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Author Topic: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts  (Read 3962 times)

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Offline redhotmuslbear

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Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« on: February 21, 2007, 07:40:05 PM »
 Find the article at:  http://www.aidsmeds.com/articles/1667_11327.shtml

 Disclosure May Boost CD4 Counts
 February 15, 2007
 By Will Boggs, MD

(Reuters Health) - HIV-infected psychiatric patients who disclose their HIV status and sexual orientation experience greater increases in CD4 cell counts than those who don't, according to a report in the January Psychosomatic Medicine.

 "It's probably important for physicians to emphasize with patients that the difference between mind and body is more metaphor than reality," Dr. Eric D. Strachan from University of Washington School of Medicine, Seattle, told Reuters Health. "Good mental health and good physical health are very often the same thing."

 Dr. Strachan and associates investigated whether psychiatric outpatients in a publicly funded HIV/AIDS clinic showed any relationship between disclosure of sexual orientation and HIV status and their immune functioning.

 The study involved 373 patients. After controlling for "important biobehavioral covariates," disclosure of sexual orientation and HIV status was associated with higher CD4 cell counts over time than was concealment, the researchers found.

 For sexual orientation, only those who were "always open" about their status showed increases in mean CD4 cell counts over time, the researchers note, whereas for HIV, both "always" and "mostly open" disclosure were associated with increases.

 "Relieving potential psychological distress by disclosing sexual orientation and HIV status has a positive impact on CD4 cell counts over time even among outpatients stressed by psychiatric illness and economic disadvantage," the investigators conclude.

However, "As has been noted in all of the previous research, these data do not, in and of themselves, allow for causal inference," the investigators caution. "It would be premature to suggest that individuals should disclose sexual orientation and HIV status to be healthier, especially given one study showing concealment can be protective for gay men who are rejection-sensitive."

Nonetheless, "Let your patients at least talk with you about how they feel about disclosure and maybe even help them formulate a plan," Dr. Strachan said. "We don't know enough to say it will help, but if you are supporting the patient's existing desire to disclose, I certainly don't think it could hurt."

 Psychosom Med 2007;69:74-80.
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #1 on: February 21, 2007, 07:41:16 PM »
I'd believe it.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Ihavehope

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #2 on: February 21, 2007, 07:49:46 PM »
I guess I shall email all my family and friends and tell them and perhaps I will be cured.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #3 on: February 22, 2007, 03:49:02 AM »
"Good mental health and good physical health are very often the same thing."

Yes, I can see that. Anything that decreases stress can only be good. Keeping secrets is a burden.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Coffeechick88

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #4 on: February 22, 2007, 07:09:36 AM »
Well, there you go.  I think I will go call channel 13 news.
Lucas James is here
Born 6-14-08 at 1233 am
8 lbs 14 oz, 22 in long

Offline Moffie65

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #5 on: February 22, 2007, 08:24:45 AM »
Listen here you people that are locked firmly in your HIV/AIDS closets; hiding from yourselves is not healthy under any circumstances.  There is no reason to go to the nearest television news outlet, but only when you give up on this "secret" will you find any clarity with living with "YOUR" HIV, and then maybe you can get on with life and make something of the time you have been given!

Staying locked firmly in your closets of secrecy will in the end kill you!  You can run, but you cannot hide from yourselves.

Other than that, the only way the this country is going to ever be able to progress with getting a handle on this pandemic is when most of the people who are living with HIV, come out and identify that they are truly just like all the rest, but living with a bug.  Geeeeez guys, where are your minds to think that you can live like a hermit and hide this away for LIFE?

Please wake up.
The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #6 on: February 22, 2007, 08:45:40 AM »
Thank you Moffie.  And personally I can say that my health has improved since telling my family.  I was always "out" to my friends.  Staying "in" makes for HUGE stress.

