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Author Topic: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?  (Read 11190 times)

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Offline Ihavehope

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  • Posts: 1,366
  • Yes, I'm a cry baby, AND WHAT?
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #50 on: February 02, 2007, 04:59:38 PM »
Yes.
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Online Buckmark

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  • Would you like to tie me up with your ties, Ty?
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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #51 on: February 02, 2007, 06:26:21 PM »
The way poet phrases the question is that we would go back without any of the
knowledge, experiences, relationships, etc. that we have gained since.  If that's the
the case, I suspect I'd likely make the same decisions and take the actions again --
or at least there's a high likelihood.  I see it as a moot discussion, until we figure out
how to break the time barrier.

Cheers,

Henry
"Life in Lubbock, Texas, taught me two things:
     One is that God loves you and you're going to burn in hell.
     The other is that sex is the most awful, filthy thing on earth and you should save it for someone you love."
- Butch Hancock, Musician, The Flatlanders

Offline fondeveau

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #52 on: February 02, 2007, 06:50:32 PM »
Actually, I can say I'm somewhat relieved that I am positive.  Not that its a picnic or without its own worries, but after 25 years of worry about whether it would happen, its a relief that it did happen at a time when significant advances in treatment etc had occurred.  For the time being, I'm happily celibate and free of the worries of the dating game, etc.  I'm taking better care of myself now and its really given me an opportunity to focus on me.  Now, everyone calm down and stop saying I'm HIV Lite....

Offline marc11864

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #53 on: February 02, 2007, 08:32:33 PM »
I'm honestly torn on my own response to this question.

On the one hand, I have learned a lot about myself and about others over the last two years. Much of what I have learned has been an extremely bitter pill for me to swallow however.

I think that it is ironic that today is Groundhog Day and you've chosen to ask this question because sometimes I feel like Bill Murray in the movie of the same name. You know I used to live about 40 miles from Punxsutawney?

The day before I was infected, I was sure of my world and it's surroundings however unpleasant they may be. Then I began to feel like I'm repeating the same day over and over again. Reliving and only slightly altering my perceptions and the daily outcome and sometimes, "I don't think this weather will ever end!"

I guess I can only have faith that someday, I'll make it to the next day.

Hey at least I'm still tryin!  :)
Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.

Offline Longislander

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #54 on: February 02, 2007, 10:17:24 PM »
Absolutely! I don't believe HIV has changed the person I was before. I was actually finally starting to love myself unconditionally just prior to infection.
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline AustinWesley

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #55 on: February 02, 2007, 10:32:03 PM »
I'm feel pretty much like LongIslander here.   

In my own case, I was very satisfied with my own life and my achievements and then I get a bombshell dropped on my parade.   

I can understand some of the viewpoints of others who's lives were already a mess how they could see this as some kind of wake up call or whatever, but that wasn't my case.

I've had to start over completely.   I don't see facing a potentially fatal disease or the thought of complete financial ruin as some sort of spiritual path to enlightenment, and twenty years from now if I'm still alive I still won't.

Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #56 on: February 02, 2007, 10:40:17 PM »
I am still pretty sure the universe would explode...

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #57 on: February 02, 2007, 10:50:36 PM »
You know... the more I think about this question... the more I realize that I'm kind of proud of myself for handling HIV so well.  It's helped to put a lot of things in perspective to me... I won't rattle off some horribly cliched tripe about "making each day count" or something so painfully obvious as all that... but I think it's perhaps given me a far greater appreciation for the visceral pleasures of life, the way which I am entwined with my body, and a more mature way of looking at the world.

I've been proud of myself for handling adversity so well, I dare say that most people I know would have either moved back with their parents, or killed themselves, or self-destructed rather ingloriously.  I'm not going to pretend like going out and getting myself a shiny coke addiction had nothing to do with being HIV+, but I managed to have one of those, and my virus, and work full time, and still find time to take care of a cat.  Many people have done this... but when I think about who I was just five years ago... some 19 year old with an overblown sense of self-entitlement, too much faith in intellectualization, and who was positively freaking out to the point of near panic attacks over what he thought was chlamydia (turned out to be a boring UTI)... I think I've come quite a long way... probably pushed unwillingly down the road by my virus quite a bit.

Do I think it's worth it?  I don't quite know anymore. 

Are my new feelings of pride and humanity worth what is likely to be a nasty, somewhat premature death?  Who can say?  But I think that's the best thing about HIV... it's given me this remarkable ability to do something that a handsome 22 year old would never admint to... not know something... and be comfortable with it. 

