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Author Topic: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?  (Read 3175 times)

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Offline fireantz

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Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« on: October 15, 2006, 05:05:41 PM »
Hi Guys, Im married with a small child. On Friday night I had my first sexual encounter with a male prostitute. I gave him oral sex for about 20 seconds. Before I placed a condom on his penis I stupidly put his penis in my mouth and ran up his shaft only once, not touching the head of his penis. I then placed the condom on. I had a cough and slightly sore throat before this incident. I now, 2-3 days later have a really sore throat and a bad cough, my toncills seem to be swollen but Im not sure about my lymph glands. I feel terrible and guitly of the possibility of passing this onto my wife if we have sex. I will never do this again as I felt being with the guy totally repulsive (I was keen to experiment) hence the reason it didnt last long. Im unsure what to do, I cant tell my wife as it will end my marriage (should have thought of this beforehand I know) however I now have to wait 3 months and somehow avoid having sex with my wife during this period for fear of possibly infecting her. Do you think I am of high risk?

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #1 on: October 15, 2006, 05:26:31 PM »
Your symptoms came on to early to be a concern about HIV infection. Giving a blowjob is at the bottom side of the low risk of contracting HIV. I myself would not test over it. If you feel as though it would make you feel better, test 13 weeks after your oral sex ordeal.
« Last Edit: October 15, 2006, 05:28:14 PM by RapidRod »

Offline fireantz

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #2 on: October 15, 2006, 05:43:52 PM »
Thanks Rapid...I will definitely test at 13 weeks. I am so worried about this I havent really slept for a few days. I have certainly learnt my lesson. I asked the guy just before I left if he has regular STD tests and he said yes, not that this really means much. Assuming what I did is low risk does the breif contact, approximatly 20 seconds, make the risk even less? The penis seemed very dry and I actually used some saliva to wet the tp of the penis as the guy wasnt circumcised. I washed my mouth with Listerine about 2 minutes after the 20 second episode. I guess Im looking for some piece of mind as Im having visions of infecting my wife if Im HIV positive. Also, what are the chances that I caught gonorrhea? Would this cause my throat to be so sore so quickly? How long after the event can they successfully test for gonorrhea?

To all married men, take this as a valuable lesson. The breif thrill of the encounter was certainly not wirth what Im going through now, and what I risk losing if I have caught HIV.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #3 on: October 15, 2006, 07:00:29 PM »
Specific STD Window Periods

Gonorrhea
The incubation period for Gonorrhea is usually 2 to 7 days.

Chlamydia
The incubation period for Chlamydia is usually 2 to 6 weeks, but can be longer.

Syphilis
The incubation period for Syphilis is usually 10 to 90 days.

HIV
The window period for HIV is usually 2 weeks to 3 months.

Hepatitis A
The incubation period for Hepatitis A is 15 to 50 days.

Hepatitis B
The incubation period for Hepatitis B is usually 45-180 days, with an average of 60 to 90 days.

Hepatitis C
The incubation period for Hepatitis C ranges from 2 weeks to 6 months - commonly, 6 to 9 weeks.


Offline fireantz

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #4 on: October 15, 2006, 07:08:08 PM »
Thanks Rapid...Im still shit scared. Where are the lymph glands/nodes? My tonsils are swollen due to my excessively sore throat but I want to check my that my lymph nodes arent swollen. You said that 1-3 days after the episode is too short a time to see any symptoms, is this definite? Im going to test this week to ensure Im negative and then again at 6 and 12 weeks.

Need to work out how to avoid sex with my wife during this period!!

I'll NEVER put myself in this dreadful position again.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #5 on: October 15, 2006, 07:12:42 PM »
Yes, it's definite that you symptoms came on to early to be concerned with HIV. Don't waste your time testing now, just wait it out to the 12th week.

