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Oscar:
I can't get out of the way I am feeling.  I am feeling like I did before when I wouldn't take my meds. I haven't taken them in a week & I don't want to anymore. I'm trying to hang on but I just don't see the point . It won't take me long before I develop pcp again. Since I have had it 2 other times the doc told me the next time I got it that I probably wouldn't live through it. So if that is what it takes so be it. I don't really care anymore.

I am not happy, haven't been for a VERY long time. Most of my life I have had self esteem issues and feelings of not being worthy.  So the big failure is gonna throw in the towel and let hiv do what it should have done  in the late 1980's.

Don't think I am going to  go out and kill myself with a gun, or an overdose or anything. I've got the power inside my body & that is how I am going to go.

Please don't suggest I go get a shrink. I won't go. Or find a support group in my area. There isn't one.

I've posted something like this on the old forum before, but this time I mean it and there is no turning back.

DancerBoy:
Dan-
     I adore you.  I hate that you feel this way.  Let me know if there is anything I can do...
-D

Matty the Damned:

--- Quote from: Oscar on June 19, 2006, 02:46:12 AM ---I can't get out of the way I am feeling.  I am feeling like I did before when I wouldn't take my meds. I haven't taken them in a week & I don't want to anymore. I'm trying to hang on but I just don't see the point . It won't take me long before I develop pcp again. Since I have had it 2 other times the doc told me the next time I got it that I probably wouldn't live through it. So if that is what it takes so be it. I don't really care anymore.

I am not happy, haven't been for a VERY long time. Most of my life I have had self esteem issues and feelings of not being worthy.  So the big failure is gonna throw in the towel and let hiv do what it should have done  in the late 1980's.

Don't think I am going to  go out and kill myself with a gun, or an overdose or anything. I've got the power inside my body & that is how I am going to go.

Please don't suggest I go get a shrink. I won't go. Or find a support group in my area. There isn't one.

I've posted something like this on the old forum before, but this time I mean it and there is no turning back.

--- End quote ---

Dearest Dan,

This post saddens me. I'm extraordinarily fond of you and I hate to think that you're suffering like this.

That said, I respect the decision that you've made. I would never suggest to you that you should see a shrink or go to a support group. Clearly they don't work for you. I also know that you've been HIV positive for 20 years. I appreciate that things are very difficult for you at this time. I know you miss your little dog, Oscar terribly. He was a good and faithful companion to you.

I believe that all HIV positive people have a right to stop taking medications for whatever reason seems fit to them at the time. No-one should judge you or lecture you for exercising your right to cease treatment. Similarly you won't hear a lecture from me about the consequences of ceasing HAART. Like I mentioned before you've been positive for 20 years, you know only too well what this horrible fucking virus does to us.

For whatever it's worth, I hope that you find some peace. Remember that there's a pervert on the other side of the planet who loves you madly.

I remain your loving friend,

Matty the Damned

Markmt:
Dear Dan, I am sure your post will bring about much sadness to many, but you also know you can be yourself with your family here and your thoughts and feelings are respected.

I wish I could help to make you reverse your desicion. All I can wish is that you will be happy,

hug,

mark

MoltenStorm:
As much as every human being has the right to life, so each one has the right to death. I hope you find peace, and if death is what brings that peace, so be it.

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