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Author Topic: Gay Joke  (Read 3614 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Gay Joke
« on: December 06, 2006, 11:03:22 AM »
How you know you're gay:
1. You wear the appropriate underwear for each of your dates.

2. You understand the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka

3. You understand the immense importance of good (or bad) lighting.

4. You can be in a crowded bar and still spot a toupee from 50 yards away.

5. You can tell a woman you love her bathing suit and mean her bathing suit.

6. You can tell a woman she has lipstick on her teeth without embarrassing her.

7. No one expects you to kiss and not tell.

8. You can have naked pictures of men you know in your home.

9. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home.

10. You can have naked pictures of men you don't know in your home and on your
computer.

11. Unlike your women friends, you can hang out in men's locker room.

12. You understand why the good Lord created spandex.

13. You understand why the good Lord did not intend everyone to wear spandex

14. You know the difference between a latte, cappuccino, cafe au lait and a
macchiato. And if you don't, you know how to fake it.

15. You know how to get back at just about everyone.

16. Your pets always have great names.

17. Nobody expects you to change a tire.

18. You're the only guy who gets to do the "Cosmo" quizzes.

19. You know how to get a waiter's attention.

20. You only wear polyester when you mean to.

21. At any given instant, you can recite who was gay since the dawn of history.

22. You are, hands down, your nephew's and nieces' favorite uncle.

23. You get to choose your family.

24. You can tell your sexual compatibility with a potential partner by the way
he holds his drink.

25. You can smile to let someone know you can't stand them.

26. You wouldn't be caught dead in Hooters.

27. You can freeze an approaching bar troll twenty feet away.

28. You're good pals with women other people can't stand.

29. You've always got an opinion, and don't mind sharing it.

30. You've read the book, seen the movie, done the musical.

31. You know how to "air kiss".

32. You know exactly which cosmetic surgery to consider having... and the
perfect excuse to give people who ask where you've been for two weeks.

33. You know how to dress strategically.

34. You know when to move out and move on.

35. You are the only one at the class reunion who looks better than you did in
high school.

36. You've got at least one framed picture of a pet.

37. You know that being called a "cheap slut" isn't necessarily an insult.

38. You wouldn't buy someone a mug for their birthday.

39. You know which wine to bring.

40. Sales clerks don't mess with you.

41. You have a medicine chest stocked for any occasion.

42. You never hold a grudge for longer than a decade.

43. You've just about defeated the accent you were born with.

44. You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach

45. You choose the most fabulous greeting cards.

46. You know every film ever made with male frontal nudity.

47. You've got sunscreen at every conceivable SPF level.

48. You have the latest International Male catalog.

49. You wouldn't dream of dressing out of the latest International Male catalog.

50. You can be bitchy without anyone blaming it on biology.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Lwood

  • Member
  • Posts: 797
  • Here's Lookin At You....
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #1 on: December 06, 2006, 11:37:21 AM »
great list,  why dont we see if we can get it up  :o to 100...
here are a few more :

You are on the TLA mailing List.

You have an X Tube Account

You receive Email Updates from Manhunt.com

You immediately head to the Kenneth Cole store in the mall

They recognize you.

You Have Anderson Cooper 360 Tivo'd

Your curtains really do match the carpet

 
"Fortunately, I Keep My T Cells Numbered For Just Such An Emergency"
  -Either Foghorn Leghorn or Johnny Cash

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,382
  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #2 on: December 06, 2006, 11:41:05 AM »
 ;D
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #3 on: December 06, 2006, 12:16:42 PM »
Christmas shopping includes a trip to the Leather Shop.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline cmhjeff

  • Member
  • Posts: 870
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #4 on: December 06, 2006, 12:49:28 PM »
Christmas shopping includes a trip to the Leather Shop.

