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Author Topic: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?  (Read 68841 times)

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Offline Boo Radley

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #250 on: February 18, 2007, 02:38:09 PM »
dreamweaver is indeed the work of the devil...

Dreamweaver is an electron microscope when all I need is a magnifying glass.   My skills are so old I can still use notepad.

Quote
and php is the language of demons

You write scripts?  All I can do is use PHPFormMagic (or something like that).  I gave perl a spin a few years ago but realized my heart just isn't in coding -- it's in telling someone else what needs to be done...

Boo

P.S.  I did not go to church today (see, now my post isn't 100% OT)
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline twofires

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #251 on: February 18, 2007, 02:39:25 PM »
many people believe the world to be less than 10,000 years old

John McCain is looking for their votes currently
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #252 on: February 18, 2007, 02:40:00 PM »
I gave perl a spin a few years ago but realized my heart just isn't in coding -- it's in telling someone else what needs to be done...

Don't try it.  I saw your skill earlier in this thread with multiple nested quotes.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline twofires

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #253 on: February 18, 2007, 02:41:15 PM »
Best all-around free and easy HTML editor is Netscape Composer (mainly cuz it has nothing to do with Frontpage Extensions)

I can't write a lick of PHP, i just install it and tweak some lines of code!
Who was it wrote; Give any one species too much rope and they'll fuck it up?
-Roger Waters

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #254 on: February 18, 2007, 02:42:24 PM »
Thank goodness for iWeb!
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #255 on: February 18, 2007, 02:51:39 PM »
Don't try it.  I saw your skill earlier in this thread with multiple nested quotes.

Why, you nasty XXXX!!  FOAD!

Because you're too lazy to read a brilliantly comprehensive and detailed analysis isn't my fault.   I know for a fact several professors at Yale are using those posts as examples of cogent logic and incontrovertible argument.

And also at Yale School of Divinity, so this post isn't too off-topic either...

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #256 on: February 18, 2007, 03:00:25 PM »
Wait a minute.  Yale professors are ripping us off in addiction Hollywood glitterati?  What's next?
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #257 on: February 18, 2007, 03:11:55 PM »
Wait a minute.  Yale professors are ripping us off in addiction Hollywood glitterati?  What's next?

You didn't know Tarantino stole the whole porno thread and is using it as the script for his next movie?

Wake up and smell the coffee cake!

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #258 on: February 18, 2007, 03:23:34 PM »
I'm in the 6th Level.  Heretics.

Who wants to visit me in my timeshare on the Lake of Fire? 
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #259 on: February 18, 2007, 03:26:30 PM »
I'm in the 6th Level.  Heretics.

6th level??  What a sissy, Ms. Thing!!

Mean Auntie Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #260 on: February 18, 2007, 03:30:39 PM »
6th level??  What a sissy, Ms. Thing!!

Well, I'm sooooo sorry that I'm not on the burning sand with the rest of you fags, but some of us are punished for our philosophies rather than our sexuality. 
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #261 on: February 18, 2007, 03:51:11 PM »
I only do Villa d’Este on Lake Como!  Sorry.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline Dachshund

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #262 on: February 18, 2007, 04:57:35 PM »
I'm in the 6th Level.  Heretics.

Who wants to visit me in my timeshare on the Lake of Fire? 



Geeeeeeeze...can't you even get damnation right?

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #263 on: February 18, 2007, 04:59:52 PM »


Geeeeeeeze...can't you even get damnation right?

It would appear that I can't... le sigh.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Lwood

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #264 on: February 18, 2007, 06:33:33 PM »
"Fortunately, I Keep My T Cells Numbered For Just Such An Emergency"
  -Either Foghorn Leghorn or Johnny Cash

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #265 on: February 18, 2007, 06:44:15 PM »
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline mjmel

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #266 on: February 18, 2007, 06:47:39 PM »

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #267 on: February 18, 2007, 07:32:51 PM »
Yes, very true.  I like your argument that God has provided plenty.  It really does bring up the whole free will vs predestination argument.  Unfortunately, fondeveau, the doctrine of christianity has preceeded your attractive and compassionate point of view with many tomes of material which set up expectations like "god is infallible" etc.  This brings up the point, of "which christianity do I believe" and "if there can be so many, how can only one be right.".  I think this confuses many people and causes a lot of us to treat christianity as an object of scorn. 

