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Author Topic: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?  (Read 12425 times)

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Offline poet

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  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Another poetic/philosophical posts: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection or the week or month- your choice- which would also mean that everything which has happened to you since then, including anyone you have met through becoming hiv positive, you would not have met, anyone you have met through these forums, you would not have 'met,' any insights you have gained, about life, about love, about yourself: everything which has happened as a result of your becoming hiv positive would be erased; would you go back?  To make it easier, think in terms of the linkage: I met John because we were in a support group or I left this career path or job because I became hiv positive.  What I hope we can pull out here is some of the bad things but also more of the good things; the bad health moments which you would give anything, perhaps, to not have had to go through; the loneliness, the feelings of guilt or shame we see posted, but also what has been learned on this journey: would you give all of this up? Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline ACinKC

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Nah.  even with this stupid thing life is pretty good.  Ask me when im in a hospital with PCP.  I may change my mind.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline RapidRod

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I would have to say no. Would I like not to have AIDS? Yes, but I wouldn't like to go back the day, week or year before.

Offline Blixer

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While I'm not happy that I have this virus, I do think I'm a better person because of it.  So no, I would not want to go back.  As ACinKC said though, I might change my mind if I get to a point where I'm not doing okay.  Because of this virus I've learned to appreciate life much more than I did before.
David
Diagnosed 1/9/06
8/27/2007 CD4 598, 29%, VL 58 (72 wks)
11/19/2007 CD4 609, 30%, VL < 50 (84 wks)
2/11/2008 CD4 439, 27%, VL <50 (96 wks)
5/5/2008 CD4 535, 28%, VL <50 (108 wks)
10/20/2008 CD4 680, 28%, VL <50 (132 wks)
Changed to Atripla in 2012
1/14/2013 CD4 855, 35%, VL <40

Offline ademas

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Yes.
in a NY fuckin' minute.

Offline aupointillimite

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Oh God, yes.

In a bloody heartbeat.

I would take it all back.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Life

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I would not have met my husband, my life partner, William..

I would be, again, alone....

I can't answer this question cuz it has not gotten bad enough (yet).


Offline dtwpuck

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No.  I was an idiot.
Floating through the void in the caress of two giant pink lobsters named Esmerelda and Keith.

Offline Queen Tokelove

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*puts on Cher wig and costume and startrs crooning*... If I could turn back time.... ;) Who wouldn't wish they could go back to when they were neg. I would not want to lose the friends I made here. I would want to be more educated when it comes to hiv. But it don't make no sense to dream about something that is not going to happen.* as Au would say* Le Sigh.....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline whizzer

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Yes.  Without a doubt.

Offline AlanBama

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #10 on: February 01, 2007, 09:46:15 PM »
I'm with Whizzer here.   Yes, in a heartbeat.

Of course, I am a 20 year survivor, so a great deal of my life has been spent being HIV+.   Would I give up all the people/relationships I have had in that time?   Well, who's to say I would have to?   Or maybe they would have been replaced by different friends and acquaintances.....it's all too hypothetical for me to think about very seriously.

But yes, I would go back.   I hate AIDS that much.   It has taken so much from me.....I feel like I have been held at gunpoint for 20 years. (and I'm REAL tired of it)

Just sayin.....   ;)

Added on edit:  I can't imagine my life without the friends and people that are in it now......but I can imagine it with a real career, some money, some security, a home, etc.....
« Last Edit: February 01, 2007, 09:48:28 PM by AlanBama »
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Miss Philicia

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #11 on: February 01, 2007, 09:48:55 PM »
There is no way to evaluate this question, because there's no way to say (for example if you've say 15 years HIV+) how you would have developed as a person WITHOUT the virus.  Could have been much better, could have been worse.

I can't bother to think of these things.  Waste of energy.
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline bocker3

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #12 on: February 01, 2007, 09:51:29 PM »
In a fucking flash I would go back!!!
Atripla - Started 12/05
Reyataz/Norvir - Added 6/06
Labs - Pre-Meds
Sep05 T=350/25% VL98,559
Nov05 288/18%  47,564
Current Labs
May2013 691/31% <20

Offline Life

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #13 on: February 01, 2007, 10:19:51 PM »
I would fuck up the entire "Space Time Continuum" anyway and the whole fucking universe would explode...

