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Author Topic: what the # is so positive about being positive  (Read 9570 times)

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Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #50 on: March 05, 2007, 09:52:41 PM »
... raggedy 1976 Chrysler Cordoba....


Hey Alan, does it have the 'Rich Corinthian Leather'?   Ricardo Montalbán says so.  ;D
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #51 on: March 05, 2007, 09:53:48 PM »
Quote
 please paruse the early parts of our Blogs, and I think you will find that both of us have lived, and lived fruitful and exciting lives; POST INFECTION!  


Moffie, has it ever occurred to you, along with all the negativite aspects of HIV/AIDS , to point out any of these good points of your life post HIV? Zeb already knows HIV doesn't do a body good. I think he could use some onfo about how is life can still have some quality to it.
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline AlanBama

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  • Posts: 3,604
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #52 on: March 05, 2007, 09:56:23 PM »
Tim has posted about the good.....along with the bad and the ugly.

(David, it was 'rich' in '76, it's kinda cracked and faded now)  ;)
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline neb_top

  • Member
  • Posts: 8
  • lts and alone
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #53 on: March 05, 2007, 09:58:56 PM »
hey guys:
i would like to ask david_nc to send me e-mail?
i would like to ask david_nc if i may become a friend?
thank you. james

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 593
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #54 on: March 05, 2007, 10:03:43 PM »
Tim.. Killfoile, RAB, Jody, JRE, matty, lisa. elizabeth, cliff bucko JK  ronnie, nancy, Ann Jan, Jazz regina, SDeggo, newt, EM,newnick,matty,   lord the list goes on...

we dont fear the gay plague... WE LIVE IT!!!  
poz 1986....

Offline David_CA

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  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #55 on: March 05, 2007, 10:04:02 PM »
David, it was 'rich' in '76, it's kinda cracked and faded now  ;)

Well here's a glimpse of it's faded glory

[attachment deleted by admin]
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline David_CA

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,246
  • Joined: March 2006
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #56 on: March 05, 2007, 10:05:21 PM »
Tim.. Killfoile, RAB, Jody, JRE, matty, lisa. elizabeth, cliff bucko JK  ronnie, nancy, Ann Jan, Jazz regina, SDeggo, newt, EM,newnick,matty,   lord the list goes on...

we dont fear the gay plague... WE LIVE IT!!!  

Lis, all of us who are POZ® live it.
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #57 on: March 05, 2007, 10:05:53 PM »
I was just a kid at the time, but there was something about that Ricardo Montelban ;)
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Lis

  • Member
  • Posts: 593
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #58 on: March 05, 2007, 10:07:37 PM »
we all live it... and yet it will never be the same....
poz 1986....

Offline AustinWesley

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  • Posts: 815
    • HIV Discussion Group on Myspace!
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #59 on: March 05, 2007, 10:08:37 PM »
"with treatment you can make it to your golden years"

"hiv has made me a better person"

"hiv helped me to make the right choices in life"

"nowadays hiv is no big deal"

"Nowadays no one of the new infected on treatment dies of aids"

"HIV is a chronic disease, you don't die of it, you live with it"

"You still are thinking about these images of the pre HAART era"

Sound like HIV is pretty cool huh. Like it's a new life style you can live with as long as you can afford the pills and pop them religiously.
So no big deal! Let's pack our stuff and go home as if nothing happened. Our lives are positively enhanced!

One question to end this posting with: Why am I so worried, scared and sad? Can anyone please give me the answer?

Hey Zeb,

I happen to agree that so many of these statements are just absurd.   I find many of them dangerous.   But, unfortunately we were all dealt with this bad hand.   You don't have to seek enlightenment or find reason in it.   It's a damn virus, not a gift from God.   You've every right to be scared, angry and upset.   Those are your feelings right now and you are entitled to them.

What I can say is that with time things do become easier to cope with.  You are still you and don't let that be lost in a tidlewave of bullshit!