I like your take on your beliefs and I believe you to be enlightened and comfortable with who you are.   I don't think it would serve any purpose here to get into a deep and attackable conversation about the nature of free will or the nature of creation.  But, I do enjoy the conversation.  Peace to you.

Definitely a conversation that would never end.  But, while Christianity is 2000 years old, its thinking should not be.  Man's knowledge and perspectives change with time.  There is actually quite a debate as to whether "Jesus is the Only Way";  Which to believe?  Which of the 24,000 denominations in the US alone...if any....Good luck! I think you really hit the nail on the head that some Christians believe they must right and other non-Christians believe they must be wrong.

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #268 on: February 18, 2007, 07:34:23 PM »
:o


Has it been a week already, since this was posted. Damn, that was a fast week. Didn't make it to church today either.  :)


Ray

MARDI GRAS this week.  Lent starts with Ash Wednesday.  Another opportunity for you to miss? LOL

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #269 on: February 18, 2007, 07:36:32 PM »
There is actually quite a debate as to whether "Jesus is the Only Way";  Which to believe? 

Jesus himself said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No man comes to the Father except through me."  John 14:6. 

The devil can quote Scripture for his own purposes.

But it would seem like He settled it for Christians Himself with that.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #270 on: February 18, 2007, 07:37:03 PM »
http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv



You might as well take the test and see if it is worth the bother believing. According to the test my results confirm that when I die I will be banished to the Second Level of Hell. However, I will be in good company as Cleopatra and Helen of Troy share my same fate.....PARTAY!!!!! 

There are a bunch of really fun quizzes at http://www.landoverbaptist.org.  I will try this one, too and see where I end up.

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #271 on: February 18, 2007, 07:42:46 PM »
Purgatory

You have escaped damnation and made it to Purgatory, a place where the dew of repentance washes off the stain of sin and girds the spirit with humility. Through contrition, confession, and satisfaction by works of righteousness, you must make your way up the mountain. As the sins are cleansed from your soul, you will be illuminated by the Sun of Divine Grace, and you will join other souls, smiling and happy, upon the summit of this mountain. Before long you will know the joys of Paradise as you ascend to the ethereal realm of Heaven.

See, I do try..its all those darned questions about sex with men...grrrr!

Offline Dachshund

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #272 on: February 18, 2007, 07:52:34 PM »
Purgatory

You have escaped damnation and made it to Purgatory, a place where the dew of repentance washes off the stain of sin and girds the spirit with humility. Through contrition, confession, and satisfaction by works of righteousness, you must make your way up the mountain. As the sins are cleansed from your soul, you will be illuminated by the Sun of Divine Grace, and you will join other souls, smiling and happy, upon the summit of this mountain. Before long you will know the joys of Paradise as you ascend to the ethereal realm of Heaven.

See, I do try..its all those darned questions about sex with men...grrrr!


Couple more blow jobs and you will be just another one of Satan's little helpers. Going down...first floor ladies lingerie... next stop eternal hellfire.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #273 on: February 18, 2007, 07:53:11 PM »

Couple more blow jobs and you will be just another one of Satan's little helpers. Going down...first floor ladies lingerie... next stop eternal hellfire.

Mr. Humphries, are you free?
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Dachshund

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #274 on: February 18, 2007, 07:57:13 PM »
Mr. Humphries, are you free?


I'm not free Captain Peacock...but I am reasonable. ;)

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #275 on: February 18, 2007, 07:59:36 PM »
Jesus himself said, "I am the way, the truth, and the life.  No man comes to the Father except through me."  John 14:6. 

The devil can quote Scripture for his own purposes.

But it would seem like He settled it for Christians Himself with that.

Yes, but, of course, Scripture says so much more.  I'm not up on the whole debate, but it revolves a bit around the verse in Matthew 7:2 - "For in the way you judge, you will be judged; and by your standard of measure, it will be measured to you."  Historically, this verse has been treated as dealing with an almost karmic response to the action of the individual.  But, currently the debate has shifted a bit.

The debate is whether a Jew, a Moslem, etc. would be judged by "Christian" standards - in other words, lacking acceptance of Jesus, straight to Hell.  Clearly, not - they would be judged by the way that they judge.  The Jew by whether he was a good Jew, the Moslem by the standard of the good Moslem.  How about non-believers?  Hmm...the good aupointillimitist by Benj? LOL.  And somewhere the Bible speaks of other covenants and messages for God's other children.  The LDS glom on to this for proof or at least the possibility of divine inspiration for the Book of Mormon.  

