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Author Topic: So two of my friends are dead.  (Read 5815 times)

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Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,305
  • His name is Carl.
So two of my friends are dead.
« on: February 24, 2007, 04:39:12 PM »
Found out about one of them a few weeks ago.  Just learned of the other a few minutes ago.  Josh was more of an aquaintance.  I knew Joseph better.  A very sweet man, but I could tell for some time that he was slipping psychologically.  It was sometimes difficult to hold any kind of conversation with him.


http://www.sovo.com/2007/2-23/news/localnews/6539.cfm


Felt like I should post something about them.  And it seemed timely in regard to the other threads on here currently.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #1 on: February 24, 2007, 04:41:30 PM »
so sorry to hear this Tim. Lots going on by you. Please take good care of yourself.

I just read the story,what a shame~
« Last Edit: February 24, 2007, 04:43:57 PM by Longislander »
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Nadine

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #2 on: February 24, 2007, 04:49:00 PM »
Tim, 

This saddens me deeply.  I'm at a loss for words.

(((HUGS)))

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #3 on: February 24, 2007, 04:54:28 PM »
Its so hard when friends pass away. I'm sorry Tim.  I am still not over the death of my friend Jim this past December.  I hope you will be able to remember your friend in a good way.  Not for the pain and hurt.
When our friend Jim was admitted to the hospital they did drug tests and I did hear that he tested positive for crystal meth.  But at this point it doesnt matter anymore.  What I find so upsetting is that he was the baby of our group and now he too is gone. He was only 39 when he passed away. We had his memorial service on his 40th birthday.
Tim, I know how hard it is for you to accept his death. We want to ask ...shout....WHY!!!!!  But of course there is no adequate answer. The answer is too complicated to make it all about drugs or all about his self worth or if he was rejected by his family.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Life

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #4 on: February 24, 2007, 04:57:34 PM »
Tim, I am sorry that you lost your friends to this thing... 

Offline Alain

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  • I am.
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #5 on: February 24, 2007, 04:59:35 PM »
Sorry Tim for your loss, it's very sad.

Take care of yourself.

Alain.

Offline ScooterTrash

  • Member
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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #6 on: February 24, 2007, 05:01:28 PM »
I know that they will find the peace which all of us seek.

((((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))

Online Miss Philicia

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #7 on: February 24, 2007, 05:09:30 PM »
Tim, I'm so very sorry for you losses.  Keep you head up above the clouds if you can this week.

That article you linked raises a prime point, the underlying cause for overboard drug useage must be addressed in the gay community, not just the drug because I've seen that change over time.  Every friend I know who ended up with an addiction (one to meth, the other to heroin -- fortunately both are clean now) had some serious underlying psychological flaws BEFORE they started doing drugs.  Sadly mental health is not a valuable commodity in our non-nationalized healthcare system.  Gay men go through so much stuff just growing up as teens and early adults, that seriously more of them need some therapy.  And I'll lump myself in there too.  I didn't go to a psychologist until much later than I needed to.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Lis

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #8 on: February 24, 2007, 05:14:00 PM »
very sad.... May they find peace..   :'(
poz 1986....

Offline Ihavehope

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #9 on: February 24, 2007, 05:23:13 PM »
Sorry to hear about your loss. Meth is evil.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline JohnOso

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #10 on: February 24, 2007, 05:24:46 PM »
Very sorry to hear of your loss.  I know it's tough....and i'm thinking of you.

John

Offline dtwpuck

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  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #11 on: February 24, 2007, 05:30:13 PM »
My deepest condolences.  It is a terrible thing to lose a friend, and even more terrible still to lose one to an addiction.  How very terribly sad.  My heart goes out to you.
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline poet

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  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #12 on: February 24, 2007, 05:31:28 PM »
Tim, I, too, am sorry about this loss of friends, especially from meth.  I hope that Peter sees this or you might even p.m. it to him since he waded into this arena in NYC and tried to get attention to it.  Best, Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline fondeveau

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #13 on: February 24, 2007, 05:41:40 PM »
I have a friend who is suffering, too.  I haven't lost him yet, but the fear of that helps me sympathize with your loss. 

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #14 on: February 24, 2007, 05:42:15 PM »
Tim,

I offer my sincere condolences on the losses of your friends. 

In my own safe little womb-world I was unaware meth use is still a big problem, and that scares me because of my ignorance but mostly because meth (as opposed to prescription amphetamines) has been in use since the 80s (at least) and it's always been bad news.  I mean, how long ago did Peter place his posters in NYC?  At least a year.

Meth is one of the nastiest drugs around and people get hooked so easily.  Looking at those 2 young men's pictures is saddening, thinking about the lives wasted in this epidemic. 