Then to smoke shop and gay bookstore for stocking stuffers. Thank god for online shopping! All of my gifts came to the fron door delivered by Juan my UPS delivery man.  :)

Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #5 on: December 06, 2006, 01:21:52 PM »
A few more

1) Know who Tyra, Heidi, Adrianna are
2) Loves Madonna, Cher, Or Barbara
3) Go shopping with your girlfriends (and criticize them for those pathetic shoes they got)
4) Take more than 15 seconds in the man's restroom
5) Gucci, Dolce, Dior, Versace, Cavalli, and/or Prada are not pet names  for you

Alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline Javicho

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #6 on: December 06, 2006, 01:26:02 PM »
You are home when ever The Wizard of Oz is playing on TV
You are the only customer who make appointment for the next session of manicure,facial and waxing
You allways find the best Barbie for your Nice's

Offline Boo Radley

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,252
  • Not a "real man" and damn proud, mithter... FAB
    • Animal Rescue New Orleans
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #7 on: December 06, 2006, 02:34:12 PM »
If you walk up to a male stranger at a party and say "You wouldn't treat me like this if I wasn't in this chair."
and he responds:
"But ya are, Blanche, ya are in that chair!"

Boo,
who wonders how many forum members get this generational joke...
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write © 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #8 on: December 06, 2006, 02:37:37 PM »
boo, I got it! ( I'm old)

But after all this, I find I may not be gay afterall.................
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,001
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #9 on: December 06, 2006, 02:49:06 PM »
- you go to Home Depot to see the men and crown molding
- you have more pictures of naked men on your computer than pictures of your family
- you have posted to Jeromy's "I love porn" topic

Offline fearless

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,191
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #10 on: December 06, 2006, 05:01:50 PM »
You can have naked men you do know in your own home.
You can have naked men you don't know in your own home.
You know that pigs and bears aren't necessarilty wildlife.
You know how to make an entrance.
You know when to make an exit.
You've lived out most of your fantasies.
« Last Edit: December 06, 2006, 05:05:21 PM by fearless »
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline fearless

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,191
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #11 on: December 06, 2006, 05:28:20 PM »
And, you know how to wrap a present.
Be forgiving, be grateful, be optimistic

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #12 on: December 06, 2006, 05:30:08 PM »
(it'll help if you guys # theses in succession) ;)
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline AtomicA

  • Member
  • Posts: 156
  • that's Famous with an F
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #13 on: December 06, 2006, 11:27:10 PM »
wow... you can all speak gay. Though, I must admit I know few 20 year olds who know anything about cher or barbara. We do however, talk about christina, britney and beyonce as if we're on our way to meet them for coffee.

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #14 on: December 06, 2006, 11:36:03 PM »
 
Quote
Though, I must admit I know few 20 year olds who know anything about cher or barbara

Ouch! ;)
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #15 on: January 21, 2007, 09:34:47 AM »
so true!

31. You know how to "air kiss".
40. Sales clerks don't mess with you.
44. You know the way to a man's heart is not necessarily through his stomach

 :D
44 is the best  :D


Offline SirPrize

  • Member
  • Posts: 78
  • SirPrize!
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #16 on: January 21, 2007, 01:49:31 PM »
You know you're gay IF:

80. The spices in your pantry are all alphabetized (and color-coded for freshness!),
81. Your underwear drawer looks like a display at the Mall,
82. You vacuum in lined symmetry,
83. You tidy up the trash before disposing of it, and
84. You have Erno Lazlo facial products in your medicine chest.   :D
Due to current economic conditions, the light at the end of the tunnel has been temporarily turned off!

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #17 on: January 21, 2007, 02:18:01 PM »
I got about 50% of these.. You guys are making this shit up!

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #18 on: January 21, 2007, 03:04:07 PM »
gee Eric....Guess you qualify for the toaster oven.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #19 on: January 21, 2007, 03:09:59 PM »
I already have three....  Is that a qualification?

