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Author Topic: Just need to put it out there  (Read 3233 times)

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Offline snikt06

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Just need to put it out there
« on: June 11, 2006, 01:55:52 AM »
I had posted under the same user name on the old boards and I felt I needed to post again. First of all, thank you so much to the experts that post here as well as the good people that put up this site, you really make a difference in this world and I respect your efforts. Secondly, and why I came here to post tonight is that two big things happened to me today...I received the results of my six week test, which were negative, as well as I told my wife that I cheated and of my concern over HIV.
Both were difficult and I deserved the pain that each caused, the waiting for the results as well as the pain that I caused my wife. Although I wish with all my heart I didn't have to cause the pain in her.
I really don't feel as if I have friends that I could confide in like I do here, which is unfortunate but something I hope to rectify.
My other reason for posting tonight is because I still think I may be positive because of all the symptoms I am showing as well as the time frame that they are with me. I have had muscle aches, joint aches, short low grade fevers, dry spots of skin on my leg and foot, nausea, diarrhea, tingling hands and feet, chills when I wake up, bruises that go away slower than usual (from the needle used to draw blood), etc.
I could continue on with my six week negative if only I knew it was something else. My results for a liver test were higher than normal as well so I will be going to my primary care doctor in 3 days. I also had some xrays done of my lower back and chest, of these I know nothing yet.
The info that I have from this site as well as others is a mixed bag of encouraging as well as not so encouraging concerning HIV, I mean a six week negative is good, if not conclusive, news, right? So why do I feel as if I am being ravaged (please forgive the term) by this virus? I have spoken with professional therapists as well but we haven't been able to get into my anxiety of the situation that well yet.
I realize that this post is long as well as I know in order for you to reply with any authority you need to now my exposure, so without further ado...
On April 21st I was with a prostitute in Mexico, she gave me unprotected oral and then we had protected vaginal sex. Afterwards, I went home and masterbated without cleaning, twice. I originally went to the doctor because of sore testicles and was given antibiotics, std tests were negative. From there the pain went up my abdomen into the pubic area and around to my back. Then pain in muscles, felt disconnected from reality and felt week, etc. Other things, too but my post is already too long.
Thank you again for reading.

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #1 on: June 11, 2006, 01:58:51 AM »
<< she gave me unprotected oral and then we had protected vaginal sex>>

This is the IMPORTANT part of your post. Your risk. In your case, as I am certain you were told in the old forum, there was none.

Whatever is going on with you, it CANNOT be HIV anymore than I can be pregnant.

And seriously, my mood swings? Outrageous.

Please continue to work with your doctor and therapist to discover the source of your symptoms. Whatever they might be, HIV cannot ... CANNOT ... be the source.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline AlexQ

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #2 on: June 11, 2006, 03:58:38 AM »
you gotta let it go somehow...and you will (it takes time)...

Please focus on,
The FACTS (i.e. Reality):
1) oral...not a risk
2) Protected vaginal, yes Protected (look that up in the dictionary)
3) a negative six week hiv test (in some parts of the world that timeframe is considered conclusive...i.e. golden)

The One and Only conclusion:  YOu do not have hiv...what you have is hiv anxiety (which is real as can be attested by this site, the body, and my own personal experience...it was pure hell).

The mind is powerful...it sometimes makes you stray away from reality (sometimes for your benefit and sometimes not) 

Don't punish youself anymore...you are just human (or a dog just like the rest of us as Andy Velez says).

It was courageous of you to tell your wife (good on you...pat yourself for that one).  Don't know if the relationship will survive or get stronger but you gave your wife the full infomation...also perhaps you aren't concsious of it but something in the marriage was not fulfilling you if you sought a prostitute and that you have some issues to make it fail (it could just be that you wanted some sex...but you don't seem the type).  Who knows...please don't give up on the therapist...that also takes time to figure out.

For me the anxiety went away after 4 months (after the conclusive 13 weeks and few more to adjust...and believe me the symptoms that you list i've had them all and more...I am guessing that you are checking your tongue everytime you are near a mirror and are checking for rashes...chills at night...had them too...i lost 25 lbs during my ordeal...trust us you aren't infected)...but if i was a smart man i would've listened to the people here and not worried about it at day 1...which is your case.  (this is to point to you that you will get rid of the anxiety sooner or later...hopefully sooner).   

Be kind to youself...