Offline fireantz

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #6 on: October 15, 2006, 07:16:38 PM »
Thanks Rapid.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #7 on: October 15, 2006, 07:44:29 PM »
Fire,

From what you have described of the incident I see the risk, if any, as being more theoretical than actual. Given your level of guilt and anxiety about it I can see why you're planning to test. I certainly expect you will test negative for HIV, and hopefully that will allow you to let go of this concern.

Certainly none of your current symptoms are in anyway suggestive of HIV, but then neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms is ever the way to know about HIV status. When there has been a real risk like unprotected intercourse, (and I don't see this incident of yours as qualifying as a "real risk")," then an HIV test at 13 weeks is the only sure way to get a reliable result.

Discuss your symptoms with your doctor. And don't be pressing, squeezing or otherwise handling your lymph nodes. They are sensitive to that and you can too easily create a problem with them where none exists or one exists that will naturally go away.

Right now you seem to be wracked with guilt. So you put a guy's cock in your mouth. Do yourself, your wife and your family a big, big favor and GET OVER IT! No kidding. It's no love tribute to all concerned to spend your life wracked with guilt and shame. THe most loving thing you can do for all concerned is to take a big deep breath, let it go and get on with your life.

I expect you to come out of this ok if you can only avoid torturing yourself to death.

Cheers, 
Andy Velez

Offline fireantz

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #8 on: October 15, 2006, 08:54:35 PM »
Andy, thankyou. You have made me feel a whole lot better. I just literally came back from the doctors regarding my cough and what I though were swollen lymph glands...well the doctor just confirmed that they arent swollen. I could tell him about my episode as he is our family doctor. I think as the week goes on I will be able to move on better than I am now. The thought of losing my family and possibly infecting my wife just wreaks me. You have helped me more than you can know. Im sure I'll get some sleep tonight. I'll still get a 12 week test done just for piece of mind and will let you know. Thanks for taking the time to respond.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #9 on: October 15, 2006, 09:30:29 PM »
You're welcome. I'm glad the exchange was helpful. You may very well find that scary thoughts will continue to pop up from time to time. Thoughts and feelings are not facts and there is no basis in HIV science for you to be seriously concerned about the incident. Really.

Cheers,
Andy Velez

Offline fireantz

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #10 on: October 23, 2006, 06:38:24 AM »
Hey guys...yes I'm back. I needed to chat with you all again. I'm in my second week from the possible exposure. I know you have all told me that possible infection for me is minimal however I'm still having major issues with the possibility that I'm infected. I wish there was a way to conclusively test for HIV before the 6 - 13 week window period. I'm having many premonitions of being infected and what I might do. I'm also worried about infecting my wife, I've already avoided having sex with her twice now. I've had many times whist on my own working out how I will commit suicide if I find out I'm positive because I don't think I could live with myself. This has been pure hell for me. I'm normally a very strong person with very strong family instincts except this episode has reduced me, the male prostitute episode was a 'brain explosion' and now I'm having serious thoughts of suicide if I test positive. I'm also thinking that I now don't have enough courage to go through a test because I'm so very fearful of what might happen. I know this probably sounds like I'm over dramatising the situation but I'm at my wits end here. I've cried a number of times over the past few weeks, but I still have about 10 weeks to go before I can get a bloody conclusive test done. I hate this, I hate this. I look at my son every day and think that I've let him down because I may not be there at his 21st birthday. This is the worst time in my life, period.

Offline walkerbd

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Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #11 on: October 23, 2006, 07:21:47 AM »
Dear Fireantz,

I,m no expert on the posibility of your infection, the regulars here are much more qualified than me to advise, but I,m writing as you are in a similar position to me, just I,m a few weeks ahead of you.

Late August I had protected sex with a female sex worker. At the time there seemed no problems, I don,t think the condom broke and I was careful, but about 10 days after the event I developed fatigue,night sweats and swollen glands. This has been going on for several weeks and I have been close to panic many times. I tested today and get the results on Thursday. According to the good advice from the experts here, I should be ok, but your own imagination is your worst enemy, as I,m sure you are finding out.