You've stirred up a great many responses here and I'm still reading through some of the thoughts and advice etc.   I felt compelled to ad in an article by Harvey Firestein which I feel relates to some of the questions you've posed.   I'm not posting it to scare you further cause all of us can relate to your fears.  I think you've brought up some really excellent points and I agree with what you are saying.  I just thought this article might be of interest to you and others:

The Culture of Disease

By HARVEY FIERSTEIN

There are too many positive gay role models. In fighting the AIDS crisis over the last 20 years, we have done everything possible to dispel the negative connotations that come with having H.I.V. After all, it's been our brothers and sisters, our boyfriends and girlfriends, and ourselves who have been discriminated against because of a virus. So we produced advertising, created enlightenment programs, spent endless hours making certain that having AIDS or being H.I.V. positive was nothing to be ashamed of. We did a great job. Maybe too great a job. After all the effort exerted to convince the world that AIDS is not a gay disease, we now have a generation embracing AIDS as its gay birthright. According to figures just released by the Centers for Disease Control, the number of new AIDS cases rose last year for the first time in a decade. Four Americans now become infected with the disease every hour. Many of our young men see infection as a right of passage, an inevitable coming of age. I hear of them seeking the disease as entree into the cool, queer inner circle that being negative denies them.In our effort to remove the stigma of having AIDS, have we created a culture of disease? We all see the ads for H.I.V. drugs. They illustrate hot muscular men living life to the fullest thanks to modern science. Other ads show couples holding hands, sending the message that the road to true love and happiness is being H.I.V. positive. Is that message: You're going to be O.K.? (Which is terrific.) Or is it: You want to be special? Get AIDS. H.I.V. equals popularity and acceptance. (Which would be tragic.)My heart goes out to all who have the infection. But while I pledge my energies and resources to the fight for a cure, quality care and justice, I still think we need to examine what we're teaching our gay, lesbian, transgender, bisexual and straight youth. In my opinion, the messages the drug companies are spreading are lies. The truth is that AIDS is not fun. It's not sexy or manageable. AIDS is a debilitating, deforming, terminal and incurable disease. H.I.V. drugs can bring on heart, kidney and liver disease, as well as a host of daily discomforts.Unlike the photos in the ads we see, most of my friends who are on drug cocktails are not having the time of their lives. They spend mornings in the bathroom throwing up or suffering from diarrhea. They spend afternoons at doctor's appointments, clinics and pharmacies. And they spend endless evenings planning their estates and trying to make ends meet because they are not well enough to support themselves and their new drug habit. And those are just the friends for whom the drugs work. For many women the cocktails are nothing but a drain on finance, internal organs and stamina. Even if the drugs were as effective as advertised, should we be creating a community of drug dependency? We have done a terrific job removing the stigma of having AIDS. But in doing so we've failed to eliminate the disease. H.I.V. is an almost completely avoidable infection. You need to be compliant in some very specific behaviors to be at risk. In fact, if every person now infected vowed that the disease ended with him, we could wipe out the ballooning number of new infections.Instead, we've sold our next generation into drug slavery and their destiny to medical researchers because we'd rather treat each other as sexual objects than as family. Thanks to the drug companies that have made billions of dollars off us, and to the medical community that has gained a captive audience to fill appointment books, and to AIDS charities that have become a career for many, we have created an industry of disease that would crumble if AIDS was cured in our community.I am calling for us to take back our lives and culture and to stop spreading the virus. I am calling for us to resist the normalization of disease and once again embrace health. I'm calling for an end to the false advertising for drugs and for us to stop minimizing the infection with cute little names like "the gift" or "the bug." I want to see an ad campaign showing a sexy man saying: I don't have H.I.V. I don't want to waste my life and resources on drugs. I am taking charge of my body, my health and my destiny. I am a negative gay role model.


Harvey Fierstein, who won the 2003 Tony Award for his performance in "Hairspray," is a commentator on "In the Life," a television series.

Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!

Offline neb_top

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  • Posts: 8
  • lts and alone
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #60 on: March 05, 2007, 10:13:21 PM »
david_nc, i am not able gain access to my email. thank you for the response. you can contact me at  js8jim @ msn dot com. thanks.

Offline allopathicholistic

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  • Posts: 3,258
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #61 on: March 05, 2007, 10:25:28 PM »
I always say this (and yes, I'm going to say it again), we're all on the same journey.   We're just at different points along the way.   Oh, and perhaps we are travelling by different means.....some via the Concorde, and some of us are coasting along in an old raggedy 1976 Chrysler Cordoba....

It's all relevant.

For my life, both viewpoints and every viewpoint in-between are necessary. Just the other day I read a question in Living With about CMV - Have you tested positive for CMV? (link is here) And I was like "yeah I took the test" but then it dawned on me - Shit, even though the result was negative I still have to get RE-TESTED for CMV again and again for the rest of my life - oh and not just CMV but the other OI's too. Because I have H.I.effin'.V.

