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Author Topic: Nightmare... everyday  (Read 3702 times)

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Offline remorse

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Nightmare... everyday
« on: May 17, 2008, 11:02:40 PM »
Hi all,

To be honest, I already started my thread in medhelp... but I just feel more relief if I can ask the experts here.
I am 24 years old, Indonesian living in Singapore. I made a mistake by going to Batam and had sex with CSW there. It was protected vaginal 2 times ejaculation (different condom use) and I also did a deep fingering.
The condom brand is durex extra safe, I checked the condom it didnt break (it's a very thick condom anyway).
The first 2 days after exposure, I feel no guilt and appears very healthy. But once I browsed internet to find info about HIV, I began to scared.
Some articles said, 10% of CSW there are HIV+.

The 3,4,5th day I have night sweat imagining if I turned positive.
Day 14th I went to Singapore Sexual Clinic, and ask for PCR test, they wont allow me, instead they take HIV rapid test as a baseline. The result was negative.
They asked me to come back 3 months later.

Well... nobody can wait for 3 months.
Day 23th I went back to clinic again and begged them to perform PCR test. At the end they allow me to take.
I also asked them to perform HIV rapid test, and it came back negative.
The PCR result will be ready in 2-3 weeks time (very slow I dont know why).

If the result is negative, can I be relieved? I know it wont be conclusive, but can I have a deep breath?
If it is positive or false positive, since it will be week 6, I will do another rapid test.

Since the 3rd day of exposures, this event has changed me. I cant concentrate at work. Day and night I always surf internet to find out information about HIV.
Sometimes I cried on my bed, yes... 24 years old guy still can cry, if I think about my family who love me so much.

Until this day (25 days) after exposures, I have no weird symptoms except pimples on upper lymph nodes. I guess I touched them frequently to feel whether it swallen or not.

But, sometimes I have shortness of breath if I read bad news articles such as:

===========
A study published in The Journal of Acquired Immune Deficiency Syndromes observed sero-discordant heterosexual couples and showed that only three out of 171 who consistently and correctly used condoms became HIV infected; eight out of 55 who used condoms inconsistently became HIV infected; and eight out of 79 who never used condoms became HIV infected.12
===========

Some percentages still got infected even though they use condom correctly... which make me almost puke on my table.

Is using a condom always a no risk situation?...
In your opinion should I be relief in my current situation?
Thanks for reading... your replies will relief one soul in this planet.
« Last Edit: May 17, 2008, 11:04:32 PM by remorse »

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #1 on: May 18, 2008, 04:28:49 AM »
Remorse,

You're worrying unnecessarily. You didn't have a risk. Your negative result is NOT going to change. You do not have hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline remorse

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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #2 on: May 18, 2008, 04:34:23 AM »
Dear Ann,

Thanks for your reply. I still wonder why the other "Zero discordant couples" study is showing out 3 out of 171 couples who use condom correctly and consistently are still getting infected? It is very contradicting with the other "Zero discordant couples" study which said 0 getting infected by always using condom.
I made a big mistake not asking the CSW her HIV status...

Offline Ann

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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #3 on: May 18, 2008, 04:59:31 AM »
Remorse,

I strongly suspect those three couples "forgot" about having unprotected intercourse at least once.

You didn't have a risk. Condoms really do work. I was in a poz/neg relationship for over eight years and he was still hiv negative when we split up. The only precaution we took was using condoms for intercourse. I've never been on meds and always have a detectable viral load.

I sincerely hope you don't get a false positive from that PCR test. They're not approved for diagnostic purposes for that reason - because they have the distinct possibility of false positives.

You don't need further testing. You ARE hiv negative. Keep using condoms, correctly and consistently, and you'll stay that way. Read through all three condom and lube links in my signature line so you can use them with confidence.

Oh, and by the way, it's not "zero" discordant, it's SERO discordant. Sero is a prefix that means "blood" or "serum", which refers to blood. Another way of saying hiv neg and hiv pos is "seronegative" and "seropositive". Serodiscordant means their serostatus is different.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline remorse

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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #4 on: May 18, 2008, 05:22:04 AM »
Dear Ann,

Thanks for the feedback, your words calm down some of my worries.

Yes, if PCR test come back as positive, then I will be mentally-hospitalized for 6 more weeks until ELISA/WESTERN blot test come and confirm negative. By that time I will be fully 3 months mark.

But I assumed PCR RNA Qualitative test will count my viral load, if it is <50 then I am negative. But if it is >50, then I am positive.
They should provide me with measurable viral load data, not just "yes you have viruses" or "no you dont have viruses", which I still can judge whether the data is "false" and see the "error tolerance".

I am not in this field... but I am an engineer, and I believe every test has some tolerances.

And thanks for "SERO" corrections :)


Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #5 on: May 18, 2008, 05:37:30 AM »
Remorse,

At least you had the RNA test - it's less prone to false positives than the DNA PRC.

But we've already established the fact that you ARE hiv negative. You did NOT have a risk and your antibody test results are NOT going to change.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline remorse

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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #6 on: May 18, 2008, 05:48:20 AM »
Dear Ann,

Thanks, I know no risk means no risk.
I will update you with this "unnecessary" testing result in 2-3 weeks time.