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline mjmel

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #15 on: February 24, 2007, 05:50:13 PM »
Hope they released from their pains or confusions and are having some wonderful out-of-the-body adventure.
xxx,
Mike

Offline Dachshund

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #16 on: February 24, 2007, 05:51:26 PM »
Sincere condolences my friend, take care.

Hal

Offline budndallastx

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #17 on: February 24, 2007, 06:04:58 PM »
Tim, deepest condolences on your loss ...

Tom



In Memory of Those Who Died

In memory of those who died
We weep and walk away.
Tears run into swollen streams.
No trace of us remains.
Even those who grieve are gone,
And those that grieve who grieve,
And those whose lives are ravaged by
A frantic urge to be,

And those who wander silently
Among the empty rooms:
Immortality is theirs,
Though they must vanish, too.

We bear astonished witness to
The passage of the soul.
No bridge exists that can connect
Our passion to the whole.
Meds since: 11/20/2006
Sustiva / Truvada
12/08/2008 VL:<48 CD4 622 (38%)   
9/8/2008 VL:<48 CD4 573 (30%)
5/2008 VL:<48 CD4 464 (30%)
1/2008  VL: <50  CD4 425(28%)
9/2007   VL: <50  CD4 465 (27%)
6/2007   VL: <50   CD4 443 (26%)
3/2007  VL: <50   CD4 385 (25%)
12/2006 - VL: <50   CD4: 384 (25%)
11/2006 - VL:  22K  CD4: 208 (18%)

Offline Fosbery

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #18 on: February 24, 2007, 06:12:50 PM »

 Hey Tim

Sorry to hear of your losses, our thoughts are with you here in Canada.

Garret.

Offline RobT

  • Member
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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #19 on: February 24, 2007, 06:32:47 PM »
Tim-
So sorry to hear about ur loss. My sincerest condolences...

RobT


Current meds: Atripla
VL: undetectable
CD4: 630

Offline jkinatl2

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  • Doo. Dah. Dipp-ity.
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #20 on: February 24, 2007, 06:35:47 PM »
Condolences for your losses, Tim.
 

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline RAB

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  • Joined March 2003
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #21 on: February 24, 2007, 07:17:31 PM »
TH:

Deepest sympathy goes out to you. 

RAB

Offline RapidRod

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #22 on: February 24, 2007, 07:24:27 PM »
Sorry for your loss.

Offline tsw923

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #23 on: February 24, 2007, 07:37:48 PM »
Tim,

I am so sorry for the loss of your friends.  I hope that you can find some peace for yourself in this.  Please let me know if you need to talk.

Ty
Help find a cure for leukemia, lymphoma, and other blood-related cancers by sponsoring me as I walk a 1/2 marathon as a part of the Maryland chapter of Team in Training.  To find out more and to donate, please click on the following site:  http://www.active.com/donate/tntmd/tswtntmd

Offline Teresa

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #24 on: February 24, 2007, 07:40:56 PM »
So sorry for the loss of your friends. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline koi1

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #25 on: February 24, 2007, 07:49:06 PM »
Sorry to hear about your loss. I hate how our people are prone to these abuses. I wish there were more help out there for people with these addictions. My deepest sympathy.

rob
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #26 on: February 24, 2007, 08:19:54 PM »
Sorry for your loss, Thunter.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Nico

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #27 on: February 24, 2007, 08:39:20 PM »
Tim,
Take time to remember the good times, time to reflect and time to yourself. 

Thinking of you.
Roger
Poz since 1990.

Offline fearless

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #28 on: February 24, 2007, 08:58:28 PM »
That's such sad news. Sorry for your losses, Tim. Peace.
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline skeebo1969

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  • Posts: 5,699
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #29 on: February 24, 2007, 09:10:18 PM »


  Sorry for the loss of your two friends Tim.   
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline aupointillimite

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  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #30 on: February 24, 2007, 09:59:58 PM »
I am so sorry, Tim.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Andy Velez

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  • Member
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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #31 on: February 24, 2007, 11:27:26 PM »
Condolences and hugs, Tim.

Thinking of you, buddy.

Andy Velez

Offline David_CA

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  • Joined: March 2006
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #32 on: February 24, 2007, 11:59:15 PM »
I can't think of much to say, but I'm thinking of you.  Take care.