Thus, in 2007 I'm personally leaning toward thinking HIV is so *NOT* a manageable disease (whereas I was singing a different tune in 2006 for whatever reasons). The members who've had HIV since before HAART make me think about important issues with their posts, one issue being the fact that HIV, by definition, is the adversary of our immune systems, kind of like living in a house with no front door!! Or a bedsheet as a front door. Only a cure will change that! Then there are the equally huge issues like affordability of meds, possible regimen failure, the many types of discrimination, dwindling resources for PWHA's, etc. I need to know about these issues and the most learned and the most experienced are the ones I look to (the "old-timers"). I mean, who better right?? Good thing is: We can pick and choose what we want to absorb from any post we read here on these forums, i.e., we don't have to get huffy at every little thing. Pick and choose. Remain receptive, be selective!! When the seniors speak, I pay attention to what they say about AIDS activism and other huge life-with-HIV issues. And, furthering my point, generally speaking, I look "more" toward AIDS research/science for news/hope pertaining to the biological, while still taking into account the biological experiences of the old-timers

Edited to provide link to another thread
« Last Edit: March 06, 2007, 12:12:54 AM by allopathicholistic »

Offline Life

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  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #62 on: March 05, 2007, 10:40:45 PM »
                                                                           

Its been a year and half...  Its just a year and a half.   I still feel like I am sitting on the fence and truly not engaging the way I should.   I come down, test the waters and retreat.   But I always come back for more.   Probably just natural instincts at work here.   Zeb, this all to new for you and many others (and me).  Just know, you will come to terms with all of this.  You can take what you like, and leave the rest.  Make your own story out of this, not someone else's...  And when you do, make it a good one...  I truly NOW don't feel I will ever find a finish line in all of this.
« Last Edit: March 05, 2007, 10:49:33 PM by Eric »

Offline StrongGuy

  • Member
  • Posts: 492
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #63 on: March 05, 2007, 11:54:03 PM »
A very wise person told me early on when I joined here that debating this issue would never reach consensus, and that I shouldn't bother debating it. I was ready to take that advice until I got messgaes from people thanking me for speaking up. I realize now that he was right and there will never be consensus or middle ground.

All I know is I can't feel bad or apologize when my doctors tells me to plan for a long future and I trust my doctors, or when he tells me many of his patients are living full lives, or that I have friends, myself included, and a boyfriend who are managing their lives with HIV. I'm going on 7 years positive and I'm not putting money in my 401K for nothing.

I don't know anyone who is blissful or cavalier about it, and I would cut of a limb if it meant getting rid of this virus, but I'm not going to fake my experience or apologize or believe my meds are doomed to fail or I will most definitely get an OI or every HIV medication will surely ravage the body when no one knows that.

I understand now how terms like "chronic" and "managebable" piss people off. I was just reading an article today and it had a quote from a doctor who said:

Code: [Select]
AIDS was once considered a death sentence, but this is no longer the case for patients with access to the best medicines, who can often postpone by decades the fatal breakdown of their immune systems.
"HIV has gone from a holocaust, a killer, to a very chronic and manageable disease," said Dr. Lalezari, the independent researcher who lead the Maraviroc study. "I often tell my patients that they're going to have find something else to die from."

http://money.cnn.com/2007/02/28/news/companies/hiv/?postversion=2007022815

I see now how, from one viewpoint, the broadbrush aspects of these terms can be dismissive to those who are suffering and boil's people's blood. But I also feel trying to prevent people from using these terms and/or trying to put a ban on that language is impractical. Anyone who reads HIV articles sees it all the time.  Some people are going to use it and shouting that they shouldn't on this website (which only represents a tiny sliver of people Living with HIV), is not going to change the lexicon. It's not a battle, IMHO, that is going to be won.

All people can do is be honest about  their life experiences and try to respect other's life exeriences and not dismiss them and hope things get better for everyone - especially those who are suffering.

But debating this issue, as many of us have (and most definitely including myself) ad nauseum will never reach consensus. I realize that now - especially after seeing thread after thread going in circles week after week and month after month. Accept it and move on.

Peace!
Mike
"Get your medical advice from Doctors or medical professionals who you trust and know your history."

"Beware of the fortune teller doom and gloomers who seek to bring you down and are only looking for company, purpose and validation - not your best physical/mental interests."

