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Advice Please

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To all the experts here...

Almost 2 months ago I had receptive anal intercourse with another man in na sauna (I was receptive partner). I made sure he used a condom both times (two different positions). However after the second time he started what I thought was frottage but then started to stick it in - as soon as I felt it I told him to take it out - but it had started to push in. HE did not climax in me, but I know HIv is also contained n pre-cum. I was very stupid I didn;t immediatley rush to go on PEP as I should have - but here is the additional factor.
At the time and afterwards I was using marjuana on a daily basis (I am a foolish self loathing little man), which was what (combined with a bout of depression) initiated my visit to the sauna. My anal area was havily lubed - would the chemicals in the lube possibly protect me from the precum if there was any?
Does marijuanause make a difference regarding chances of infection, effects on possible symptoms (I had diaherea, but that always happens when I am using it - i.e. does it change them or mask them), and whether it effects my window period for testing?
Generally what was the risk? I am so stupid - I shouldn't have gone to the sauna in the first place! I was so happy after my last negative result I promised not to take any risks. And yes I am aware I have to seek treatment regarding my depression and substance abuse issues.
Any information you can provide would be greatly appreciated.

Many thanks,
PS I had a username some months ago but depsite many attempts I was unable to retreive it. This is why I have created this username - I have only had one post under that username in JAnuary this year. I apologise if I have breached the rules in creating this username.


Welcome to the forum.

We all like to have fun. Nothing bad about that
Insertive sex can be a risk, even if the person does not come inside of you. So, you need to be carefull, and the only way to find out if you are infected is to get tested
Marihuana certainly doesn't lower the risk of getting infected....

However, before jumping to conclusionsI would strongly suggest to read the lesson section.
You will find usefull information there.


Make sure the next time you have sex you are in control.

Sorry among my many spelling mistakes I did not get my message across properly.

Both times the sex was protected. After the protected sex he surprised me by sticking it in (I thought he was going to dry hump me to use a crude word for it) without a condom. It only had started to push on before I made it clear it was to be withdrawn, which he did do. Is there any chance that that lessens the risk at all. As stated earlier my anus was covered heavily in lube. I did not have any cuts or brusies around my anus at the time and the sex I had had was not painful so it did not feel like anyhting was torn or brusied inside.

I know I will have to have a test to be 100% sure but any information about how high the risk was in this situation would be greatly, greatly appreciated.

Many thanks,


From what you describe (the briefest of penetration without a condom) I would fully expect you to test negative. However, it would probably be a good idea to test as hiv is nothing to guess about. You should be having regular, routine sexual health care check ups anyway, including but not limited to hiv testing. There are other STIs out there that are much, much more easily transmitted than hiv.

Marijuana will not affect your tests, nor will it affect your window period or symptoms. By the way, symptoms or the lack of symptoms will never tell you a thing about your hiv status. The ONLY way to know your hiv status is through the appropriate test at the appropriate time.

Test for peace of mind, but I would expect you to test negative. Keep using those condoms and remain vigilant against men who would enter you unprotected.



Thank you for your answer.

Another additional point - if I was "open" in some way around or inside my anus area (ie a cut or a tear caused by the previous protected sex) would blood perhaps be visible on the insertive partners penis (there did not seem to b e any when he withdrew)? I know I am clutching at straws by asking these additional questions, but I am in a state of high anxiety. Would I have felt a stinging sensation in or around the area if there was?

It is hard to be vigilant. I watched this person like a hawk to make sure they were putting on a condom (and they didn't need to be asked to - he did so once it was clear I was interested in that sexual act) both times (although in moments of panic when I remember the encounter I sometimes can't be clear whether the I did so the second time - but I know I would not have let him in unless I was sure it was covered) and it came as a complete surprise that he shoved it in a third time without protection. He was about to say something when I asked him to take it out, but I cut him off when I insisted he take it out - in my darker fantasies I think he was going to say "but I already did it to you like this". *Sigh* Its my fault for not being assertive , but when he behaved safely without asking, I assumed he would go on behaving safely.

Anyway the last sentence and observation is fodder for a mental health professional rather then here, but the question about blood visibility and stinging still stands, ie would I see/feel those things?

Many thanks,


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