And lets' be clear, there are different types of stress.  The stress of non-disclosure is not the same as having a stressful day at work.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline racingmind

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #7 on: February 22, 2007, 10:16:59 AM »
I would love to be "out" about my HIV with my family.  It's just when I think about how much it will affect them, I suppress the idea (again).  This is so hard sometimes.  Some days I feel great, and others I can feel it going to work on me and it gets me really down and then I cry and feel like a total failure.

Tested Negative: 5/06
Tested Positive: 9/06 
9/06: CD4: 442 (28%) VL: +100,000
10/06: CD4: 323 (25%) VL: 243,440
11/06: CD4: 405 (28%) VL: 124,324
12/06: CD4: 450 (29%) VL: 114,600
1/07: CD4: 440 (27%) VL: 75,286
3/07: CD4: 459 (30%) VL: 44,860
5/07: CD4: 353 (24%) VL: 50,852
7/07: CD4: 437 (29%) VL: 39,475
9/07: CD4: 237 (32%) VL: 372,774
10/07: CD4: 324 (27%) VL: 115,454 
Started Atripla: 10/07
11/07: CD4: 524 (?%) VL: Undetectable!
2/08: CD4: 653 (35%) VL: undetectable
5/08: CD4: 822 (40%) VL: undetectable
8/08: CD4: 626 (35%) VL: undetectable
12/08: CD4: 619 (36%) VL: undetectable
3/09: CD4: 802 (38%) VL: undetectable
7/09: CD4: 1027 (43%) VL: not tested
10/09: CD4: 1045 (43%) VL: undetectable

Offline Elizabeth

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #8 on: February 22, 2007, 10:47:34 AM »
I would love to be "out" about my HIV with my family.  It's just when I think about how much it will affect them, I suppress the idea (again).  This is so hard sometimes.  Some days I feel great, and others I can feel it going to work on me and it gets me really down and then I cry and feel like a total failure.

  I like not having to worry about who knows what.  I don't disclose at work, but just about every other area in my life people know and yes, it's a lot less stressful.  But it's not easy to disclose.  We are concerned about others will be affected.  That total failure thing - I think we've all been there in some way.  Living with HIV, isn't only about learning how to take care of your health.  It's about learning to accept yourself as well. All those things that society thinks about us….well we think some of the same, especially when we first find out we have HIV. It takes a bit of time to become OK with ourselves. As you become more comfortable with this aspect of who you are, you will find it easier to disclose.  Baby steps.  It's been 10 years for me and I hid right well the first 4 or 5. 

I did tell my family fairly quickly.  We hardly ever mention it or discuss the whole thing, except for the occasional, 'how's the health'......'fine, just fine'.  But still, I'm glad I told them.

I had moved back near my family and for the first 6 months we hid the fact my husband had HIV.  When I found out I had HIV, I didn't tell anyone right off.  After a few weeks I did tell my younger brother.  While we have grown apart, as kids we were close.  Told him everything.  About my husband, about me.  During that conversation...that lasted was into the night....he said that at least he now knew why I had been acting so odd since I'd moved back into the area.  It seems that there had been a few discussions amongst the clan about 'Why is Elizabeth acting so distant???"   

My brother offered to go with me when I was ready to tell Mom.  A few weeks later we did just that.  I chicken-out and left telling Dad to my Mom.  He and I never discussed it. He never changed the way he treated me....or my husband.   It wasn't until after his death that I found out that he did know.   It's a difficult time, but the shock wears off of them.  Just as you will, they also will survive with this knowledge.

I would say that your family knows, on some level.  Maybe not about HIV specifically, but they know something is off. 

Not all who wander are lost.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #9 on: February 22, 2007, 10:51:25 AM »
racingmind, I was like that too and it drove me crazy.  I'd cry when I invented the scenario that I played over and over in my mind the closer I knew I was to telling them.  I even started having panic attacks, severe one, for the first time in my life.  So bad I went in therapy and took medicine for them.