Odd.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline GSOgymrat

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  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #58 on: February 03, 2007, 02:17:39 AM »
Would I go back almost 15 years and not meet my partner and therefore not contract HIV? My first impulse is HELL yes. Then I start thinking about all the good times we have had together and I have second thoughts. Then when I think about how his life would have been if we had not met and he had to deal with HIV by himself... I couldn't do it. We've helped each other through this and created a pretty good life.

Offline AustinWesley

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #59 on: February 03, 2007, 03:06:53 AM »
I'd spent some time thinking about this well prior to this post.

I've read all of the posts and the one thing I realized reflecting back on everything is that this isn't just about me.   

I don't feel this is some kind of wonderful awakening or that my life is somehow now enhanced.   That is simply ludicrious.   I have thought about this more than I want to.   I felt my life was progressing well and wondered how much more I could have done and wondered what I would have done without this in my life.   

I've spent countless hours thinking if only this hadn't happend to me I'd have so many opportunities and what could have been.  It's not like I don't believe I can still accomplish any of this still.  I've always been fairly confident in whatever endeavors I chose to pursue and I still look at this as another challenge.

But, you know what I realized.  This isn't just about me at all.  I started thinking about all the people in my life including my parents, my brother and my sister and my closest friends.   This has been a horrible and irreversible nightmare for them.     

So before everyone here tells me how great their lives have been since being diagnosed positive or how their lives have changed for the better, think about how this has affected everyone close to you.   Can they go back as well?   No!   They are stuck with it!

I stand by my original belief that I wish I could do anything to go back in time to fix this not just for me, but for everyone who is now forced into a new surreal and scary reality forever!

Will I recover?   Sure I will.  I've not doubt about it.  I might even still find another Love of my life, but I fail to see how that is going to ever resolve the fear and insecurity this has brought to those closest to me.

HIV & AIDS are not some cosmic gift from the Gods!   
Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!

Offline cubbybear

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  • Joined August 2005.
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #60 on: February 03, 2007, 05:35:50 AM »
I would go back, and I wouldnt have unsafe sex with the guy who lied to me... but knowing me, I would have had unsafe sex with someone else sooner or later that was HIV+
There's a bear in there!
Positive since 2000
Diagnosed 17/9/2005 CD4 35 VL 293,000
Meds 23/9/2005 Sustiva/Truvada
Currently CD4 232 VL Undetectable

Offline RapidRod

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #61 on: February 03, 2007, 05:41:09 AM »
Austin, you did a lot of wasted thinking. This post was for the individual with HIV, not as a whole group. Each person has a reason for posting their opinions the way they did. Like myself, I've had a very good life and the question was "would you take it back a day before and do it again?" The answer for some of us is no. I've lived with this a lot longer than most of you and going back in time isn't worth the thought. My life hasn't revolved around HIV, even after I was diagnosed. I didn't put anything on hold, what a waste that would have been. There was nothing I couldn't do if I wanted to do it. So for me, I wouldn't want to go back almost 23 years and relive it. HIV/AIDS didn't stop me from being employed, histoplasmosis stopped me from working. So no I wouldn't want to go back about 23 years, no way.

Offline poet

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #62 on: February 03, 2007, 05:50:19 AM »
Marc has posted where this came from (Ground  Hog Day, another discussion with its screenwriter/director, a science teacher at Milton and a professor of the film on NPR).  I did not mention the connection because the question I came up with gets at the core underneath the film and I didn't want this seen as a trite exercise.  Your posts have certainly dug deeply and I hope will continue.  

The WSJ, on Thursday 1 February had an article on the front page of Section D, 'Life After Loss: Lessons From Three Who Survived' which touches (it's very short) on surviver's guilt which we have discussed in the forums.  One of the lessons is 'cope through creativity' and mentions that 'people often do their best work after "transforming illnesses."  She sees creativity as a coping mechanism and notes that Matthew Brady, known for his photographs of the Civil War, did so only after having his sight ruined.  (Remember by earlier mention of photographer and friend John Dugdale?).  The other 'lessons' are: 'press on;' 'help others;' 'recalibrate expectations;' 'find purpose.'  

