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What would you give to be negative?

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I know this is kinda wierd and materialistic,but Im always trading in the stock market and gamble a lot.After I was diagnosed sometimes I would think ,"what would I give up if I could somehow be negative',I worked hard for my life savings but in my mind I said i would give it away if i could be negative,my codo too.Just to know I wouldnt have to worry about the future so much and all the damn doctor apointments I will experience.I even thought about work and how I would work for free for the rest of my career for the trade.Some might say they wouldnt give up anything because it can be treated or that its changed their life into a better one because of it.Others might put a dollar value on it,say a drug you could take but you had to pay say400,000 dollars for it but no insurance or any finacial help.What you all say?

If I was stranded, naked, in a strange country with no material possessions, no friends or family, no money, no way to speak the language, but with an intact immune system free from HIV, I would be the luckiest guy on earth.


Looking at the world through the prism of hiv can be an odd view. Being newly diagnosed it tends to cloud even the most mundane. I often see people on the street and wish I could trade places. I figure they've got to have it better. Just to be able to go out and not have a worry in the world seems like the greatest most valuable thing that one could ever have. But I also amuse myself that I'd trade with this person and that person but then I see a really old person and I think, 'eh, maybe not that person'.  That's usually on my bad days. On my good days I don't play these mind games with myself. I just walk down the street.

Rather than be neg now, I'd wish I would have been smarter "then".



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