Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
July 31, 2014, 01:24:56 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 632472
  • Total Topics: 47900
  • Online Today: 247
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva  (Read 2992 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline Pavementlion

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« on: February 19, 2007, 02:33:41 AM »
I'm pretty young to be diagnosed.  I am now 20, but found out I had HIV at 19 and discovered that the disease was well progressed.  My T-cell count was in the low 200's and viral load was surging over 100,000.
I have a couple questions.  1) Is there anyone else who is young with HIV who I could talk to?
and 2) Based on the above figures, is it likely that I got HIV at like 12 years old?  I know that HIV progresses at different rates, but isn't it usually an average of like 10 years before the T-Cell count gets to 200?  I wasn't sexually active till 16.  Maybe it's just me looking for excuses, but I would feel a whole lot better if I learned I got it accidentally through a blood sample or something like that.  It would make me feel less guilty about probably having gotten it through sex.  Which leads to my third question.  3) Does anyone else feel REALLY guilty about having HIV?  Like dirty?  Is anyone else ashamed to talk about it?  Finally, I am now on Sustiva which is an interesting drug.  I HATE it.  So if you'd like to leave a comment on the king of bad drugs I will empathize with you completely.

Offline Pavementlion

  • Member
  • Posts: 9
Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #1 on: February 19, 2007, 02:44:03 AM »
I'm pretty young to be diagnosed.  I am now 20, but found out I had HIV at 19 and discovered that the disease was well progressed.  My T-cell count was in the low 200's and viral load was surging over 100,000.
I have a couple questions.  1) Is there anyone else who is young with HIV who I could talk to?
and 2) Based on the above figures, is it likely that I got HIV at like 12 years old?  I know that HIV progresses at different rates, but isn't it usually an average of like 10 years before the T-Cell count gets to 200?  I wasn't sexually active till 16.  Maybe it's just me looking for excuses, but I would feel a whole lot better if I learned I got it accidentally through a blood sample or something like that.  It would make me feel less guilty about probably having gotten it through sex.  Which leads to my third question.  3) Does anyone else feel REALLY guilty about having HIV?  Like dirty?  Is anyone else ashamed to talk about it?  Finally, I am now on Sustiva which is an interesting drug.  I HATE it.  So if you'd like to leave a comment on the king of bad drugs I will empathize with you completely.

Offline Rainbow1

  • Member
  • Posts: 34
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #2 on: February 19, 2007, 03:22:54 AM »
I cant help you with the young part , but i do have a 20 yr old friend who just recently found out he was pos. his #'s are not bad enough to start meds yet. but i can tell you when i first found out i was pos my numbers were t cell 250 and vl 450 . i choose to start meds right away because when i found out i wanted to get my t cells up before they fell below the 200 mark. I personally dont seam to have as much trouble with the sustiva as i seam to have with combivir (which is why im awake right now) I dont beleive i had it for more than a couple years before i tested pos and i have felt dirty and guilty about it but i would like to say the feelings get better in time. my prayers go out to you and remember it is not the end of your life.

Offline madbrain

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,208
  • No longer an active member
    • My personal site
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #3 on: February 19, 2007, 04:23:29 AM »
How young of a person are you looking for to chat with ? I am 30 - admittedly the big 3 - 0 is scary, but my bf is 28.

I don't think there is anyway to tell when you got it really. Everybody seems to progress differently, even with the same virus.

My bf and I were both negative as of last year when we met - he had a neg test in mid-april 2006, and I had a neg one in late june 2006. But we both tested poz in november :-(

His first counts were CD4 400 and VL 3500 . My first counts were CD4 716 and VL 598. And I believe I am the one who infected him.
2 months later he is went down to CD4 250 and VL 20,000. While my CD4 actually went up to 788, though the VL went up too to 2437.
There seems to be a lot of factors. I would say stress is one. But heredity plays a big part as well.

