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Your reactions to testing poz: the first three weeks

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--- Quote from: Markmt on June 18, 2006, 04:21:02 AM --- Being that i had a complete blood count (excluding HIV) and all came normal, then re done the tests a month later (including HIV) and doctor wanted to visit her clinic for results, that's when my heart sank. Luckily I had my partner to share to initial emotions and shock who was very supportive, but I still had that feeling of fear and confusion.

--- End quote ---

How odd, Mark. That is my scenario exactly. But when my GP told me, we were walking into his inner office, and he put his arm around my shoulder (was not looking into my face) and said, "I'm afraid I don't have good news for you." I felt it incumbent upon me to play it a-okay, and I wanted to reassure him how difficult it must have been for him to tell me.

I am looking back on those three weeks now (this is my fourth) as a strange sort of pugatory. How in the heck did I get through all that, what with the ex dumping me etc? I think I'm beginning to know: I'm strong. Stronger than I knew.


I discovered that I am +  in the first week of January 2006.  Probably I got infected in mid November 2005. I felt completely lost and overwhelmed.  I cried like a baby.  Ironically I was more scared of telling it to my family and friends rather than the wreckage that this virus brings to the body.  Telling my parents that I am gay is already a problem.  Adding that I tested positive is even more scary.

Eventually I managed to tell just a few friends (not more than 6) who I know I could trust.  They have been a big support.  Indeed I feel that my relationship with them has grown deeper and now I realise that they are truly good friends.  Now I've started worrying about what could happen to my health.  I spend hours wasting my time on the internet searching about "vaccines", "new drugs", "breakthrough" etc ... At the end of the day I end up discouraged.  The only thing that helps me is the cautious optimism of the doctor.  He keeps telling me that although there is no definate cure things have changed a lot since the 80s. 

anyway, the only thing that helped me in the first month is hope


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