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Author Topic: I made it through the first year  (Read 1981 times)

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Offline Dragonette

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I made it through the first year
« on: January 03, 2007, 10:18:40 PM »
On 27/12 I made it through the first year of being diagnosed.

Since I am not in touch with any positive people I thought I should write it here. Initially I gave myself one year before I kill myself.

I was diagnosed with CD=77, and had no medical insurance in the country that I live in. I was diagnosed in my country where I was on a holiday visit, 3 days before I was supposed to go back to Europe and move in with my ex. So I also had no place to live, because he dumped me straight away. I was diagnosed by sheer chance - I didn't take a HIV test but a test to see why my white blood cells were still low.

My CD came back so low that they started giving me meds before the Western Blot results came through.

I never found out how I was infected. Of the men I had unprotected sex with none are positive. I think I may have been infected when I had an abortion at a crowded clinic 9 years ago, but this is unprovable.

I should have not even been pregnant, because I used contraception, but it failed, and while I was pregnant it got taken of the shelves by the health authorities in my country, because it was pronounced unreliable.

A year later I am still in Europe, insured for now.
I have found Love and I just returned from spending New Year with his family in another European country. He is negative. I asked him out. I don't know how I did it. And then I told him. And it somehow worked out.

My CD4 is 270. I changed drugs once already.

The future is still very scarey, but I am alive right now. I flew to meet my boyfriend's family a day before my diagnosis, and I had a mini-breakdown on the 27th, after meeting lots of (conservative, Catholic) family and friends, who are completely oblivious to my condition.

If you want to read more about my life (I didn't write about the trip to my boyfriend's family yet):

I wish I wasn't so scared and I wish there was something I could do.
I would like to hear from other positive people. Life is so turbulent, but beautiful. And now I am happy I am so scared. No rest for the wicked... And I am scared because I am greedy and want to have children before it is to late. I wish I wasn't in my 30s. I know I am strong, but I am also lost, and far away from my family, and too reliant on my boyfriend. And too unstable maybe with Stokrin/PMS/my isolation as a foriegner, but I don't want to go back, I want to stay and be with him and be at peace, but he is also leaving, and I don't know if I can follow (legally move to his country, get insured, handle life there).

Still I am so grateful, I made it through the first year. But I am so afraid that if I let go and give in to happiness and inoccence, it will all expload in my face, again.

Thanks... Good night.... Happy new year

"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: I made it through the first year
« Reply #1 on: January 03, 2007, 10:24:26 PM »
Your post truly touched my heart YOUNG lady!  Keep moving as you move and enjoying life...  With your zeal, you can..


Offline Dragonette

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Thanks for the immediate response
« Reply #2 on: January 03, 2007, 10:28:18 PM »
It's 4.27 in cold Northern Europe. Thanks for being out there. Love to you too...
"If you keep one foot in yesterday, and one in tomorrow, you piss all over today". Betty Tacy

Offline marco23

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Re: I made it through the first year
« Reply #3 on: January 03, 2007, 10:45:06 PM »
Your story is truly moving....you are a strong woman, enjoy and experience life (we've all been given a second chance), always believe in yourself and you will find happiness. Whenever you want to vent, we're here for you hon.
Hug and Kiss going out to you babe.... :-*
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline ndrew

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  • ....-.-.-.-.-.....
Re: I made it through the first year
« Reply #4 on: January 03, 2007, 11:48:40 PM »
Happy New Year and congratulations!  I am happy you made it through the year and I wish you many, many more!

Luv and support,

Offline Longislander

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Re: I made it through the first year
« Reply #5 on: January 04, 2007, 12:51:47 AM »
What a difference a year can make. You've been through and accomplished so much. I wish you all the best in the New Year!
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline joemutt

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Re: I made it through the first year
« Reply #6 on: January 04, 2007, 01:06:35 AM »
Thank you for sharing your story here, Have a Happy New Year.


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