Author Topic: Does it bother you to be single and poz (Read 8394 times)

southernfun · « **on:** October 10, 2006, 05:14:22 pm »

I guess Im a hard headed soul because being poz and single doesnt bother me..I wish I had a special someone to share life and happy time with but after 7 yrs being poz it doesnt bother me any more...Ive overcome the fear of death and rejection from society and Im stronger from the experence..I will find that special person one day, but for now its just me and I dont have to explaine why I do something or anything else..How has being poz and dating changed your life?...Im very honest about my status and I find most are willing to except that, but just havent found the right one

ademas · « **Reply #1 on:** October 10, 2006, 05:54:26 pm »

I stopped looking.
It bothers me sometimes, but I'm usually okay with it.
What is it that Zsa Zsa used to say? It takes a helluva man to beat no man at all? (Maybe it was Mae West.)
That's sort of how I feel about it.
You're kinda cute, though...

xox

LatinAlexander · « **Reply #2 on:** October 10, 2006, 06:53:43 pm »

HEY ADEMAS!! HOLD IT, I SAW HIM FIRST!!!

Now, on the issue...Well yes... It would be great to be with someone that understands this poz thing..... But still waiting for the one

Alex

CaptCarl · « **Reply #3 on:** October 10, 2006, 07:02:57 pm »

Although I have a partner, it has been a recent development. Until this last spring I was single for ten years. I really enjoyed my time to myself, and do love living alone. After that much time, it has been difficult to make the adjustment to "married" life. I'm not talking about the sexual aspect of it either, rather all the little things you do when single that change with partnership. I had no trouble at all with the concept of going through my life without a partner, as much as I care about Norm, if it were to end tommorrow, I would be okay with it. So many people seem to be in relationships because they're afraid to be alone. There were times when medically speaking, It would have been nice to have someone there to help out, but there wasn't, and that was all there was to it. I treasure my independence, and my self-reliance. At this point, I have no idea when Norm and I will actually live together, but rest assured, I sure as Hell ain't rushing it....
Capt.Carl.

joyluckclub · « **Reply #4 on:** October 10, 2006, 07:05:03 pm »

Yes! Yes!

I bothers the hell out of me! Before I knew I was poz, I was very self conscious of the fact that although I have been on dates and had a few near misses (possilbe relationship developing), I have never had a boyfriend.

People often ask me why I am not partnered or have never had a boyfriend. I don't fucking know why!
I'm not shy, psychotic, clingy, mean, evil, arrogant, or picky (meaning I don't have a certain "type" I'm looking for......if its a man and I'm attracted......its all good.....black, white, asian, skinny, heavy, stocky, hispanic, muslim, christian, atheist....etc.....etc....).

Many people have told me I will find a boyfriend when I'm not looking. Hmmmm. Easier said than done.
Anyway....that is my story.

Corwyn

Longislander · « **Reply #5 on:** October 10, 2006, 09:42:36 pm »

It bothered me to be single and NEG! I'm definitely a relationship person. I've been out for about 17 years, and 2 separate LTR's took up 12 of those. I know the difference. There is nothing like being in love, having that feeling reciprocated, and sharing your day to day life with someone special. I have plenty to do to keep me busy (when I want to ). Now is not the time for me to really worry about meeting the right guy. I can do everything I need to do as a single person, just the same. But I prefer not to.

Paul

Eldon · « **Reply #6 on:** October 10, 2006, 10:09:23 pm »

Deep within the depts of your heart, there is a desire and a need to have that special someone in your life.....balance.

Make the BEST of each Day!

swede_dish · « **Reply #7 on:** October 10, 2006, 10:23:29 pm »

I had one but he decided that it was too much for him to handle...meh oh well......I've had better anyway.

jazij1 · « **Reply #8 on:** October 10, 2006, 10:41:02 pm »

Hey Yall ,

Fuck yah it eats me alive sometimes my situation is a lil different tho since im a ts I meet men all tha time then i have to go down well theres some things u need to know list.. LOL

I hate that fuckin list #1 Im a transsexual if they knew already or they say they dont care then I move on to #2 Im HIV + then I always wait for that long uncomfortable silence till they respond or run... or both!!!

My mom told its best to find out now if there gonna run cause it'll hurt less then if u wait n tell them after u like them...

so far i havent gotten passed #2 on my list :-( ...but as Corwyn said u'll find it when ur not looking for it I CANT TELL LOL!!

