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Author Topic: When should I tell the person?  (Read 1650 times)

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Offline yodaman123

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
When should I tell the person?
« on: December 21, 2006, 11:44:02 PM »
Ok, I've had HIV ever since I was born. Now I'm 16 years old, and I'm talking to this one girl. I'm pretty sure that we're going to be dating soon, and I'm wondering when, if at all, I should tell her. I'm not really interested in doing anything beyond making out and neither is she, so its not a real safety issue, but I'm worried because I'm not sure how serious this relationship will get. If its just going to be a few weeks or a month or something quick then I don't see any need to tell her, but if I get myself into a serious relationship I kind of think that it would be best if she knew. But I also don't think that she would really like it if I told her after we've been going out for a long time. So I'm kind of confused right now. I know there's no way she can catch it as long as we don't do anything beyond making out, but for some reason people seem to think that you can catch it by kissing. And if I told her now it would probably just make her not like me, and if I told her after we were going out for a while it would just scare the shit out of her. Please help. Thanks.

Offline petsu

  • Member
  • Posts: 17
  • Married. She is NEG.
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #1 on: December 21, 2006, 11:48:59 PM »
Wow is that tuff... I would not mention it until getting to where you two are ready to do ANYTHING else but kiss. Til then see where it goes, prolly not a good "ice breaker" ya know? lol Good luck!
Viramune, Truvada, Lipitor once daily.

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #2 on: December 21, 2006, 11:54:57 PM »
Hey Yodaman,

Good luck with the girl. ;)

Considering the age of HIV/AIDS, there are plenty of kids with HIV reaching dating ages. Our schools should have a yearly assembly (what we called it in my day) on the subject to break the taboo for them.

I wish you all the best,
Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #3 on: December 22, 2006, 12:02:37 AM »
Your a smart young man with good sence..  I think you will know when the time is right...   There is no right, there is no wrong in how you proceed.    I think as you begin to get to know this girl, and through meaningful conversation, you will find that time.   I would not set a definate until she gets to know you..


Offline yodaman123

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #4 on: December 22, 2006, 12:04:10 AM »
Thank you, all of you. I see what you're saying about not telling them unless i'm going to do anything sexual. That seems like a good way to go. But again if I get really close to her I might want her to know, but I guess if that time comes I'll tell her and see how things go from there.

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #5 on: December 22, 2006, 12:19:15 AM »
Supporting You

Hey Yodaman123 ...

In this situation, it is BEST for you to lay your cards on the table and be straight forward with her. The reason behind this is because IF the relationship does develop into a serious monogamy and you held back from telling her, then this would put you in the position of a trust issue which is something that a relationship does not need to have within it.

The choice still remains with you.


Take care of YOU!



"Don't Give Up, Don't Give In... Cause it is ALL within you to WIN!"

Offline IzPoz

  • Member
  • Posts: 332
  • God, grant me the serenity...
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #6 on: December 22, 2006, 01:33:15 AM »
I semi agree with Eldon.  But on the other hand, you guys are still young.  Unfortunately, teenagers can be harsh.  You will need to judge how well you think this person can handle this type of news.  Judge how the friendship goes at first.  No kissing, no cuddling, just friends for now.

If you feel that you would like to take it further (i.e., kissing, holding hands, etc) then I think you should tell her.  Although we all know you can't infect anyone by kissing them or holding their hand, that doesn't mean the receiving party knows this (they SHOULD this day in age!! but they don't).  You want them to be able to make an informed decision of their own.

Again, you will need to use your best judgement in these situations.  Only you will know if it's right to tell her, and only you will be able to decide if you feel she can handle it.

Good luck Yoda!
The reason angels can fly is that they take themselves so lightly. ~ Chesterton G. K.

Offline red_Dragon888

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,811
  • Love and Be Love in Return
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #7 on: December 22, 2006, 06:24:09 AM »
If you really like her, tell her.  You are young but can not see what will happen if you make out, get serious and then drop this on her.  Be honest and be ready for rejection.  Life is full of it anyhow, but if you are honest with her and set limits, that is if she still want to be with you, then you will feel happy that you did not, in a way, lied to her. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=I3ba3lnFHik

“Neither look forward where there is doubt nor backward where there is regret. Look inward and ask not if there is anything o

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #8 on: December 22, 2006, 06:28:41 AM »
I think the answer is connected to your 'talking to this one girl.'  Talking is ok.  There is no real or feared risk from talking to someone.  The minute you think about crossing that line, however, there is no real but there can be feared risk, as you seem to know.  So if you feel things moving more toward making out, that would be time to think about disclosure.  At the same time, think about what would happen if everyone at school knew that you were postive, if she, for whatever reason, overreacted and starting telling everyone what you told her.  If you were older, I would consider it less of a potential problem, but given your age, it could add a lot of stuff for you to handle. Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,646
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #9 on: December 22, 2006, 12:53:15 PM »
hey yoda.

LIke izpoz said, teenagers can be harsh.  YOu know if you tell her it will no longer be a secret.  You should just assume everyone in school will know.  Even though she promises, "not to tell" don't count on it.  She'll tell her best friend and from there the word is out.

Now there is a great book out callec My Pet Virus.  The True Story of a Rebel Without a Cure. by Shawn Decker.  He's a blogger here at AidsMeds.  He's older than you (30 +/-) but he straight and he also grew up with the virus.  He talks about his hish school days and going out with girls.  He's really funny with a a great sense of humor.  I think you'll like it.

Good look yoda. You've got a great life ahead of you.

robert
..........

Offline yodaman123

  • Member
  • Posts: 3
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #10 on: December 23, 2006, 09:53:39 PM »
Well, even though most of you said to tell her, I don't think I will. I know for a fact that we won't go farther than making out. She's really big into church and as weird as it sounds I just don't think I want to do anything like that with her. I'm not sure how serious it will get, but if it does and I think I should tell her then I'll slowly break it to her and see how she takes it. And if she takes it bad then oh well, its just a highschool relationship. And she doesn't even go to my school so its not like my whole school is going to find out. They basically already all know anyway.

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: When should I tell the person?
« Reply #11 on: December 23, 2006, 10:45:38 PM »
Sounds to me like you're a pretty bright kid. I think you've got it right. And of course you know yourself enough to not pressure her into anything more than she's willing. And at that time, you'll tell her. You've got a great attitude, I wish you the best.

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

 


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