Quantcast

Subscribe to:
POZ magazine
E-newsletters
Join POZ: Facebook MySpace Twitter Pinterest
Tumblr Google+ Flickr MySpace
POZ Personals
Sign In / Join
Username:
Password:
Welcome, Guest. Please login or register.
October 01, 2014, 04:56:08 AM

Login with username, password and session length


Members
Stats
  • Total Posts: 640650
  • Total Topics: 48665
  • Online Today: 181
  • Online Ever: 585
  • (January 07, 2014, 02:31:47 PM)
Users Online
Users: 1
Guests: 136
Total: 137

Welcome


Welcome to the POZ/AIDSmeds Community Forums, a round-the-clock discussion area for people with HIV/AIDS, their friends/family/caregivers, and others concerned about HIV/AIDS.  Click on the links below to browse our various forums; scroll down for a glance at the most recent posts; or join in the conversation yourself by registering on the left side of this page.

Privacy Warning:  Please realize that these forums are open to all, and are fully searchable via Google and other search engines. If you are HIV positive and disclose this in our forums, then it is almost the same thing as telling the whole world (or at least the World Wide Web). If this concerns you, then do not use a username or avatar that are self-identifying in any way. We do not allow the deletion of anything you post in these forums, so think before you post.

  • The information shared in these forums, by moderators and members, is designed to complement, not replace, the relationship between an individual and his/her own physician.

  • All members of these forums are, by default, not considered to be licensed medical providers. If otherwise, users must clearly define themselves as such.

  • Forums members must behave at all times with respect and honesty. Posting guidelines, including time-out and banning policies, have been established by the moderators of these forums. Click here for “Am I Infected?” posting guidelines. Click here for posting guidelines pertaining to all other POZ/AIDSmeds community forums.

  • We ask all forums members to provide references for health/medical/scientific information they provide, when it is not a personal experience being discussed. Please provide hyperlinks with full URLs or full citations of published works not available via the Internet. Additionally, all forums members must post information which are true and correct to their knowledge.

  • Product advertisement—including links; banners; editorial content; and clinical trial, study or survey participation—is strictly prohibited by forums members unless permission has been secured from POZ.

To change forums navigation language settings, click here (members only), Register now

Para cambiar sus preferencias de los foros en español, haz clic aquí (sólo miembros), Regístrate ahora

Finished Reading This? You can collapse this or any other box on this page by clicking the symbol in each box.

Author Topic: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!  (Read 1887 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,105
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« on: December 24, 2006, 04:27:34 AM »
I have been tired , very tired lately.My heart has been tired as well, my mind and emotions too. My legs, my knees, my feelings, my hopes, my present, my future.....tired, tired, tired.

As good as I may feel most of the time, as much fighting power I have had in the last 20 years with HIV, as positive I have tried to look at the situation, there are days and periods a grey blanket covers my life.
HIV? Most probably.. the grey winterskies...very much so...My business...well....guess.

Regardless of the good things that have happened to me these days are sad for me.
I think of my lover Jean-Pierre, who died from a heartattack on dec 9th at the sweet age of 32. Why did you leave me behind????? I was the one to go first.

I think of my best friend Magda, who took her own life on July the 27th of this year. Magda, you have shaken off the burden of this earthen life. What about me?

I think of all my friends that died  of AIDS, my colleagues, my granny.
It just feels like life is too hard on me right now.
The losses hurt today... the pain of fighting... life itself hurts....

I just needed to tell someone......

Magda, Jean-Pierre, granny....don't leave me behind for too long.


Hermie
« Last Edit: December 24, 2006, 04:29:31 AM by heartforyou »
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #1 on: December 24, 2006, 04:37:20 AM »
Honey,
so glad you expressed yourself....time zone different....by this time - it's the next day.....Merry Christmas, babe!
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #2 on: December 24, 2006, 04:39:16 AM »
Yes, I AM Supporting You!

Hey Hermie...

There are times when the going gets tough. When it is like that the tough gets going. I express my deepest wishes to you and I also wish the BEST for you, Just try not to allow it to get to you. Just remember that things do happen for a reason and with some of these things, its just not in our control.

Slow it down for a while and take it easy. There are times where we just need to rest and to recharge our batteries. You are still here with us and that is the greatest gift of them ALL.

Take care of YOU. Everyone of of your friends are there with you in

Spirit. Be not dismayed no matter what...you already know who takes care of you.



"Don't You Dare Give Up, Don't You Dare Give In...Because It Is ALL Within YOU to WIN!!!"

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #3 on: December 24, 2006, 05:38:17 AM »
Hermie.  Warm wishes from the Cape to you with the hope that as we get through this holiday period, all the memories of holidays past, people from our pasts and into the new year you will find your answers for why you are here with us now, what everyone who is no longer around  you wants you to be doing.  We have all gotten through the shortest day of the year and it only gets longer, each day, by a bit, but still moving toward more light.  Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline gemini20

  • Member
  • Posts: 262
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #4 on: December 24, 2006, 08:15:34 AM »
Hi Hermie,

Sadness and Christmas go hand in hand for me too - my Dad died on Dec 6th 1975 (aged 34) so I felt a definite twinge of understanding when I read your post. Time doesn't make it any easier to deal with either in my book, it just takes away the immediate pain associated with the loss.

