HIV Prevention and Testing > Am I Infected?

The reson why I'm scared to find out my HIV status.

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Matty the Damned:
Madd,

As Goderator Ann has pointed out:

YOU NEED TO TEST AND TEST NOW.
This is serious stuff. You won't lose your home or your job, but if you are HIV positive and you continue to fanny about you'll lose your life. I remember your armpit thread from the Old Forums. I'm sure that Bucko (Brent) would give you the same advice that Ann and I are giving you now.

Test today. You owe it to yourself.

MtD

maddeuwch:
I know what you are both saying,but you've got to understand where I live.It's the tiniest most remote village of 300 in the highlands of Scotland.There are NO GUM clinics/there is NO public transport/the atittudes of people here towards HIV is prehistoric...(one girl I know scrubbed her house after finding out that someone with hep B had sat there)/my house is a private rent and my landlord has reservations about a homo living there anyway/the nearest hospital/social support is two and a half hours away.I just can't get there because of the transport situation.

My family live hundreds of miles away in a remote part of North Wales and I very much doubt they'd be supportive (the shame would be too much for them) so I CANNOT go home.I'm very reserved by nature and therefore do not have friends/aquaintances that I could confide in.I've completely cut myself off from everyone and I know there is no one to blame but myself.

If I am HIV+ how much time off work initially might I have to take considering the side effects of drugs/stress etc etc....my job is only on temporary contract anyway so that would be the end of that.

When I say that I'd lose my job/home,and that I've got nowhere to go I'm not exaggerating...it's just the simple truth.

When I read through the post again I know I'll come across as being selfish and full of self-pity and there are others in worse situations,but I'm having a panicked few days because I'm got chronic diahrroea and things are getting on top of me again.

maddeuwch:
What I really want to ask for is advice about what to do if I am HIV+....Some practical things like are there hostels/support people etc etc that I could contact.

Ann:
Madd,

What did I say to you about no excuses? You are putting a very big cart in front of a very small horse. For a start, as I keep telling you, you have a very good chance of testing negative.

If you are newly infected, you won't need meds for years and you won't need time off work. Once again, you don't have to tell anyone if you are indeed positive. How on earth would your landlord find out unless you told him?

And as for the nearest GUM being so far away, you can still get to it. Where there's a will, there's a way. I have to get on a plane and fly to Liverpool to take care of my hiv health care needs. If I can do that once every six to twelve weeks, you can do it this once.

None of your excuses wash with me. Get tested. That's the bottom line.  If you refuse to test, then I can't see how there is anything more we can do for you here.

Ann

PS... I see you have posted while I was writing my reply to you. Stop this right now. There is no point in wanting to know what to do IF you test positive. You'll just have to test and cross that bridge IF and when you come to it. There's no point in discussing ANY of this until you test.

GO TEST. NOW. Get on the phone and make an appointment, then make your travel arrangements. NOW.

maddeuwch:
Won't need meds for years????...OH...I thought I'd need them straight away!

I'll get tested then.

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