Offline snikt06

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #3 on: June 11, 2006, 08:27:40 AM »
Thank you for the replies. I think me and the wifey are going to be able to work through this, I just have to be the one that cooks dinner for a couple of months :)
With everything that is going on, I just need either some kind of other medical reason for my pains and/or a 3 month negative to be able to get over this HIV hill.
And in the meantime, I gotta learn how to cook something other than omelettes.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #4 on: June 11, 2006, 09:52:12 AM »
Just want to concur with the opinions that you were not at risk for HIV in this incident you are concerned about. Condoms provide very effective protection no matter whom you are with. Receiving oral is absolutely not a risk in anyway nor is post-coital masturbation, even if you hadn't cleaned up from the prior sex.

So whatever is going on in terms of symptms has absolutely no relation to HIV, as your 6 weeks test has not surprisingly confirmed.

From what you have written it seems as if your doctor is checking things out. If symptoms persist talk with him again.

Now that you have talked with your wife you can use this situation as an opportunity for greater intimacy. As with many situations an event like this can either pull a couple apart or be the stimulus to draw closer together. It's an ego blow to a partner to learn about infidelity, but it's not an insurmountable one. There will have to be some healing around the subject, and being open to direct, simple conversation is one way to achieve that. 

As for cooking, there's always pasta and with summertime upon us really good salads are great too.

Good luck with straightening things out.

As far as HIV is concerned, if you decide to re-test at 13 weeks I certainly expect you will test negative again.

Cheers,   
Andy Velez

Offline AlexQ

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #5 on: June 11, 2006, 02:25:51 PM »
i encourage you to stay away from this site for sometime...you got all the facts you need now...reading about hiv will only make your anxiety worse and the duration longer (coming here will make you feel better for only a short duration...it is addictive...but makes it worse).  and when the anxiety hits you out of the blue focus on the facts and do something you enjoy.  i think you should consider yourself fortunate for this experience and use the time to exmaine yourself. 

glad to see you are having a humourous approach.

few months...hah!...only if...hopefully you will have a lifetime to make it up to her.     

Offline snikt06

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #6 on: June 11, 2006, 08:24:54 PM »
Thanks again, folks and I'll try to stay away and focus on the good things and healing my marriage. You guys really are an inspiration.

Offline snikt06

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #7 on: June 13, 2006, 01:01:49 AM »
Jiminy Christmas! I got hit hard today when I realized why the doctor would have taken a chest xray, TB! I read on webmd that when there is a concern over hiv infection that the doc should look for TB as well. This coupled with the fact that the doctor only listened to my symptoms and to my (seemingly hundredth) telling of my exposure he gave (yes, what seemed like to me) a nonchalant "I don't think you have hiv" and told me to make an appt with my primary care doctor. Which I have tomorrow, btw. So far they have been all urgent care doctors (freakin' 4 in total). My symptoms are subsiding (had them since about May 1st or so) but, man they are still there and I continuously have the shaky anxious feeling.
AAAAArrrrggghhh, say I! I really can't get this out of my head and I feel so rotten all over. Something funny, though...I am a fat dude, about 319 soaking wet:) and I have noticed weight loss all over (clothes looser, can feel my muscles without pushing real hard, etc.) and when I momentarily forget my troubles with this personal demon, I find myself walking around like a stud because I'm losing weight. Man, I hope it's just stress...
I know I am not supposed to come here, Alex. And, believe me, I have taken any opportunity I can to do something to keep my mind off of this but like I said before, the last doc kinda slid those chest xrays in and didn't explain what they were for and I just did em like a good little (319lbs) boy. But, now it seems like he was diagnosing me by symptoms and the momentary relief I got from my six month neg test was banished with a quickness.
Also, as I mentioned before I have told my wife and we are going to keep going and tough this out together but I don't want to worry her with my worries and symptoms so I don't even talk with her about it, yet. If down the road I need to I will. But, the point is I need to talk this out and I have an appt with my primary care doctor tomorrow and she's going to go over the 11 tests they did with my blood as well as the xrays and I am just going loopy. Harrumph!

Offline snikt06

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #8 on: June 13, 2006, 01:04:03 AM »
correction to above post: 6 week negative test. not 6 month neg test






I wish it was a 6 month neg test...

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #9 on: June 13, 2006, 02:06:58 AM »
As you have been told, you do not have to worry about HIV in this case. You don't need to test. What you have is a whopping great case of the guilts because you had sex outside your relationship. Have you considered discussing your concerns about this with your doctor or a counsellor?

MtD

Offline snikt06

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  • Posts: 9
Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #10 on: June 13, 2006, 08:18:28 AM »
I am talking with a MD and therapist.
I am not usually like this in other aspects of my life...if the MD could give me a reason for my pains and if I was further along in the therapy, then I could be ok. But, so far, nothing but antibiotics that don't work, chest xrays that the doctor didn't explain to me and a therapist that talked to me about confessing my indiscretion and possible exposure to my wife.
Every once in a while, when I can, I remember what you guys are saying and my 6 week neg and I feel a little better but ultimately I haven't been given anything from the people that are actually poking and prodding me.
Thanks for listening...

