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What am I going to do?

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First of all I'd be planning on sticking around to enjoy your grandkids for a start!!  So sorry life has dealt you a bad hand but we do learn in time to stay in the game and to play the cards we have with more success than we ever believed possible. For many of us finding out we have hiv set off a chain reaction of life changes that are not all negative.  I would not be surprised that for all the anguish and fear you are going through right now you will come out the other side a better person and a better mom.  Welcome to the forums!  You will find great support here.


I feel so very sad that this has happened to you. No one deserves the pain you are going through. There will hopefully be comfort for you in that your kids are safe. try and look forward,goddam I know its hard.
You have found us, that too should give you hope.
There are people here who can give you both practical advice and emotional support, but as already said, get yourself medical support, see where you are and try and go forward.
Let us know how you get on and we are here for you
Take care

Hi there,

What others have said to you about HIV is true.  You can plan on a long life and you can see your grandkids someday.  Your children can be a source of great strength.  Be there for each other.  Remember, their momma's hurting in their eyes.  They are your babies, but you are their mother.  They could be feeling very scared and protective of you right now.  It's probably a good thing to be expressing as much love as you can for them.

And start expressing your love by making sure you keep up on your bloodwork and haart regimen when it becomes necessary.

The anger you feel about broken promises is natural.  He cheated on you.  That's a horrible thing.   It's even worse that he has endangered your life as well as his own as a result of his dalliances.  He has a terrible cross to bear.    The feelings of betrayal are probably so close that your heart probably feels heavy and empty at the same time.   

Someone above said that "no one deserves the pain you are going through."   How true is this.   No one, especially you, deserves to be subjected to this pain.  Now here's the catch... you might understand that you don't deserve this, but life has now thrown down the gauntlet to you.  You have to find a way to deal with it.  I might suggest a couple things.

First, pay attention to yourself and your health first.  Without that you cannot take care of your babies. 

Second, your anger will hurt your ability to come to terms with this.  You did not deserve to be treated this way.  You are not a bad person and deserve to be love, honored and cherished.  It's hard, and I am not suggesting that you can do this today, but if you look at your anger as something that needs to be transformed, you will begin the path to healing your heart.  There are no simple answers.  But love for yourself and understanding that life deals us some pretty bad hands sometimes is key.  Now you have to find the best way to play that hand. 

Lastly... your children.  I am not a parent.  I can only speak from the point of view of a child who knew his mother has a chronic illness.  (Crohn's)  I was thirteen when she found out.  She cried for weeks.  All we wanted to do was to take care of mom.  As children we understood that we needed to take care of her as much as she needed to take care of us.  Now while she supported us, single and alone... and we were just children, she took a great deal of comfort knowing that her children would hold her hand and comfort her in a time of sadness because we were a family.   I don't know how much you want to tell your children, but they already know that you are deeply sad.  Draw comfort from their unconditional love for you and yours for them.  It's terrible that they have to deal with this, but you cannot change the fact that HIV is now a part of their lives.    You can still be their guiding light.  As I said before, you are their mother.  Nothing can replace that.

Now, welcome to the forum.  I sincerely hope you find some of the support you're going to need here.  We all have various life experiences, but there are several people on this board who are parents.  And there are some people here who have lived through the crucible.  I hope you feel the welcoming comfort of open arms here.  We're here to help.

Many hugs,
Scott (puck)

I feel so welcome, THANKS TO ALL of you!!!!!  Scott(Puck) Your words brought tears to my eyes. Fortunately, now I know that I have "many" shoulders to cry on and lean on. You are right, I have to maintain my health to take care of my kids. I will definitely have to learn how to lean on others as I embark on this journey. I have an appointment with an AIDS/HIV specialist next week, at which time I will assume I will get the WHOLE spiel. If you guys know of any helpful books and or articles I should read, please let me know what their names are. I want to be as informed as possible so I can remain as healthy as possible. Thanks!!!!!

Hi Momma, welcome to the forums. I'm really glad you found us.

One of the best places to start learning is in the Lessons section of this website. You'll find a link in the upper left-hand corner of any forum page. Please feel free to come back and ask any questions that may arise during your reading. OK?

I'm a mom too. My daughter is nearly 20 and she was 13 when I was diagnosed. I'm planning on being around for a long time to watch over her as she grows into adulthood and there's no reason why you can't make similar plans where your own children are concerned. These first weeks and months aren't going to be the easiest you've ever gone through, but you can do it and we'll be here to help you.


Be kind to yourself and please know that the feelings you are experiencing are completely normal. We've all been there in the early days of our diagnosis. It can and will get better, so hang in there!



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