David
Black Friday 03-03-2006
03-23-06 CD4 359 @27.4% VL 75,938
06-01-06 CD4 462 @24.3% VL > 100,000
08-15-06 CD4 388 @22.8% VL >  "
10-21-06 CD4 285 @21.9% VL >  "
  Atripla started 12-01-2006
01-08-07 CD4 429 @26.8% VL 1872!
05-08-07 CD4 478 @28.1% VL 740
08-03-07 CD4 509 @31.8% VL 370
11-06-07 CD4 570 @30.0% VL 140
02-21-08 CD4 648 @32.4% VL 600
05-19-08 CD4 695 @33.1% VL < 48 undetectable!
08-21-08 CD4 725 @34.5%
11-11-08 CD4 672 @39.5%
02-11-09 CD4 773 @36.8%
05-11-09 CD4 615 @36.2%
08-19-09 CD4 770 @38.5%
11-19-09 CD4 944 @33.7%
02-17-10 CD4 678 @39.9%  
06-03-10 CD4 768 @34.9%
09-21-10 CD4 685 @40.3%
01-10-11 CD4 908 @36.3%
05-23-11 CD4 846 @36.8% VL 80
02-13-12 CD4 911 @41.4% VL<20
You must be the change you want to see in the world.  Mahatma Gandhi

Offline sweetasmeli

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  • Love what you are...
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #33 on: February 25, 2007, 01:36:10 AM »
Oh Tim, I'm so sorry for your losses. My condolences to you and your friends' loved ones.

Hugs & thoughts
Melia x
/\___/\       /\__/\
(=' . '=)    (=' . '=)
(,,,_ ,,,)/   (,,,_ ,,,)/ Cats rule!

The difference between cats and dogs is that dogs come when called, whereas cats take a message and get back to you.

Yeia kai hara (health and happiness) to everyone!

Offline Bucko

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    • The Spin Cycle
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #34 on: February 25, 2007, 01:38:50 AM »
Tim-

As one who has lost friends to drugs, I commiserate. I'm so sorry for your loss.

<hug>
Brent
Blessed with brains, talent and gorgeous tits.

The revolutionary smart set reads The Spin Cycle at least once every day.

Blathering on AIDSmeds since 2005, provocative from birth

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #35 on: February 25, 2007, 04:25:32 AM »
My condolences, Tim.

Loss is hard enough. Saying goodbye to friends is one of the worst kinds.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline heartforyou

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  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #36 on: February 25, 2007, 04:36:54 AM »
Dearest Tim,

By writing about your friends on here, you have paid tribute to them amongst people who know what it means to loose friends.

It is sad in a way, that they had meth kill them.

Take time to grieve and go out in nature a lot.
It helps tremendously in grieving.

Hermie
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline anniebc

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  • AM member since 2003
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #37 on: February 25, 2007, 05:12:04 AM »
Dearest Tim

Such a sad loss, sending you thoughts and prayers from NZ.

((((Hugs))))
Jan :'(
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline Moffie65

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #38 on: February 25, 2007, 07:02:54 AM »
Thinking of you Tim and wishing you peace in your time of loss.

Love.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,305
  • His name is Carl.
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #39 on: February 25, 2007, 03:52:42 PM »
Thanks to everyone for the responses.  I appreciate the words of support (as always).  I have some more to say on this whole thing, but it will have to be later tonight or tomorrow.  I'm still feeling a little under the weather, but we are supposed to be celebrating my middle sister's birthday this evening.  I think it may be just the thing to help me shake some of the blahs that I have been feeling.


AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline ACinKC

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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #40 on: February 26, 2007, 11:05:02 AM »
So sorry timmy. Remembering them is the greatest way to keep them alive in your heart.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,002
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #41 on: February 26, 2007, 11:18:06 AM »
I too am sorry for the loss of your friends. Thanks for including the link to the article.

Ford

Offline mjmel

  • Member
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Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #42 on: February 26, 2007, 11:22:43 AM »
thunter34,
I don't mean to be crass here because this thread is of a sympathetic nature. Maybe you have had the blahs lately because
you are identifying with the wrong character here lately.  Oh no! not Hyacinth.
How about that Sheridan?

Well,....maybe you know best. I hope your sisters party does the trick.
Best Regards,
Mike

Offline indyguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 260
  • Hoosier Boy Single Again.
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #43 on: February 26, 2007, 11:40:12 AM »
My thoughts are with you during this time. I have lossed 4 friends in the last 6 years. 3 from suicide and often find myself thinking about them wondering what if. Do your best to focus on the good times and move foward although its hard I know. Very sad at such a young age. God BLess.
Meds doing well so far.