My point in writing, apart from identifying totally what you are going through is that I told my wife, I could not bring myself to either decieving her any more or risking infecting her. We have had a bad couple of weeks over it, but things are much better now, she has forgiven me and even understands the current torment I,m going through. Maybe you should tell your wife as well, it might ease the situation more than you think.

hope this helps, and good luck,

walkerbd

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #12 on: October 23, 2006, 08:03:24 AM »
Fire,

Spare us the suicide crap. Do you have any idea how that makes it sound like the life of a positive person is without value? I beg to differ. I'm positive and my life is well worth living. If you're seriously considering suicide over this non-event you've come to us with, then get yourself some help in the form of counseling.

You have a better chance of winning ten million with a lottery ticket you found in the gutter than you do of testing positive over this incident. Now get a grip and get yourself some counseling.

If you really need to test for your peace of mind, then test at six weeks. A negative at that point is unlikely to change, and I'm fully expecting you to test negative.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Ann

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  • Member
  • Posts: 28,140
  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #13 on: October 23, 2006, 08:03:50 AM »
Walker,

Stay in your own thread.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline fireantz

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #14 on: November 27, 2006, 03:18:13 PM »
Hey Guys, Im at 6 weeks now and cant believe I have another 6 weeks to go. I can test now as suggested if the result is unlikely to change at the 12 week period. Im feeling better and looking at things more logically now. I have moments when I think 'no, I couldnt be infected due to my minimal possible exposure' but then I have other moments where I feel that my current raspy cough and the fact that Im sweating heavily at night (Im in Sydney and it is warm here though) means that maybe I am infected. I still dont understand that in this day and age they cant detect with 100% certainty until 12 weeks...anyway..it is what it is. I will get a test this week and let you all know. Wish me luck.

Offline Rhino

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  • Posts: 69
Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #15 on: November 27, 2006, 06:18:03 PM »
A long time ago people use to have to test at six and then twelve months to get a conclusive result for HIV. Imagine having to wait that long! Advances in testing technology over the last twenty years have reduced this time to 12 weeks. Having sat through the waiting period myself I know how nerve racking it can be but it was something I just had to be brave about and deal with.

Stay strong and you will make it just fine. Don't torture youself, the odds a extremely in your favor.

Offline fireantz

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  • Posts: 8
Re: Do I need to test? Could I be Infected?
« Reply #16 on: January 12, 2007, 03:11:17 AM »
Hi Rapid (and everyone),

Well, its been 13 weeks since my brief yet possible exposure. I'm terrified to say the least. I have booked in on Monday 15th to have my test. They've told me that for HIV it will take about 5 working days for the results to come back. I've gone to a proper STD clinic this time as they have councillors on hand just in case. I'm not sure that I will have the guts to turn up a week later for the results though....I'm sooooo scared. I've had a mouth ulcer appear in the last few days and also a slight irritating cough...not sure it these are common after the 12+ week of possible exposure but it certainly doesn't make one feel too confident. I'm terrified of what will happen if in a weeks time the results come back as positive. I was told on this forum that my chance of infection is more theoretical but this doesnt help. My wife and I are talking about trying for another baby soon and so I must either clear my mind or face my fate. I dont want her at risk any longer, to infect the baby or to punish myself more than what I have. In the last 3 months my wife and I have had sex 3 times...we used to do it at least once a week but I've made so many excuses to get out of having sex with her because of what may happen, Im so worried.

Its strange the mixed feelings you get when you go through this. One day I say to myself...naaa...no way I could have been infected, the exposure was lless than a minute (oral), but then the next day I notice an ulcer in my mouth and think that its a sign, the worse.

What a way to learn a critical lesson like 'safe sex' after its been drilled into us for like 20 years. We all get caught in the moment I guess. Hindsight is a wonderful but useless thing.

Anyway....Mondays test is the easy part....getting the results will be my real test of strength and character.

Friendship to all no matter what happens.

Fire.

 


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