I apologise to any who thought that because this could be seen as a science fiction thing.  I was hoping, and reading the posts, think we got, posts which made us think about the changes hiv may have made in us.  Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline blondbeauty

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #63 on: February 03, 2007, 06:30:27 AM »
No. I donīt like having this virus but I would never go back in life for any reason. I would never go back to childhood, or to any other time in the past. Maybe it is because I am still healthy...maybe if I had had a car accident and I was on a wheelchair I would like to go back to teh day of the accident, but in this case...No!
« Last Edit: February 03, 2007, 06:32:09 AM by blondbeauty »
The only member in these forums approved by WINBA: World International Nail and Beauty Association.
Epstein Barr +; CMV +; Toxoplasmosis +; HIV-1 +.
Counts when starting treatment:
V.L.:80.200 copies. CD4: 25%=503
Started Sustiva-Truvada 14/August/2006
Last V.L.count (Oct 2013): Undetectable
Last CD4 count (OCT 2013): 52%= 933

Offline GSOgymrat

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #64 on: February 03, 2007, 08:31:37 AM »
But, you know what I realized.  This isn't just about me at all.  I started thinking about all the people in my life including my parents, my brother and my sister and my closest friends.   This has been a horrible and irreversible nightmare for them.     

And that's the reason I've never told my friends and family.

I can deal with HIV no problem but I don't trust other people around me to be able to deal with it.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2007, 08:34:26 AM by GSOgymrat »

Offline Catman

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    • Who is the Catman?
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #65 on: February 03, 2007, 08:38:53 AM »
Poet;
        This post is not to be taken lightly and I personally could not compare it to a science fiction movie at all. Your thread really got me thinking and the question was to my opinion a very serious one. I bet most persons here had to think about their reply awhile before posting it. Those are the best replies. Good thread and a good idea of yours to post something like this...

By the way, even when I'm offline I am now frequently analyzing the question still...and weighing those things that surround my life. It has really stuck in my mind.
« Last Edit: February 03, 2007, 08:43:41 AM by Catman »
Catman

Meow to the birds
Meow to the tree's
Meow to the end
of this dreadful disease...

Offline jinghua

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #66 on: February 03, 2007, 11:06:13 AM »
Definately a YES!!! I changed too much after this......covering myself up,don't really want to go out....so bad~~~i miss almost everything in my PASS life......

However, i found a strong supporting fellows here and everyone is helping me without judgement....

THANK YOU~~~~~~~~~~

JH
Live started to change...i wish i can have a better life...

Offline AustinWesley

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #67 on: February 03, 2007, 11:14:10 AM »
Austin, you did a lot of wasted thinking. This post was for the individual with HIV, not as a whole group.

LOL, why is my thinking "wasted" ?    I think of these as free form discussions on thought.   If there are going to be rules pertaining to how I respond shouldn't I know about them?   

That's how I feel and I don't understand why my feelings are "wasted thinking" and others aren't.   I'm glad Win put this topic on here cause it's interesting to read various perspectives, not just yours.
Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!

Offline racingmind

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #68 on: February 03, 2007, 11:14:54 AM »
I'm with gymrat....

I have been toying with the idea of telling my family and friends....but the more I think about it, as much as I would like to include them in what it going on with me, it would hurt them and they might view me differently.

I have a couple HIV+ friends that I can confide in, and I think that's enough for now.  I'm not sick so there is no reason to concern them until there is something to be concerned about.

I figure I'll drive my car into a quarry or something if it ever gets REALLY bad....I hate to say it, but I'd rather be remembered as a person who died in a car accident than a person who died of AIDS.  I know that sounds horrible, but at this point in time I would rather die a quick death than wither away in a hospital bed or hospice.

I hate this.  But maybe I deserve it for being so fucking stupid.  (The effects of therapy are obviously wearing off now that funding has been pulled...)   I'm sorry for the negative attitude everyone.  Please don't mind me.

It's times like this when I REALLY want a cigarette (over 2 weeks off them now).......grrrrrrrrrr.
Tested Negative: 5/06
Tested Positive: 9/06 
9/06: CD4: 442 (28%) VL: +100,000
10/06: CD4: 323 (25%) VL: 243,440
11/06: CD4: 405 (28%) VL: 124,324
12/06: CD4: 450 (29%) VL: 114,600
1/07: CD4: 440 (27%) VL: 75,286
3/07: CD4: 459 (30%) VL: 44,860
5/07: CD4: 353 (24%) VL: 50,852
7/07: CD4: 437 (29%) VL: 39,475
9/07: CD4: 237 (32%) VL: 372,774
10/07: CD4: 324 (27%) VL: 115,454 
Started Atripla: 10/07
11/07: CD4: 524 (?%) VL: Undetectable!
2/08: CD4: 653 (35%) VL: undetectable
5/08: CD4: 822 (40%) VL: undetectable
8/08: CD4: 626 (35%) VL: undetectable
12/08: CD4: 619 (36%) VL: undetectable
3/09: CD4: 802 (38%) VL: undetectable
7/09: CD4: 1027 (43%) VL: not tested
10/09: CD4: 1045 (43%) VL: undetectable