Offline remorse

  • Member
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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #7 on: May 18, 2008, 06:04:24 AM »
Well I just double check that they are going to do PCR DNA test not RNA...
Need to prepare for the worst.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #8 on: May 18, 2008, 06:38:35 AM »
Remorse,

It's the RNA test that is better, not the DNA. If the medical facility you tested at knows their stuff, they will have used the RNA. Actually, they should not have given in to you at all - you didn't have a risk and didn't need this test.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline remorse

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #9 on: May 18, 2008, 06:58:14 AM »
Dear Ann,

They actually didnt want to give the PCR test to me. But I kept begging to them to perform the test to me, thus they had no choice.
The negative result is what I expect from this, since I believe it will be a very reliable negative than 6 weeks of Rapid HIV test.

I am in panic, I made mistake by going to CSW... and I really desperately want to know the fact whether I got infected or not.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #10 on: May 18, 2008, 07:03:03 AM »
Remorse,

You need to be using condoms with ANYONE, not just sex workers. It really bugs me that so many men are perfectly happy to go bare with other women, but freak out when they've been with a sex worker and using condoms. It's not who you do, it's how you do it!

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline remorse

  • Member
  • Posts: 11
Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #11 on: May 18, 2008, 07:14:35 AM »
Dear Ann,

Yes I do agree it is man-selfishness that thought going bare with other woman beside CSW is safe.
Anyway, I always use condom from start to finish. I even used the thicker one so it wont break easily.

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #12 on: May 18, 2008, 07:31:54 AM »
remorse,

That's exactly why you didn't have a risk. I suggest you turn your computer off and go get busy with other things. Excessive posting on this forum is not permitted. Make sure you read the posting guidelines found in the Welcome Thread.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline remorse

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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #13 on: May 20, 2008, 11:38:22 PM »
Hi

I wont ask any doubt again about no risk activity that I had (I will have test in 2 weeks time).
I searched WHO website and found out that their window period is 14-21 days.

http://www.who.int/diagnostics_laboratory/faq/window_period/en/index.html

In your opinion, is this reliable info? since it is from international known website.

Thanks

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #14 on: May 21, 2008, 12:42:25 AM »
It depends on where you are. Most people who are going to test positive for HIV will do so by the 22 day mark.

HOWEVER, the generally accepted window period in most of the developed world is 12 weeks. Here at AIDSmeds we use the window period as stipulated by the US Centers for Disease Control which is 13 weeks. There's no difference between 12 and 13 weeks when it comes to HIV testing, it's just a matter of how you count a month.

None of this should concern you. As you have been told you were not at risk in the first place and so you don't need to test at all.

Searching the internet obsessively for information about HIV is only going to make your fears worse. You need to follow Ann's sound advice and walk away from the computer.

MtD

Offline remorse

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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #15 on: May 21, 2008, 07:30:56 AM »
I guess I figured it out, it probably means that antibody test can pick up positive as early as 14-21 days..

As Ann said, I know I should walk away from computer, but my mind feel "itchy" in an hour or so without surfing internet for HIV articles.

I will seek HIV phobia consultant this Friday, hopefully they have this kind of special services available.

Thanks

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #16 on: May 21, 2008, 08:51:02 AM »
Good idea. See a counselor or other professional. Surfing the web is addictive and your head will keep telling you to do it. Take a breath and stay off of it. No kidding. This is NOT and HIV situation. Period. End of story.
Andy Velez

Offline remorse

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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #17 on: June 04, 2008, 04:56:33 AM »
Hi all,

I have met the counselor and doctor, I agreed to get tested at 3 months and move on from there.
But the thing is, I have taken medication called "accutane" (for severe acne) for the past 5 months 'till now and this medications use "isotretinoin" (chemotherapy for skin cancer patient).
Will this consider as an exception of 3 months window period? Say chemotherapy, IV drugs, and immunosuppressans will produce late antibody.

What kind of chemotherapy consider to delay the window period?

Thank you all... for your kind patience.

Offline Ann

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    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #18 on: June 04, 2008, 05:26:41 AM »
remorse,

You won't be taking this drug in sufficient quantities to affect your immune system. If you were, you wouldn't be able to take it for five months.

But, you didn't have a risk, so this is irrelevant anyway. Your negative result is not going to change.

If you've read the Welcome Thread like you're supposed to, you will have read the following posting guideline:

Quote
Anyone who continues to post excessively, questioning a conclusive negative result or no-risk situation, will be subject to a four week Time Out (a temporary ban from the Forums). If you continue to post excessively after one Time Out, you may be given a second Time Out which will last eight weeks. There is no third Time Out - it is a permanent ban. The purpose of a Time Out is to encourage you to seek the face-to-face help we cannot provide on this forum.

Please consider yourself warned. Keep posting over this no risk situation and you'll be given a time out.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline remorse

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Re: Nightmare... everyday
« Reply #19 on: August 08, 2008, 10:46:42 AM »
Hi all,

I have done a testing which is negative.

And please accept my apology, you guys r right.

I have wasted resources for unnecessary testing, worrying, bugging Teak (medhelp) and aidmeds people.

I wish you all good luck and best of health...

 


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