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Author Topic: Terrified  (Read 3384 times)

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Offline Liz

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Terrified
« on: March 04, 2007, 04:10:07 PM »
Hi, I just came across this board in my search for more information about AIDS.  I had unprotected oral sex with my boyfriend about a month ago (I know, it's very stupid and I wake up everyday regretting it), because I was pressured into it and I thought I could trust him.  We just broke up a few days ago because I asked him to get an STD test for me and he was very offended.  Now I'm hurt and confused by his reaction, not sure if I should take this as a sign that he may have symptoms or not. When he and I first started dating, he told me that his ex girlfriend had cheated on him and I thought nothing of it. But now, since his reaction to what I thought was a very reasonable request.   But instead, he gave me responses like: "there's no way I can be infected", "I'm not getting tested for something I know I don't have (though he's NEVER taken a test), or "I've only been with two girls before you", I know that I should be tested. I wanted him to get tested because it would be easier to tell if I might have it, since it would originate in him.  I thought we could get it done together, but now I'm alone.  I'm in the process of planning to go have it done but I'm so worried and terrified that he may have given it to me (he was my first) and may just be hiding it.  After the initial oral sex, I had what the doctor said was a throat infection, and I got treated for it, which tipped me off that something had changed.  The last week or so I've had consistent diarrhea, for which I'm taking medicine, and I'm afraid that I might be positive. I know I should go test, and I've been planning it for the last two weeks, but everytime I try to get up the courage, I sink back into depression and constant worry. I know that I'm going to get tested within the next week because I just can't stand this anymore, and I know there's nothing you guys can tell me for sure about my chances of having it, I just wanted to ask what (in general) the test is like (is it painful?) and what to expect? Because of the symptoms of whatever this is, I have chosen to just live as though I already know I have it because I believe it won't come as a surprise if I test positive, and I'll already have a head-start on how to deal with it.  I just needed somewhere to open up to because I feel like I'm completely alone in this, and there's no one to talk to who knows what I'm going through..

Offline Ann

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #1 on: March 04, 2007, 04:27:42 PM »
Liz,

First off, you need to know that it is very rare to be infected with hiv through giving blowjobs. Hiv is primarily transmitted through unprotected anal or vaginal intercourse.

A sore throat is unlikely to have anything to do with hiv, although it could have been one of the more easily transmitted sexual infections. Chances are it was just a run of the mill sore throat.

While you don't really need to test over giving a blowjob, anyone who is sexually active should be having a full sexual health care check-up, including but not limited to hiv testing, at least once a year and more often if unprotected intercourse occurs.

If you aren't already having regular, routine check-ups, now is the time to start. As long as you make sure condoms are being used for intercourse, you can fully expect your routine hiv tests to return with negative results. Don't forget to always get checked for all the other sexually transmitted infections as well, because they are MUCH easier to transmit than hiv.

The most important thing for you to know is that you need to be using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse, every time, no exceptions until such time as you are in a securely monogamous relationship where you have both tested for ALL STIs together. To agree to have unprotected intercourse is to consent to the possibility of being infected with a sexually transmitted infection. Sex with a condom lasts only a matter of minutes, but hiv is forever.

Have a look through the condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use condoms with confidence. Check out some of the links on the left hand side of either of those pages - a couple of them discuss the female condom. You may be interested in these because they give YOU the control over condom usage.

An hiv test is only considered conclusive when it's done at three months past the time of possible exposure. While I don't think you need to test over the blowjobs, if it's worrying you, you may as well wait the extra couple weeks and get a conclusive result. If you read through the Welcome Thread you'll see links to the Testing and Transmission lessons - please read them. You can have either a blood test or an oral swab and neither is particularly painful. Both kinds are reliable.


Make sure your fella is always using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse and you will avoid hiv infection.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Liz

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  • Posts: 12
Re: Terrified
« Reply #2 on: March 04, 2007, 10:26:22 PM »
Hi, I know you said that HIV is rarely contracted through blow jobs, and I promise this is my last set of questions, but I just wanted to clear things up.  So ingesting sperm doesn't give you HIV if the person is infected? (I know I'll need to test to see if the person is infected.) It's not something I would ever do again without a condom, but I'm wondering because the waiting period is, of course, the scariest time.

411

  • Guest
Re: Terrified
« Reply #3 on: March 04, 2007, 11:14:38 PM »
Liz,
Giving oral sex is considered an extremely low risk exposure. I always struggle with this very low risk stuff, not because I don't know what very low risk means, but rather someone sees low risk and they see themselves infected as one of the low risk stats. Personally, I've never met anyone who has tested positive with oral sex identified as their only exposure.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen but given that this is the most commonly practiced type of unprotected sex the risk is astronomically high that you'll be fine.
Since it appears you've decided to test you should consider waiting 3 months then get one test. Testing before 3 months isn't considered conclusive and you should also leave the boyfriend alone, the aggravation isn't worth the energy.

