Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 19, 2021, 05:54:23 pm

Login with username, password and session length

  • Total Posts: 762024
  • Total Topics: 64701
  • Online Today: 119
  • Online Ever: 5484
  • (June 18, 2021, 11:15:29 pm)
Users Online
Users: 2
Guests: 99
Total: 101


Welcome to the POZ Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Do I Have HIV?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Welcome to Do I Have HIV?

Welcome to the "Do I Have HIV?" POZ forum.

This special section of the POZ forum is for individuals who have concerns about whether or not they are HIV positive. Individuals are permitted to post up to three questions or responses in this forum.

Ongoing participation in the "Do I Have HIV?" forum (posting more than three questions or responses) requires a paid subscription, with secure payments made via PayPal.

A seven-day subscription is $9.99, a 30-day subscription is $14.99 and a 90-day subscription is $24.99.

Anyone who needs to post more than three messages in the "Do I Have HIV?" forum -- including past, present and future POZ Forums members -- will need to subscribe, with secure payments made via PayPal.

There is no charge to read threads in the "Do I Have HIV?" forum, nor will there be a charge for participating in any of the other POZ forums. In addition, the POZ Basics "HIV Transmission and Risks" and "HIV Testing" basics, will remain accessible to all.

NOTE: HIV testing questions will still need to be posted in the "Do I Have HIV?" forum; attempts to post HIV symptoms or testing questions in any other forums will be considered violations of our rules of membership and subject to time-outs and permanent bans.

To learn how to upgrade your Forums account to participate beyond three posts in the "Do I Have HIV?" Forum, please click here.

Thank you for your understanding and future support of the best online support service for people living with, affected by and at risk for HIV.

Author Topic: Dating a new guy  (Read 1173 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline J29

  • New Member
  • Posts: 1
Dating a new guy
« on: November 16, 2019, 03:41:56 pm »
Hello everyone,

First time posting here and looking for advice, I rarely sleep around and got tested a few weeks back 12 weeks after last potential exposure, only oral sex and al tests came back neg.

Iíve met the nicest guy, who got diagnosed with hiv after being date raped when he was younger and he sobbed as he told me on our second date, worried I would run away but I havenít and I donít want to.

His levels are undetectable and he has regular checkups. We havenít had sex and we havenít really had that discussion yet but Iím looking at my options. Iíve never looked into prep as I never sleep with strangers and always use protection so didnít feel the need to spend 20 pounds a month on that, but should I consider this now? I know u=u, but I feel I need to approach this tentatively without offending him...thought of catching any STI gives me huge anxiety, especially HIV even though I know itís well managed so the thought of putting myself at risk if he has a spike in levels or forgets treatment makes me a bit shakey.

I know the sensible thing would be to start prep and always use condoms just incase but just wanted some advice from some people with more knowledge than me, even if you could help with how to talk about it would be good :)



Offline Jim Allen

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 17,771
  • Twitter @JimAllenDublin
    • HIV Lessons
Re: Dating a new guy
« Reply #1 on: November 16, 2019, 04:56:49 pm »
I never use to sleep with strangers either, still ended up living with HIV ;)
HIV & STI's simply don't care if you know someone or not.

A blip or as you called it a spike to the level that transmission could happen is not realistic unless he simply stops treatment and missing the odd dose is not going to do it, perfect adherence is 95% although 85% in most modern treatment options is more than sufficient

Anyhow, end of the day it pains me to say this but I can't guarantee he is undetectable, and adherent to meds and neither can you. So treat him the same as you should everyone else that you have ever met for now because trust & claims don't prevent transmission! Always protect yourself regardless of what someone claims about their status - Condoms & consider PrEP!

If it becomes a relationship down the line then it becomes a question of trust just like every other relationship.

Here's what you need to know in order to avoid HIV infection:
Use condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, correctly and consistently, every time, no exceptions. Consider starting PrEP going forward as an additional layer of protection against HIV

Keep in mind that some sexual practices which may be described as safe in terms of HIV transmission might still pose a risk for transmission of other easier to transmit STI's, so please do get fully tested regularly and at least yearly for all STI's including but not limited to HIV and test more frequently if unprotected intercourse occurs

Also note that it is possible to have an STI and show no signs or symptoms and the only way of knowing is by testing.

More information on HIV Basics, PEP, TaSP and Transmission can be found through the links in my signature to our POZ pages.

Kind regards


Please Note.
As a member of the AM I Infected Forum you are required to only post in this one thread no matter how long between visits or the subject matter. You can find this thread by going to your profile and selecting show own post and it will take you here . It helps us to help you when you keep all your thoughts or questions in one thread and it helps other readers to follow the discussion. Any additional threads will be deleted.

« Last Edit: November 16, 2019, 05:08:01 pm by Jim Allen »
HIV 101 - Everything you need to know
HIV 101
Read more about Testing here:
HIV Testing
Read about Treatment-as-Prevention (TasP) here:
You can read about HIV prevention here:
HIV prevention
Read about PEP and PrEP here
PEP and PrEP


Terms of Membership for these forums

© 2021 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.