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Attacked by goose.

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Geese, actually. MANY.

Sometimes I walk down to this pond near my house and feed old bread and whatever is laying around the house to the hundreds of ducks that hang out there all day long. There have always been geese, but lately these HUGE Canadian geese have flocked in, and there are a bunch of ducklings around too this time of year.

Anyway, today I bought two loaves of bread to bring down to them. It's really calm and serene there, to sit on the rocks or the grass and feed them. They've all gotten rather brave, and there are three that I've gotten to know.

A goose named Cranky, because he follows me around and hisses at me until I feed him a few times, and then he plops down next to me and picks up the bread the other ducks miss. There's Friendly, the little runt duck that sits on my feet and looks up at me and begs, and then recently, the GodGoose, who's this HUGGGEEE MEAN Canadian goose that has moved in and kind of threatens the other ducks and takes their food if I'm not paying attention. He gets an attitude with me sometimes but usually doesn't get too close.

But, today, he got brave and started hissing at me and stretching his neck out and trying to bite me, so I kind of like jumped forward a little bit, because that usually makes them flutter away, but the little bitch just leaned in and took a mouthful of my shirt and PULLED.

So I had to scramble away from him and he kind of chased me halfway down the road.

Really graceful.

There are about six of them down there and I dunno what to do! They're messing up the entire system down there. Stupid geese.

Bitch-slap him.  Not hard, but just a light downward tap on the tip of his beak should let him know who's got the bread.  Oh, and give him bread right afterward!

Basquo (who was kicked in the eye by a goat at age four.  My dad saw it happen.  Damn, that was tasty cabrito!)

I was bitten in the back of the knee by a goose once.  Hurts like hell.  As karma would have it...there was two ganders and one goose and when they came to 'take' a goose...the choice was simple and I offered my humble suggestion to take Mr. Nasty.  In yet another turn of the Karma wheel, the other goose became just as mean as the first little bastard.

Pesky Canadian geese....seriously there are way too many of them, obviously you've now met alpha goose, charged with guarding the pack.  Mr. Nasty.

Run.  Seriously.  Run.  That first goose used to chase my car.

(who is not going to sleep tonight)

Matty the Damned:
Wretched beasts are geese. Particularly when they're in a gaggle. Vicious, malevolent things that hiss and spit and bite and crap everywhere. For such ungainly creatures they can certainly move quickly over short distances. Heaven help you should you fall over when fleeing these satanic birds. Once you're down, you're fucked.

When I was a kiddie, there were geese on the farm. Usually they were kept in a large pen. My younger brother would harrass the brutes by beating the fence with a stick. The enraged poultry would go ballistic. Flapping and honking and charging the fence.

One day, my brave brother failed to notice that the gate on the pen was open whilst he provoked the gaggle. The beaks of retribution were swift and without mercy.

On the upside, geese taste great. ;D


For some reason birds do not like me. When i was little..too little to remember(but have heard the stories) i was attacked by a peacock. THey say me and my sister were just walking by and the thing jumped on me.

When i was 18 i was at my great aunts and decided to cross the pasture to go to her sons house. SHe told me to watch out for the bull who was no where to be seen. But there was a group of geese and ducks a few feet away..they chased me all the way across the pasture.

so there is no way i would go near a bunch of geese let alone feed the damn things.


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