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new diagnosis: triple whammy?

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CalvinC:

Dear Rob, Chris, Hermie, Christine, David, Lisa, Teresa, Mark, Brian, and all who took the time to read my missive: thanks ever so much. I didn't expect this! The main message from y'all is Family: family and friends, and the family here on poz.com  And it's true, I guess I have already changed: I believe in all of you. Everyone who wrote seems so real (pardon the cliche, but it's true--I really feel it is like that, just from the way you all expressed yourselves). My deep and heartfelt thanks for making the road ahead far far less bumpy. And I'm going to try to make a positive contribution here as well. I will look for you all again!

Cal

blondbeauty:
Hi Calvin!
Welcome to the forums. We all understand how you feel. The most annoying thing of being HIV+ is that it is an avoidable disease...so you will spend a while feeling stupid for getting it. But time will make you feel much better. I still think of it every day but it is not my first thought in the morning and i forget it most of the day. I was diagnosed last october, but I donīt think of it as something tragic. I just think its weird having a living creature inside me and feeling so normal...Now I never feel alone. I know it may sound crazy but that is how I feel about it.  :-\
I enjoy every day much more than before. Ive been all day away from home doing many things and having fun with a friend of mine. I enjoyed watching people rushing in the city on a monday and me having a day off. The sun shined, the leaves of the trees moved with the wind...my salad tasted delicious...I feel alive as I never felt before.
The bad thing is I would like to live forever now...something I never wished before.
And I know bad days will come, not necessarily related to HIV: parents will die, Diana my dog will also pass away...I will grow old and end up alone on a retirement home...
So now I want to enjoy life as much as possible. You should do the same.
Maybe a brick will fall on your head tomorrow and now you are all worried thinking about HIV...

Gilles:
Hi Calvin....sorry about the diagnosis....similar thing happened to me 2 months ago. Been diagnosed right in the middle of my degree finals. My boyfriend pretty much 'dumped' me...telling me that we were still going to be friends but him hardly making any effort to see me at least once a week and giving me support that I so needed at such a crucial period of my career.

Surprisingly I have done my finals well....it was quite amusing....in library in the middle of revising I would suddenly have small crying and then continue with my reading. Its almost I have trained myself that I could cry only on the condition that I would stop immidiately and go back to work.

I seems to be tired of being all Mr Strong too. I dont even know why I am doing it...since at the moment I am very confused about my future. The only thing that keeps me going is that in about 6 months times I will probably thank myself for staying strong. Probably in about 6 months time life will be worth living again....I think we are still adjusting to the diagnosis...

I think its worth staying "Mr Strong" just purely because you have only been diagnosed a month ago and you never know what you will feel like after some time will pass. It will be shame if you let this virus ruin your life at this early stage of diagnosis only to know that you could be happy if you stay strong....

I just keep going....not questioning why....

Markmt:
Hi Cal, just wanted to welcome you on the boards. Thanks for sharing your thoughts as we all learn from each other. I guess most of us can relate to what you have stated and your feelings/emotions are  pretty normal Hope you read more of you in the future.

Take care,

markl

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