Offline RapidRod

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #69 on: February 03, 2007, 11:28:50 AM »
Quote
I don't feel this is some kind of wonderful awakening or that my life is somehow now enhanced.   That is simply ludicrious.

Austin, then go back and reread your post. You were knocking how someone else thought. Isn't that what you did? Just because you would turn the clock back doesn't mean every one would like to.

Offline AustinWesley

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #70 on: February 03, 2007, 11:46:07 AM »
No, I simply shared my feelings on the subject honestly and I'm not knocking anyone else's feelings or thoughts intentionally.  This is a personal issue for everyone and I think everyone has a right to express them even if you don't personally agree with my feelings.

If I knew the forumn Gestapo were gona come after me ever time I share something personal then I wouldn't bother replying.

Everyone's entitled to thier own feelings and thoughts.   Part of the process is just getting those thoughts out and working through them.   I wonder how many other people end up altering their feelings or just not even bothering to post for fear of being singled out.



Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!

Offline RapidRod

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #71 on: February 03, 2007, 12:13:38 PM »
Austin, that is something you'll have to ask yourself before you start saying someone's elses thoughs were ludicrious.

Offline AustinWesley

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #72 on: February 03, 2007, 12:23:19 PM »
I'd spent some time thinking about this well prior to this post.

I've read all of the posts and the one thing I realized reflecting back on everything is that this isn't just about me.   

I don't feel this is some kind of wonderful awakening or that my life is somehow now enhanced.   That is simply ludicrious.   I have thought about this more than I want to.   I felt my life was progressing well and wondered how much more I could have done and wondered what I would have done without this in my life.   

I've spent countless hours thinking if only this hadn't happend to me I'd have so many opportunities and what could have been.  It's not like I don't believe I can still accomplish any of this still.  I've always been fairly confident in whatever endeavors I chose to pursue and I still look at this as another challenge.

But, you know what I realized.  This isn't just about me at all.  I started thinking about all the people in my life including my parents, my brother and my sister and my closest friends.   This has been a horrible and irreversible nightmare for them.     

So before everyone here tells me how great their lives have been since being diagnosed positive or how their lives have changed for the better, think about how this has affected everyone close to you.   Can they go back as well?   No!   They are stuck with it!

I stand by my original belief that I wish I could do anything to go back in time to fix this not just for me, but for everyone who is now forced into a new surreal and scary reality forever!

Will I recover?   Sure I will.  I've not doubt about it.  I might even still find another Love of my life, but I fail to see how that is going to ever resolve the fear and insecurity this has brought to those closest to me.

HIV & AIDS are not some cosmic gift from the Gods!   

Rod, you are reading my post and taking my words out of context to stir up some kind of drama and I've quoted my original post.  Clearly, in my own stream of thought I feel it's ludicrious for me to feel that HIV is God's gift to Humanity.   That's just how I feel and I'm not gona alter my feelings for you.   
Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!

Offline NycJoe

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #73 on: February 03, 2007, 12:40:26 PM »
HELL YES I would go back!  Are you kidding?  The worries about health insurance and co-pays, taking meds on time, having to disclose to certain people and not others such as my parents so as not to make them worry about me in their later years, the fatigue that I get and the constant worries about numbers and viral load.  I try to live my life as stress free as possible and this is a stress that if I could go back and change it all...HELL YES!  Do I think it has made me a better person?  I don't know I think I was a pretty good person to begin with who just made a poor choice.  I posed this question to a few hiv friends and they all said the same thing..FUCK YES they would go back..but alas all one can do is make the best of whats been dealt to them.  But no..none of us are grateful or feel some spiritual awakening.  If I said that I would be lying to myself to make myself feel better.  Just a personal opinion.

Offline GSOgymrat

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  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #74 on: February 03, 2007, 04:48:24 PM »
I don't think HIV has made me a better person or given me spiritual insight. However I don't relate to a lot of people on here who divide their life into pre and post HIV. I'm still the same person and my life has not dramatically changed, other than my medical expenses.