No going back.... ;)

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #14 on: February 01, 2007, 10:24:28 PM »
I would fuck up the entire "Space Time Continuum" anyway and the whole fucking universe would explode...

No going back.... ;)

If by "space time continuum," you mean "Michael J. Fox," I could get behind fucking that up.  Oh yes.

Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Jeffreyj

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #15 on: February 01, 2007, 10:27:06 PM »
There is no future in the past.

What is, is.
Positive since 1985

Offline AustinWesley

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #16 on: February 01, 2007, 10:28:17 PM »
I'd go back in a heartbeat.   I'm not one of these Polly Anna types who feels this has been a blessing in disguise!
« Last Edit: February 01, 2007, 11:58:40 PM by AustinWesley »
Diag. 3/06  Infected aprx. 2 mo. Prior
Date        CD4   %      VL
4/6/06     627    32    36,500     NO MEDS YET!
6/7/06     409    27    36,100
8/23/06   408    25     22,300
1/2/07     354    23     28,700
2/9/07     139    30     23,000  Hep A Vaccine same day???
2/21/07   274    26     18,500 
3/3/07    RX of Truvada/Sustiva Started.
4/5/07    321     27      Undectable 1st mo.  
5/16/07  383     28    Undectable 2nd mo.
8/10/07  422     32   UD <48 on new scale!

Offline Life

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #17 on: February 01, 2007, 10:31:32 PM »
Which sequal was Polly Anna in? I missed that one...  Was it the Old West?  ;D

Offline leximancer

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #18 on: February 01, 2007, 11:50:30 PM »
Yes.  Oh gods, yes.  Even without a flux capacitor, I'd go back.

Offline poodlelover

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #19 on: February 02, 2007, 12:10:12 AM »
Although I have met some wonderful people by being positive it would be so worth it to give it all up to go back and change it.  who knows where i would be or who i would be with if this had not happened.  Plus i wouldnt have to remember to take meds everyday.  so, yes if it were possible to do time travel I would in a heartbeat. 
Connie

Offline Optimistic

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #20 on: February 02, 2007, 12:32:18 AM »
oh god YES....faster than the speed of light. I think if every single person were offered a chance to go back to the day before they were infected, I have a feeling the majority would take it regardless of what they say here.

Justin 
12/06 (Atripla): cd4 - 260; cd% - 33%; vl - 169
1/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 267; cd% - 38.1%; vl - 132
4/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 373; cd% - 33.9%; vl - <50
7/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 287; cd% - 35.8%; vl - <50
9/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 356; cd% - 39.5%; vl - <50
12/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 517

Offline koi1

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #21 on: February 02, 2007, 01:08:13 AM »
Would I not want to have AIDS. Yeah!  If I could turn back time, it would have to be with what I know now. Otherwise, I might end up with this Nasty little killer inside me anyway. I have met one person here over the phone and we have been there for each other on a more personal level. Most people here are nice, supportive folks, and they add to my life, helping me take this battle one day at a time. I have not been to an AMG, so I can only say that I know people by their kind words that do not require exagerated, esoteric, sometimes meaningless rants, to prop up their egos. Most people here  are helpful in what this website is hopefully about: support, awareness, and I should hope some sort of activism that goes beyond just posting here.

I have stayed in my same career as a teacher, and decided to "give back" which is tough since many have begun to wonder if I have "it". This aspect of the disease has made me stronger, but I don't know where I will be if my health,  my mental competence and my appearance deteriorate further, as many of us don't know. HIV makes no saint out of anyone, but I do believe that for most of us it multiplies our compassion factor. Perhaps this is the greatest gift this disease could bring to anyone, regardless of where they were at the time their life changed forever.

rob
« Last Edit: February 02, 2007, 01:20:12 AM by koi1 »
diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

Offline jupiter

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #22 on: February 02, 2007, 02:40:54 AM »
Yes!   :)

Im sure we would have met at some stage.

 But It could be worse.

Im thankful i am healthy that i can walk see, hear. I have a roof over my head i have a job, I have good friends.