Offline avatar51

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  • Posts: 11
Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #11 on: June 13, 2006, 09:53:40 AM »
I wouldent say something i didnt believe, but i truly believe alot of our symptoms are brought on by stress/anxiety and searching the internet for symptoms. they even had a word for it, those people who search the internet for symptoms.

bottom line in the end no matter how hard it is you or your mind, you have to let science and facts to take over. believe me i still have problems to this day but its much more controlled now and iam finally trying to let go.

facts are you didnt have a risk, and your nonrisk exposure was even confirmed by a 6 weeks hiv test (hiv infection is not diagnosed by symptoms only a hiv antibody TEST.) there are your facts. work with your doctor to find the reason behind your symptoms alot of them can be just what i mentioned above.


Offline snikt06

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #12 on: June 29, 2006, 02:00:31 AM »
OK, I'm definitely having stomach problems (hey! Everyone stop yelling at their monitors because I'm back). I still have muscle pains and spasms, my jaw still hurts, I poop funny and when I eat my lower abdomen hurts and makes a lot of noise. My eyes are tired almost all the time and I get these weird faint(ish) spells where I can't breath real well. I have been really good at thinking this may be something other than hiv until recently. My symptoms point more to Lyme's disease or Crohn's disease but I can't shake the timing of the whole thing because about a week after my encounter was when I started feeling testicle pain and then after being put on antibiotics, just about everything else started. I find myself hoping for one of these diseases instead! Damn, I wish this would just go away. My doctors are playing the waiting game it seems and they all seem to be avoiding the subject of hiv but I don't trust them, they seem to be sugar coating something. I have had symptoms (some on and off) for about 2 months now and since I have always been relatively healthy this is getting to me.

This post is combination rant and a search for more info and just someone to talk to about this. Me and my wife are getting along great and are going to go to therapy together soon, although it's hard to get therapy sessions that are soon. All it seems I can get are sessions that are weeks and weeks apart.

Anyways, thanks for reading and anything you can give.

P.S. One of my favorite quotes from, I think, John Wayne:
"Life is hard, but it's harder if you're stupid." Which I think right now I can attest to.

Offline Ann

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #13 on: June 29, 2006, 05:19:38 AM »
snikt,

As we have already told you, you did NOT have a risk of hiv infection when you got a blowjob or had protected intercourse. You could not possibly be hiv positive from that encounter.

Please keep working closely with your doctor and therapist. Whatever is going on with you, it has nothing to do with hiv.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline snikt06

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #14 on: October 03, 2006, 03:56:29 AM »
I've been gone for awhile. I just wanted to tell someone that I will be testing again (1st test was six weeks after the encounter, 04.21.06, btw) and I know I can speak about this freely here. I have had other symptoms since I last posted, mainly with my stomach and intestines. But, the major symptoms have subsided, to a point of disapperance and just recently they've resurfaced to a low, low rumble in the background. But, then I've been thinking about this more often recently.
I went to the doctor with my wife when this first came up and the doctor told me to test again in 6 months so I waited until now (6 months minus 18 days) to test again. My wife and I haven't really talked about testing again but I know it's in the back of her mind because the 6 month anniversary or the encounter is 2 days before her birthday and she told me that she only wants a negative result for me for her birthday.
Anyway, wish me luck and thank you for being here.

Offline RapidRod

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #15 on: October 03, 2006, 04:13:21 AM »
Why are you test again? Why six months? You didn't have a risk to begin with and there is no reason what so ever to test at 6 months. None of your symptoms are related to HIV to begin with.

Offline snikt06

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #16 on: October 03, 2006, 03:04:21 PM »
Woo-Hoo!!! I justed tested negative with an oro-quik (sp) about an hour ago!!
Thank you all for your replies and empathy. I will never forget this experience nor will I forget you all here. Thank you all so much and I hope good things come to all of you for all that you do for us knuckleheads (this is a term of endearment for me) that come to this board. I also hope that all the other people that come to this board that are in the position I was in find their news as good as mine. And to those already infected, I hope that your lives are long and happy.
I can't say it enough...
Thank You

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: Just need to put it out there
« Reply #17 on: October 03, 2006, 03:13:44 PM »
Hi SN,

Congrats on that happy (if not unexpected) test result. Celebrate by getting on with your life -- and keeping those latex condoms handy!

Cheers,
Andy Velez

 


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