Peace!

Quarter Horse · « **Reply #9 on:** October 10, 2006, 10:45:44 pm »

I was in a relationship for almost 14 years, and have been single now for almost 4yrs, during which I was diagnosed as positive. I believe it has made it more difficult for me to date, but I don't know if it is because of my issues with it, or theirs? I do believe I will find the right person again one of these days, but if not, I am happy anyway.

Brian

southernfun · « **Reply #10 on:** October 10, 2006, 11:06:14 pm »

Again I guess Im a weird one...If I got to know someone and it developed into something serious I wouldnt care If they were poz,neg or both...lol...Love and true love doesnt see these things..Alot of people need to see with their hearts not their eyes because the eyes can play tricks on you..I was neg and was in a +/- relationship and I never gave it a second thought..No thats not how I became + That is an entirely differant chapter in my life..But true love doesnt see race,sex,status or obsticles..Its out there for ALL of us to find

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #11 on:** October 11, 2006, 12:08:37 am »

I guess I should put in my 2 cents. I do hate the fact of being alone, I am a relationship type person, I thrive when I'm in a good one. Am married but separated for over 6 yrs, he took off when he found out I was pos. Then I did have a younger bf, who I told that I was pos, but that ended for other reasons, and he got with a smut who is pos, who purposely goes out and infects people. I have since heard they broke up but am not sure if he knew her status but felt it was not my place to disclose it.

Though my track record with men is not the greatest, I have not given up on love, but prefers to have someone who is pos to be with. I have found it is too much drama to be involved with negs, just my opinion. I do believe love comes when you least expect it and one day my Prince will come.

Namaste,

Queen Akasha

cjc · « **Reply #12 on:** October 11, 2006, 12:52:33 am »

Sometimes. There are alot of things I miss when I am single. I guess I better get used to it cause here in rural NC my options are quite limited. Cristy

Gary85741 · « **Reply #13 on:** October 11, 2006, 09:12:19 am »

Quote from: southernfun on October 10, 2006, 11:06:14 pm

[in part]:
...A lot of people need to see with their hearts not their eyes because the eyes can play tricks on you...

Within the subset of being poz...there's also the sub-subset of asymptomatic v. symptomatic. Some who are asymptomatic have trouble understanding that someone who's symptomatic may not be able to go-go all day long due to energy level, for example. Additionally in my case...with some wasting...it's off-putting to those poz but healthy...sometimes even in a friendship context.

Nothin' I can do about that! No one likes rejection...but I've learned to love myself and that is my foundation in trying to make peace with those things which I simply cannot change. Being human...it's daunting to realize I may never have a date again...never have sex again (though I don't seek hookups.) I make reasonable efforts but refuse to turn it into some intense daily quest.

So I wish people could see others with their hearts and not just their eyes...but in our gay subculture...appearance has always been the driving factor.

Gary

BooBoo · « **Reply #14 on:** October 11, 2006, 11:42:02 am »

I think that being single bothered me more when I was negative. Having a disease like HIV kinda forces you to take a good look at your life and decide what's important and what's not. And for me, being in a relationship is not a priorty in my life. Would I like to have someone to share my life with???....sure....but I not going to freak out because I'm still single or be with someone just because I'm afraid of being alone. I just know I'll meet that special someone someday....but until that day comes, I'll be here waiting patiently and living my life....because "I'd rather be alone than be in love just half the way" (Diamond Rio, "Completely")

Jim

Iggy · « **Reply #15 on:** October 11, 2006, 01:25:14 pm »

angels4kelly · « **Reply #16 on:** October 11, 2006, 02:07:41 pm »

Hi,
No it just doesn't bother me anymore. It did in the beginning, but after 16 years of being positive, it just seems easier to me not to try for a relationship anymore.
It seems like it's an awful lot of effort to meet someone, go through the "courting process" and then finally want to be with that person AND THEN HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE DREADED DISCLOSURE

.

dON'T GET ME WRONG, IT WOULD BE SIMPLY WONDERFUL TO BE ABLE TO SHARE MY LIFE WITH SOMEONE, BUT FOR NOW ALONE IS JUST EASIER AND COMFORTABLE FOR ME.

I've been w/o a relationship for 6 years. The person I was with before then already knew of my status and we got along fairly well, until...