Funny thing is that, thought my parents were devastated, it was momentary.  In fact, they were somewhat put off (definitely my mother -- who I then reminded had been so scared to tell her mother that she had breast cancer that I had to drive down 4 hours away and tell my grandmother the news myself) that I had NOT told them for an entire decade.  Like why didn't I trust them with knowing, and depriving myself of their support.

Everyone's situation is different.  My parents are from the South, and incredibly religious, yet they are my biggest cheerleaders now and I'm closer to them than I've ever been in my life.  It's great.
« Last Edit: February 22, 2007, 10:57:05 AM by philly267 »
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #10 on: February 22, 2007, 11:02:59 AM »
Listen here you people that are locked firmly in your HIV/AIDS closets; hiding from yourselves is not healthy under any circumstances.  There is no reason to go to the nearest television news outlet, but only when you give up on this "secret" will you find any clarity with living with "YOUR" HIV, and then maybe you can get on with life and make something of the time you have been given!

Well stated, Moffie. In considering whether or not to disclose to loved ones and family, I decided in the end to give them some credit for being able to handle the truth and "follow my honest heart" as I like to say, rather than try to predict disaster or any outcome at all.

I refuse to live life carrying unnecessary burdens. That would be merely existing and not really living (for me).

Why self-stigmatise? That would do nothing for me or the global HIV community either.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline poet

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #11 on: February 22, 2007, 12:25:30 PM »
Treading carefully here, I will say that if anyone who has been driving him or herself insane over the CSI/aidsmeds.com connection which, again, I can understand, then thinks about how much stress he or she has been going through for a week or so, I suspect that the news is supportable by experience.  Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #12 on: February 22, 2007, 12:48:28 PM »
I didn't get that.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline redhotmuslbear

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #13 on: February 22, 2007, 12:58:13 PM »
Treading carefully here, I will say that if anyone who has been driving him or herself insane over the CSI/aidsmeds.com connection which, again, I can understand, then thinks about how much stress he or she has been going through for a week or so, I suspect that the news is supportable by experience.  Win


Even though I have not been all up onto the CSI/aidsmeds.com drama -- ya know, it's the freakin internet, and anyone can browse here anyway -- I would state from personal experience that there is a HUGE difference between the fear of disclosure in close personal relationships (the point of the study) and the sense of violation and righteous indignation that posters have expressed over the CSI stuff. 

Cheers,
David
"The real problem is not whether machines think but whether men do." - BF Skinner
12-31-09   222wks VL  2430 CD4 690 (37%)
09-30-09   208wks VL  2050  CD4 925 (42%)
06-25-08   143wks VL  1359  CD4 668 (32%)  CD8 885
02-11-08   123wks off meds:  VL 1364 CD4 892(40%/0.99 ratio)
10-19-07   112wks off meds:   VL 292  CD4 857(37%/0.85 ratio)

One copy of delta-32 for f*****d up CCR5 receptors, and an HLA B44+ allele for "CD8-mediated immunity"... beteer than winning Powerball, almost!

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #14 on: February 22, 2007, 01:37:34 PM »
Timmoffie,
I agree with you. Being with you at the dinner table in Montreal was the "appetizer" to what it's like to be out and OUT!!!

Racingmind,
I first disclosed to my older sister then mother. When I disclosed to the siblings to whom I was least close, I decided that by not treating them as if I already had the relationship with them I truly desired, I didn't stand a chance of improving our communication. With me? I decided to act as if I already had what I wanted.

My relationships with both siblings dramatically improved!!! My family has been tremendous and frankly, the topic never comes up unless I bring it up because we've got tons of other things to talk about.

Having the support of my family and friends enabled me to keep moving forward to what I wanted which was not to be hiding, not to be acting, and most of all to be aligned with the truth and find ways in which to help others who are positive.

And, to DanielMark's point, I realized that the greatest stigmatization started with me and only I could decidedly end it. Then, to see this article? It makes sense and a study of women with breast cancer proved that being involved and "out" in a support group setting improved their immune systems.

