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controversial - who was infected in an open relationship? (or by cheating)

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cmhjeff:
Just knew this would be a hot topic with sparks flying.  As for me I think I've always been in search of that perfect monogamous relationship. Even in my current relationship of 10 years I had to deal with that cheating about six years ago.  It was the hardest thing to deal with at the time of we work through our trust issues and today I believe our love is stronger than ever.  I think the worst thing about him cheating was that I found out online from the person he cheated with.  I think the fact that he lied about the act hurt more than the act itself.  I think there's a lot to say about a monogamous relationship but it's not my place to judge will work sure someone else.  I see open relationship and cheating as two separate acts.  In my eyes teaching involves lying and an open relationship involves an understanding. I'd like to say there is no excuse for cheating but in the heat of the moment and coked out of my mind I cheated once during a previous relationship and I hated myself for that and it ultimately ruined that relationship.  My partner and I enjoy the raunchiest of porns :P and get our kicks on cruising hot boys and daddies just about everywhere we go.  I will admit that with my current condition of PML some deep inner trust issues did resurface and I even told my partner that if I was lacking that I would understand if he needed something on the side.  This actually seemed to really upset him because I think he thought I was accusing him but all I was trying to say is that I would rather know about it up front rather than find out about it online, my friends or a strange late-night phone call.  It all comes down to that lying factor for me.  I was the winner though when he told me that he's not stuck with me but he's with me because he loves me and cares for me and will be here through good and bad.  So we will continue to gawk and watch porn :P

dario:
Bailey,
first of all I want to tell you that if I lived on the other side of the Atlantic I would make you a happy man.

Many comments and issues raised in this "discussion" remind me of Oscar Wilde's novel "The Portrait of Dorian Gray".  (Oscar Wilde was one of the best ever novelists and he was gay). 

In this novel Lord Henry tells the handsome Dorian. "The only way to get rid of a temptation is to yield to it" Lord Henry adds. "Resist it and the soul grows sick with longing."  Dorian begins a searching of his lust and discovers a brilliant actress Sibyl Vane, who performs Shakespeare in a shabby theatre.  Dorian approaches her and immediately proposes marriage. Sibyl does not know his name refers to him as Prince Charming. 

Dorian invites Lord Henry to see Sibyl perform in Romeo and Juliet.  Until then Sibyl’s only knowledge of love was through the love of theatre.  Now she experienced true love with Dorian and she suddenly loses her acting abilities and performs very badly. When Dorian sees this he cruelly rejects her telling her that if she could no longer act, he was no longer interested in her.  Back home, Dorian notices that the portrait of him has changed because there was a touch of cruelty in the mouth. Dorian understands that his mad wish has come true.  The portrait is ageing while his own outward appearance remains unchanged. He decides to reconcile with Sibyl, but Lord Henry arrives in the morning to say that Sibyl has killed herself by swallowing acid.
Dorian spends the next eighteen years by indulging with every vice forbidden to man, under the influence of a French novel given to him as a present from Lord Henry. (Oscar Wilde probably got his inspiration from the novel “A Rebours” – Against Nature).

18 years later, after returning to London, Dorian tells Lord Henry that he decided to be good by not breaking the heart of his latest innocent conquest, a vicar’s daughter in a country town.  He wonders if the portrait would have begun to change back losing its sinister appearance, now that he has changed his ways.  He unveils it to only find that it has become worse. 

Dorian thus begins to question the motives behind his act, whether it was merely vanity, curiosity, or seeking new emotional excess. 

I will not write more because it will be too long.  Sorry for my english!

hugs
dario

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