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #20 on: January 21, 2007, 03:14:06 PM »
are you sure they didnt come from the ex's in the divorce settlement.
?
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #21 on: January 21, 2007, 03:33:15 PM »
In regards to #1 listed....wear underwear?  ;)
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline aupointillimite

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,229
  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #22 on: January 21, 2007, 03:42:15 PM »
See, my friends expect me to change their tires... because I'm the only one who took the time to learn how to do it.  Which was a mistake... le sigh.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #23 on: January 21, 2007, 03:53:35 PM »
no underwear may the appropriate underwear for many
Go Commando
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline jonsi

  • Member
  • Posts: 32
  • i'd rather dance with you than talk to you
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #24 on: January 21, 2007, 04:06:06 PM »
i'm so not gay...

i'm so not gay at all

i'm kinda happy i'm not by the way, of all of these i have to agree to only 10 of them, more or less... but barbara? beyonce? cher? please, give me a break, christina? britney? wizard of oz? oh my god, i'm so out of all of that...

although i'm gay in much more complex ways than that i think... i just don't fit in the typical gay prototype, i guess... once again, i'm so glad!
ţetta er ágćtis byrjun...

Jónsi.

Offline aupointillimite

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,229
  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #25 on: January 21, 2007, 04:12:20 PM »
i'm so not gay...

i'm so not gay at all

i'm kinda happy i'm not by the way, of all of these i have to agree to only 10 of them, more or less... but barbara? beyonce? cher? please, give me a break, christina? britney? wizard of oz? oh my god, i'm so out of all of that...

although i'm gay in much more complex ways than that i think... i just don't fit in the typical gay prototype, i guess... once again, i'm so glad!

Exactly!  I really can't say how much I agree with you, Jonsi.

People like what they like... but I do have a problem when others attempt to inflict their paradigm of what it means to be gay on me.  No thanks.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline jonsi

  • Member
  • Posts: 32
  • i'd rather dance with you than talk to you
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #26 on: January 21, 2007, 04:21:37 PM »
i just think it's funny, because so many people do think that this is the "gay life-style", i think sleeping with men is gay enough, i don't need to do any more "gay" stuff...
ţetta er ágćtis byrjun...

Jónsi.

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,001
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #27 on: January 22, 2007, 12:35:57 AM »
Ahh... this is price of gays becoming assimilated. The gay youngsters are not going to have a secret language or their own culture anymore. In the years before the internet, before there were any gays on television, we had to secretly guess as to who was family. Now all you have to do to connect with other gay guys is change chat rooms or make a phone call. You don't have to mix with lesbians, or drag queens or leather guys because no matter how specialized your interests you can find people all over the world who are into the exact same things you are. The gay ghettos are dissolving, the gay magazines can't target their readership, straight guys are body shaving and piercing their nipples. We are now getting married and having kids. Even AIDS isn't holding gays together as it used to, because now the majority of people with AIDS aren't gay. This is an interesting transition period.

Anyway back to that "gay" list that doesn't apply to half gay people on here. :)

Offline david25luvit

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,409
  • Member since March 2005
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #28 on: January 22, 2007, 06:40:14 AM »
I feel like a dead ringer............imagine that ::)
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #29 on: January 22, 2007, 09:46:59 AM »
I thought this list of "gay characteristics" was tongue in cheek and if anything....stereotypical.  Most of my friends and I do not fit any stereotypical description of gay men.  I was one of the few people that refused to accept Queer Eye for the Straight GUY as good for our image.
When they started in on this guy who had some hair on his back ...and ended up waxing him.....well ....turned me off.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,382
  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #30 on: January 22, 2007, 10:24:42 AM »
Sigh!

Yes, the days of the "Gay Community" are numbered, I fear. I went to a club last year populated by the younger crowd. I was dragged there, actually.

I knew I was out-of-date when the men and women were mixing in such bizarre ways - especially in the unisex bathroom.

Sorry you all, I don't piss with women.

But I did like the list. It was fun. Oh, and by the way, its Barbra, not Barbara. ;)

And, don't forget Judy, Bette and, of course the the Divine Miss M.

HUGS,

Mark

Who has no intention of assimilating.
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline pozguy75

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,239
    • POZitively Speaking
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #31 on: January 22, 2007, 10:27:59 AM »
You know you're gay, when you can sing showtunes, while filming a really hot porn scene! ;D
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,382
  • 29 years positive, 56 years a pain in the butt
Re: Gay Joke
« Reply #32 on: January 22, 2007, 11:14:09 AM »
Were you singing "Everything's Coming up Roses" from "Gypsy"

or

"My Man" from "Funny Girl?"

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

 


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