So, other covenants, all of which would be presumptively valid for those in the covenant, but not for those without, may exist.  Thus, the exploration of the possibility that while Jesus is the only way for many, he may not be the only way for all.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #276 on: February 18, 2007, 08:03:54 PM »
Interesting.

But I wonder if that's more a warning against hypocrisy than anything else.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #277 on: February 18, 2007, 08:07:37 PM »
Why, you nasty XXXX!!  FOAD!

Because you're too lazy to read a brilliantly comprehensive and detailed analysis isn't my fault.   I know for a fact several professors at Yale are using those posts as examples of cogent logic and incontrovertible argument.

And also at Yale School of Divinity, so this post isn't too off-topic either...

Boo

I have heard it said that St. Paul would have been much more careful in writing his epistles had he known they would survive and be used as the canon.  In much the same way, I will have to be careful to delete my email and wipe the hard disk clean before I die!  

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #278 on: February 18, 2007, 08:10:45 PM »
Interesting.

But I wonder if that's more a warning against hypocrisy than anything else.

I worked all day after church and brought home more work to do late into the night.  So, you will have to more explicit as I am feeling dense and fatigued.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #279 on: February 18, 2007, 08:11:44 PM »
I have heard it said that St. Paul would have been much more careful in writing his epistles had he known they would survive and be used as the canon.  In much the same way, I will have to be careful to delete my email and wipe the hard disk clean before I die! 

Eddie Izzard!

And St. Paul, he wrote letters, didn’t he? “St. Paul’s Letter to the Corinthians.” Always writing to the Corinthians. “St. Paul’s letter to the Corinthians – Chapter 1 – Verses 1 to 53. Dear Corinthians, as you can tell from my preamble, it’s gonna be quite a long letter. Here we go: Don’t do bad things, only do good things. Always treat your neighbour like someone who lives near to you. Never put a sock in a toaster. Never put jam on a magnet. Never throw your Granny in a bag. Never suck all the juice out of a vampire. Never lean over on Tuesday…” (takes drag out of joint) “Lots of other things, but I gotta go and have a Mars bar now. Love, Paul (Saint).”

Is that how he wrote his name? “Paul (Saint). B.A. honours.” Yeah, so he wrote this – “All right, that’s the end of the letter…” (mimes folding the letter, putting it into an envelope and licking it close) “The Corinthians… Corinth.” (mimes sending the letter out like a paper plane)
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Peter6836

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #280 on: February 19, 2007, 02:01:59 PM »
I attend a unity church, I find it to be totally afirming and more spiritual than religious. The service feeds my soul and they have great options for personal development. Also a fabulous bookstore. I have a support sytem there that feeds me and I look forward to Sunday mornings. This week I bought the Movie The Secret at the bookstore, a great movie I suggest it fully.

Offline Val

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #281 on: February 19, 2007, 04:24:22 PM »
I didn't want to take part of this thread 'cause I suppose many people on here know my views about religion i.e. it is a plague, but I thought I'd send you guys a little gift to take to church with you...!

Lookin' good for Jesus
http://www.pulpshop.co.uk/Catalogue.asp?objecttradersearch=1&GroupID=1041

Val
___
___
P.S.Only the English could invent such a pleasantly humourous thing such as this! ::)
Arthus Bertrand
http://www.yannarthusbertrand.com/yann2/affichage.php?reference=TVDC%20YABFR084&pais=France
Ali Mahdavi
http://asyoudesireme.online.fr/index.htm
Richard de Chazal
http://www.richarddechazal.com/
Daniel Nassoy
http://www.danielnassoy.com/pages/galeries_portraits_2.html
Photography:
The word comes from the Greek words φως phos ("light"), and γραφίς graphis ("stylus", "paintbrush") or γραφή graphê, together meaning "drawing with light" or "representation by means of lines".

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #282 on: February 19, 2007, 08:29:19 PM »
To be honest, I'm not hung up on church.  I was raised UBER-Southern Baptist and went about 3 times a week.  I realized it was all highly suspect by the time I was 13 or so but just played along.  They didn't gay bash much back in the 70's though so I wasn't horribly tormented... that all started in the mid 80's IIRC.  Once I went to college I *NEVER* went to church, and my parents stopped asking me if I went after my freshman year.  I never lied.

I always go to church with my mother now when I visit home, but it's Episcopal and I swear the pastor is a big ole queen.  Nice man, and he gives me communion even though he knows I suck cock and has AIDS (egads... my mother told him!!!  they're very close and I guess my mother needed some spiritual guidance when I told her years ago about my health.)