Unless you had a transfusion it's unlikely you caught HIV that way. IMO we are all innocent victims. We should not have guilt over catching this virus, we didn't ask for it, it was accidental, regardless of whether it was through sex or some transfusion or some other way. I don't know about your situation but for me it is very hard because I used protection but caught it anyway. I do feel dirty somewhat and definitely less sexy. We are not having as many three-ways now that we are poz (only once since we tested poz, on new year's eve, and of course we disclosed - the 3rd guy was neg) ... I feel guilty for infecting my bf, but not so much for getting it myself, I did my best to protect myself, but it happens, and now we have to live with it :-(.

Offline indyguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 260
  • Hoosier Boy Single Again.
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #4 on: February 19, 2007, 06:00:19 AM »
Hey sorry to hear that you are poz. I do have some young friends that are poz and they seem to be doing OK but they do party allot. I am sure you will find someone here that you can talk to. I am just now going through all of the beginning stages of Dr visits, blood work etc etc. Wish you the best and feel free to hit me up although there are a great number of people here with a ton of advise on just about anything you want to know. 8)
Meds doing well so far.

Offline dtwpuck

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,013
  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #5 on: February 19, 2007, 07:56:06 AM »
Hello, Pavementlion... and welcome.

It's not really possible to say that you've been infected since you were 12.  People's counts and experience with HIV vary widely from person to person.  But there are better experts here than I on that subject.

However, you are very young.  There are some others who have posted here who are in your age group and there seem to be more all the time.  In real life, I have personally met recently three or four very young men (<20) who are hiv positive.  It's been a really rough road for some of them.( I've told a couple of them about this board, but I haven't seen them post. )  Please use these forums to help yourself gain insight into what others have gone through.  On here you will find people who have had HIV since the eighties, and people who were diagnosed yesterday.    You will also find people who have been very sick and others who are doing very well.  While we don't always agree with each other, the people here do understand what you are going through.   We also are all very aware that in your age group there are a lot of misunderstandings about HIV and you will have quite a few things to talk about specific to being young.  Please feel free to express yourself.

ABout the guilt of having gotten HIV through sex.  Well, there is no shame in having sex.  We all do it (or have done it!).  It's a human and wonderful thing to do.  HIV is a virus.  While there is a lot of social stigma attached to it.... it is still just a virus.  It doesn't matter how you got it.    What matters is how you deal with it now.

Sustiva really sucked for me.  I gave it about a year before I just couldn't hack it anymore.  Some people shrug it off, but for others it can be a really difficult med.  If you are having trouble with it, talk to your doctor.  There are alternatives. 

You have a long life ahead of you.  Hug...
looking forward to finding out more about you,
puck
« Last Edit: February 19, 2007, 07:58:47 AM by dtwpuck »
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 24,402
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #6 on: February 19, 2007, 08:24:50 AM »
Pave, I'm glad you have found your way to our site.

The age range here is pretty wide -- from teen to decades older than that. While I understand your wanting to talk with people your own age, I think you will still find valuable information and support here, whatever the person's age. In fact, some of those who have already responded are evidence of that.

What's more important right now is that you are getting good medical care including having your numbers monitored regularly. You want to have a doctor with whom you can form a good working partnership to keep you healthy.

Sustiva is one tough drug. It's very common for someone new to it to have a period of some weeks during which they can get depressed and in some instances even have suicidal feelings. Which is why it's a very good thing for someone in your life to be awaer you're on the drug and to watch for signs of undue depression. But that period usually passes. What is also true that it is a very powerful drug and when it kicks in, it really does the job.

But meds can be changed. So if you're ever having a side effect that is troubling, that's something to discuss with your doctor so that you can consider alternatives if necessary.

As far your feelings about having become infected, that's something many others have felt as well. Unfortunately the world at large still doesn't have its head on straight about HIV. HIV is not a moral condemnation of you. It's a virus. The HOW of your becoming positive is less important than taking good care of yourself now, although the feelings you have are understandable. And one of the things you can do is talk about that here where people understand where you're coming from.
   
You're always welcome here to ask questions and to discuss anything that's on your mind.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #7 on: February 19, 2007, 09:52:13 AM »
Pave, welcome to the AM forums.   I think you will find many of us act like we are <20 and are constantly reminded to "grow up"  ;D....   Your in a good place..

Love,

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #8 on: February 19, 2007, 11:07:11 AM »
Hi Pave, welcome to the forums. Sorry about the diagnosis, you're just a pup! We have a member here called 'mouse' and he's only 16. I'm sure we've got a few around your age , I just can't think of one right now.