Offline poet

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #23 on: February 02, 2007, 07:07:29 AM »
No, I would not want to go back to the person I was, freely exploring the fringe of gay life in movie theatres, bathhouses and bars and then allow that person to grow older, to my age now, perhaps sitting weekly on the same bar stool at the same bar (able to socially drink) saying the same things to the same people, circling and circling through life as opposed to the person I became, who faced the death of so many and so lost his 'gay childhood' early enough to focus on real things, to find a voice as a writer and write what I could, as I could under the pressure that this voice could end as the voice of other writers had, so early.  To not have experienced an Act-Up demo?  To not have been allowed 'in,' here in the forums, when someone was falling apart, at least for the moment, and there was this space to reach out to him or to her which, given where I would have been: impossible.  To have a b.s. check each day and be able to say, 'fine, enjoy!' 

I realised in creating this thread that it would be difficult for anyone newly diagnosed to have the distance needed for perspective, the current information swirling around, the questions and more questions.  It would also be difficult for anyone who has suffered serious health decline(s) as a direct result of hiv infection... maybe.  But then I can also think about photographer John Dugdale who has lost most of his sight through cmv and for whom this loss of sight has found his sight although he could best explain this.  Or the painter, Patrick Angus, whose work might not have graced my first book had he not been so sick, had he not given up hope of his work being discovered by anyone, who assumed that he would be forced to throw it out.  Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline Alain

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #24 on: February 02, 2007, 07:54:09 AM »
Win,

Quite the trigger this morning, for me anyways.

Have to say that I can't allow myself to go there in my mind.

Part of my plan surviving this bug for 20 years, always been to keep it real.

Going back is not a possibility.

Same applies to my lost of hearing. I can't get it back.

My reality.

Alain.

Offline woodshere

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #25 on: February 02, 2007, 08:24:50 AM »
There is no way to evaluate this question, because there's no way to say (for example if you've say 15 years HIV+) how you would have developed as a person WITHOUT the virus.  Could have been much better, could have been worse.

I can't bother to think of these things.  Waste of energy.

Can't agree with you more!!  Why go back to that day, why not go back to the decision I made to change jobs and move to Atlanta, change the university I graduated from, rather than go to church that one day have skipped it and not met the most wonderful people I have the opportunity to meet in my entire life.  Harry Truman said he had no regrets and that is to thing also.  Sure I have made huge mistakes, however the decisions both good and bad have brought me to this point in my life and overall it is a pretty good life.

Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline fondeveau

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #26 on: February 02, 2007, 08:28:42 AM »
Oh God, yes.

In a bloody heartbeat.

I would take it all back.

Repent! I say repent!  I can't believe aupointillimite would have lived a single day with a regret? 

Offline Cliff

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #27 on: February 02, 2007, 09:08:07 AM »
I say no, cause it just seems like a waste of time.  Why think about what could have been, when it clearly can't be?

Offline poet

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #28 on: February 02, 2007, 09:32:35 AM »
Because when I or anyone else puts him or herself back there, revisits the person we were, I or anyone else can see how we have changed and been changed, how becoming hiv positive has directly changed us, can see, even when it's rough out there, how to balance some of that negative stuff with some of the positive stuff which has come about through being hiv positive which is what some of us need to remind ourselves about to get through each day.  It's not about guilt.  It's not about if I had only not... or had....  It's flipping around the 'now I have to take these meds,' or 'now I can't drink alcohol.'  It's a means of reminding us what we may have gained from getting to this point.  Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline indyguy

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #29 on: February 02, 2007, 09:45:40 AM »
Hell yes! I would have put a rubber on. Although I have started to make better friends since. Crazy huh. Even started making friends here. Before I was pretty shy and just waited for someone to pick me up at the bar. Now I am making friends that are also poz and creating relationships that are not just based on sex. MMMMMMMMMMMM---sssseeeexxx..... ;D
Meds doing well so far.