I am looking forward to this quarter's labs to see if there's any rise in the count. That would be pretty neat. But, if the numbers are static, that's okay, too. I'm better off out than in and hope that you may find the support you long for from your family.

The common denominator among reactions from family and friends has been
" Why did you wait so long to tell me? How could you carry such a burden? " They wanted to be included, not excluded.

Em
« Last Edit: February 23, 2007, 10:31:26 AM by emeraldize »

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #15 on: February 22, 2007, 03:56:06 PM »
And look at it this way, if it was cancer you would tell your family.  Don't get sucked into the fake HIV stigma.  It's their hang  up, not yours and if it happens ain't a thing you could do about it.

Now if you're in the closet about being gay that's another issue.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #16 on: February 22, 2007, 04:04:08 PM »
And, to DanielMark's point, I realized that the greatest stigmatization started with me and only I could decidedly end it.

Couldn't have put that any better, Em.

This is something Iíve often thought about over the past 18 years. This virus has the potential to take so much from us, but freeing ourselves from the stigma of HIV (or from contributing to the ignorance the public still holds about it) is something we still have control over. Every Poz person here is the face of AIDS, and the world can only benefit from knowing that, in my opinion.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline blondbeauty

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #17 on: February 22, 2007, 04:37:43 PM »
Disclosing my status has helped me immensely.
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

Offline gemini20

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #18 on: February 22, 2007, 05:01:44 PM »
I am sure that my openness about my status has contributed to keeping me well and healthy for the majority of the time I've been diagnosed. I have disclosed to everyone in my life, 99% have been very supportive and now it's hardly ever discussed.

For the 1% who can't handle it, including my mother, I came to the realisation many years ago that I am better off without those people in my life, after all HIV is going to be with me 24/7 until I breathe my last breath so support me with it or else there's nothing you can offer me.

I also have this habit of disclosing to total strangers if I see an opportunity to educate others, after all I'm never going to see them again.

Yesterday I was on a 3 hour train journey back to London and this older guy opposite me was reading the newspaper and it had an article about HIV so I asked if I could borrow his paper afterwards. We got chatting and he asked me whether I was interested because I worked in the medical profession -  I replied I was the patient and he didn't bat an eyelid.

Interestingly he later told me that a female friend found out last year that the man she'd been in a relationship with for 5 years was positive and hadn't ever told her when they were together. Fortunately for his friend she didn't get infected but it was a lesson for them all that HIV could be there in the midst of them without any of them being aware of it.

So maybe those who have never disclosed might think of trying it out on a total stranger just to see how it feels - you might be pleasantly surprised by your own and other people's reactions.

Best wishes,

Emma
Diagnosed 11th September 1991
Current CD4 count 484 (26%); viral load undetectable (December 2011).
Restarting boosted Prezista 08/04/11

Offline dtwpuck

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #19 on: February 22, 2007, 05:52:34 PM »
While I can't say that my physical health has been affected by my openness about my status per se, my general state of mind is much better because of it.   I am sure I will get flamed by someone "applauding" my openness now, but it really does make my life easier.
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline Coffeechick88

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #20 on: February 22, 2007, 07:36:47 PM »
To Moffie:  That is well thought of, but certainly not a realistic stance for everybody.  I have to hide my HIV from many people out of necessity.  I have been fired from a job because of it, gone through harassment at that same job because of it, and when I told the person who infected me that he gave me HIV(my fault--I should've let the health department call him), I was beaten up and had to be hospitilized because of it because he couldn't accept it.  There is still HIV stigma just as there is stigma against homosexuality.  I briefly dated a guy from a town where gay men couldn't be out unless they wanted to be dead or have serious bodily harm done to them--some places have the same ignorant attitude about HIV.  I agree that the ones I have taken a leap of faith and told, it has gone good and eased stress, but what about those people who can't because of issues like I mentioned above?
Lucas James is here
Born 6-14-08 at 1233 am
8 lbs 14 oz, 22 in long