Offline Liz

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  • Posts: 12
Re: Terrified
« Reply #4 on: March 05, 2007, 03:50:45 AM »
Thank you. You have no idea how much relief I feel now that you've said that.

Offline Liz

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  • Posts: 12
Re: Terrified
« Reply #5 on: March 05, 2007, 03:08:44 PM »
After reading through the posts here, I have another question: is it possible to get HIV through penetration from a partner (I guess male penetrating a female) without ejaculation and without a condom?

Online RapidRod

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #6 on: March 05, 2007, 03:43:44 PM »
Yes, you can get infected through pre-cum.

Offline Liz

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  • Posts: 12
Re: Terrified
« Reply #7 on: March 05, 2007, 05:21:48 PM »
How do you guys deal with the waiting period before you test? I keep trying to forget about it (though I know I'm not as at risk as I think I am), I just get so freaked out sometimes, just allowing myself to think of the possibility that the first guy (ironic) I was with could have given this to me.  I ...can't do anything. I have trouble sleeping or working. Everytime I think it's okay, that I might not have it, that I'm overreacting, or that I can live with the result if it's positive somehow, I completely lose it again. I just can't function. How do I get through the next 2 months without completely losing my mind with worry? (Sorry to keep bugging you guys with these questions, I know you probably get this stuff all the time, and I have read the other posts, and information. I'm just...at a loss for what to do.)

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #8 on: March 05, 2007, 06:14:18 PM »
There's no magic solution to dealing with the waiting time, Liz. But here are some suggesstions. The fastest way to have scary thoughts hang around it to desperately try to push them away. If by contrast you can just notice when they come up, take a breath and let the next thought come up, they just float away and different ideas and feelings can come along.

Also, if you can stay productively busy in your life it's sometimes amazing how time can pass.

We're keeping fingers crossed and for what it's worth I expect you to come out of this ok.

Cheers,   
Andy Velez

Offline Liz

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #9 on: March 05, 2007, 07:23:14 PM »
Thanks for the advice. I've been trying the breathing thing...but it still doesn't stop the tears most of the time.  Maybe I'll go for the keeping busy thing.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #10 on: March 05, 2007, 07:33:05 PM »
Well then, just let the tears flow. Those might be for all sorts of reasons and sometimes all you can do is cry your heart out until you're done.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline tigger2376

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  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: Terrified
« Reply #11 on: March 05, 2007, 07:39:17 PM »
There is nothing wrong with crying. You are stressed and worried and its a good thing you can let it go. I hope and wish the best for you.
Whatever happens, let us know please
x
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline Liz

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #12 on: March 05, 2007, 07:43:47 PM »
Thanks guys. I will.

411

  • Guest
Re: Terrified
« Reply #13 on: March 06, 2007, 02:52:52 AM »
As Andy and the others have said, just let those feelings come out and if it helps, come look at your support posts. Often times seeing what others have told you is enough to put those bad thoughts back into perspective.

Despite what you are feeling and thinking you haven't had a significant exposure by any means and I also fully expect you to test negative when the time comes. It also helps if you try not to count the weeks until you can test as this will often bring feeling up that you don't want to dwell on. Feeling and fear of the unknown are natural but the facts are very very much in your favour.

regards

Offline Liz

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  • Posts: 12
Re: Terrified
« Reply #14 on: March 06, 2007, 07:22:09 AM »
I was up this morning (because I didn't get much sleep), trying to think of anything else that might put me at risk (you know, given his reaction and my supposed "symptoms", though I know this doesn't mean I have it and also doesn't mean I have it). Everytime we slept together we used condoms (I'm so grateful for that), but I think I remember a couple of times before we actually started having sex, I let him put it in without one...I'm still...reeling from that.  So that's why I'm still scared even after the low risk with the blow jobs. I'm just pissed at myself for doing something so freaking stupid, when I'm also the one who brought up being tested. Sometimes it seems like it wasn't the same person who did those things... But I guess if I sit here and harp on it, I will end up regretting everything. I'm trying to forget it guys, really. There's nothing to be done about it right now, it's just that someone could choose a break up over getting tested, when it's obviously the responsible thing to do that worries me so.  And now I have to go to school and see him today. Sorry to put my life story here...like I said, no one to talk to...I guess...I have a question then...(another one, sorry): if he is infected and doesn't know, say he's been for 9 months or longer (just going by when he said his ex cheated on him, giving him the benefit of the doubt), wouldn't he start to show symptoms without medication?  He in NO way leads a healthy lifestyle so I'm thinking his immune system would be pretty frail. Just wondering when he might freak out and come to his senses and test (in case I can get the results before 2 months and not have to be depressed that entire time). Thank you guys so much for what you do.  It really helps people (though I can see sometimes we get obsessive over nothing), but I know you guys understand how frightening it is to be exposed to other people's ignorance (if I had known he thought there was NO way to be infected by having slept with 2 people without protection, I never would have dated him. I guess that will be the first question on the application for the next boyfriend.)

