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Author Topic: I'm staying right here...  (Read 3378 times)

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Offline aupointillimite

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I'm staying right here...
« on: February 17, 2007, 04:17:43 PM »
... with my avatar, my bloody admissions to being a drunk and a former drug addict, and everything that goes along with that.   

And my name.  Because I don't give a shit.  What are they going to do?

Really... for all of my ironic pretentions of being "awesome," I'm boring... and no one wants anything at all to do with my life (except for people with taste, of course).  What's the worst that could happen, some jackass in St. Paul calls the Richmond police department and says, "There's this guy named Benj who does coke sometimes in Richmond!"  Um... right. 

I'm under no delusions about what teh Internets means in terms of privacy... yes, this place "feels" safe, but it really isn't.  Much like I "feel" fine with HIV, and I'm   really not.

Without saying any names... I just think that a lot of people are upset because a bunch of new people (99% of whom will undoubtedly never come back again) have logged on, and this place doesn't feel special or exclusive anymore.  The masses have roared in, and much like with indie bands that go to major labels... some people are no longer fans.

I really do think that's a shame... but I like it here, and I'm staying.

And I'll say it again.  My name is Benj.  I live in Richmond, Virginia.  I am a drunk.  I am HIV+.  I tell my sex partners my status but sometimes forget their names afterwards.  I used to be a coke head.  I have a cat.  I like pickles.

And now... I'm waiting for something to happen. 

Anything...

Crickets... nothing but crickets...
« Last Edit: February 17, 2007, 04:19:27 PM by aupointillimite »
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #1 on: February 17, 2007, 04:20:42 PM »
Quote
I tell my sex partners my status but sometimes forget their names afterwards.


hrm... I usually don't even bother with names

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #2 on: February 17, 2007, 04:21:22 PM »


hrm... I usually don't even bother with names

I don't either...

I was trying to make myself look like I had morals for the CSI fans.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #3 on: February 17, 2007, 04:22:00 PM »
I wasn't aware about the pickles.  I would have taken you more for someone who indulges only in cornichons.

I'd *LOVE* to know where ANYONE got this WILD AND RADICAL idea that the internet provides privacy.  Like I stated yesterday, posting on the internet is like standing on a crowded street corner and telling complete strangers whatever the hell you feel like.  Anyone obsessed with privacy concerns, certainly with HIV (I suppose it's public disclosure issues but all the recent obsessives seem to somewhat tap dance around what they're really freaking out about) should be attending closed PRIVATE support groups.  I realize that this is not feasible for every person, mostly our rural compatriots, but there's a trade-off.

It's called REALITY, and that's just how the internet is.
« Last Edit: February 17, 2007, 04:26:55 PM by philly267 »
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #4 on: February 17, 2007, 04:34:22 PM »
philly, I luvs ya but you are just being dumb.

Quote
I'd *LOVE* to know where ANYONE got this WILD AND RADICAL idea that the internet provides privacy.  Like I stated yesterday, posting on the internet is like standing on a crowded street corner and telling complete strangers whatever the hell you feel like.


I am MUCH more comfortable telling complete strangers personal facts about myself than telling potentially embarassing facts to people I know.

Maybe you haven't had it happen to you, but I have already at least 3 times since blogging here... 2 AT MY WORK and 1 personal friend from another state. 

Yes, I knew this was a possibility, but I also expected that those visiting this site would have some vested interest, like having hiv or being worried about hiv.   Not the random person drawn in by CSI.

Yes, everything is public but there is still a certain 'sense' of privacy here, because of the small nature of the forums.  IE:  WHO the fark will be interested in reading my shit to seek it out?

But this is not about people seeking it out... it's about people INADVERTANTLY finding it due to the CSI links.

and that's bad IMHO.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #5 on: February 17, 2007, 04:36:06 PM »
Dear Mr. B.

Just for shits and giggles I forwarded your Aidsmeds bio and pics to the Richmond P.D. After examining your file they have decided to forward it to the fashion police. :P

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #6 on: February 17, 2007, 04:43:28 PM »
A LITTLE POEM

hear hear

to staying right here

no one gives a rat's rear

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #7 on: February 17, 2007, 04:45:01 PM »
philly, I luvs ya but you are just being dumb.
 

I am MUCH more comfortable telling complete strangers personal facts about myself than telling potentially embarassing facts to people I know.

Maybe you haven't had it happen to you, but I have already at least 3 times since blogging here... 2 AT MY WORK and 1 personal friend from another state. 

Yes, I knew this was a possibility, but I also expected that those visiting this site would have some vested interest, like having hiv or being worried about hiv.   Not the random person drawn in by CSI.

Yes, everything is public but there is still a certain 'sense' of privacy here, because of the small nature of the forums.  IE:  WHO the fark will be interested in reading my shit to seek it out?

