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Author Topic: Dating  (Read 1793 times)

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Offline PositivelyYours

  • Member
  • Posts: 133
Dating
« on: February 01, 2007, 06:19:34 PM »
Hello Everyone,

I have been on this site as well as other dating sites and to no avail - I have not met any other positive men who are interested in developing a monogamous relationship.  I don't know what else to try. I think I am a very decent guy.  I work full-time as an Accountant and I also teach an Adult Literacy Class.  Is it something I am doing wrong? I meet men, but they are only looking for sex and right now I want something more than a hard dick.
PositivelyYours

Diagnosed: 08/10/2006
08/31/06 CD4:240/VL:39,000
09/12/06 CD4:359/VL:50,000
11/16/06 CD4:509/VL:76,000 (Flu Shot)
02/13/07 CD4:270/VL:69,000
02/17/07 Developed the Shingles
02/20/07 CD4:326/VL (Not Tested)
03/20/07 CD4:484/VL:54,000
06/19/07 CD4:488/VL:51,000
09/18/07 CD4:372/VL:27,000
10/09/07 Took Flu Shot
12/18/07 CD4:408/VL:85,000
03/18/08 CD4:394/VL:116,000 (Still No Meds)
05/22/08 CD4:412/VL:63,000
08/13/08 CD4:362/VL:67,000
09/23/08 Took Flu Shot
10/15/08 CD4:340/VL:54,000
11/14/08 Started Atripla @ 9:45 p.m.
1/30/09 CD4:641/VL:<48 Copies
5/07/09 CD4:667/VL: Undetectable
12/02/09 CD4:759/VL: Undetectable
03/05/10 CD4:537/VL: Undetectable
03/16/10 Rec'd TB Skin Test, Pneumonia & Hep B Vac
04/15/10 Hep B & Tetanus Vac
6/10 CD4: 748 VL: Undet.

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Dating
« Reply #1 on: February 01, 2007, 06:29:36 PM »
Wish I had that answer, it's the same everywhere.  A hard one is good every now and again, but nothing like the real thing.

Don't look too hard, it'll come around~
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline dtwpuck

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,013
  • дано мне тело, что мне делать с ним?
Re: Dating
« Reply #2 on: February 01, 2007, 06:33:54 PM »
Hi handsome.... there isn't any magic bullet for finding someone to date, positive or otherwise.  But I can tell you this much... the online world is full of guys who are there because they want sex and nothing more.  That's not to say you can't find the nice ones, but it takes patience.  In my life, I have had much better luck finding relationships by going to places where you meet people face to face.  Volunteering, going out to social events other than bars, going to poz events... etc.   (sidenote: I really do pity people who put "looking for LTR" on manhunt and then show a cockshot.  ) 

Just remember.... honesty is key with fining a good relationship.  Also, when you put yourself out... doing so in a positive way is really more attractive than the litany of all the things you don't like.  Nothing turns off a potential sutor than realizing someone finds it easier to express the things he doesn't like than the things he does.

As far as monogamy goes... I'm not the guy to ask.  I suck at it.  So does my boyfriend.    But, that doesn't mean you can't find a good and happy monogamous relationship.  They are out there, my friend. 

puck
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: Dating
« Reply #3 on: February 01, 2007, 11:39:59 PM »
Please don't give up...keep putting yourself out there, meet people.  Stay positive (um, you know what I mean).  It'll happen, the worst thing one can do is give up hope...and isn't that what we all have? 
"...and when you've got joy on the inside, it shows on the out. Your confident and you're beautiful without a doubt. "
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Dating
« Reply #4 on: February 02, 2007, 07:31:32 PM »
I may be off base here...but why are you even TRYING to date when all men want is....a hard dick.  DO something else...join a bowling league...or a swim team or a basketball league or a bridge club or all of the above!!
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline brezee

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Dating
« Reply #5 on: February 13, 2007, 12:44:21 AM »

I think dtwpuck said it best.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2007, 04:12:13 AM by brezee »

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,038
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Dating
« Reply #6 on: February 13, 2007, 01:36:31 AM »
Hi,
Call me crazy, but maybe it's because you are too decent.  Too many gay men are already in a committed relationship with meth.   Too many gay men have become so jaded and so defiled that they can't accept decent monogamous mind men as being believable.  If anything, they will vilify you to justify you as "not relationship material".  Sad state of affairs.

