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riding the waves

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Hi everyone,

I am a new "family member."  I was diagnosed one month ago tomorrow and as most posts I have read was completely shocked and overwhelmed.  My bf and I both found out we were positive.  Neither of us cheated. I do not know why I feel compelled to include that.  It really doesn't matter "how", it is what it is.  Anyway, I am 38 years old and still feel as though life is over.  And I guess it is over as I have known it.  I have been to an ID specialist who has been wonderful.  My CD4 is 450 and vl is 600.  I don't need meds but I swear every ache, pain, and sniffle is a sign I am dying.  I am also in counseling and that has been so helpful.  I feel really blessed in terms of the support I have.  I have my man although I am worried about his health, my family knows and have been incredible and I feel a real part of something as I continue to read these posts.  I can only now begin to appreciate the "struggle" and how much I owe to those who have preceded me.  At some point I want to become an advocate and activist but right now I just want to sleep most of the time.  The depression and panic attacks have hit me like a tsunamii. The waves have not been as bad in the last few days. Time heals all wounds I guess but wow this really SUCKS.  Thanks for being there and reading my post.  All the best to everyone here at POZ!


Hey... welcome to the forum.  I find the people on this board to be very helpful.  It's an electronic shoulder to cry on... and I have come to respect a few of the people on here very much.   I am sure others feel the same.

Be glad you have each other.  I have a friend who is in a similar situation, where he and his BF both found out.  I think it's really healthy that you don't think about cheating or who gave it to whom.  The important thing is that you have each other to begin healing.

Remember to cut yourself some slack.  It's ok to be depressed.  But what's more important is that you learn to recognize that it's depression and find ways to deal with it.  Now is the time to focus on you and your partner, how to heal and how to live.  So, my friend, it is a bittersweet welcome to the family, but I sincerely hope that your new status at least gives you the chance to grow together and learn to live life every day to its fullest.



hi Lisa,

well I am sorry to hear about your recent diagnosis.
I am a newly diagnosed too, and I know this really SUCKS, and not only you have to face the most difficult virus in the human history but you have to deal with the "emotion garbage" that it comes with. Be don't forget that two are better than one. You have your boyfriend with you this means that you can help each other during the rough times, DON'T forget that.

The fight has just started for both of us, BE STRONG! I am also falling into a depression but i guess as you said time HEALS!!! let's hope that with the time left for us the "time" will come and they find a cure.


Welcome. You will find a great deal of help here. I was diagnosed in November. cd>387 vl>17000 and my id wants me to start meds this monday. fun fun fun. Stay positive and listen to the advise of the experts here. I have and its been a big help ::) 

Andy Velez:
Welcome. You've come to the right place. You can ask any questions you want to or discuss anything that's on your mind.

HIV is still very, very new for you so you need to give yourself time to get adjusted to it. It's essential that you have a good doctor to work with as a partner in keeping you healthy. You'll get to know the essentials about staying healthy. And you will find many people here who can provide helpful information and support.

That shock will wear off and gradually you're going to see that life is going on and it will still be good. It's good to read that your partner and family have been supportive. Your life? No, it's not over. It's just going to include some elements you hadn't planned on but that's really the way life tends to for everyone. Really.

Keep coming back here and keep us posted on how things are going.



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