"You know you all are saying that this is incurable. When the real thing you should be saying is it's not curable at the present time' because as we know, the great strides we've made in medicine." - Elizabeth Edwards

Offline Mike89406

  • Member
  • Posts: 206
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #64 on: March 05, 2007, 11:56:57 PM »
"with treatment you can make it to your golden years"

"hiv has made me a better person"

"hiv helped me to make the right choices in life"

"nowadays hiv is no big deal"

"Nowadays no one of the new infected on treatment dies of aids"

"HIV is a chronic disease, you don't die of it, you live with it"

"You still are thinking about these images of the pre HAART era"

Sound like HIV is pretty cool huh. Like it's a new life style you can live with as long as you can afford the pills and pop them religiously.
So no big deal! Let's pack our stuff and go home as if nothing happened. Our lives are positively enhanced!

One question to end this posting with: Why am I so worried, scared and sad? Can anyone please give me the answer?

Zeb,

 I don't have any fancy speeches for you. The question would be how much do you value you're own life? For me to find out I was HIV+ was a huge shock and I was depressed. I even thought what is there to look forward to?
  
   However with time acceptance can happen. Sure you never be the same you know that you'll probably live with HIV for the remainder of you're days. I happenned to be married when I found out but the strength of my family and feeling of belonging helped me become strong. I 'm even bettering myself by finishing college pretty soon.
  
    You shouldn't think that a pill alone will solve all you're problems (I hate taking pills) however its necessary with my bouts of health. Its important that you take better care of youreself exercise, eat better, sleep better those are the things that give you a clean bill of health and prolong you're life expectancy.
    
    Amazingly knowing that I am still physically fit can play softball, ski and just enjoying my life makes me realize I have so much more left in me and can live a happy life.  Not every day is pee-chee I have my share of bad days.

    What makes me different? Absolutley nothing I am POZ just like everyone else however I had to make a choice am I going to live a miserable life and wallow in self pity or other unproductive feelings? I cant live my life unhappy so I choose to enjoy as much as i can and with time realize that my body feels the same as when I was neg. Other things change from time to time.

     I am not an old timer but i have been surrounded by others who have been POZ for 1,2 5,10,20,20+ yrs. I have seen different things and different people with HIV different walks of life, and have seen more of my share of HIV+ guys getting married to a nice woman. Point is you only limit yourself being HIV+ by thinking you cant do the things you like and prosper in life with some happiness. I have been POZ for 5 yrs but have not been on here for most of that. I depended on HIV support groups, conderred with other POZ's at the ID clinic.

     My advice be encouraged and just learn from the various members of this forum. Were all unique and bring something good to the table.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2007, 12:00:32 AM by Mike89406 »

Offline Bucko

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    • The Spin Cycle
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #65 on: March 06, 2007, 12:14:22 AM »
                                                                           

Its been a year and half...  Its just a year and a half.   I still feel like I am sitting on the fence and truly not engaging the way I should.   I come down, test the waters and retreat.   But I always come back for more.   Probably just natural instincts at work here.   Zeb, this all to new for you and many others (and me).  Just know, you will come to terms with all of this.  You can take what you like, and leave the rest.  Make your own story out of this, not someone else's...  And when you do, make it a good one...  I truly NOW don't feel I will ever find a finish line in all of this.

Don't fret, Eric. The finish line will find you when it's your time to cross it.

Brent
(Who sometimes feels like the last runner in a marathon)
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline BKNYLivin

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #66 on: March 06, 2007, 02:39:39 AM »
Like others have said, I think most of us(if not all) have moments when we are "worried, scared and sad" as a result of being positive. How you choose to live with your diagnosis is of course a personal choice - I prefer to remain optimistic, but I know this virus sucks big time and is no picnic in the park. I believe it's important to do as much "research" as possible, apply that to my life/situation and form my own truth(which will invariably change with time).
Even though I'm a "newbie", I have lost a lot of friends to AIDS, I have held dying friends, seen people go through hell and also lost a lover. I was around in the '80s/early 90s when lots of gay men were dropping like flies. There are still many dying from AIDS today, so HIV/AIDS is not just a "manageable" condition for some even post HAART. For me it IS a big deal, but I refuse to let it ruin my life - I have bad days just like everyone else and deal with what I need to deal with.
I'm grateful for the medication today( I remember the AZT days) and I hope to live for many years to come, but I know it isn't necessarily going to be an easy journey. It is, however, a whole lot better for me than what I saw my friends go through. There is nothing cool about HIV, but we do have the power to decide how we are going to deal with it and we can all learn from and support each other(which is why I joined his forum).
 