But this is not about people seeking it out... it's about people INADVERTANTLY finding it due to the CSI links.

and that's bad IMHO.

Wait a minute.  I'm "dumb" yet YOU were the one who got burned because you didn't realize how there's no privacy protection built into the internet's infrastructure?  How exactly does that work again?  I guess I'm too dumb to figure out how fucking dumb I really am.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #8 on: February 17, 2007, 04:48:32 PM »

Yes, I knew this was a possibility, but I also expected that those visiting this site would have some vested interest, like having hiv or being worried about hiv.   Not the random person drawn in by CSI.


But this is not about people seeking it out... it's about people INADVERTANTLY finding it due to the CSI links.

There are over one billion people who have access to teh Internets through a series of tubes.

I don't make any guesses as to anyone's motives for coming onto this site... but I definitely know it would be a bit ridiculous to assume anything.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #9 on: February 17, 2007, 04:56:49 PM »
Quote
I guess I'm too dumb to figure out how fucking dumb I really am.

*giggles*

um... yeah, you are.

Let me restate this clearly.

There is a small website forum which almost nobody goes to but you post on.  Yes, it is public, but frankly, nobody is interested in what you have to say.  You can say what you want and you are 'relatively' protected' from exposure except to a relatively select group.

Then, a huge tv show comes along and invites all their viewers to come and view you PERSONAL posts. 

That is a leap of huge proportions on the internet and in internet forums, ESPECIALLY one designed as  SUPPORT forum.


Offline aupointillimite

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #10 on: February 17, 2007, 05:05:41 PM »
There is a small website forum which almost nobody goes to but you post on.  Yes, it is public, but frankly, nobody is interested in what you have to say.  You can say what you want and you are 'relatively' protected' from exposure except to a relatively select group.

Then, a huge tv show comes along and invites all their viewers to come and view you PERSONAL posts. 

Somebody can still Google this website, right?

To me, the difference between the ability to stumble on to a website like this and inviting someone to come to a website like this is no different. 

The chances that the wrong people could come on are still extremely high.

So over the course of a month or whatever, a bunch of people are gonna see this on TV... that still doesn't change the fact that millions of people stumbling over Internet links could find themselves here over the course of a year... and it doesn't particularly bother me either way.

I think this comes down to the appearance of safety rather than actual safety... suddenly CSI is inviting people to come here... and that makes a lot of people no longer feel safe... but the thing is... this was never protected information in the first place.  Yes, there were more hits to this site after CSI, but so what?  That doesn't mean that in the course of any given day here, anyone is in any more or less danger of having their posts potentially exposed.  Because we're always in danger of that.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #11 on: February 17, 2007, 05:06:08 PM »
*giggles*

um... yeah, you are.

Let me restate this clearly.

There is a small website forum which almost nobody goes to but you post on.  Yes, it is public, but frankly, nobody is interested in what you have to say.  You can say what you want and you are 'relatively' protected' from exposure except to a relatively select group.

Then, a huge tv show comes along and invites all their viewers to come and view you PERSONAL posts. 

That is a leap of huge proportions on the internet and in internet forums, ESPECIALLY one designed as  SUPPORT forum.



Yet you began a video blog on this site and are even moderately surprised that 2 co-workers found out.  Do you realize how hilarious that is?  VIDEO BLOG no less.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #12 on: February 17, 2007, 05:09:15 PM »
me is dumbs.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #13 on: February 17, 2007, 05:12:49 PM »
ha ha
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline Ann

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #14 on: February 17, 2007, 05:17:28 PM »
WHO the fark will be interested in reading my shit to seek it out?

Dingo, you're probably quite right there. I don't think that's going to change with the addition of the CSI forum either.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline dtwpuck

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #15 on: February 17, 2007, 05:26:09 PM »
Hey Benj, I applaud your courage in admitting that you like something as disgusting as pickles.
That's really a forthright admission and I wish you strength on your journey through life.

Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #16 on: February 17, 2007, 05:30:08 PM »
Pickles are delicious and I can stop eating them anytime I want!

I like drinking pickle brine, too.  No joke.  I will chug that shit. 

And I eat sauerkraut from the can.  Because it's delicious as well.

I pretty much like any food that comes from the vinegar group.

Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #17 on: February 17, 2007, 05:33:19 PM »
This discussion (in this thread and related ones) reminds me somewhat of the screaming, squawking, and complaining "we" did back when AOL unleashed the vast, uneducated hordes onto the InterWeb.  We all made dire predictions about the death of netting as we knew it.  The net survived.

For 6 months it was practically unbearable because innumerable idiots would join listservs (ah, the good old days) and other net communities and pester us with stupid newbie questions totally unrelated to the purpose of the list, site, whatever.  On gay listservs people were suddenly concerned their privacy could be compromised (what privacy?).  Discussions about legal ownership of contributions became raucous flame fests.   Like I'm worried someone will compile my posts in a book (diary of a madman) and steal my intellectual property.  I don't think so.