Offline lydgate

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #75 on: February 03, 2007, 11:57:33 PM »
Yes. I would like to go back to August 22, 2005.

I like reading historical "counterfactual" books -- basically, "What if X had happened rather than Y?" A recent example of a counterfactual novel is Philip Roth's The Plot Against America, in which Charles Lindbergh is president through WWII rather than FDR.

I have a personal narrative of "What if that drunken, stupid fuck hadn't happened?" It's not all wine and roses, oh no, but it does have a better life for the main character than the present one.

And I certainly wish I hadn't bought the guy breakfast.

Also: Most of my friends' reactions to The News has been great. But two of them told me, a little bit later, that I wouldn't have gotten infected unless I wanted it. I'm all for accepting personal responsibility for my actions. But what they were saying was that I was, on some level, a bug-chaser. I hate it when people assume that.
« Last Edit: February 04, 2007, 12:05:49 AM by lydgate »
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline ndrew

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  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #76 on: February 04, 2007, 01:03:38 AM »
No.  I will only go forward and I will take whatever comes at me.

Drew

Offline Seven

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #77 on: February 04, 2007, 01:10:30 AM »
Go back to the only ONE TIME we didn't use a condom....if we did, I wouldn't have AIDS now!  :-\

Offline lucas

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #78 on: February 04, 2007, 02:13:35 AM »
well there would be so many things that I would like to go back in time to prevent from happening but  the first thing I would want to erase is that first human that contracted the virus. It will save much more than just me.

Offline J.R.E.

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  • Joined Dec-2003 Living positive, since 1985.
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #79 on: February 04, 2007, 03:42:07 AM »
It would be nice to be able to go back to the time prior to infection, but obviously that is not going to happen. They have been many times throughout these past twenty plus years that, that thought has crossed my mind. It is too dangerous to reflect on the "what-if's"

But I would rather live in  the present and strive for the future. I need to be able to insure that I have a supply of meds, proper health care, and that I can do everything, that I reasonably can to keep myself healthy, and to be able to do my part, in this epidemic.

Ray
Current Meds ; Viramune, Epzicom, 40mg of simvastatin, 12.5mg of Hydrochlorothiazide.
Metoprolol tartrate 25mg



http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=40802.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=45159.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39722.msg495621;topicseen#msg495621

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=46806.0

http://forums.poz.com/index.php?topic=39414.msg491701#msg491701


 In October of 2003, My t-cell count was 16, Viral load was over 500,000, Percentage at that time was 5%. I started my first  HAART regimen  on October 24th,03.

 As of 6/4/14,  t-cells are at 423, Viral load <40

 Current % is at 13% 

  
 62 years young.

Offline alisenjafi

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  • They say HIV comes from monkeys!
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #80 on: February 04, 2007, 12:45:11 PM »
Well does that mean knowing what I know now? I made a stupid mistake once, does this mean making it again? Personally i rather go back to the day before the mega millions lottery wasn't won! Everything would probably just have played out the same.
"You shut your mouth
how can you say
I go about things the wrong way
I am human and I need to be loved
just like everybody else does"
The Smiths

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #81 on: February 04, 2007, 04:13:26 PM »
I know this isn't what you asked but if I went back to the time I became infected I'd be in my 20s again.  If I were allowed the knowledge I have gained since contracting HIV the answer is a definite yes, I'd go back and change the outcome.  But that's fantasy and I prefer the cold hard facts of life. 

I'd rather not have HIV but there's nothing I can do now so it just is.  "What if" is purely hypothetical and hypotheses can go every which way.  Given my existence with HIV I probably would not change the past.  None of us can ever know how our lives would have played out so I might still be a 3 pack a day smoker who drank excessively (if not already dead).   

I think my main reaction to the question is ambivalence.  I really don't know.

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write Đ 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline Life

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #82 on: February 04, 2007, 04:26:05 PM »
Alot of my mentors have instructed me to stay out of this past as it has little to do with what is and what is now.   I would rather jump forward 7-10 years and see the vacs apear and that we all could rest easy knowing that hiv/aids has finally been put down.   In the present, I don't want to give this so much power that when I look back at it,  I will see how I missed out on "that now".  :)

Offline marc11864

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #83 on: February 04, 2007, 04:47:47 PM »
...the first thing I would want to erase is that first human that contracted the virus. It will save much more than just me.