Offline Javicho

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #44 on: February 26, 2007, 03:21:44 PM »
Tim, I'm really sorry for the loss I hope you are ok let us know how you are doing, I will pray for your friends and for you as well...
Love you  :-*

Javier

Offline cmhjeff

  • Member
  • Posts: 870
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #45 on: February 26, 2007, 03:45:42 PM »
Tim,
So sorry to hear about your friends. I often think the only good from PML is that I no longer do drugs. I never tried Meth but I can only imagine what would have happened if I did.
Take care of youself
Jeff

Offline marc11864

  • Member
  • Posts: 440
  • I apologize for nothing!
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #46 on: February 26, 2007, 06:26:08 PM »
Hello Tim. I am very sorry for your loss. All I can say is there but for the grace of God go I.

That was one of the more insightful articles that I have read on this issue.

Mr Brown makes a hugely valid point when he makes the statement that, "...any efforts to address crystal meth use among gay men will be frustrated and off-target if they don't look beyond the latest drug du jour and address the pervasive personal struggles that spur some gay men to cope via different forms of instant gratification, according to some who attended the forum."

I lived in SF for most of the last ten years where I would argue that meth is at least as pervasive an issue as HIV. It's where I absorbed both into my life. Sadly, I kept screaming as loud as I could about issues that no one cared to hear which were affecting my life as a gay man. My words continued to fall upon ears deafened by the thump of the disco beat and an overwhelmingly passive acceptance that if people shit on you, you should just learn to turn the other cheek and roll with it. Eventually, many will make a choice as did I, to deaden the pain of personal obscurity through the use of drugs and or alcohol. I would go out on a limb here and say that, meth really isn't the problem so much as it is yet another symptom. If we truly want to arrest or at least curtail the abuse of anything, we must start to define and address the real problems that cultivate and nurture this kind of behavior.
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.

Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #47 on: February 27, 2007, 10:30:34 AM »
I am sorry... Fuck, it must be painful.

Alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #48 on: February 27, 2007, 11:22:35 AM »
Hope you're okay. We should call up our old friends from time to time
((HUG((

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,305
  • His name is Carl.
Re: So two of my friends are dead.
« Reply #49 on: February 27, 2007, 03:39:55 PM »
As I said, the truth is that Josh was more of an acquaintance than friend.  Joseph was the one I knew the most.  I hadn't seen him face to face since last spring or summer, I think.  Talked to him online (sort of) a time or two since.  I say sort of because I had not been able to really carry on anything resembling a conversation with him during any of the last few exchanges we had.  His speech was nonsensical and completely disjointed. 

The last few times I saw him, all I could think in my head was:  Who is with you right now?  How did you get here?  Does anyone know that you are here now?  Is anyone missing you right now?  Do you need me to get you somewhere?  Like home?  And where is home for you these days?  ...and those kinds of things.  I tried to ask those questions some, but couldn't make sense of his responses.  I ran into somewhere in town (can't remember right off where exactly) and we had one of these little chats.  We separated for a couple of minutes.  Saw him again, and it was as if he was seeing me for the first time in months- like he didn't remember at all that he was talking face to face with me 5 or 10 minutes before.  It was pretty crazy.

For some reason, it is Josh that is weighing most heavily on my head right now.  He didn't OD.  He hanged himself after a new year's binge.  As it may have mentioned in the article, he had been on and off the recovery wagon before.  Had left the city to get clean.  He came back and fell in again.  There's no opportunity for me to throw up my hands and say, "How?  How could this have happened?  If only I could have reached them!"  Why?  Because I had tweaked with both of them.  Granted, I had never supplied them with anything...but I can't hold myself up as any great beacon that could have lighted them to safety.  I might not have been the source of the problem, but I can't claim to be a part of the solution either.  I met Joseph originally through my gym at the time.  It's so strange for me to think of the contrast between who he was then and who he was just a few short years later.  He looked like a Tom of Finland picture come to life, but with the sweetest voice and smile.  I was actually kind of afraid to talk to him at first because he looked a bit intimidating...until his eyes lit up and he smiled.  I felt at ease immediately, and we talked on our stair-steppers for the next half-hour.  That became a regular chat time for us for some time after that.  Fast forward to a few years later, and I can't make sense of hardly anything he says.  I am rambling here, I know.  Sorry for that.  The thing is, Joseph was in a distressed state and it was obvious- yet so disjointed you couldn't make heads or tails of it.  And he would just appear- POOF!  on the scene, and then disappear as immediately.  You'd just be left to think, "What the heck was THAT?"  With Josh, it was another story.  It was less obvious, yet more so.  He wasn't bouncing off the walls and talking nonsense.  It was calmer, quieter.  If Joseph was an explosion, Josh seemed like a quiet snuffing out of a candle.  There was a sadness behind his eyes and in his voice- and I knew it.  I can't say that I knew that he would do what he did, but I could tell.  I can't even continue typing on this right now.  Sorry.  I am just saying that I could tell that he was being snuffed out inside.  That he was not who he wanted to be. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

 


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