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Author Topic: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone  (Read 3205 times)

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Offline Diamond

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« on: June 19, 2007, 07:33:42 PM »
It's been  little over a year now of me finding out of having HIV. I feel so so alone I would very much like to be in a relationship again. Guys try to talk to me when I'm out and about but I just don't get involved with them just so I won't have to tell them of me. I don't want to be rejected because of this, so I've looked around on some sites but I perfer black straight guys and I can't find any and I know we have a lot in Miami!!!!!!!! Some say women to men are like fish to bikes.  But I'm a women that long for the feel of a man  to share my life with. I miss the comfort that only a man can give to me. I have the love from my family and children but it's not the same and I'm 32 I feel that time could be running out. I don't want to be an old maid with just cats and stuff animals to talk to. Help me. I need some way to find a straight black man for a straight black women!!!!!! :'(

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #1 on: June 19, 2007, 07:41:44 PM »
i hope your wait  wont be long...
good luck
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline Central79

  • Member
  • Posts: 527
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #2 on: June 19, 2007, 07:42:08 PM »
Hey Diamond,

I'm sorry you're feeling lonely. It's the worst feeling in the world, because when you're in the middle of it you imagine nobody else feels the same way.

I totally understand where you're coming from - even though I'm a gay white guy! I like having somebody in my life as well.

I guess there's a couple of things here. One is making yourself available. Only after that can you think about going out and looking (if that's even necessary). HIV is a disease of your immune system - it doesn't affect your ability to talk to people, make friends and get to know people and see where things go. I know it's hard when all you're thinking is "HIV...HIV...HIV...", but you need to try. Rejection is part of dating, and if they can't see past HIV, there's something not right with them anyway.

I think that may be all you need to do - you've obviously got people interested  ;). Beyond that you can go look - have you tried poz.com? Or any local groups? He doesn't have to be +ve of course, but if that's an issue for you right now...

But try to stop sabotaging yourself okay? And 32 is so not on the shelf! You haven't even left the warehouse!

Matt x.
Diagnosed January 2006
26/1/06 - 860 (22%), VL > 500,000
24/4/06 - 820 (24.6%), VL 158,000
13/7/06 - 840 (22%), VL 268,000
1/11/06 - 680 (21%), VL 93,100
29/1/07 - 1,020 (27.5%), VL 46,500
15/5/07 - 1,140 (22.8%), VL not done.
13/10/07 - 759 (23.2%), VL 170,000
6/11/07 - 630 (25%), VL 19,324
14/1/08 - 650 (21%), VL 16,192
15/4/08 - 590 (21%), VL 40, 832

Offline camille07

  • Member
  • Posts: 570
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #3 on: June 19, 2007, 07:57:01 PM »
Hang in there.  A few of us definitely know what you are going through...loneliness is a tough place. 
Are there any HIV support groups in your area?

Offline tigger2376

  • Member
  • Posts: 462
  • too bad to die youngish!
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #4 on: June 19, 2007, 08:45:29 PM »
Right, practical advice. Have you tried pozmatch? and living where you do are there not very specific support/dating groups? will trawl web for you hon, but local knowledge may be more useful. Now, the other stuff. Really NOT being blase if I seem that way but I genuinely DO know how you feel. It can also be almost as lonely IN a realationship with a guy who belittles you for your status, as I was on diagnosis and for two years after. I can't promise a miracle but there ARE good guys out there who will respect,desire and nuture you, positive or not. I know its hard, and lonely, but we will be here for you until and after you find the guy for you
In the meantime, I know its not the same, but HUGE cuddle
xxx
I know i'm going to enjoy the party in the afterlife, but do you all mind that I'm going to be VERY late!!!

Offline PRMike

  • Member
  • Posts: 175
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #5 on: June 20, 2007, 05:42:59 AM »
Hi Diamond, my name is Mike username PRMike and I know exactully what you are going through I was married for 23 yrs and have been seperated for 6 yrs and divorced for 5 yrs and it has been very lonely for me also. I am healthty and I have alot of love in my heart that I want to share but I want a woman that is in the same situration as me so I joined a few sites and I have met a few ladies and we have become friends but I am still looking for that special lady that will make my heart skip a beat and make me feel life is worth living.
Diamond I just want you to know that you are not alone and if you take a look at the topic Dating in general you will see that there are alot of good people willing to give you good advise.
ok bye for now always Mike
PRMike