My solution is to talk to him, and the many others I have lost. I frequently have 'conversations' with people who have passed over - it's my way of acknowledging them and allowing them to still have a place in my life. I light a lot of candles too - I have five on the go at the moment - three are now for the people you are missing.

I hope you will be able to rest your mind, body and spirit over the holiday period and perhaps the tiredness will lessen to some extent. Twenty years is a long time to keep up the fight; I'm only at 15 years but I definitely have those days when I think I can't fight any longer but the key for me is always to have something to look forward to.

I hope that 2007 brings you renewed energy.

best wishes,

Emma

Diagnosed 11th September 1991
Current CD4 count 484 (26%); viral load undetectable (December 2011).
Restarting boosted Prezista 08/04/11

Offline Alain

  • Member
  • Posts: 680
  • I am.
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #5 on: December 24, 2006, 08:49:12 AM »
Hermie,

We don't need the Holidays to remember all those special peoples in our life.

It does however make it a bit harder to get on with it at this time of year.

I believe that we owe it to them and ourself for that matter, carrying on and in some ways, celebrating their lifes.

Their memories, our strengh to help us get through this time and give meaning to it all.

Always. :)   

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #6 on: December 24, 2006, 09:58:06 AM »
Hermie, it breaks my heart you are feeling less than...  Please do not stay there to long....   Come out and play, only when you are ready..

Love

Eric & William

Merry Christmas Hermie...

Offline Christine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,069
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #7 on: December 24, 2006, 10:46:40 AM »
Hi Hermie,
I truly understand your tiredness. I am there with you right now. As Robert pointed out to me in another post, someone, for some reason wants/ needs us to be here on Earth. Perhaps our souls still need to learn a lesson, perhaps our souls are meant to touch another.

The ones who have left before us have completed their journey here on Earth, and their journey continues on in Heaven. That is how I look at things. It comforts me during difficult times.

I also believe that those who have passed are with us everyday. Their spirits and souls are touching us everyday.

My husband and I now live in my Grandparents house. They built their house in 1955, and lived here most of their lives.

My Grandfather had a certain warm smell about him. Combination of his cologne, hair products...not sure what it was, but it was his smell.

And everynow and then, I will smell that smell, and I know he is here. Checking in, seeing how things are going. I always say Hi, talk to him.

Talk to your loved ones Hermie. They will hear you.

Merry Christmas to you and your loved ones.

Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,105
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #8 on: December 24, 2006, 01:47:33 PM »
Thank you for your feelings of the heart.

It helps me to feel united with you all on Christmas.
I think my sensitivity is overtriggered by the global energy around Christmas.

Marco23 : yes, that is the reason I come here : to express myself instead of swallowing it in and get depressed.I have learned to cry for help on here...

Eldon : "things happen for a reason." It may well be time for some introspection after my devastating stress with the business, which is still not over. I know JP is here with me...but as a human I want to feel and see him..


Poet : yes, I am sure the shortest day of the year has an influence..it will take a turn for the better, as the son changes it's angle again. I am a child of light...

Gemini20, dearest Emma : I could feel the light from these candles.Thank you so much for that kind, loving energy. I decided to light all the candles in the house to have my loved ones with me..I do have something to look for. "Danny boy is coming over on Tuesday"..That rejoices my heart. It is time...Your dad left way too early.


Cowandalehouse : yes... celebrating our loved, gone ones is what I do. Of course it makes me miss them even more. ...once.. we will be reunited.

Eric baby : your light shines in the dark more then once for me... thank you.

Christine : 1955 was the year my parents built their house and I was born. Funny. I do feel Jean-Pierres "smile" or Magda's voice. I strongly agree that their journey here wasover. Jean-Pierre never seems sad when I see him in my dreams. But yes, it reminds us that we are humans and we are here for a reason. Sometimes though I wished I were at the other side already.. I guess that is called being a human ..
I will take them all with me when I go to bed tonight....

I wish you all a very Merry Christmas. It is with a touch of sadness, but I am glad to have you around me in this "loneliest time of the year".

Thank you from all my heart.

Hermie :'(
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #9 on: December 24, 2006, 03:27:13 PM »
 :-*
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #10 on: December 24, 2006, 06:28:32 PM »
HUG...A RED AND GREEN (and obviously pink) HUG FOR YOU BOY!!!!!

Alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,314
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #11 on: December 24, 2006, 06:36:17 PM »
Hermie,


Hugs & listening ears from over here in the Georgia hills as well.  I back up Christine....I don't believe people go away.  They just shake our their bodies like old cumbersome coats.  I really do believe that.  Sorry things are so emotionally tough for you right now.  I understand- this Christmas has been unusually easy for me this go around.  Most times, I am right where you are emotionally.  Best wishes for peace, comfort & hopefully a little joy as well this holiday season.


Yours,

Tim
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline ademas

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,151
Re: Christmas reflections (out of the) blue!
« Reply #12 on: December 24, 2006, 08:41:56 PM »

 


Terms of Membership for these forums
 

© 2014 Smart + Strong. All Rights Reserved.   terms of use and your privacy
Smart + Strong® is a registered trademark of CDM Publishing, LLC.