In a few weeks the majority of people who joined AM to participate in the CSI:NY forum will drop from sight.  Those who stay are no more of a danger than anyone else who's ever joined.  Even though the moderators may have more crap to deal with (and I solemnly promise to do my best to keep my nose clean) I doubt any of us have anything to be concerned about.  If your avatar is a face pic it has always been possible for someone to see it.  None of us have names or profiles which identify specifically who we are so remove your pic if you're concerned about maintaining anonymity. 

As the immortal Ann-Margret said this is "a tempest in a tea bag."  I don't mean to disparage anyone concerned about decreased "privacy" caused by the CSI:NY introduction but the fact is, and it has been stated many times before, anyone has access to AM so any one of us could be "found" by a coworker, relative, criminal sheriff, state mental institution, etc.  I've got nothing to hide except a few extra pounds.

Boo
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Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #18 on: February 17, 2007, 05:34:53 PM »
Dingo, you're probably quite right there. I don't think that's going to change with the addition of the CSI forum either.

Ann


OH my sweet Jesus Ann (oops.. I don't believe)

You are way too funny.  Now you will burn in hell for being that funny. It is your destiny.

Offline Ihavehope

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #19 on: February 17, 2007, 05:41:18 PM »
Aupo

I admire that you admit your are a coke whore with an alcholic problem and you will stay here because you want to prove to them bitches that you can.

U go girl.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #20 on: February 17, 2007, 05:43:05 PM »
Oh yeah, it's gonna take a lot more than an influx of fans of a crappy TV show to get rid of me.

A lot more.

Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #21 on: February 17, 2007, 06:02:37 PM »
Like a pickle brine colonic
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #22 on: February 17, 2007, 06:03:43 PM »
Like a pickle brine colonic

Or a couple nights of posting on here when I'm drunk.

Which is much like a pickle brine colonic, now that I think about it... hmm...
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #23 on: February 17, 2007, 06:08:00 PM »
Do you eat the dill flavored Lays?  They're pretty tasty.  I didn't discover them until a trip to the Old Dominion a couple of years ago, though I can now find them up here.

I'm really not a huge pickle fan, in fact I hated them as a child.  I do eat them sparingly now.  Relish is a MUST on a hot dog though, and little gherkins are always served at dinner parties along with manchego cheese and membrillo.

Oh, but I'm so very, very huge on Balsamic vinegar.  Also seek out a bottle of Melfor Alsatian vinegar.  I was recently turned on to this by my friendly man servants behind the counters at DiBruno Bros.

http://www.melfor.com/
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #24 on: February 17, 2007, 06:08:42 PM »
Do you eat the dill flavored Lays?  They're pretty tasty.  I didn't discover them until a trip to the Old Dominion a couple of years ago, though I can now find them up here.

I love those!
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Longislander

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #25 on: February 17, 2007, 06:09:24 PM »
~
« Last Edit: February 17, 2007, 07:21:41 PM by Longislander »
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline dtwpuck

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #26 on: February 17, 2007, 06:45:37 PM »
When I lived in Russia, I had the pleasure of being introduced to pickle brine as a chaser to shots of vodka.  Yeah, no.
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #27 on: February 17, 2007, 06:54:52 PM »
When I lived in Russia, I had the pleasure of being introduced to pickle brine as a chaser to shots of vodka.  Yeah, no.


That sounds really good actually!

My roommate (and my family) thinks it's really gross how I'll drink the juice... but it's a nummy salty treat.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #28 on: February 17, 2007, 06:57:21 PM »
It's pretty gross I think. 

Oh, next time your up in NYC make sure you make a pilgrimage here -- it's legendary:

http://nymag.com/listings/stores/guss_pickles/index.html
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #29 on: February 17, 2007, 07:04:23 PM »
It's pretty gross I think. 

Oh, next time your up in NYC make sure you make a pilgrimage here -- it's legendary:

http://nymag.com/listings/stores/guss_pickles/index.html

I've been there!  Many, many times... my dad used to take me when I was a little kid. 

I fucking love those pickles.  So much.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #30 on: February 17, 2007, 07:07:02 PM »
I've been there!  Many, many times... my dad used to take me when I was a little kid. 

I fucking love those pickles.  So much.

Ah... it's that lil' bit of Jew in you.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #31 on: February 17, 2007, 07:10:08 PM »
Ah... it's that lil' bit of Jew in you.

It is... or the brine.  I'm not entirely sure... 
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Basquo

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #32 on: February 17, 2007, 07:57:08 PM »
Quote
I'll drink the juice... but it's a nummy salty treat.

Benj, that stuff is good for cleansing the kidneys.  Keep it up!

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: I'm staying right here...
« Reply #33 on: February 17, 2007, 08:40:39 PM »
Until your blood pressure sky rockets.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

 


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