Diagnosed 9/18/06
10/13/06 - CD4:449, 33%,  VL:>500,000
11/20/06 - CD4: 392  VL:425,000
02/08/07 - CD4: 361, 16.9% VL:133,000
02/13/07 - Started HAART: Atripla
03/08/07 - CD4:401, 23.8% VL:643
06/05/07 - CD4:614, 33.6% VL:225
09/14/07 - CD4:612, 37%  VL: <50
12/14/07 - CD4:582, 38.5% VL:<50
4/11/08 - CD4: 658, VL: <50
3/5/09 - CD4: 847, 49% VL: <50
7/29/09 - CD4: 965, 50.1% VL: <50
12/28/09 - CD4: 925, 49.2% vl <50
9/16/10 - CD4: 1011 vl: <50

Offline Cliff

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #67 on: March 06, 2007, 03:09:34 AM »
I always say this (and yes, I'm going to say it again), we're all on the same journey.   We're just at different points along the way.   Oh, and perhaps we are travelling by different means.....some via the Concorde, and some of us are coasting along in an old raggedy 1976 Chrysler Cordoba....

It's all relevant.
I'm loving this!  So very true.

Offline sweetasmeli

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #68 on: March 06, 2007, 03:34:07 AM »
I always say this (and yes, I'm going to say it again), we're all on the same journey.   We're just at different points along the way.   Oh, and perhaps we are travelling by different means.....some via the Concorde, and some of us are coasting along in an old raggedy 1976 Chrysler Cordoba....

It's all relevant.

Just thought it was worth repeating the lovely Alan's wise words again. :-*

Zeb, you are not alone on your journey. We all get your worries, your fears, your sadness. I have leaned on so many people on these forums in this past year or so, I might not be where I am now, but for them. But I've also taken the steps to start living my life to the best of my ability. Lean on us, by all means. But also, if you want to start feeling empowered instead of overpowered, take those steps.

Hope today is less daunting than yesterday, even if only by a smidgen.

Warm thoughts
Melia

 
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline Moffie65

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #69 on: March 06, 2007, 09:00:54 AM »
Sound like HIV is pretty cool huh. Like it's a new life style you can live with as long as you can afford the pills and pop them religiously.
So no big deal! Let's pack our stuff and go home as if nothing happened. Our lives are positively enhanced!

One question to end this posting with: Why am I so worried, scared and sad? Can anyone please give me the answer?


Zeb,

I want to address you directly, as many here have. 

I want first to answer your totally ligitimate question.  You are scared and sad because you have now acquired a "viral protein" in your body, that for whatever reason, you never thought you would have to deal with.  Now you have it, and you are thrust into a world that you are totally unfamiliar with.  For whatever reason, it didn't enter your world that you were living and enjoying.  Now you are faced with uncertainty, and confusion about a subject that you thought you wouldn't have to face and deal with ever in your lifepath. 

Unfortunately, or possibly fortunately, now you must deal with what this viral protein has brought to your table.  I have to say first off, you are not HIV, but now HIV is a part of you and part of your body for the rest of your life.  The things you learn about this viral protein and the approaches you take to harness it's possible damage to your body, mind and spirit, are going to be the difference between you and the next person. 

I and a few other long term survivors have offered you a window to our present lives, not to terrify you, but to enlighten you.  You and others here, need to know how this viral protein has been dealt with, by people who have been dealing with it the longest, and that is why I offered up my VERY personal message, which I exchanged with two other members here in private.  It really made me nervous, because many other posters in this very thread who have responded, know me and know me very well.  They can attest to the fact that I have NEVER posted such a personal account here of my present challenges and issues.  It just isn't like me to be so revealing about my own life and my own very personal issues.  Hell, just ask some of those here, they will verify that, and they did so in their responses.  Alan, Lis, Jonathan, Matty and others here, are witness to my truths, and many of them I have met and come to admire and love in a very personal way.  They have not even been privy to these thoughts offered here, as I have always been very private in sharing my very intimate life issues. 