Offline Oh501sguy

  • Member
  • Posts: 113
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #6 on: June 20, 2007, 05:59:13 AM »
You know what's worse that being alone.  Being with someone who wants you as a companion, but not as a lover.  In other words.  I would love to be with someone who likes me as a person and as a lover.  My so called partner gets on "Manhunt" every day when I leave for work and talks trash and quiet often goes to play.  In addition, goes to the bathhouse.  He never initiates sex with me.  I practically BEG for sex and once every 2-3 months, he will just lay there.  How is this supposed to make me feel?  I'm not unattractive.  But I sure feel lonely. 
I did break up with him for a couple of years, but I was just as lonely living alone.  We moved back in together to save on expenses.  I don't have a lot of friends and am not a social butterfly.   I guess I'm just going to get used to it. 
What I really would like is to have someone who I can share everything with, including great sex.  But for now...I guess I just have to settle.

Offline woodshere

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,477
  • ain't no shame in my game
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #7 on: June 20, 2007, 08:48:37 AM »
Gay/straight, positive/negative, in a relationship or out of a relationship loneliness is an issue many of us have to deal with.  No situation is the same, better or worse, each is just different.  For me I have been blessed with more caring friends than I actually deserve, I am active in a variety of activities, but i am still alone.  I wish I had an answer that could help us all, unfortunately I don't.  The only thing we can do is keep trying.  I truly believe someone is out there for each of us, it's just finding him or her that is the tough part.

Best to you,
Woods
"Let us give pubicity to HV/AIDS and not hide it..." "One of the things destroying people with AIDS is the stigma we attach to it."   Nelson Mandela

Offline Dragonette

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,190
  • Spring symptoms
    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #8 on: June 20, 2007, 09:39:29 AM »
Hi Diamond

I know what it feels like (I am not alone now but was for many years)

I remember when I was diagnosed I had wished I was in the US because the pool of poz men there is larger, of course, the US is also huge and that is something I failed to take into account, it just seemed like there were more possibilities and maybe in a way there is. If you find that there are not enough men in Miami you can start looking in other placeslike DC or NYC. I know a long distance relationship is a pain in the butt but it is better than nothing. One of the things that sustained me initially in the first months of diagnosis (and in a way enabled my current relationship with a neg man) was a correspondence and phone call relationship I had with a poz American. We never met and it was not romantic but there was definately a man-women vibe going on and it helped pick me up immensly and I think it cheered him up a great deal too. Sometimes you just need this flirting to keep you afloat and while it doesn't give the warmth and security of a relationship it is better than nothing, I think.

I also suggest that you do not disregard non-Black men, I know everyone has their standards but isn't it about the person inside? Not saying you should go with someone unattractive for you but this is my idea. I say it because I have met guys of varied nationalities and races ultimately I am with a guy from a completely different culture and religion (and race although outwardly we are not THAT different) but hey who cares. I know in the US mixed race is a bigger deal but here (Netherlands) it is much less of an issue. People are people. If it sounds naiive or unreal aplogies, just suggesting to widen options. Stay strong and all the best, fingers crossed for you
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Dragonette

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,190
  • Spring symptoms
    • NotPerfectAtAll
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #9 on: June 20, 2007, 01:08:56 PM »
Guys try to talk to me when I'm out and about but I just don't get involved with them just so I won't have to tell them of me. I don't want to be rejected because of this

i forgot to address this before. iremeber sitting with my social worker at the hospital a few months into mny diagnosis and crying that no one will ever want me and that poz guys are so far and few. She said to me, last year I had an African guirl sit here and cry and tell me the same thing and then she a month later met a guy on the train and now they are getting married. I looked at her like Great, but what does this have to do with me, I have never been lucky why should it start now?! But well I was already seeing my would-be boyfriend he just took his sweet time coming around to regarding me as a potential GF. HIV was related to it but not necessarily from the fear of infection side, more from the fear of commitment side, b/c HIV+ are (rightly in my case) seen as more vulnerable.

Anyhow, people are surprising. If guys are chatting to you, by all means talk to them, if you feel like it, put the HIV aside and just get to know the person, and know the person, and know and know and know the person, till you feel that he is worthy of your trust, at least as a friend. Love is a game of chance. With HIV the odds are completely not against us, but we have a lower starting point, how low depends on luck on our environment.... I think we can still play though. Take your pick of all these guys, watch how he/they behave, take about things in general to see their attitude to things. In retrospect, all the signs saying that my ex would dump me for the HIV (which I didn't know I had when we met) were there: the bigotry, the homophobia, the shitty un-giving sex, the chauvinism, the pride, the inferiority complex... (why did I stay? lonelyness, horniness). If you really take time to know someone, you will have an estimation of their response, you will not know if the guy chosses to me with you or not but you will have a hunch of what kind of person he is. Don't look for "the big love affair", look for someone fun to hung with, go out with, dance with... You can always withdraw (I know it isn't as simple as that and we develop feelings. I know but I try to present it from an empowering POV b/c this is how I talked myself into meeting several guys - not to all I disclosed, only to my BF whom I trusted, first as a friend. So that I knew he would remain a friend even if never a BF.)

