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Author Topic: Disclosure....I DID IT  (Read 2322 times)

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Offline DanKenny

  • Member
  • Posts: 147
Disclosure....I DID IT
« on: January 22, 2007, 06:33:26 AM »
Hi there,

Good Morning.  Just wanted to give you an update of my situation with my friend.  Over the past two weeks, we've gotton closer, though we have not hit the home-base yet.

Given the direction, i decided to disclose. This would be my first disclosure, ever, at least to a neggie. When I visited her home last weekend, I had planned to do so, but couldn't -- I run away earlier than expected.  However, I decided that it was gradually getting serious, and would disclose during my next visit. We spent the past weekend together and went for a short walk on sunday (yesterday) afternoon.

I basically told her i had something to tell her about me: then i choked -- i couldn't bring the words out. I froze, as she kept on pressing me for the information.  After a deadening 1 minute silence, she asked if it related to my health/illness.  I told her yes, and she knew exactly what it was.  This is because, i had asked her earlier if she would date someone who was poz, and she thought she wouldn't).

She asked several questions about the diagnosis - time, source, future sexual relations, etc.  I explained as best as i could, though i was still trembling, and really felt like a damaged good. I am sure there would be more questions / discussions on transimissions/infections

Generally, she took it really well, better than I expected. She thanked me for the disclosure.  She was really reassuring, though she indicated she was shocked because nothing would suggest that i was poz (i am not on meds, either). But she indicated she will be there to support me and my kids, and we will go ahead with our relationship, and that she still likes me and will not reject me because of this condition. It was a teary moment. She is a gem !!

So, thanks folks for your support and suggestions.  Thanks ACKinc for your suggestion  that I should let her know me more, and the virus will come as part of the person she's fallen in love with.  A heavy weight is now off my shoulders - we can both see the elephant in the room now....and we shall see how this plays out in the coming days/months.

Regards and enjoy the rest of the week.

~~ DK
« Last Edit: January 22, 2007, 06:37:51 AM by DanKenny »
My Progress:

09/07:   771   ~    <50     ~   29%
03/07:   493   ~    227      ~   22%
02/07:   Began Meds ~~ ATRIPLA
01/07:   315   ~   45, 000  ~   18%
10/06:   350   ~   32, 430  ~   22%
04/06:   440   ~   23, 997  ~   24%
07/05:   621   ~   36,000   ~   24%
01/05:   842   ~   2306      ~   28%
07/04:   615   ~   3370      ~   27%
04/04:   674   ~   739        ~   26%
11/03:   439   ~   2800      ~   22%
Infected probably around 1997 / Diagnosed 2002

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,801
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #1 on: January 22, 2007, 07:45:40 AM »


     I am glad that the whole situation worked out the way it did.  I also want to commend you for having the courage to disclose.  As time goes on she may have more/other questions and/or concerns.  What is important, in my opinion, is that you continue to have a very open line of communication, especially since you two share feelings for each other.  I wish you the best.

I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #2 on: January 22, 2007, 08:05:57 AM »
Hi DK!!
Just by reading your story, I could actually feel the weight being lifted off your shoulders!...Beautiful!
Here's to a wonderful future ahead of you! Congrats!  :)
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,389
  • Member 2005
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #3 on: January 22, 2007, 09:21:49 AM »
Dan...  Way to go Man!   Great way to start out our mornings by your thread! 


Offline Andy Velez

  • Global Moderator
  • Member
  • Posts: 29,937
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #4 on: January 22, 2007, 09:33:16 AM »
Well done, Dan. I'm happy to read that you got that looming burden out of the way and had such a good response from her.

Talking openly (without "dumping") will help to deepen and strengthen the intimacy in your relationship. Now you two can focus on enjoying each other as you get to know each other better.

Big cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline Amosboy

  • Member
  • Posts: 156
  • Music is the panacea.
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #5 on: January 22, 2007, 09:39:58 AM »
Congratulations!  Hope for the best and keep moving forward.  You can now breathe easier.  My advice to you:  Don't obsess about your HIV status.  It's a part of who you are but not ALL of who you are.  Letting someone in on your status speaks out loud and clear about your character and willingness to be truly intimate with someone.  People respond, for the most part, very favorably to honesty, especially when it says "I care enough about you to share something about me...that could affect us both".

Great move on your part!  It gets easier, I promise.  And you will find that place inside of you that can articulate it better with each time.


"Love isn't love unless it's not painfully absurb."