Take good care of yourself~
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Londonguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 104
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #9 on: February 19, 2007, 11:07:29 AM »
I'm 22 and was diagnosed when I was 20 so I do know what it is like to be diagnosed when you're young.  I've recently started on meds and I think I was infected when I was 19 so I've also progressed very quickly.  I was pretty disappointed because I had hoped I wouldn't have to start meds til I was nearly 30 but everyone is different.  The important thing is to try and not beat yourself up about it but to look forward and be positive. 

I haven't found the Sustiva too bad, the effects have already worn off quite a lot on me, but again everyone is different.  So yeah, if you ever want to talk PM me or something, and good luck.

Offline aupointillimite

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,229
  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #10 on: February 19, 2007, 01:41:52 PM »
I'm pretty young to be diagnosed.  I am now 20, but found out I had HIV at 19 and discovered that the disease was well progressed.  My T-cell count was in the low 200's and viral load was surging over 100,000.
I have a couple questions.  1) Is there anyone else who is young with HIV who I could talk to?
and 2) Based on the above figures, is it likely that I got HIV at like 12 years old?  I know that HIV progresses at different rates, but isn't it usually an average of like 10 years before the T-Cell count gets to 200?  I wasn't sexually active till 16.  Maybe it's just me looking for excuses, but I would feel a whole lot better if I learned I got it accidentally through a blood sample or something like that.  It would make me feel less guilty about probably having gotten it through sex.  Which leads to my third question.  3) Does anyone else feel REALLY guilty about having HIV?  Like dirty?  Is anyone else ashamed to talk about it?  Finally, I am now on Sustiva which is an interesting drug.  I HATE it.  So if you'd like to leave a comment on the king of bad drugs I will empathize with you completely.

Hey dude... I was diagnosed when I was 22.  I'm 24 now.

I'm taking Atripla, which contains Sustiva.  Sustiva is kind of like that bitchy chick at parties... if you obviously hate her, she'll make your life a living hell, but if you kiss a little ass in the right way, she becomes your new best friend.   

And I got my HIV from having drunken unprotected sex... am I guilty or ashamed?  No.  Was it a stupid thing to do in 2004?  Yes.  Oh God, yes was it... but nothing to allow myself get mired in guilt over.

That said, if you have any questions about being under 25 and poz in the 21st century... PM me.   

Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Peter6836

  • Member
  • Posts: 391
  • Me and my Granddaughter Noa
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #11 on: February 19, 2007, 01:44:10 PM »
I can not adress the youth, I was just diagnosed and am 52.
But the guilt is something i can talk about.
What a waste of time. Do not feel guilty!!!! You do not need that. People have said to me do you know how and where you got the virus. It is not really important at this point.
I think we need to focus our energy on living our lives to the fullest, enjoying the moments we experience everyday, loving the people that we have in our lives. It may seem cliche but I do not want the negativity of guilt in my life. One of my kids asked me if I acquired HIV on purpose, I did not even want to entertain that thought. I only have time for positive thoughts in my life. Let the guilt go concentrate on being healthy, and enjoy every moment of your life.

Offline Sky

  • Member
  • Posts: 225
    • Myspace
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #12 on: February 19, 2007, 02:10:48 PM »
I was diagnosed at 25, so I was pretty young when I tested positive, too.  This year coming will be my fifth year and I'm still not on meds, so everyone is different.  There is no reason to feel guilty; sex is part of human nature.  I cannot help with meds though since I haven't needed them yet.  If you ever need to talk just PM me, I'm always willing to listen.

Charlie
Poz since 2003.

Offline Ann

  • Administrator
  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #13 on: February 19, 2007, 02:16:14 PM »
Hi Pavementlion,

You started identical threads in two different forums. Please don't do that - it makes it easier for everyone to follow the discussion if you only start one thread on your subject. Thanks!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline StrongGuy

  • Member
  • Posts: 492
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #14 on: February 19, 2007, 03:15:54 PM »
Welcome aboard!

Mike
"Get your medical advice from Doctors or medical professionals who you trust and know your history."