I am sure you are a beautiful woman with a lot to give, beleive in that, believe in your assets and that you are worthy and you can genuinley make someone happy, I have to stop because my arm hurts like hell... take good care,
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Lisa

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  • Posts: 1,240
  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #10 on: June 20, 2007, 02:15:01 PM »
Hello Diamond,
I have felt the same way as you. I still feel lonely from time to time, but I kept making real REALLY bad relationship choices for most of my life, and finally came to the realization that I really needed to learn to love myself, and enjoy my own company, before I could really love another with the depth that we all wish for.
I do not look for it, but if it comes, then I will cross that bridge.
I am a near fifty year old woman who has been positive for about twenty something years. I enjoy fousting love, and adoration for my furry friend(Sweetie), as I have found few humans worthy of my effort.
I guess what I'm trying to say, is that I had to learn to love me, before I could love someone else truly.
I may, or may not connect with a love before my days are ended, but I AM going to be happy with myself in the interim.
Just my 2cents worth.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #11 on: June 20, 2007, 05:20:21 PM »
Diamond says.."I don't want to be an old maid with just cats and stuff animals to talk to."

Oh shit, I'm in trouble!!! I have a cat that I talk to quite often and I do collect stuffed animals. I'm 38 also but I don't feel it is over..Btw, I was trying to make you smile with that first line. I often have bouts of lonliness especially when I visit my one gf, who has a man and 4 kids. But then I have listened to other friends bitch about their bfs for one reason or another and then I feel kinda glad I'm single but that's just me.

You live in Miami, I use to live there some years back. Can you even find a black man with all the nationalities there. Felt like Americans were a minority. It seems like you feel a part of your life is empty because you are single. Maybe you should take this time to focus on YOU. I'm just throwing that out there, I can't assume to know your life. But as they say love comes when you least expect it. You can try online poz dating sites but with any dating site, you should be careful. I hope you find what you are looking for.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Diamond

  • Member
  • Posts: 14
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #12 on: July 24, 2007, 03:26:29 AM »
Thanks to every one who shared thier advice. I'm just going to take one day at a time.

Offline Andy101

  • Member
  • Posts: 33
  • Hello there,, How are ya ???
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #13 on: July 29, 2007, 08:24:34 PM »
Hi there Diamond,

Although Im no longer single I can certainly relate to your situation. But it doesnt mean that it will never improve. Personally I have nevr had a problem disclosing mystatus to anyone, and for me that attitude has paid off, but I do realise that every one and every where is different and that full and imidiate disclosure may not be a viable option for you right now.

I have joined many HIV related sites to find friendship since my diagnosis but ironically I found friendship, happiness and now my current girlfriend through a "normal" (please exscuse the terminology) dating site. And the crux of it was apart from my charming personality and stunning good looks (LOL) was my honesty from the start.

Dont give up hope hun, It may take a while and at 32 your hardly over the hill now are you, I didnt realise that they put a shelf life on love and happiness now a days,,lol. If they did there would have been no chance for me,,LOL.

Also you must agree that Matt, that rejection is part of life, Ill or not. Just be your usual happy self and Im sure taht you will find the right partner for you. Dont forget, your life is by no means over,, but the challenge just got a little greater thats all. And untill you find the partner of your dreams, we will be here to share and enjoy life with you on sites like this one.

Good health and good luck hun,,

Andy
xxx
still thinking about this one !!!

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: I'm SOOOO tired of being alone
« Reply #14 on: July 29, 2007, 10:20:21 PM »
Diamond~~

I was wondering how things were going with you. Have you tried any online dating sites yet? I would suggest the Poz Personals. I'm not throwing out a shameless plug, that comes later... :D I'm not sure if you feel comfortable about posting a pic yet but there are some straight black men on there. I tried pozmatch and didn't care for it much. There seems to be more gay men there and the straight ones usually live out of the US. Personally, I wouldn't waste the time there. Also, you might want to check out the women's forum. Look for the dating thread. There you can see how trying to date has affected the ladies of the forum. There are a few of us who post regularly including myself. Check it out, it might be helpful and you will see that you are not alone in how you are feeling...Ok, that was the shameless plug...Hope to see you there... ;)
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

 


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