Offline NycJoe

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #21 on: February 22, 2007, 07:51:24 PM »
Coffeechick I agree.  While good in theory and in many situations, disclosing isn't for everyone that's for sure.  Everyone has their own set of circumstances and it is really an individual choice.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #22 on: February 22, 2007, 07:53:40 PM »
To Moffie:  That is well thought of, but certainly not a realistic stance for everybody.  I have to hide my HIV from many people out of necessity.  I have been fired from a job because of it, gone through harassment at that same job because of it, and when I told the person who infected me that he gave me HIV(my fault--I should've let the health department call him), I was beaten up and had to be hospitilized because of it because he couldn't accept it.  There is still HIV stigma just as there is stigma against homosexuality.  I briefly dated a guy from a town where gay men couldn't be out unless they wanted to be dead or have serious bodily harm done to them--some places have the same ignorant attitude about HIV.  I agree that the ones I have taken a leap of faith and told, it has gone good and eased stress, but what about those people who can't because of issues like I mentioned above?

Then they are excused.  Disclosure isn't something that fits in every situation.  However, many instances it IS used as a crutch of sorts -- I did it myself for a decade out of fear, which turned out to be a fear of very little reason.

Bottom line when it comes to your PARENTS:  would you rather them find out from you in a hospital bed, or when you're not in one and can calmly explain the medical details and potential scenarios to them and answer questions.  Which is the most fair TO YOUR PARENTS? 

Workplace disclosure is another issue, at least for me it is.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline marc11864

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #23 on: February 22, 2007, 08:20:45 PM »
 I don't think that I could ever disclose to my HIV that I have family. All this time it has believed that it was the only one in my life!  ;D
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #24 on: February 22, 2007, 08:27:52 PM »
I don't think that I could ever disclose to my HIV that I have family. All this time it has believed that it was the only one in my life!  ;D

that's very funny marc!   I'll have to remember that line......
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Londonguy

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #25 on: February 22, 2007, 08:39:00 PM »
I have no intention of disclosing to my family anytime soon.  My mum suffers from MS which has consistently been shown to be worsened by stress.  Knowing what my mum is like I know she would worry herself into the ground and I would hate to think that the disease she has to deal with was made worse by knowing about the disease I have to deal with.

Offline AlanBama

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #26 on: February 22, 2007, 08:43:51 PM »
I think you have a very valid point, Londonguy.   This is a perfect example of why disclosure is such a "personal issue", different for everybody.
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline emeraldize

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #27 on: February 22, 2007, 10:19:36 PM »
Londonguy

I'm sorry to hear your mom has MS and it sure is affected by stress. I would do the same as you in that setting.

I waited for 1.5 yrs before telling my mom because of my concern about affecting her health. Ended up that I spoke with my physician who, upon hearing the description of her health condition, said it would be fine and I would not risk causing her a negative impact.

At this point, I know that disclosure has brought us closer and I am warmed by her support.

Em

Offline DanielMark

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #28 on: February 23, 2007, 03:37:16 AM »
Disclosure isn't something that fits in every situation.

Definitely, Philly. This is an entirely personal decision, and common sense is the better part of wisdom.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Central79

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #29 on: February 23, 2007, 08:18:36 AM »
Listen here you people that are locked firmly in your HIV/AIDS closets; hiding from yourselves is not healthy under any circumstances. 

I think the authors make it pretty clear that this is not what they're advocating. Rejection is also likely to damage CD4 counts, and they countenance caution in the article I read.

I remember telling my parents I was gay. My mother walked out of the room and my dad and I looked at each other as we heard her go upstairs, throw-up and then burst into tears. She didn't talk to me for 6 months. My father would call but it was all very much in the vein of "why did you do this to us?".

Now I'm poz, I'm not going through that again. There'd be more stress in re-educating my parents 1980s ideas of HIV/AIDS and constantly reassuring them as well as the "why did you do this to us?" nature of their relationship with me. Personally, I've found it better to disclose to my friends, get my support from there, and come to terms with the fact that I don't have an emotionally supportive family to help me through this. I wish I had, but I don't.

