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Author Topic: 20 years ago....  (Read 1766 times)

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Offline AlanBama

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  • Posts: 3,604
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
20 years ago....
« on: December 18, 2006, 12:42:13 PM »
My Dad died 20 years ago today.   Christmases have never been the same for us.   Grief is a strange thing; the pain is always there, it just becomes more familiar over time.   We still miss him as much this year as we did in 1986.

To all those lucky enough to still have parents living, give them a special hug this Christmas and tell them how much you appreciate them.

Hugs,
Alan

In Loving Memory JTL  03/07/18 - 12/18/86
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #1 on: December 18, 2006, 12:56:05 PM »
Funny you mention this Alan, both my parents have been gone for some years now and it always carries some pain, especially on holidays and birthdays. At the moment, I am trying to help my best friend deal with her grief. Her father died a year ago from cancer..
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #2 on: December 18, 2006, 01:18:33 PM »
Hey Bama,

It seems to me we just learn to live with this. It kind of melds into life. And at the same time, sometimes I can still find it painful to say, "When she died...."

There are also some people long gone whose cards are still in my rolodex and always will be. I'm just not going to tear their cards up and toss them. They're staying and someone after me can do what they will.

Wishing you well as you remember your dad today.

Andy Velez

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,302
  • His name is Carl.
Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #3 on: December 18, 2006, 01:30:58 PM »
Alan,

I'm going to do precisely that this holiday season:  give them both a special hug.  Also sending one cyberly to you.

I know exactly what Andy means about the Rolodex.  I've got cards and pieces of paper that I still carry around that have contact info for people long gone.  Also have some numbers plugged into my phone that just won't be erased.  They just won't.

~tim
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline pozguy75

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  • Posts: 1,239
    • POZitively Speaking
Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #4 on: December 18, 2006, 01:41:09 PM »
Hey Alan...

This will be the first time my parents have seen me after my disclosure to them...because I live clear across the country I did it over the phone. So, this year I have decided to extend my stay longer with them, and there will be hugs and tears I am certain!

Thank you Alan, for reminding me once again, that our loved ones should not be taken for granted!!

I love you buddy!
Jeromy
(Who is slightly nervous about going home for Christmas...it's been 10 years!)
Dx 2005
ATRIPLA

Offline heartforyou

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,103
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #5 on: December 18, 2006, 02:03:34 PM »
Hi Alan,

Thank you for reminding us.
I still have my both my parents. They are 82 and in good health.

I have told them many times how much I love them in my life.
Even wrote them a 7 page letter about what they meant to me.
It will hurt when they go, but I have told them everything important and so every day is an extra one.

Just  feel the energy of your dad. Energies can never been destroyed.
Knowing you your dad will ever be proud of you and happy you survived the holocaust.

I do wish you strength in your grief. I know you have had your share in the past.

I love you Alan.

herman
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline marco23

  • Member
  • Posts: 392
Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #6 on: December 18, 2006, 02:42:02 PM »
Hi Alan,

Being an only child, I love my mom dearly, she's only 56 years young.  I couldn't imagine my life without her.  My condolences on your loss. No matter how many years have passed, losing a family member will always seem like yesterday but always remember your love and memories will always keep your father alive.

Merry Christmas!
Don't hide your hurt, pain and feelings inside..for they will harden your heart.

Offline bear60

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Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #7 on: December 18, 2006, 02:46:34 PM »
Wishing you the best this Christmas. Take care of yourself Alan.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Tucsonwoody

  • Member
  • Posts: 396
Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #8 on: December 18, 2006, 03:15:12 PM »
Yup, I sure agree with Alan - take advantage of having your parents around and tell and show them how much you care for them.  For the last few years of their lives my parents lived with me at my invitation.  Even though we had always been close, we grew closer and really enjoyed each others company.

My Mom passed away about 5 years ago and my Dad about 3 years ago and even today I sometimes forget they are not around.  Just the other day I was reading something in the paper and I said to myself for a second - I'll have to mention this to Mom and Dad.  And more then once, since I used to set the table, I have grabbed silverware for the three of us.  I'm not sure how many other people behave this way (and don't really care, damn it!) but I kept some of their clothes and my Mom's perfume and once in awhile I will pull out that bottle and take a sniff and feel her to be even closer to me then usual.

One of the things my Mom most regretted when we learned that she didn't have long to live was not being able to see my niece get married.  I told her she would too and would have the best view of anyone!  Well my niece got engaged last month...and she is wearing as her own my Mom's wedding ring which I know put a big smile on my Mom and Dad's face.

Anyway - didn't mean to ramble on - hope everyone who can will enjoy the closeness of their family and friends all year round and thanks Alan.

Kevin
And I wished for guidance, and I wished for peace
I could see the lightning; somewhere in the east
And I wished for affection, and I wished for calm
As I lay there - Nervous in the light of dawn

Offline heartforyou

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  • Posts: 1,103
  • I must be a survivor in many ways...
Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #9 on: December 18, 2006, 03:36:56 PM »
Quote
I'm not sure how many other people behave this way (and don't really care, damn it!) but I kept some of their clothes and my Mom's perfume and once in awhile I will pull out that bottle and take a sniff and feel her to be even closer to me then usual.

I do... about my lover that died of a heart attack at the tender age of 32.
I still have the ( now dried and almost pulverised) flowers he gave me the day before he died. And I never cleaned the glass he put his lips on, hours before he left the earth. And a piece of the bags of nuts he had the night prior to his passing.

Kevin, I think it is beautiful, both as a tribute and energetically, to do what you do. Energies stay around forever. So, whenever you want to feel your mom or dad, smell the perfume, sit in their seat and touch their clothes.
Your tribute touched me.

Hermie
Diagnosed in 1987 and still kicking
Viread, Kivexa (Epzicom),Viramune once daily

Happiness is the freedom of breathing fresh air every day.

Offline Eldon

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  • Posts: 2,664
Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #10 on: December 18, 2006, 11:10:29 PM »
Will do Alan.


Happy Holidays!

Offline Ann

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  • It just is, OK?
    • Num is sum qui mentiar tibi?
Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #11 on: December 19, 2006, 09:02:51 AM »
Alan,

My dad died 35 years ago when I was nine. I have a cigar box of his I call my "Dad Box". Inside are a few little reminders of his life; a birthday card he gave me, his Air Force issue New Testament he carried with him as a tail-gunner in WWII, one of his hankies, the card from the funeral home, some photos and a few other things. I take it out now and then and have a little cry.

I've always regretted not being able to talk to him adult to adult.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Christine

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  • Posts: 1,069
Re: 20 years ago....
« Reply #12 on: December 19, 2006, 05:34:46 PM »
Big hug to you Alan, and to everyone who lost a loved one.

Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

 


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