"Beware of the fortune teller doom and gloomers who seek to bring you down and are only looking for company, purpose and validation - not your best physical/mental interests."

"You know you all are saying that this is incurable. When the real thing you should be saying is it's not curable at the present time' because as we know, the great strides we've made in medicine." - Elizabeth Edwards

Offline blondbeauty

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,784
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #15 on: February 19, 2007, 03:27:38 PM »
Welcome to the forums. I wish I was as young as you are even with HIV. I felt dirty at the beginning, but now I feel normal again. Maybe a bit transgenic. You will feel better with time. It is a long process. Never feel guilty, you did not do anything bad to deserve this virus. Nobody does...  :-*
Juan
« Last Edit: February 19, 2007, 03:29:20 PM by blondbeauty »
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

Offline Fosbery

  • Member
  • Posts: 47
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #16 on: February 19, 2007, 04:58:52 PM »
Hey Madbrian,

How does your partner feel about getting it from you ? How is he dealing with it ?

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #17 on: February 19, 2007, 05:05:55 PM »
I'm pretty young to be diagnosed.  I am now 20, but found out I had HIV at 19 and discovered that the disease was well progressed.  My T-cell count was in the low 200's and viral load was surging over 100,000.
I have a couple questions.  1) Is there anyone else who is young with HIV who I could talk to?
and 2) Based on the above figures, is it likely that I got HIV at like 12 years old?  I know that HIV progresses at different rates, but isn't it usually an average of like 10 years before the T-Cell count gets to 200?  I wasn't sexually active till 16.  Maybe it's just me looking for excuses, but I would feel a whole lot better if I learned I got it accidentally through a blood sample or something like that.  It would make me feel less guilty about probably having gotten it through sex.  Which leads to my third question.  3) Does anyone else feel REALLY guilty about having HIV?  Like dirty?  Is anyone else ashamed to talk about it?  Finally, I am now on Sustiva which is an interesting drug.  I HATE it.  So if you'd like to leave a comment on the king of bad drugs I will empathize with you completely.


First, a welcome to Pave and the other fairly new to posting here, if not as members!  I hope that you will all start to find things here and that we will find out more about each of you as you feel comfortable to tell us.

Second, I can repeat what has been posted, what you have noticed: people respond to hiv infection at different rates.  One of the great things here, given the number of posters, given the range of ages and dates, is that it's easy to see this.

Third, yes, many people feel shame, guilt and other negative feelings and you will find a number of existing threads which should help you feel that what you are going through is not uncommon. 

Fourth, Sustiva is an interesting drug.  :)  I can't say that I hate it, but I am not sure why you do.  I can say that I allow it to limit my nighttime adventures since I want to keep on schedule and don't want to be out and about when the sensations start.  Best, Win

Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,384
  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #18 on: February 19, 2007, 06:00:44 PM »
Hey Pavemention,
I was young when I was infected, does that count?

Since I'm an old fart now, the only advice I'll give you is to first not dwell on the guilt. I felt dirty too, like nobody would want me, would touch me, etc.

I was wrong. There have been plently along my life's road who have both wanted me and, dare I say, touched me.

You are not a virus. You are a human being worthy of being loved. Just remember that.


HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline puertorico2006

  • Member
  • Posts: 957
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #19 on: February 20, 2007, 07:50:24 PM »
Hey Pavemention,

Im not as young as you but I am 23, found out when i was 22 and probably had it since 19-20... There is no way for you to determine when exactly it was that you were infected, but honestly it doesnt really matter when or how it happened because the end result will be the same. When I first found out i had a combination of guilt and feeling stupid, but it was just a mistake (we all make mistakes especially when your young its how you learn and grow :-D)....In other words just try to accept it for what it is, be responsible, take care of yourself and live a normal happy life. Dont feel ashamed for something that could happen to anyone with a temporary lapse in judgment....

 :-*
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline puertorico2006

  • Member
  • Posts: 957
Re: Young and Diagonosed and Guilty and Sustiva
« Reply #20 on: February 20, 2007, 07:54:44 PM »
after all the sustiva comments on this site im nervous about starting it when i do start meds :-O
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.