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Author Topic: I give up!  (Read 4363 times)

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Offline Jerry71

  • Member
  • Posts: 956
  • Genvoya CD4 525 10-20-16
I give up!
« on: January 05, 2007, 01:00:01 PM »
This has been such a bad time for me moving and having an accident and running out of money. Feel like when I try to improve my life nothing seems to matter. I just can't take or know that from now on out I will be on meds the rest of my life and for what. My life is just like a roller coaster ride. I have not eaten a deasent meal in the past week. As far as food goes in my home that is a joke. After paying all the bills and seeing my money diappear and getting screwed by my roommate what much more is there to look for in life. I will be taking a much needed time away from the site just can't take living this way anymore. I'm sorry if I came on strong with this but after awhile what is there to live for.

Offline koi1

  • Member
  • Posts: 713
Re: I give up!
« Reply #1 on: January 05, 2007, 01:08:17 PM »

Life can suck. But negative thinking sucks even more. Take a look at what you can change to make your life better. Sometimes we refuse to change the things that are bringing us down. I know that from experience.


diagnosed on 11/20/06 viral load 23,000  cd4 97    8%
01/04/07 six weeks after diagnosis vl 53,000 cd4 cd4 70    6%
Began sustiva truvada 01/04/07
newest labs  drawn on 01/15/07  vl 1,100    cd4 119    7%
Drawn 02/10/07
cd4=160 viral load= 131 percentage= 8%
New labs 3/10/07 (two months on sustiva truvada
cd4 count 292  percentage 14 viral load undetectable

Offline RapidRod

  • Member
  • Posts: 15,288
Re: I give up!
« Reply #2 on: January 05, 2007, 01:18:52 PM »
Jerry, we've been through this with you before. Life is what you make it, no more, no less. So you didn't make the best decisions. Everyone makes mistakes. You'll just need to learn from those mistakes and move on.

Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: I give up!
« Reply #3 on: January 05, 2007, 01:26:16 PM »
Hey Jerry,
Stop being so hard on yourself...instead of looking at what's wrong in your life, look at what you have...you also have your life. Rod is soo right, life is what you make of it; and you also posted you hadn't eaten right lately...I just saw a posting from Teresa in Off Topic - she shows a picture of two great meals that look like they can taste like chicken!  :D
Cheer up buddy, afterall, "tomorrow is another day"....
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline Dachshund

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,058
Re: I give up!
« Reply #4 on: January 05, 2007, 02:34:00 PM »
Dear Jerry,

I know how difficult it is to deal with your problems if you are going hungry. Is there a food bank in your area you can access? A local ASO that might be able to lend a hand, friends, family? It might be difficult to digest those two great meals pictured in Off Topic. You need to eat or the more serious problems you have can never be handled.

Jerry I say this out of concern...you post when you are either extremely happy or extremely sad or agitated. I offer no diagnosis other than to say you might need professional help to understand why. There is no shame in asking for help. Depression can be the  most debilitating illness, but there is help available if you seek it.

Jerry I am sorry you are going through this and I will not offer you up the make lemonade, silver lining, it will all be better tomorrow speech. I just hope you try and move forward and get some help, because if you don't it matters little what silly platitudes are offered.

Good luck,

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: I give up!
« Reply #5 on: January 05, 2007, 02:47:49 PM »
Hey Jerry.  I went through your recent posts to follow the trail backwards and it seems that you have had more than your share of bad moments but you also seem to have had some good ones on your roller coaster ride.  If posting here is getting to you, take a break.  We will all be hear waiting to catch up with you when you are back.  Best, Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline Javicho

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
Re: I give up!
« Reply #6 on: January 05, 2007, 03:03:07 PM »
Jerry, everybody is right, 3 years ago i was in the same situation but the only think we can do is try the next day with a better positive way to see around us, life is difficult yes, but more difficult is not to try, keep in touch you will pass this chapter, we all did  :-*


Offline Jerry71

  • Member
  • Posts: 956
  • Genvoya CD4 525 10-20-16
Re: I give up!
« Reply #7 on: January 05, 2007, 03:10:40 PM »
It is just so hard to explain my situation or the life I'm living in right now only a few on here really know the true story about what has really gone on it the past few months. Meaning there are some that can read this and take it the wrong way. Also there are some that come on here and read this and I catch hell from it from them when they find out what I have written. I wish I could take the time and explain more if you want to talk to me about this please feel free to PM me anytime and I can explain more from that point of view.