Matt.
Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline Miss Philicia

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  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #30 on: February 23, 2007, 08:35:40 AM »
I'd still ask myself whether it's better for them to find out when you're in a hospital bed or when your not -- that's the bottom line.  Which is fairest to them?

So it's difficult for parents to learn you have HIV -- so fucking what?  Life is full of difficulties.  Your parents aren't wilting flowers.  They'd get upset if it was cancer too, wouldn't they?  But you'd tell them that.  I had to tell my parents I was gay at the same time I told them about the HIV -- Imagine that.  Plus at my age still being in the closet with my parents... what a fucking loser.  I don't even like admitting that on this board... gives me the heaves.  I had so compartmentalized my life I didn't know which door to use!

I'm sorry if I come out strong on this issue... but these are things that MY PARENTS said to me.  They were actually upset that I waited a decade to tell them.  They were hurt and felt that I questioned their love.  I had been wrong about their strength and character, and in turn caused MYSELF so much stress and grief by not telling them that long.

Mind you, I still would not have told them instantly.  But five years waiting would have been MUCH MUCH better.  All I'm saying is that adamantly refusing to tell your parents EVER, instead of just LATER might turn out kind of bad and unfair.

Also, in my case after 2 severe weight loses they were beginning to wonder if I was ill with something anyway, but I digress.
« Last Edit: February 23, 2007, 08:37:50 AM by philly267 »
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Moffie65

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  • Posts: 1,755
  • Living POZ since 1983
Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #31 on: February 23, 2007, 08:59:30 AM »
I want to be clear here, so I will try to explain my views.

I disclosed to my parents about three years after diagnosis.  They were living in Kenya at the time, and their response was to completely divorce me from the family, lock stock and barrel, all in the name of Jesus.

At that time, I was not terribly devastated, as I knew from my life as a gay man that they weren't particularly interested in anything going on in my life, so I moved on "without" parents and family.  Jesus has been the reason for many a family quarrel, which I am sure he dearly loves from people who label themselves "Christian" or "Christ-like".

Most of my stance on disclosure comes from years of watching people who do so and in the end, reduce the severe amount of damage that "closeted HIV living" can do to your immune system. 

In my present experience, living and working in a very narrow minded Cowboy, Military, Baptist, Mormon and predjudiced community; generally people are surprised that I have survived so long, and then inevitably ask how that can happen, so then I have an opening for education.  Mostly, I am received with some trepidation and much suspicion, and always the assumption is made that I am gay.  Oh well, I am learning more and more about disclosure, and the dark side of the human condition, and YES I do understand why people choose to stay in the closet about their HIV.  Unfortunately, this goes smack against the beliefs and convictions that I have learned that people and the pandemic will progress and more and more people will become infected.

So, where does that leave an old crusty fart like myself?  I guess out in the wilderness of reality. 

Disclose if you feel like it, or stay secret about your HIV, but please understand that with every life decision there will be surprises.  Both with those who are supportive, and those who would rather shoot your ass.  I have dealt with both.

The Bible contains 6 admonishments to homosexuals,
and 362 to heterosexuals.
This doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals,
It's just that they need more supervision.
Lynn Lavne

Offline Longislander

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Re: Disclosure may boost CD4 Counts
« Reply #32 on: February 23, 2007, 06:15:19 PM »
I think we can leave it up to each individual to make their own informed judgment on who they should or shouldn't tell. Because I choose not to burden my family with something they don't need to worry about right now, definitely doesn't relate to more and more people becoming infected. I think that's more in my own head and hands and whether I would ever do that as the person I am. Not whether my mother know about it or not.

Tell your story, and leave it at that.

Let's not tell someone else they're wrong by not disclosing to everyone, and that they will die sooner , and have sufferred more illness than they would have, because they didn't.

Peace~
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

 


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