Others who "THINK" they know and understand me have attacked me for entering your very open conversation about how HIV has/is impacting my life and one poster even called me a liar for saying that I hoped that his life experience with HIV would be a good one and one that had no rough spots.  Unfortunately what they don't understand is that after the better part of 24 years living with this viral protein, and a couple visits to deaths door; I just don't have the time to  sit in front of my computer here in the beauty of the Arizona desert and plant keystrokes here that are lies.  I deal with life very honestly and very straightforward.  Some don't like that, and some don't want to see the reality that this protein can play with your body.  I however, will never bullshit you with this bug.  There is not one reason I can think of for me to not celebrate the last 24 years as years of victory, accomplishment and progress.

I have had an exquisite life with HIV, but it didn't happen by me sitting around and denying what the bug can and has done to my body.  I suppose there is a place for people to think that by always accepting things that are blantly posted on your top post, their lives will somehow be easier than the norm, but the reality is that this is a virulent bug that as we speak is wreaking havoc with all our bodies.  How we deal with that fact is what will prove the mettle of the host. 

I choose to be a nasty host, I choose to be a host that dosen't accept the damage that it has done to my body.  However, the first thing you said about living to your "Golden Years" must be tempered with the reality that those Golden Years might just be a bit tarnished after 20 or 30 years of battling what it will do to your body. 

I trust you now understand why I posted my letter, and that it was to share with you that what we are going through is valid, true and possibly a window to what some of you might have to deal with in the future.  I highly recommend that you spend time studying this disease.  In this case, knowledge is power, and that power will help you to stay healthy, question the statements of doctors and hopefully in the end, assure you that you will be a proud father at your children's college graduation, and witness to your grandchildren's accomplishments.  This I would wish for you, and I truly hope and pray that this will be the case because not only do I know it is now possible, but in my heart, I know that nobody needs to loose a parent or partner to this nasty piece of shit we all call HIV.  Much of that trip is up to you, and the knowledge you gain along the way, so now it is your turn to start getting to the point that HIV is just a very minor part of who you are as a whole person. 

Embrace this bug, it cannot be denied, and it will damage you beyond what you might think if you don't learn early to deal with it and not let it get the best of you.  How can you possibly deny your eye color, or anything that is a part of your body?  You can't, so don't deny HIV.  It is now part of your existence for the rest of your life.  To let that depress you, is giving in to it.  Not something that a proud father and husband can do or even entertain.  Stand up and be counted.  Accept your HIV with pride and with the assurance that you will certainly be victorious and you will live your life with the goal of seeing those grandchildren, and with luck see them married off also.

Love,
« Last Edit: March 06, 2007, 09:08:10 AM by Moffie65 »
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Ihavehope

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #70 on: March 06, 2007, 10:46:45 AM »
My mother has Diabetes and is doing wonderful on her medication. She has been on the pills for about 10 years now. On the other hand my father's best friend is diabetic with no access to meds because he lives in a thrid world country and is very poor had his leg cut off and is literally begging in the streets of his hometown because he can not work. My grandmother was diabetic and lived until she was 78 without no medication because she refused to take med and died a horrific death. Stroke, Coma for days and tons of other issues. My uncle  is also living with diabetes and lost 40 lbs and looks like he hasn't slept in days because he is taking herbs and natural remedies which he says works for him better than meds and poking himself. My great uncle has diabetes as well and he went blind at 70 years old because his Macho persona didn't stop drinking and alcohol turns into sugar and he was not consistent with his doctor's visits. So people experience chronic disease very differently and I am glad my mother is one person who watches what she eats on a daily basis, exercises, visits a good doctor, takes her meds everyday, monitors her blood sugar and is doing well. She gets scared and cries when she hears the horrific experiences our friends and family have gone through with this disease which makes her want to take better care of herself.

I think HIV can be compared to Diabetes in the sense that it does affect each of us very differently and one person's experience can not determine everyone's future.
« Last Edit: March 06, 2007, 10:49:14 AM by Ihavehope »
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline AlanBama

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #71 on: March 06, 2007, 06:33:09 PM »
I think that's a forum record for me, quoted 3 times in the same thread!   Be careful, you folks will give an old guy a big head.... ;)

Zeb,  I thought about it last night....here's my advice for you:

Celebrate the good days.
Struggle through the bad days.
Love your family and your friends with all your heart.

None of us deserve the hand we were dealt.   But we were dealt it, so play it and get on with it.   Life is so short, way too short to be arguing amongst ourselves.  Our time can be spent in much better ways!