It is my understanding that a similar virus was contracted and mutated over time so to pinpoint an individual would be impossible as mutations of this kind do not usually occur in an individual but over an arc of them.

The exception to the above rule of course is Blinky!  ;D

Let us cavort like the Greeks of old! You know the ones I mean.

Offline zeb

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #84 on: February 04, 2007, 04:59:13 PM »
Yes, i'd go back and I'd make another choice.

Offline Basquo

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #85 on: February 04, 2007, 05:46:20 PM »
No.  The circumstance that put me at risk was the same one that made me step out of my comfort zone and find a new, very rewarding career. And because of that same circumstance, I now have friends all over the world.  And I love you all very much...well, most of you, anyway. If going back means losing all of you, I'd prefer to stay.

Offline wellington

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  • Don't sweat the little things.
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #86 on: February 05, 2007, 10:16:04 AM »
I'm coming up on my one year anniversary of diagnosis. The most honest answer I can give is "I'm not sure". However, I think that I'm leaning in the direction os saying "No. I wouldn't want to go back because, in all liklihood, I'd be setting myself up for repeating he same events that led to my becoming positive." I'm not pleased that I have contracted this infection; am I a better person in terms of my outlook on things today? It's an important reflexive discussion, to be sure. Thanks for raising this awareness, Win.

Offline joyluckclub

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #87 on: February 05, 2007, 05:58:10 PM »
Well, I really can't answer that question.   Because of past experiences (tension filled childhood, death of mother at 5, bipolar disorder, exhaustingly difficult teaching career), I was growing more conservative, very angry, and depressed.

That all changed when I found out I was HIV+

I always practiced safe sex, have never taken drugs, and managed my responsibilities.  Then I realized, sex, in any form is not safe;  hence the words SAFER sex.  After 8 months, I still can't pinpoint how I contracted the virus.

I may be arrogant in saying this, but I think I have a lot more to offer the world now that I have been humbled.  I am no different that any body else, regardless of "how well" I've done adapting to life.


Because I am a professional student, I go to the same free clinic everyone else does.  Surprisingly, I think the free clinic run by our local hospital (Parkland) is nicer than a regular doctors office!

Though I have volunteered my time, effort, and funds to causes for HIV/AIDS, I never thought I would  "get it"!

I am much more compassionate, empathetic, and understanding of people who have to struggle to survive everyday.

Though I had a life that was difficult at best, I was still blessed with many things, people, and opportunities others did not have.

I believed that since I worked hard and could delay gratification, it was insured that I would be wealthy and have a happy life.

I know that my "thoughts" did not relate to reality.

I now go by the mantra "one day at a time"

This is just my long story...........


Love you all!
"Honey, be who you is"  Madea.........

Offline RapidRod

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #88 on: February 05, 2007, 06:54:21 PM »
Joy, Parkland does have a nice clinic.

Offline carousel

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #89 on: February 06, 2007, 03:38:14 PM »
.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2007, 09:20:35 AM by carousel »

Offline lydgate

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #90 on: February 06, 2007, 07:01:31 PM »


Well, had I known, I would have worn a different outfit for the occasion.
And that outfit would have been?

I was wearing jeans and a white tshirt, very basic. (Wait... by 3 am I wan't wearing anything.) Maybe if I'd worn a suit...
Her finely-touched spirit had still its fine issues, though they were not widely visible. Her full nature, like that river of which Cyrus broke the strength, spent itself in channels which had no great name on the earth. But the effect of her being on those around her was incalculably diffusive: for the growing good of the world is partly dependent on unhistoric acts; and that things are not so ill with you and me as they might have been, is half owing to the number who lived faithfully a hidden life, and rest in unvisited tombs.

George Eliot, Middlemarch, final paragraph

Offline carousel

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #91 on: February 07, 2007, 09:09:07 AM »
.
« Last Edit: February 15, 2007, 09:19:13 AM by carousel »

Offline Jeff64

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #92 on: February 07, 2007, 10:03:02 PM »
I would have bought condoms. :-\

Offline Life

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #93 on: February 07, 2007, 10:10:59 PM »
I would not be seduced by young men with no clothes on, but rather stick with trusted water based tunes instead.


Offline fondeveau

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #94 on: February 10, 2007, 08:00:25 AM »
Its hard to resist young men with no clothes on.  If God had wanted you to resist, why did He make them taste so damned good?

 


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