Peace,
Kelly

DanielMark · « **Reply #17 on:** October 12, 2006, 04:39:47 am »

How has being poz and dating changed your life?...Im very honest about my status and I find most are willing to except that, but just havent found the right one.

Hi SF,

Currently I am in a relationship so maybe I should not post, but I will anyhow.

Prior to my last long term relationship (10 years), I found dating a nightmare of insincerity and shallow people. Every time I found someone who could handle my reality and who seemed to have potential, something would go wrong, but completely unrelated to HIV.

After I split with my long term partner, I wanted nothing to do with dating or romance, period. I wanted my life to be all my own and wasn't prepared to face the dating minefield. So I avoided that for about three years. I was happy with just my friendships and having my life all to myself. Having those three years alone was good for me. It gave me a chance to re-evaluate my interests and examine who I was at that time. Eventually the longing for something more intimate returned and I began dating again.

What I found was that the same types of shallow and selfish people were still in abundance. Then I met the man I’ve been involved with now nearly three years.

Now we laugh about it, but when I first told him of my status and things began to get intimate he told me he “couldn’t handle this” and we stopped seeing each other. I was disappointed (tho not devastated) and told him I understood completely, because I did.

WELL! LOL A few months after that I would see him on the street occasionally and he would start dropping hints about wanting to be alone with me. Seems once he educated himself about HIV he had a change of heart.

All that to say, if you still believe the “right one” is out there for you then you are already halfway to finding each other. I believe if you are okay with being single first, then you’ll have something of value to bring to a relationship.

Daniel

GSOgymrat · « **Reply #18 on:** October 12, 2006, 09:40:03 am »

I've never been single and HIV+ since I got HIV from my current boyfriend. For the record, I was happy when I was single and I'm happy in a relationship. I think being HIV+ and single would be rough, especially for people not living in a major metropolitan area. However this forum demonstrates that there are a lot of quality people out there. If you are motivated and open to the possibilities I think there is someone out there for almost anyone.

Beatz4me · « **Reply #19 on:** October 12, 2006, 11:38:33 am »

Being poz and single bothers me every so often. After all, who would want to get messed up in something this complicated

For the most part, I really don't know if I want to put someone through the low points of this virus. Being newly diagnosed, I think "me" time is crucial, however it would be nice to cuddle with someone and get a hug when times are hard.

poet · « **Reply #20 on:** October 13, 2006, 06:50:21 pm »

An earlier poster brought up an important point, at least one I have experienced: what does someone mean by his being 'positive?' Is he as 'healthy' as you or not? One would think that this wouldn't matter, but since I have been positive for so long, there have been relationships in which, at first, we could do whatever things we felt like doing until his health gradually declined and the options became more and more restricted. Then there are those relationships in which you or he has better cash flow and that often seems to create imbalances.

What to do? I think the best answer is to keep the door open, i.e. keep an ad. in the personals section because you never know, join organisations, hiv related or not, since shared interests can lead to meeting someone. And acknowledge, as we all do, that it happens when it happens. Win

DingoBoi · « **Reply #21 on:** October 13, 2006, 09:26:47 pm »

I met someone at the AMG2006 and I couldn't be happier

swede_dish · « **Reply #22 on:** October 13, 2006, 11:55:47 pm »

=) aww Dingo! Congrats love!

allopathicholistic · « **Reply #23 on:** October 14, 2006, 02:11:07 am »

um, i think it narrows the field, well, if you only want a poz-poz relationship that is. if you don't mind poz-neg, well, that's a different story.

sometimes i wonder about heterosexuals in the dating pool - that pool must be pretty massive.. can you imagine the whole "hunt for love" thing they have to go through? easy to get lost in a big ocean don't you think? ... just my guess $:-\$

karljohn · « **Reply #24 on:** October 15, 2006, 09:02:29 pm »

I am a good alone person, I like who I am and where I am in my life. I do miss the intimacy, and love that comes from a partner...but I also accept that it is possible I may remain alone for the rest of my days. I cannot bring myself to be intimate with anyone negative. I experienced that with my first relationship, when i was tested. There is the chance that I may have infected him, never had concrete evidence and he said it could have been the other way around. He passed away 6 years ago (the hole remains) and I wonder everyday if I had anything to do with it. I am upfront with people I meet but still refuse to be intimate with a non-infected. I was told onetime, that "I don't care about your status"..freaked me out...one should care about it. I would not want anyone else to go down this path. Thats just my opinion.