Too each his own... if it give you comfort then who am I to say anything.

My basic problem is intellectual -- religion seems to me to be an intrinsic need of all CIVILIZED man.  Look at ANY civilized culture throughout antiquity. The Catholics had to destroy the Azteca religion because they got in a theological discussion with them and found out they weren't stupid barbarians, but addressed most likely many of he same questions... basically it's just the self-centered need of man to feel more important than an insect and ask "WHERE DO I COME FROM... WHERE WILL I GO"

Well, we probably just "are" and we probably just go in the dirt, like every other animal.  This does not mean we can't be moral people.  Religion does not own morality.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #283 on: February 19, 2007, 09:49:08 PM »
I didn't want to take part of this thread 'cause I suppose many people on here know my views about religion i.e. it is a plague, but I thought I'd send you guys a little gift to take to church with you...!

Lookin' good for Jesus
http://www.pulpshop.co.uk/Catalogue.asp?objecttradersearch=1&GroupID=1041

Val
___
___
P.S.Only the English could invent such a pleasantly humourous thing such as this! ::)

This stuff is pretty kewl too.  I want the thong.

http://www.cafepress.com/landoverbaptist


Offline Boo Radley

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #284 on: February 19, 2007, 10:29:13 PM »
Well, we probably just "are" and we probably just go in the dirt, like every other animal.  This does not mean we can't be moral people.  Religion does not own morality.

Well said, philly!  I concur on all points.

Boo,
your new mutual-ego-masturbation pal!  Your turn!
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline aztecan

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #285 on: February 19, 2007, 10:34:50 PM »
Second level of hell, here.

Order more buffalo wings and lots of Glenlevit.


HUGGLES,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #286 on: February 20, 2007, 04:41:42 AM »
I've been going thru hell for some time now, what's a little fire?
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Val

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #287 on: February 20, 2007, 05:13:37 AM »
Quote from Philly:
Nice man, and he gives me communion even though he knows I suck cock and has AIDS (egads... my mother told him!!!  they're very close and I guess my mother needed some spiritual guidance when I told her years ago about my health.)
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Don't most women "suck cocks" and some have AIDS as well?  What's wrong with sucking cocks and communion?  Having AIDS and communion?  And who ever said that only women are supposed to "suck cocks?"  Ted Haggard, perhaps? Just asking...!

Val
___
___
Edit to add "Don't most priests suck cocks as well?"
« Last Edit: February 20, 2007, 05:29:43 AM by Val »
Arthus Bertrand
http://www.yannarthusbertrand.com/yann2/affichage.php?reference=TVDC%20YABFR084&pais=France
Ali Mahdavi
http://asyoudesireme.online.fr/index.htm
Richard de Chazal
http://www.richarddechazal.com/
Daniel Nassoy
http://www.danielnassoy.com/pages/galeries_portraits_2.html
Photography:
The word comes from the Greek words φως phos ("light"), and γραφίς graphis ("stylus", "paintbrush") or γραφή graphê, together meaning "drawing with light" or "representation by means of lines".

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #288 on: February 20, 2007, 07:34:21 AM »
What's wrong with sucking cocks and communion?  Having AIDS and communion?  And who ever said that only women are supposed to "suck cocks?"  Ted Haggard, perhaps? Just asking...!

Val
___
___
Edit to add "Don't most priests suck cocks as well?"

No cocksucking at least one hour prior to communion and try not to block the entrances to the sanctuary or the aisles.

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #289 on: February 20, 2007, 11:43:43 AM »
... Don't most women "suck cocks" and some have AIDS as well?  What's wrong with sucking cocks and communion?  Having AIDS and communion?  ...

Val,

What a good Christian wife does in obeying her husband, the lord and master, is between them.  It is an incontrovertible sin for a man to orally touch another man's penile organ (or organelle in some cases).   God will not let philly into heaven even if some Episcopalian Heretic gives him communion.