Offline Catman

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #30 on: February 02, 2007, 09:57:05 AM »
Oh my. This is a hard one to answer. I "think" I would say a "yes", but I'm not particularly enthusiastic about that answer. I do think I was "in line" for meeting hiv anyways because I wasn't well informed about that back in 1986. It seemed to be something happening far away in New York and San Fransisco. I say this because the first news broadcasts about the new "mysterious disease" were reported from these two cities. If I weigh on a balance all the good and the bad that has come from my 21 years positive I think that the bad side would be a teeny bit heavier and that is why I would have to say "Yes". Still, hiv has made me a better person, it has got me closer to God, and it put in my path my partner who has been with me for the past 14 years and he knew I was positive from the beginning of our relationship. If I could go back just to the afternoon before getting infected I wouldn't have gone out that night with the guy who was on my tail for a date and much less had sex with that night.
« Last Edit: February 02, 2007, 09:59:10 AM by Catman »
Catman

Meow to the birds
Meow to the tree's
Meow to the end
of this dreadful disease...

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #31 on: February 02, 2007, 10:04:58 AM »
I would go back just to make him buy me dinner first  :o

Other than that, no

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #32 on: February 02, 2007, 10:18:39 AM »


  What's meant to be is to be...  I believed many years ago I would travel this path and here I finally am...

  Although I am fearful of what tomorrow may bring, I am content with what it is now...

  I received a call from my doctor the day before yesterday and the news struck me with fear... I can still say I would not change a thing.

  I must pay for all my transgressions from my past... Any happiness I find today, or tomorrow are true rewards.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline stillhere

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #33 on: February 02, 2007, 10:19:28 AM »
This is a tough question. Since I thought we were playing it safe i guess i would go back and play it even safer? But yes i would go back and chances are i would have met a lot of the same people anyhow. My therapist says life is a journey and all that jazz .But i'd like to choose which airline. i've met some of the most wonderful people since being sick and they've helped me prioritize things but the things i miss are many especially energy anyhow i'll stop rambling .......thanks........john

Offline northernguy

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #34 on: February 02, 2007, 10:38:13 AM »
If by "space time continuum," you mean "Michael J. Fox," I could get behind fucking that up.  Oh yes.


Yes, I'd go back.  But what difference would it make?  I used condoms then, thought I did everything right, but obviously not.  I also agree with cliff, even thinking along these lines can lead to so much self-torment.

Interesting choice of Michael J. Fox.  It illustrates the fact that even if you could go back, something else could easily have claimed you by now.  Parkinsons is no walk in the park either.
Apr 28/06 cd4 600 vl 10,600 cd% 25
Nov 8/09 cd4 510 vl 49,5000 cd% 16
Jan 16/10 cd4 660 vl 54,309 cd% 16
Feb 17/10 Started Atripla
Mar 7/10 cd4 710 vl 1,076 cd% 21
Apr 18/10 cd4 920 vl 268 cd% 28
Jun 19/10 cd4 450 vl 60 cd% 25
Aug 15/10 cd4 680 vl 205 cd% 27
Apr 3/11 cd4 780 vl <40 cd% 30
Jul 17/11 cd4 960 vl <40 cd%33
April 15/12 cd4 1,010 vl <40 cd% 39
April 20/12 Switched to Viramune + Truvada
Aug 2/12 cd4 1040, vl <40, cd% 38
Oct 19 cd4 1,110 vl <40 cd% 41

Offline dixieman

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #35 on: February 02, 2007, 10:40:10 AM »
I would have to say YES! if I could go back but, unfortunately I have to admit it has made me appreciate life all the more. So here's to everyones health! John

Offline racingmind

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #36 on: February 02, 2007, 10:41:58 AM »
If I could retain all the knowledge I have gained since it happened....of course, without a doubt, I would go back...   has everyone enjoyed their impossible fantasy for the day?
Tested Negative: 5/06
Tested Positive: 9/06 
9/06: CD4: 442 (28%) VL: +100,000
10/06: CD4: 323 (25%) VL: 243,440
11/06: CD4: 405 (28%) VL: 124,324
12/06: CD4: 450 (29%) VL: 114,600
1/07: CD4: 440 (27%) VL: 75,286
3/07: CD4: 459 (30%) VL: 44,860
5/07: CD4: 353 (24%) VL: 50,852
7/07: CD4: 437 (29%) VL: 39,475
9/07: CD4: 237 (32%) VL: 372,774
10/07: CD4: 324 (27%) VL: 115,454 
Started Atripla: 10/07
11/07: CD4: 524 (?%) VL: Undetectable!
2/08: CD4: 653 (35%) VL: undetectable
5/08: CD4: 822 (40%) VL: undetectable
8/08: CD4: 626 (35%) VL: undetectable
12/08: CD4: 619 (36%) VL: undetectable
3/09: CD4: 802 (38%) VL: undetectable
7/09: CD4: 1027 (43%) VL: not tested
10/09: CD4: 1045 (43%) VL: undetectable

Offline ademas

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #37 on: February 02, 2007, 10:52:08 AM »
But you are, Blanche.  You are.