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: I give up!
« Reply #8 on: January 05, 2007, 04:20:13 PM »

Try to remember: nothing lasts forever, not the good and not the bad.

Sorry you're going through a rough time.




Offline Blixer

  • Member
  • Posts: 712
Re: I give up!
« Reply #9 on: January 05, 2007, 09:37:37 PM »
Jerry, just from reading what you have written I can see how things could be very discouraging.  And I know that there may not seem like there is much left.  It is awful when there is no enjoyment in life.  Things can seem quite overwhelming.  Sometimes when you are down it just seems like you get kicked even more.  I just hope that you don't give up.  We all need each other and we all need the support of each other.  You have had lots of well wishes here.  I know that probably seems somewhat empty when you are staring at the things you have facing you.  But just know that there are those who do care.  I wish there was a magic way to change it.  Sometimes I think you just have to endure and keep your eyes open for anything that might provide some assistance or hope.
Diagnosed 1/9/06
8/27/2007 CD4 598, 29%, VL 58 (72 wks)
11/19/2007 CD4 609, 30%, VL < 50 (84 wks)
2/11/2008 CD4 439, 27%, VL <50 (96 wks)
5/5/2008 CD4 535, 28%, VL <50 (108 wks)
10/20/2008 CD4 680, 28%, VL <50 (132 wks)
Changed to Atripla in 2012
1/14/2013 CD4 855, 35%, VL <40

Offline Optimistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 326
  • An Apple A Day Keeps The Doctors Away!
Re: I give up!
« Reply #10 on: January 05, 2007, 09:41:20 PM »
I hear ya Jerry71.
12/06 (Atripla): cd4 - 260; cd% - 33%; vl - 169
1/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 267; cd% - 38.1%; vl - 132
4/07 (Atripla): cd4 - 373; cd% - 33.9%; vl - <50
7/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 287; cd% - 35.8%; vl - <50
9/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 356; cd% - 39.5%; vl - <50
12/07 (Atripla); cd4 - 517

Offline ndrew

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  • Posts: 695
  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: I give up!
« Reply #11 on: January 05, 2007, 09:49:22 PM »
Hi ya,

Maybe you need to give up, not give up life, but just get to a place where you can hide out and LET IT GO... do some screaming, crying and get it out... I wish I could help you cuz sometimes I feel like shit 2.  (It has been hard for me to get out of bed in the morning lately...)  I am afraid of all the cliches, like "look on the bright side, ride the storm out, things will get better..."  I suppose if change is CONSTANT, then the bad weather in your life or mind may change eventually.  How can you help this happen?


Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,434
Re: I give up!
« Reply #12 on: January 05, 2007, 11:07:46 PM »
« Last Edit: January 09, 2007, 11:37:45 PM by Iggy »

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,801
Re: I give up!
« Reply #13 on: January 05, 2007, 11:44:16 PM »

   The only way to see brighter days is to make it through the bad ones.

   I know it is hard Jerry, but like I have told you before only you can make the change.   Hate to sound harsh and I don't mean want to be, but you have put yourself in yet another situation.  Life is work and work is hard...  Just know that you are in control here...

  Andy once asked me in a thread, " What is it you want Tom?".  Pissed me off at first, but then when I thought about it, it made perfect sense...

  What do you want Jerry?

I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: I give up!
« Reply #14 on: January 06, 2007, 11:39:02 AM »
one day at a time honey, one day at a time ... here, have a song and imagine this cutie singing to you every day


also, "What Daniel said!"

Offline rick21007

  • Member
  • Posts: 286
Re: I give up!
« Reply #15 on: January 06, 2007, 11:51:37 AM »
Just getting thru the day is all that is required sometimes.  Go to bed, pull the covers up over your head and wait for tomorrow to come.  Maybe nothing has changed but you made it through another day.  And how did that happen?


Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,658
Re: I give up!
« Reply #16 on: January 06, 2007, 12:08:11 PM »
Jerry, my love....

A little tough love like Thomas says.  I know it's not easy, but just DO IT.

And what Alex says....the song put a smile on my face this morning....and he is good looking......

for what it's worth....we're behind you.


Offline Boo Radley

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  • Not a "real man" and damn proud, mithter... FAB
    • Animal Rescue New Orleans
Re: I give up!
« Reply #17 on: January 06, 2007, 12:13:31 PM »

I don't know the specifics of your situation (other that what you've written, which sounds bad enough) but try to remember we've all had rough times when life seems to be a hardship instead of the gift it is.  I've luckily never had to worry about food but that doesn't mean I've eaten nutritiously.  My last roommate mooched off of me for 9 months, was dealing drugs out of my house (for a very short time!), was himself an addict, stole my late mother's wedding ring for a quick high (that was his final mistake), and threatened to kill himself whenever I brought up an uncomfortable subject (or he had an epileptic seizure).  In those months I amassed almost $10,000 in credit card debt making ends meet.  I have hurricane Katrina, no welcome guest herself, to thank for getting rid of him.

I'm just trying to demonstrate life sometimes stinks but if you can get through the crap there is bright sunshine and happiness, or at least peace, ahead.  I know it's easy for me to say this now but believe me, I know what it is to dread every moment and wish I could roll up like a doodle-bug to escape the pain.  I've tried suicide (guess what?  I failed!) and it really isn't a resolution.

Please take care of yourself and begin to slowly work on small objectives one at a time.  This crap cannot last forever.

Good luck!

String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!

Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: I give up!
« Reply #18 on: January 06, 2007, 12:49:47 PM »
for what it's worth....we're behind you.

always!! Jerry, is that you playing that piano??  ;D

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: I give up!
« Reply #19 on: January 08, 2007, 03:25:13 AM »

Hey Jerry,

Never give up. There is always a way when there is a will. Your situation is a reflection of the choices that you have made. Just as you have made these choices, so you can choose to make it better. You are in control of your own situation. What you do today in the here and now is what will dictate your near future.

Take a step back and LOOK at it for what it is and make the necessary adjustments to improve your situation.

"What can I notice right now that makes me smile?"

Offline ACinKC

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  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: I give up!
« Reply #20 on: January 08, 2007, 05:02:18 PM »
Jerry my man.  The good news about being alive is that you can change what happens in it.  The bad news about the flip side is 1. Your not alive and 2. once that happens you cant change ANYTHING.  Imagine if you were to pass on and the other side sucked ass even MORE than this side!!!  NOW THAT WOULD SUCK!

At least with the way things are there is the HOPE that things can change.  Go see the Pursuit of Happiness, if you cant afford to go let me know via PM and I will ship you some free passes to AMC theatres.  I will send at least 2 so make sure you can take someone with you.

It sucks now, but think back to happier times, it hasnt ALWAYS sucked nor will it always suck.  One thing in life is certain, it will change.

If you need anything let me know, specially about the tickets.
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A

Offline bravebuddharich

  • Member
  • Posts: 179
Re: I give up!
« Reply #21 on: January 08, 2007, 05:09:33 PM »
Just wondering if you have ever tried meditating - i know it can sound simplistic, but sometimes just going back to your breath can help in ways that don't seem possible, but they do mysteriously; all you have to do is trust it!

Hope you feel better, and get something good & nutritious to eat! I'm heading off to a free dinner for HIV-positives right now - lucky for certain!

Rich from Boston

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,389
  • Member 2005
Re: I give up!
« Reply #22 on: January 08, 2007, 05:42:22 PM »
Jerry we have seen you stressed out before, and you wind up on the other side and for the better.   This will be no different.  But please, ask for help.  Do not try and do this alone... 

Love and Prayers my Friend,

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: I give up!
« Reply #23 on: January 09, 2007, 02:32:02 AM »

I hope you are in a better place than when you started this thread. Just remember Rome wasn't built in a day and the issues you have will not disappear as fast either, sad to say. I will be praying that things get better for you.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

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