Father Boo

P.S. As often happens I am reminded of something from my childhood by mention of Episcopalians.  When my twin brother and I were in elementary school the first time we had to fill out a form asking for religion we both wrote "none."  We told my mother and, being the early 60s, less than a full decade after McCarthyism purged the country of commies, she freaked.  She told us to write "Episcopalian" whenever filling out another form.  We're talking first grade here.  The next time I had to fill out a form I couldn't even remember the word much less spell it so I wrote "none" and did so my entire life. 
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #290 on: February 20, 2007, 11:46:52 AM »
Episcopalian's are a bunch of pussies....Catholics that just can't cut it. :P
« Last Edit: February 20, 2007, 11:50:11 AM by Dachshund »

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #291 on: February 20, 2007, 02:56:02 PM »
Val,

What a good Christian wife does in obeying her husband, the lord and master, is between them.  It is an incontrovertible sin for a man to orally touch another man's penile organ (or organelle in some cases).   God will not let philly into heaven even if some Episcopalian Heretic gives him communion.

Father Boo 

No good Christian wife would do that!

Creation Science teaches us that a thousand years to human beings is like a light burp to the Lord.  So, it isn't any wonder that God is just now finding out that His most sinful creatures (humans) have become very keen on slithering their tongues like a serpent of Satan into disgusting places on other folks' bodies that they can't reach on their own.  Creation Scientists are beginning to believe that the talk around the water coolers in Heaven is that God's creatures on Earth are using their mouths for a lot more than simply eating food and preaching the Gospel.

Recent studies in Creation Science show us that oral sex can be extremely dangerous! We know this to be a fact.  For those of you young people who have not yet been to Bible College, and are reading this article, "oral sex," means the placement of a hoochie or a tallywhacker into a human mouth. Creation research indicates that Satan is using the human tongue to infiltrate the soul by way of the vagina, anus, and hole in the tip of the penis (enormous penises have bigger holes, allowing for a greater number of demons to gain entrance, which is why black men commit so much crime).  Creation Scientists have not yet determined exactly how thousands of tiny little demons extract themselves from human semen and vaginal excretions, but they are convinced that the human tongue is being used as their makeshift nest. "It is on the palette where the devil's minions spawn and reproduce like a swarms of tiny red maggots." says Landover Baptist Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards. "Once enough of them are bred, an army is assembled. They exit the nesting area and enter the throat.  It is at this point, you are infected, and the battle for your soul begins."   

Creation research on oral sex was started about a year ago when Pastor Horace Wilkins of Freehold, Iowa, through means his son is now reconciled with, once acquired some of his boy's own semen in the middle of the night, and used a tongue-depressor and a large eye-dropper to splash torrents of the gooey liquid down a bullfrog's gullet.  The frog died instantly.  As a follow up experiment, Creation Scientist, Dr. Jonathan Edwards tried the same thing on a cat, using a sample of coagulated secretions he found inside of his mother's vagina. The pussy died within fifteen minutes. Our researchers have come a long way since those first two experiments, but these results alone should be enough to raise the hair on the back of your neck and make you think twice about committing oral sex. Oral sex is like playing Russian roulette, but instead of holding a steel gun to your head, you are placing a gun made of skin into your mouth.

For about two thousand years now, married Christian couples didn't think twice about embracing the luxury afforded them in the 13th Chapter of Hebrews, verse 4 ("Marriage is honorable in all, and the bed undefiled"), as a free ticket to act like a pair of coked-up San Fernando Valley porn stars whenever they jumped in bed together.   Although the Bible clearly gives married couples a license to male on female sodomy, the freedom to bring whips,  French maid outfits, clippers, scat play, and in dozens of cases - outright murder!* into the wedding bed, we are beginning to understand, through the miracle of Creation Science that the Lord feels a need to draw the line somewhere.  At Landover Baptist, we are honored to be on the cutting edge of Christendom by openly discouraging oral gratification, even among married couples!

Christian young people today are just as eager as their ancestors were to partake in the Bible-based sexual revolution that the Apostle Paul affords us in his "if you're married you can be as freaky as you want" quip from Hebrews, but it just might be because of countless generations of pre-marital fornicating recklessness that the good Lord saw fit to poison oral pleasure. The talk outside the prayer closets in Bible Colleges across this country used to be, "if you don't put it in, it ain't no sin."  We've all been outside our fair share of prayer closets in our lives, feeling the blood racing, the pulse pounding - believing that we could do anything we wanted but, "it," to that cute little Elementary Education major with the heavenly ankles. Lord knows, most of us are so skilled by the time we get out of Bible college that we can flip flop a music hall recital nook into a rectal depository and without batting our eyes turn the same den of iniquity into an emergency prayer closet to suit the Lord's will.  Well, thanks to modern breakthroughs in Creation Science, we are beginning to understand just a little bit more about what we call, the chemistry of the Lord's will.  To put it quite frankly, Creation Science is teaching us that our loving God in Heaven won't think twice about giving Satan permission to assemble a swarm of tiny little soul eating demons on the tip of your tongue for having oral sex!  Yes! Even if you are married!  So, unwed saved young people, if you value your lives, you need to stop fooling around RIGHT NOW!    As True Christians™, it is our sworn duty to do everything in our power to prevent the Lord from getting irritated. So, young ladies need to wipe the semen from their chins and get right with the Lord! And young men, the only crack your nose needs to be in is the open crack of the Holy Bible!