Offline Cerrid

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #38 on: February 02, 2007, 10:54:24 AM »
Assuming the time travel option is bidirectional, I think I'd do the opposite: I'd take my address book, push the fast-forward button until this mess is over, then throw a party and invite everyone who's in the book cos they would all be well and alive.
"Boredom is always counterrevolutionary. Always." (Guy Debord)

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #39 on: February 02, 2007, 10:58:29 AM »
Well if Blanche was back when all this started.... Everyone would still be hiv -.. We would..

Offline Coffeechick88

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #40 on: February 02, 2007, 11:42:54 AM »
That's a hard question.  My first inclination is to say I would want to be where I am, but without HIV, because my life was not heading in a good direction--I could have stayed with that guy and my lifeless body would have been found by the cops, but then I also think even if I did go back, who's to say I would have turned out in that worst case scenario.  Maybe I would have gotten the strength to leave and change anyway and still had a great life.  I would like to think that I have much more strength in me that would have been capable of change and everything than to say that I am only in the great place I am in today just because I happened to pick up a virus.  Too many what ifs.  I try not to dwell on the past anymore, I can't change it, the only thing is the here and the now.
Lucas James is here
Born 6-14-08 at 1233 am
8 lbs 14 oz, 22 in long

Offline shepsmom

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #41 on: February 02, 2007, 12:08:06 PM »
you bet I would! I had a blood transfusion when my daughter was born. I remember the exact moment.

Offline shepsmom

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #42 on: February 02, 2007, 12:09:40 PM »
coffechick- you had the strength to pick yourself up and dust yourseldf off after your diagnosis. Right?

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #43 on: February 02, 2007, 12:38:13 PM »
As someone who believes in karma, I'm not so sure going back to the day before my infection would do the trick. I think I'd have to go back to some other lifetime when the seed was planted.

I'm burning off karma with the flames of hiv.

It just is, OK? ;)

Ann


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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline FiercenBed

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #44 on: February 02, 2007, 12:52:39 PM »
nothing personal poet....but whata silly question!
« Last Edit: February 02, 2007, 12:58:13 PM by FiercenBed »

Offline Christine

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #45 on: February 02, 2007, 01:01:23 PM »
No, I would not go back, even for as bad as it has been over the past 14 years. I like myself better now.
Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline DanielMark

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #46 on: February 02, 2007, 03:58:10 PM »
Is this like a Zen riddle?

"To produce the sudden insight called satori, many Zen Buddhists in Japan contemplate a 'mind-murdering' form of riddle called the koan. (What is the sound of one hand clapping? What was your original face before you were born?) These riddles of course defy logic, and that is just what they are supposed to do; they are designed to break down the rational intellect, just as LSD does, and thus provide the student with a new viewpoint."~William Braden, The Private Sea, pub. 1967. (pgs. 48-49.)

My answer to your question Win is, yes [because who in their right mind would want HIV/AIDS] and no [because apart from testing Poz, I have few regrets about my life since]. Iíve made peace with my past and like donít see much good in digging up dead things.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline Central79

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #47 on: February 02, 2007, 04:15:41 PM »
Oh God yeah... I spend a lot of time thinking and wishing about this, which I guess is only natural one year out? Such a big mistake...
Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline skeebo1969

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #48 on: February 02, 2007, 04:35:50 PM »
As someone who believes in karma, I'm not so sure going back to the day before my infection would do the trick. I think I'd have to go back to some other lifetime when the seed was planted.

I'm burning off karma with the flames of hiv.

It just is, OK? ;)

Ann

   My belief also Ann...   
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline marco23

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Re: If you were able to go back to the day before your infection, would you?
« Reply #49 on: February 02, 2007, 04:48:59 PM »
I think this is such a wonderful question..it's made everyone remember their past (wanting to or not, bad or good)..and wonder - "what if?" -

Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

 


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