who has the strength to accept the love they give in return, and all that entails.
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Squeakie-Boi,
I've said it before and I'll say it again. You are truly of the Valiant Heart. I've always admired what you do for little Morganto the Runt and I remember how much you loved your previous little friend Sprite. For those here who don't know, Jaser had a mouse called Sprite. He stole her from school because they were going to feed her to a snake.
Morganto, Oscar Wilde, Bailey-rat, Fiver, Mystery and all your critters are so lucky they have you.
:-*
MtD
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Thank you guys. Again. Hehe.
At the vet the other day two little girls walked over to me and insisted upon holding Morgan, and he sat in the older girl's hands and looked up at her and the look on her face and the way she smiled back at him restored some of my faith in humanity.
And he is quite thrilled that he has so many people touched by him and looking out for him, I'm sure. :D
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Ya know, it's not like there's a lot to do around here so I find myself watch alot (way to much) of TV and one of the shows I don't mind watch most of the day is the Animal Planet-ish channel. Although this show is focused on the negative aspect of what humans can do to animals, it's great that humane societies put forth the effort to put back together our furry friends! One of these days I'll get a puppy!
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Jaser,
Thank you for a beautifully written post about Morgan. It moved me. Yes, you probably would be a very different person if you didn't have your critters. I know I would be a different, much poorer person without my dogs and my cat. Anyone who has pets they cherish, will warm to you posting. When I found my dog Waldo, he had been hit by a car and abandoned at the vet. The previous owners final words were "Dispose of it" As if this living breathing creature were so much trash. I brought him home and began selling things to pay for the projected $3,500 surgery that he was going to need if he were ever to walk again. He was 4 months old at the time. Most of my friends told me I was crazy, and maybe I am. But I would do it over again in a heartbeat. I had a poz person insist that I get rid of my pets, because you can pick up diseases from them. I told him there was no way I would give them up. He told me that I was a fool. I'm glad to be a fool though, and feel badly for that grouchy old fart, after all, if he cannot allow room in his heart for a pet, it is his life that is diminished. I feel he is the true fool. Keep your babies safe, and close to your heart, and give them all the love you can. It is worth it. Capt. Carl...
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Hello Jaser, it is Eldon. Very well written, and very well said. "I'm not going to give up!". And yes, you do have a point and it has been well taken.
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Jaser,
I loved your post! Excellent.
I would definitely be a different person without Fang....I think she's into Transcendental Meditation now - she sits in the corner and stares at the wall.
I know I would be minus a few claw marks -- she got me GOOD this morning.
Time for a trim, I think....
Hugs,
Alan