Offline Val

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #292 on: February 20, 2007, 03:49:54 PM »
Fondeveau,

That's it!  With this article you've convinced me to adhere to this church:

http://www.uscobm.com/ministers.asp

I am still laughing!

Val
___
___
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Daniel Nassoy
http://www.danielnassoy.com/pages/galeries_portraits_2.html
Photography:
The word comes from the Greek words φως phos ("light"), and γραφίς graphis ("stylus", "paintbrush") or γραφή graphê, together meaning "drawing with light" or "representation by means of lines".

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #293 on: February 20, 2007, 05:24:07 PM »
Quote from Philly:
Nice man, and he gives me communion even though he knows I suck cock and has AIDS (egads... my mother told him!!!  they're very close and I guess my mother needed some spiritual guidance when I told her years ago about my health.)
__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Don't most women "suck cocks" and some have AIDS as well?  What's wrong with sucking cocks and communion?  Having AIDS and communion?  And who ever said that only women are supposed to "suck cocks?"  Ted Haggard, perhaps? Just asking...!

Val
___
___
Edit to add "Don't most priests suck cocks as well?"

Yes, but I lay with other men AND EAT SHRIMP.
"I’ve slept with enough men to know that I’m not gay"

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #294 on: February 21, 2007, 05:55:33 PM »
Fondeveau,

That's it!  With this article you've convinced me to adhere to this church:

http://www.uscobm.com/ministers.asp

I am still laughing!

Val
___
___

Ugh, I won't even get my ears pierced.  I feel getting the blood work drawn so often is mutilation enough.  Freaky that church, but brings up many interesting ways in which people worship God or their choice of deity.

Cain and Abel both sacrifice to God, but God refuses Cain's sacrifice.  Why did God refuse? Because it wasn't what God wanted.  This, of course, leads to Cain killing Abel in a jealous rage.  Years later, Paul writes some mysterious lines in his letters which eventually get translated into English as homosexual.  Modern thought believes that Paul was telling early Christians that God did not wish to be worshipped in a way that pagans commonly worshipped: by paying a visit to a temple prostitute (whether male or female).

Sexual ecstasy seems to be the heighth of religious zeal experienced by many ("F*ck me, Jesus.  Oh, God, I'm cumming!")  And I sure can appreciate that, but all that mutilation - yuck!

Edited to Add: But, Val, I'm so glad my efforts have paid off with your conversion - post pics soon!
« Last Edit: February 21, 2007, 09:22:02 PM by fondeveau »

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #295 on: February 21, 2007, 06:05:43 PM »
Cain and Abel both sacrifice to God, but God refuses Cain's sacrifice.  Why did God refuse? Because it wasn't what God wanted.

God is a ravenous carnivore who finds vegetarians to be pussies.

Again... the Devil can quote Scripture.   ::)
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #296 on: February 21, 2007, 06:11:55 PM »
Here's a hot one for you, aupoint!

Ezekiel 23:20 - There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #297 on: February 21, 2007, 06:17:35 PM »
Here's a hot one for you, aupoint!

Ezekiel 23:20 - There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.

He was prophecizing about me. 
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline fondeveau

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #298 on: February 21, 2007, 08:24:21 PM »
Ash Wednesday Services this evening - among the meditations, I thought of aupoint when we were asked to "fast from judging and feast upon seeing the Christ within [aupoint]"   I wondered whether Christ was a top...

And yet, later, after the Imposition of Ashes, I thought that whatever hot dark-haired french/jew sits on my face will get an ashen cross tattooed on his heinie....

Oh, the temptations!

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: It's Sunday Morning - Are you off to church?
« Reply #299 on: February 21, 2007, 08:27:57 PM »


And yet, later, after the Imposition of Ashes, I thought that whatever hot dark-haired french/jew sits on my face will get an ashen cross tattooed on his heinie....

OK... I just got a mental image of that. 

It's way, way too funny!

Happy Lent!   ;)
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

 


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