-Charlotte Martin

Offline pozguy75

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,239
    • POZitively Speaking
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #6 on: January 22, 2007, 10:41:45 AM »
WOW, DK...

That is wonderful! You know, after the first one, it gets easier and easier...Way to go buddy!

Let know how this continues to work out...I know I was terrified when I made my first disclosre too...you are a hero buddy!
Dx 2005

Offline Ihavehope

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,366
  • Yes, I'm a cry baby, AND WHAT?
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #7 on: January 22, 2007, 10:54:47 AM »
Kewl beans Dan.

You are brave and proved to many of us that people are becoming aware that being HIV poz is something we can all learn to live with. Bravo
Infected: April 2005
12/6/06 - Diagnosed HIV positive
12/19/06 - CD4 = 240  22% VL = 26,300
1/4/07 - CD4 = 200 16% VL = ?
2/9/07 = Started Kaletra/Truvada
3/13/07 = CD4 = 386 22% VL ?

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #8 on: January 22, 2007, 12:33:57 PM »

My NOW wife and I had a moment similar to this.  I sent her roses the next day with a card that said.... True love is giving someone the power to destroy you, and trusting them not to..... on it.  It is in our wedding scrapbook now!


LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A

Offline Miss Philicia

  • Member
  • Posts: 24,793
  • celebrity poster, faker & poser
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #9 on: January 22, 2007, 01:33:13 PM »
congrats, you must feel really good today!
"Iíve slept with enough men to know that Iím not gay"

Offline DanKenny

  • Member
  • Posts: 147
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #10 on: January 22, 2007, 01:51:16 PM »
Thanks for all your responses..I feel really elated.  And i can feel the relief even in my steps. 

I am very hopeful about the future.  Thanks for all the inspiring stories here....ACinKC...thanks for the encouragement -- i took a lot of inspiration from yours and others.

Regards, and warm wishes...

My Progress:

09/07:   771   ~    <50     ~   29%
03/07:   493   ~    227      ~   22%
02/07:   Began Meds ~~ ATRIPLA
01/07:   315   ~   45, 000  ~   18%
10/06:   350   ~   32, 430  ~   22%
04/06:   440   ~   23, 997  ~   24%
07/05:   621   ~   36,000   ~   24%
01/05:   842   ~   2306      ~   28%
07/04:   615   ~   3370      ~   27%
04/04:   674   ~   739        ~   26%
11/03:   439   ~   2800      ~   22%
Infected probably around 1997 / Diagnosed 2002

Offline puertorico2006

  • Member
  • Posts: 957
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #11 on: January 22, 2007, 09:07:58 PM »
congratulations...it takes a lot of courage to be able to disclose hiv status...glad it went well...
Infected Probably: may 2005
Diagnosed: 11/2006

11/28/2006 CD4:309 / VL: 1907 No meds yet
12/27/2006 CD4:339/  VL:1649 No meds yet
  4/28/2007 CD4:550/  VL:1800 No meds :-)

Offline tsw923

  • Member
  • Posts: 174
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #12 on: January 22, 2007, 10:19:04 PM »

This is awesome news! I totally understand where you were coming from.  I was complete terrified to tell him about my status.  We had dated 15 years ago and he'd looked me up... I told him and he was so sweet.    The thing that I did was give him information slowly.  We talked about my medication, what I had to do, etc.  I even showed him this site and encouraged him to read it whenever he wanted.  If he didn't feel that he could ask questions, he could read about it on this site.  Now we talk about it more openly.  I tell him my numbers when I get them.  So my advice, give her information slowly and keep the communication open. 

Congratulations again!

Help find a cure for leukemia, lymphoma, and other blood-related cancers by sponsoring me as I walk a 1/2 marathon as a part of the Maryland chapter of Team in Training.  To find out more and to donate, please click on the following site:  http://www.active.com/donate/tntmd/tswtntmd

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,489
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #13 on: January 22, 2007, 10:25:01 PM »
Awesome! Glad it went well, and hope it all works out for you both!
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline siongi

  • Member
  • Posts: 45
Re: Disclosure....I DID IT
« Reply #14 on: January 23, 2007, 02:11:05 AM »
Great Dan to learn that that baggage is off your back. Life must go on and must say i was in a similar situation as well . I was surprised that what i thought would happen wasnt in my partners mind or action plan. Well, we are both positive and also positive about life and was happy aboout her cd 4  cells. We are looking forward to a great life and trully am happy for your and your partner.




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