Here we have a jaded gay man complaining that gay men are too jaded.

Offline brezee

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Dating
« Reply #7 on: February 13, 2007, 02:09:05 AM »

I never said I was a perfect- no need to get personal.
« Last Edit: February 13, 2007, 04:14:06 AM by brezee »

Offline joemutt

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,042
Re: Dating
« Reply #8 on: February 13, 2007, 02:18:03 AM »
Hi,
Call me crazy, but maybe it's because you are too decent.  Too many gay men are already in a committed relationship with meth.   Too many gay men have become so jaded and so defiled that they can't accept decent monogamous mind men as being believable.  If anything, they will vilify you to justify you as "not relationship material".  Sad state of affairs.

Since you asked for it : you're crazy.  ;D

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Dating
« Reply #9 on: February 13, 2007, 04:00:59 AM »
Honestly, I don't think it is just a gay issue...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline brezee

  • Member
  • Posts: 7
Re: Dating
« Reply #10 on: February 15, 2007, 01:51:34 AM »
No, it's not just a gay issue, and I also did not make a blanket statement that all gay men are jaded, defiled, and meth addicts- so the two personal attacks were unwarranted. Although one other person did post a negative blanket statement about all gay men, and yet he got a free pass. 
No, I'm not crazy as claimed, and I'm also not jaded as claimed because I still believe in love, trust, honesty, and monogamy.  I'm wiser in that I will no longer date an individual who uses hardcore drugs.  I'm certainly not the only drug free person who has made the mistake of having a relationship with a person who uses drugs.  Ultimately, my ex partner had to make up ridiculous lies about me to justify to his friends that I was rotton and he was the poor victim. People who go through life playing the victim can be dangerous, and are often sociopaths.   

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Dating
« Reply #11 on: February 15, 2007, 03:33:18 AM »
I did not personally attack you. I just made a valid point.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,225
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Dating
« Reply #12 on: February 15, 2007, 11:06:16 AM »
There's a certain self-loathing in the plethora of statements I hear out of gay men that the majority of gay men are meth-addled creatures of vanity and void of any intellect blah blah blah... I'm really tired of hearing it to be honest.

If you're not scoring the guy with the perfect gym bod and becoming bitter about life, maybe you just need to aim a tad lower on the social strata pole?  It's like the homely straight guy that keeps trying to lay fashion models and then runs around complaining about never having dates.

OK... I'm sure I'll get a bit of flak for what I just wrote.  It's theme is general and not aimed at any one particular person so take it with a grain of salt.

ps:  Oh, and I see we had yet ANOTHER "edit" up above to throw off the scent of the thread. Can we not do this?  Spelling error corrections are one thing, but full retractions are not fair to an accurate on line discussion.  Thanks.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: Dating
« Reply #13 on: February 15, 2007, 11:38:41 AM »
PositivelyYours, I have a suggestion.

If you know what kind of guy you want to date, and if you are personally prepared (beyond sex) to be emotionally available, then chances are good you will find that person to date.

Now that you know the places you tried are futile, try other places. Youíll never find who youíre looking for sitting behind a computer screen. People like you are out there looking for people like you. Join a club that holds your interest. Volunteer for a good cause. Get out and get involved.

Worked for me when I was in the dating scene.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Buckmark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,531
  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
    • Henry's Home Page
Re: Dating
« Reply #14 on: February 15, 2007, 12:22:56 PM »
There have been a several threads on the subject of dating lately.  So I am not
sure I have much new to add here, except that from what I see here, there seem
to be plenty of poz guys here commiserating that they cannot find other poz guys
for dating and committed relationships.  If we could only find a way to get them
together.

Here is my summary of what other folks have said so well:

  • Most guys online are looking for sex, not relationships.  So meeting guys online is generally not a fruitful way to find a relationship.
  • Get out and do things with others who share common interests (sports, hobbies, volunteering, etc.). At least then you are doing things you enjoy, and by extension you will be socializing.
  • Keep a positive outlook (no pun intended).  Complaining about how hard it is to find decent guys and expressing what you don't like about guys (as opposted to what you do like) is a sure way to turn guys off.  Save all of that for a conversation with a good friend or your therpist.

For me (and I suspect many others) all this is easier said than done.  But ya gotta keep trying...

Regards,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

 


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