Peace,
Alan 
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline AustinWesley

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #72 on: March 06, 2007, 06:45:03 PM »
Zeb,

 I don't have any fancy speeches for you. The question would be how much do you value you're own life? For me to find out I was HIV+ was a huge shock and I was depressed. I even thought what is there to look forward to?
  
   However with time acceptance can happen. Sure you never be the same you know that you'll probably live with HIV for the remainder of you're days. I happenned to be married when I found out but the strength of my family and feeling of belonging helped me become strong. I 'm even bettering myself by finishing college pretty soon.
  
    You shouldn't think that a pill alone will solve all you're problems (I hate taking pills) however its necessary with my bouts of health. Its important that you take better care of youreself exercise, eat better, sleep better those are the things that give you a clean bill of health and prolong you're life expectancy.
    
    Amazingly knowing that I am still physically fit can play softball, ski and just enjoying my life makes me realize I have so much more left in me and can live a happy life.  Not every day is pee-chee I have my share of bad days.

   What makes me different? Absolutley nothing I am POZ just like everyone else however I had to make a choice am I going to live a miserable life and wallow in self pity or other unproductive feelings? I cant live my life unhappy so I choose to enjoy as much as i can and with time realize that my body feels the same as when I was neg. Other things change from time to time.
     I am not an old timer but i have been surrounded by others who have been POZ for 1,2 5,10,20,20+ yrs. I have seen different things and different people with HIV different walks of life, and have seen more of my share of HIV+ guys getting married to a nice woman. Point is you only limit yourself being HIV+ by thinking you cant do the things you like and prosper in life with some happiness. I have been POZ for 5 yrs but have not been on here for most of that. I depended on HIV support groups, conderred with other POZ's at the ID clinic.

     My advice be encouraged and just learn from the various members of this forum. Were all unique and bring something good to the table.

Hey Zeb,

Mike has given you some excellent advice.   Unfortunately, there are others that feel this is the "ALL ABOUT ME" section!   

You are entitled to your feelings.   But you must make a choice.   Wallow in self pity and be depressed or move on with life!

Big Hugs,

Wesley
Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #73 on: March 07, 2007, 07:01:09 PM »
Why am I so worried, scared and sad? Can anyone please give me the answer?

I believe this was the original post???

With that in mind:

The reality is that HIV does this to all of us at one point or another. Worried, scared and sad. Wow, three emotions that most of us deal with. I not sure we can blame HIV for this, plenty of healthy NEG people have to deal with emotions throughout their lives.

Zeb, when you ask a forum like this one, expect the good, the bad and the ugly. As you have seen, we all have dealt with these emotions, and HIV, in our own ways. On top of that, You surely must know by now that HIV/AIDS is one hell of a complicated deal.

By reading and educating yourself may help you to get the "scared " part of your question somewhat under control. After all, it is ignorance that breeds fear. So the more you know...

The sad part: This is perhaps more destructive then fear. Try to do whatever you can to get over this. There is nothing worse then feeling sad. It stops you from moving forward in a positive way. It has been my experience that those with good attitudes and positive outlooks live longer, and more productive lives. I have seen people tell me "I'm going to die, so I may as well do drugs." Guess what? Their wish was fulfilled. So be sad now if you must, but please get over it soon as possible.

Worry: I don't know anyone who doesn't worry at one time or another. But I think if you work out the scared and sad feelings, the worry will take care of itself.

You have really hit on the core issues of HIV/AIDS.And really of LIFE itself.  I am no one special, I'm no shrink or DR. I am just a regular guy who has been fortunate enough to have survived HIV/AIDS for 23 years now.

There is no easy answer to your question: I can only share my experiences, and tell you what has worked for me. Worry, sadness and fear are things that I have dealt with throughout my years. It is something that I have worked on CONSTANTLY. Some days are better then others. But that's life. I find that sharing and talking with others makes me feel good. I think that is what Tim was trying to do, to share with you his experiences.

I truly feel you are a very fortunate person. You got HIV, through MY eyes, at a damn good time. The drugs are so much better, people are living longer. Even more in portant then that, You have people you can talk to who have gone through it all. You can talk to them and ask anything you want. Wow, what a luxury that is! In the 80's, WE HAD NOBODY. I was living in complete FEAR, as my diagnoses was DEATH. And it is safe to say that caused me reason to be sad and worry just a bit.

