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Author Topic: Sharing the same experiences  (Read 1614 times)

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Offline zeb

  • Member
  • Posts: 172
Sharing the same experiences
« on: February 22, 2007, 02:35:13 PM »
Hi All,

I'm Zeb, a straight divorced father of 2 sweathearts (2 & 5 yrs old) and I found out recently.
My main concern is that I wonder how to take care of my kids in this uncertain future.

I really like to chat with peers. Fathers or mothers who have the same worries as I have and how to deal with it.
It would be nice If you're also based in Europe (time difference).

I'm really looking forward chatting to you. You too? Well send me a pm.

Zeb

Offline sunflower99

  • Member
  • Posts: 18
Re: Sharing the same experiences
« Reply #1 on: February 22, 2007, 03:51:07 PM »
.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2007, 03:56:59 PM by sunflower99 »

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,378
Re: Sharing the same experiences
« Reply #2 on: February 22, 2007, 05:24:37 PM »
Zeb, tell us more about yourself and circumstances if you would.

There are some parents here among the regulars, but even those without children maybe able to provide information and support for you. The more you talk about yourself the better able others will be able to respond.

You're very recently diagnosed and that is commonly an overwhelming experience. Give us some idea where things are at in terms of what your doctor has said to you, etc.

Often someone newly diagnosed things in terms of falling through a black hole suddenly. That is not going to happen.

So talk to us some more and I know you will get some informed responses.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline zeb

  • Member
  • Posts: 172
Re: Sharing the same experiences
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2007, 05:59:17 PM »
Hi Andy,

About myself. Well first some history:

September 2005 my wife and I broke up after years of a horrible marriage. We have 2 small kids (now 2yrs and 5 yrs old).
After the split up I had (in october) a date with a lady I met on a dating site (not a sex or swinger site or something like that). Well we had a nice date which ended up in some sex. I wanted to play safe and initially we had safe sex. Suddenly she removed the rubber and said 'i'm clean'. About one minute later I said 'stop it' and we quitted, it didn't feel good about it.

Days later I wanted to talk to her but she was very reluctant. So I thought 'okay, if you don't want to, we don't meet anymore'. Months afterwards we had a chat on msn and she said that she actually was involved with her former partner again. She also told me about his sexual orientation: bisexual and that his outdoor pleasures had been the reason for her to split up (temporary) from him, but now they were together again. I thought 'shit, if she's not playing safe, what about her hubby'. So I screened the web about odds, chances and symptoms. I really became very worried because in november 2005 I had 4 nights of profuse night sweats. So last december I found out that in spite of the small chances I had won the wrong lottery.

So, at that moment this hard working 38 years old, divorced, tax paying, straight, caucasian, guy cried for the first time in many years. I'm so worried to die too soon and to leave my kids. The idea that they when thay are teens have to see their daddy suffering from aids or opportunistic infections and being disable really breaks my heart.

I have considered suicide, but dying is easy and my kids really need me, especially because the divorce is still fresh to them. Now I'm not considering suicide at all. and I'm thinking 'Well if I could live a long life without disability then hiv is no obstacle for me. because then I still can reach my goals' But the difficulty is: how long do I have and how can I give hiv the right place in my life.

People tell me: you can make it to your Golden Years, well I'm still programmed this way: hiv = aids = death

I feel so guilty for my kids. I've should have known better!

Zeb

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,382
  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: Sharing the same experiences
« Reply #4 on: February 23, 2007, 10:28:33 AM »
Hey Zeb,
If I understand your history correctly, you tested positive in December 2006, right?  Which places right in the intial throes of angst caused by a diagnosis.

We have all been there. In fact, the first year can be something of an emotional roillercoaster.

That said, what others have said about your "golden years" is correct. It is possible.But a lot of it will depend on you.

First, do you have a good doctor? Have you begun having your labs done yet? This is important, not because you might be in bad shape, but to keep you from getting into bad shape.

Keep in mind the first year or so also is the time your body is getting used to fighting the virus. So your numbers could be all over the place until things settle down.

I would read the lessons here, if you haven't already. They give a pretty good overview of the virus, the treatments and other issues.

Also remember we are here to help out and answer questions or just talk. This is a great place to rant.

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline morethanpoz28

  • Member
  • Posts: 29
Re: Sharing the same experiences
« Reply #5 on: February 23, 2007, 10:46:40 AM »
Hi Zeb,

I am a 38 yr old mother of a little boy(8 years) and was also recently diagnosed (1/16/07).  I understand and can relate to all that you expressed.  I worry (irrationally, I know) about somehow transmitting this virus to my little one.  I thought about suicide but I could never really go through with that.  One of the reasons I even contemplated suicide was I thought my boy would be better off without me.  While it is still so new, I have come to realize that I have to live and not merely exist if not for me then for my boy.  I know I didn't "ask" for this but my son REALLY didn't ask for any of this.  There is nothing like the love of a mother or a father. 

I applaud you for posting, I know it takes courage at least it did for me and I encourage you to keep reaching out.  I don't know what services are available where you live but keep on reaching out.  Make sure you are on top of your medical care.  Keep on posting, nothing you are feeling is "crazy" or out of the norm.  Feel free to PM me if you want to talk further. All the best,

Lisa 

Edited 2/23 for clarity
« Last Edit: February 23, 2007, 12:29:06 PM by morethanpoz28 »
Diagnosed 1/16/07
1st Lab 1/18/07 CD4 443; 37%; VL 660
2nd Lab 4/3/07 CD4 306; 28%; VL 1300
Retest 4/16/07 CD4 425; ?%; VL ?

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 23,869
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Sharing the same experiences
« Reply #6 on: February 23, 2007, 10:51:14 AM »
Hi All,

I'm Zeb, a straight divorced father of 2 sweathearts (2 & 5 yrs old) and I found out recently.
My main concern is that I wonder how to take care of my kids in this uncertain future.

I really like to chat with peers. Fathers or mothers who have the same worries as I have and how to deal with it.
It would be nice If you're also based in Europe (time difference).

I'm really looking forward chatting to you. You too? Well send me a pm.

Zeb

SASA39 lives in Serbia and has a wife and 2 kids.  He was recently diagnosed and he LOVES to chat. :)
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

 


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