Matty the Damned · « **Reply #25 on:** October 15, 2006, 09:06:29 pm »

Matty the Damned is no longer concerned with finding a boyfriend. Partners are more trouble than they're worth, and as bitter experience has taught him, rarely worth the effort.

Rather, I now collect fuck buddies. I have spectacularly low standards when it comes to selecting sexual partners and thus I can always find something to shag.

MtD

Life · « **Reply #26 on:** October 15, 2006, 09:20:37 pm »

Well it was being -ve and single for so long that got me +ve. Looking for that person who could fill the void I had for so long. Work could not fill it. Things did not fill it, But William did... Unfortunately looking for Will got me in this unexpected mess.. I guess I was just tired at 38 years old living by myself and not being able to share on a 1 to 1 level with someone I loved. I dont think we were put on the planet to live alone. How you choose to fill that void (if you have one) can be done in so many differenet ways as everyone has pointed out. I do not think I personally would have made it very far into my diagnosis without William being present. There were to many times that I was going to call it quits..

I know I am not single anymore, but I was..........

IzPoz · « **Reply #27 on:** October 15, 2006, 11:17:11 pm »

I was diagnosed around a year after I was married. I was married for 12 years before my husband passed. Now, here I am, hetero and single, with HIV. I haven't gotten to the point yet of someone asking me for a date, but the thought of disclosure scares me.

Do I want a relationship? Prolly not, but it would be nice to have those physical needs taken care of.

I find that I am at an age that if I were to look for a man to date, it would be one who has already been married and has child/ren, so I wouldn't have to worry about someone wanting to get married and have kids.

So, no marriage for me, and certainly no more children for me. I was blessed with one beautiful, negative child... I don't want to try my luck again!

belgium · « **Reply #28 on:** October 16, 2006, 02:50:33 pm »

phew i guess i better count my blessings, my partner and me we celebrate our 18h aniversary this mont.
we went troughsome rough times when iturned poz almost 4 years ago, but we managed to pull trough
we are in calm and happy water now, and he's still neg!

Queen Tokelove · « **Reply #29 on:** October 16, 2006, 10:08:09 pm »

I, personally do not like being alone but I have grown to accept it. I have had a problem with disclosure since finding out I was poz. I have tried being with a neg person, that was pure drama. Like everyone else I miss the intimacy, I have been celebate for almost a year now but every now and again gets the urge for a good stiff one.

Recently, I have been thinking about my ex. What is bugging me is why? We did not end on the best of terms but he knew I was poz but we broke up for other reasons. Since the break up, he got with another poz person, not sure if he knew her status, but often caught her cheating on him. Then I had to ask myself if he would be co-infected, if that is the right term, would I want to deal with that. When I told him I was poz,he said he would be scared to find out. I don't know....Maybe it's just the lonliness setting in. I have been disgusted with past relationships, I know I am not really giving myself a chance. I did put an ad on here but to be honest I am scared to venture out. Suggestions? Advice?

MoltenStorm · « **Reply #30 on:** October 18, 2006, 05:48:21 pm »

My basic philosophy is "If he isn't worth it, I don't want to waste my time on him." I had a recent lesson in "not everything that sparkles is gold," so I'm not wanting to jump back on the market any time soon. I do hope to find someone some day, but I'm happy just being alone right now. Now, ask me the same question in six months. LOL

poet · « **Reply #31 on:** October 19, 2006, 05:49:22 am »

Some things I have learned? Men (and women) respond the the pull of the full moon, so every month we get this urge for something and it doesn't have to pass a personality test. The pull can also bring a tide of winks and nods and replies so you can go from drought to flood... and still end up dry at the end of the period (so to speak). The change of the seasons, to Fall, from Summer, also has an effect. Whereas 'they' were all around us all the time wearing little enough that it was easy to imagine, there are fewer and fewer out there, it seems, as the weather cools to cold. I still don't know what is 'moving too fast.' Sometimes it seems that I did it. Sometimes I feel as though he did it. Sometimes it seems as though we should start with emails and then perhaps phone and only after a certain period of getting a truer picture, actually meet 'at a public place.' Sometimes I feel as though we can skip the getting a sense of and simply meet. Bottom line, I do feel that the door or the window has to be kept open because otherwise he/she is not going to know that we are around. Win

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Author Topic: Does it bother you to be single and poz (Read 8394 times)