Offline tigger2376

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  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: Terrified
« Reply #15 on: March 06, 2007, 08:08:14 PM »
There is good information available at the top of the 'Am I infected' part of the forum. Sorry,bit of a klutz with links, but theres all sorts of helpful things there. I guess the thing to keep in mind is almost ANYONE could be infected,regardless of their perceived lifestyle,and its not just HIV that can be passed on.
DON'T live in fear,please, but keep using the condoms.
We are thinking of you, and if you are informed by what people say....pass it on!
thinking of you
x
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline Liz

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  • Posts: 12
Re: Terrified
« Reply #16 on: May 10, 2007, 04:09:40 PM »
Hey, I haven't posted in 2 months and I'm still waiting to test. I've got another month to go so I'm still pretty uneasy.  I went to a doctor and got my symtpoms checked out.  He said I had some kind of parasite (Giardia) that was causing me problems and gave me medicine which made the symptoms go away for about a month.  But since the tests he did couldn't prove it was a parasite, and it was just based on what he thought it sounded like, I couldn't get over what happened.  I know my stressing out is mainly just over the symptoms...  But something about the timing and all really shook me and I couldn't really get over what happened.  I have the same symptoms again, though not to the same extreme, and I'm planning to go back but I wanted to ask, even though symptoms aren't a good gauge of whether a person has HIV or not, would the symptoms in a HIV-positive person go away with medication not related to HIV? Supposedly in the few that are positive and show GI symptoms, it will sometimes show up as having diarrhea for a month or more, right?  Could medication (other than the typical anti-diarrheal kind) treat the symptom/s and the person still have the disease?

Oh yeah, and I've tried to stay away from this site to keep my anxiety down.  I'm just trying to ease my fears until I can make it to the deadline...

Offline Matty the Damned

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  • Ninja Please
Re: Terrified
« Reply #17 on: May 10, 2007, 04:16:02 PM »
Hi Liz,

Sadly, speculating about what your symptoms may or may not mean really won't help you a great deal. As you know symptoms pretty much mean nothing when diagnosing HIV infection.

I know that this time is stressful for you, but you're just gonna have wait this last month out. Like Andy, I too expect you to come out of this OK. Really the best way to deal with the stress of waiting for the window period to expire is to just get on with your life. Go about your normal business. If the anxiety becomes really difficult to handle, do try the breathing exercises that Andy mentioned earlier.

Regards,

MtD

Offline Liz

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #18 on: May 10, 2007, 05:20:05 PM »
Thanks, I'm trying. It's just hard.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #19 on: May 10, 2007, 05:25:04 PM »
Liz,

I appreciate how difficult it is and unlike most of the people who post here in Am I Infected I think you've done a pretty good job of listening to the advice that's been given and dealing with your stress.

Believe me when I say that focusing your mind on the ordinary matters of day to day existence will really help this last month fly past.

I'm very confident that you will come out of this ok.

Regards,

MtD

Offline Liz

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #20 on: May 11, 2007, 05:58:05 PM »
Thank you so much. That means a lot to me.

Offline Liz

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #21 on: July 26, 2007, 08:50:40 AM »
So I've been trying for a while now to get to the Health Department to get STD testing, but apparently where I live, it's very popular  (this probably means I should move) and everytime I call or try to come in, they've already reached their limit for the day (or some other excuse).  Meanwhile, the longer it takes to get it done, the more anxious I get everytime I so much as feel a slight sore throat coming on. Does anybody have any suggestions? I've been seeing my doctor for "symptoms", which has helped the anxiety, and he advised me to go to the Health Department for testing because it's cheaper. But at this point, I'm thinking about just getting the unbelievably expensive panel done at his office (why not, I've already given him most of my salary for the last 3 months). I'm just so frustrated...even when I try to get it done, after being completely panicked since the incident, it doesn't work out, and I'm convincing myself more and more that I have it, which is stupid.  I'm so sick of living in mortal fear of something I can't even confirm.

Offline Ann

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Re: Terrified
« Reply #22 on: July 26, 2007, 11:44:07 AM »
Liz,

If you're serious about testing, then I suggest you put one day aside, get up at the crack of dawn and get to the clinic when the doors open. They can't have reached their limit if you're the first one there. Otherwise, pay your doctor's higher fees. Just do it so you can collect your negative hiv result and move on with your life.

Yes, I said negative result. That's what I'm expecting and so should you.

Make sure your fella is always using condoms for anal or vaginal intercourse and you'll stay that way too. It really is that simple!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

 


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