My point is, if you can understand the history and educate yourself on the past of this dreadful epidemic, maybe, just Maybe that fact alone will make you feel a little less sad, and a little less worried, and even a little less scared.

From my perspective you don't have it as bad as you think. And my point is, by educating yourself and learning what came before you, just might be the key to solve your question:

Why am I so worried, scared and sad? Can anyone please give me the answer?

Well that was the best answer I could come up with. I hope it helps.

All The Best!
Jeff

Positive since 1985

Offline zeb

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #74 on: March 10, 2007, 07:08:26 AM »
To all of you,

Really thanks a lot for your replies. Really HIV is a virus which comes with a diversity of side effects (physically and mentally).
Well, I'm overwhelmed by all the responses and really - even with the non sugar coated views - it gives me support.

So my next step is very simple: this evening i'm going to watch Looney Tunes with my son, he may stay up late in his pyamas and we both will enjoy the tv, chips and lemonade.

...and still i'm reading your replies and i'm really touched by the way how many of you are worried about me and really are giving me the sincerest and best advice! Really it gives me strenght!

Thank you all so very much,
Zeb

Offline sweetasmeli

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #75 on: March 10, 2007, 08:58:07 AM »
Zeb, Looney Tunes with your son is a great place to start! :D
Giggle, eat chips together, drink lemonade and don't forget to give him tons of cuddles!

My comforters in the last 48 hours have been The Wizard of Oz and Charlie and the Chocolate Factory.
May even dig out Its A Wonderful Life for this evening...

Enjoy enjoy enjoy! That's what life is for! ;)

Wishing you the best weekend!

Melia :)
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline Ihavehope

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #76 on: March 10, 2007, 09:16:25 AM »
To all of you,

Really thanks a lot for your replies. Really HIV is a virus which comes with a diversity of side effects (physically and mentally).
Well, I'm overwhelmed by all the responses and really - even with the non sugar coated views - it gives me support.

So my next step is very simple: this evening i'm going to watch Looney Tunes with my son, he may stay up late in his pyamas and we both will enjoy the tv, chips and lemonade.

...and still i'm reading your replies and i'm really touched by the way how many of you are worried about me and really are giving me the sincerest and best advice! Really it gives me strenght!

Thank you all so very much,
Zeb

I love Looney Tunes, what channel are they on tonight? lolz

I think we all still have a kid inside and HIV is the boogie man who is out to eat us and we are scared. It's perfectly normal for us to be afraid of this disease. I for one, will be so pissed off if I am already thinking of dying soon and I end up living till I am 80 years old. What a waste of years concentrating on death right? We all are going to die, unfortunately many of us now know what we will die of, which is mindblowing and can destroy our emotional well being. Just try to relax as much as you can and play with your kids and have a nice time.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline Poz-3/6/07

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Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #77 on: March 10, 2007, 09:45:58 AM »
As a newly diagnosed positive man, I wanted to say thanks to our "verterans" of this virus.
I appreciate the "tough to hear" honesty from those that have battled this disease and are living still in their "golden years".

It gives us all hope that you continue to stay fighting the battle, and I want to personally say thank you for sharing your wisdom to each of us.

I pray that this community doesnt turn into a war between those that are new with the disease and those that have had it for multiple years.

That would destroy the very "cure" for what we all are going through together.
Staying positive is difficult at times, however with a community such as this, we can help each other get through the storms and praise the good times.

To the "Old Timers".....keep being blunt and honest and tell us your story. You must be counted and know that we are proud of your strength to continue the fight.

You give us hope !!!!!

Im 2 months infected with the bug, and trying to stay positive about being positive.

3-6-07...the journey begins....

Offline ndrew

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  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: what the # is so positive about being positive
« Reply #78 on: March 11, 2007, 10:18:05 AM »
Hi Zeb,

Well I still feel worried, sad and scared, but not like before.  It's really great to come here and share with other positive folk.  I have become very practical about life.  This is what I want and this is how I will go about it.  For instance, I want to better manage stress and have taken some steps that have helped with this.  Lately I have been thinking about the future.  I need to start planning for something, as I know the chances are pretty high I will be around for some time, but with the potential for issues that effect my health and quality of life.  This is what I am learning here, that and enjoying the moment with my two cats, lifting weights and putting new doorknobs on the doors in my pad.

Bests,
Drew

 


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