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Author Topic: Need Advice Please  (Read 6336 times)

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Offline Biggums

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  • Posts: 199
Need Advice Please
« on: December 10, 2006, 12:05:54 PM »
Ok I am in crisis mode.

As you know me and the bf broke up.  Then for a few weeks it seemed to be mending.  Two days ago I found out he tapped our bank account for everything and left.  I have no way to show he did not have authorization to do this.  He then called my job and shared some things about me I did not want them to know, and I got fired.  So here I am at Christmas dead broke, not being able to pay any bills or rent or anything.  I fear shortly I will be on the streets.

Having been struggling with suicidal thoughts my entire life, that is the first thing that has crossed my mind about twice a minute.  I am so tired of fighting life and getting burnt.  I want to end it all.  But I am afraid of what it will do to my family, especially my dad, and yeah, I am afraid of going to hell over it.

I want to just get in my car and leave everything behind.  It is too much for me to handle.  I'd love to go to the beach one more time then say fuck it all and do it.

I know it is crazy to say but I still love him with all my heart.  I know I am better off without him in my life but I will miss him.  He's been the only man in my life to tell me he loved me deeply, although now I wonder.

I am not tough.  I can't just suck it up and struggle to get out of this.  I wish I had a place to just go and crash and get my head together for awhile then build my life back but I don't know if it is even possible.  Sorry I am ranting.

Any advice?
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline Alain

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #1 on: December 10, 2006, 12:19:48 PM »
Biggums,

You are a lot tougher than you think, especially coming here and letting it all out.

Rant my friend, and you are allowed to scream as well.

Easy for anybody to say, but looking at the whole situation all at once, is too much to deal with.

I fully understand the hurt, the money and everything else, especially the unconditional love and determination in helping your partner.

I strongly believe that you do know somehow what is going to be your next step, albeit very overwhelming.

You did so much for others, now it is your turn. You will prevail.

That in return might be the best Christmas gift to you ever.

Thinking of you. Alain.

Offline allopathicholistic

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #2 on: December 10, 2006, 12:28:15 PM »
"What Alain said!" You will prevail. Suicide's no solution - It's permanent and the stuff the kid has done to you is temporary. Like you said, you should find a place to crash like a friend's house. Tell your family - Don't worry about their reactions. This is an emergency - Please don't keep it to yourself. If I remember correctly you are HIV negative and your family didn't like the kid because of the gay thing. All that SHOULD NOT MATTER in a crisis like this. We're with you ... Alex

Offline Life

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  • Member 2005
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #3 on: December 10, 2006, 12:43:04 PM »
Biggums,

"Suicide" = Long term solution to a short term problem...

Nothing is worth dying over.  Easy to say?  From our perspective, your worth working through this..   Ask for help, talk to your family if you can.  Talk to your friends.   Talk to him and see if you can work out why he took all your finances?   If he is not on the account,  this is theft and is prosecutable....   But don't do this by yourself please!  Yes it is overwhelming but is a short term thing....

Love

Offline Biggums

  • Member
  • Posts: 199
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #4 on: December 10, 2006, 12:57:34 PM »
I did go out and talk to my dad.  My family offered no help.  They believe in teh "you reap what you sow" philosophy and are fully prepared to do absolutely nothing for me.
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline Longislander

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #5 on: December 10, 2006, 01:06:42 PM »
Then talk to someone else. Take this slowly, don't overwhelm your mind.
I'm really sorry this has happened.This dosn't make alot of sense, and I don't want to say all kinds of negative things about your BF. Make sure there are no other accounts he has access to. Cars, etc.

It's hard to do, but you will need to toughen up, even temporarily to get you through this. First thing is the job. Why would they fire you because someone called and said things about you?

If his name wasn't on the account, and he used your debit card at a machine, there's video to prove it was him.

I wish you the best, please go talk to a therapist.

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline terpie82

  • Member
  • Posts: 97
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #6 on: December 10, 2006, 01:17:59 PM »
I agree with everyone Biggums. When you have a problem, you find a way to solve it. Suicide is never a solution. Yes, your immediate family may not play a hand in solving the problem, but look at the family you have on here. There are many who care about you and want to see you succeed and be happy. As for what your family said to you, I can only say shame on them. That's not love...that's hate. For those of us on here, a family member of our's need our help. Times like these test our strength and unity, and from what I experienced this summer in Montreal, there's nothing more unified than a group of poz folks and our allies. Maybe start a small fund or offering Biggums temporary housing? I'm willing to contribute to either, just say the word.
Diagnosed in 2003
UD since 2004 and >35% (with one blip)

Offline Alain

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  • Posts: 680
  • I am.
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #7 on: December 10, 2006, 01:27:44 PM »
The lack of sympathy and understanding from your family, does not supprise me, given your relationship history and their acceptance of your life in general. (Thanksgiving)

The bottom line is that we can only give what we have, and I guess that their willingness to grow in that regard is very limited.

But YOU my dear friend went anyways, against all odd, and open yourself up and told your story.

That tells me, that within yourself, there is still some strength to survive this bumpy ride.

Try calling a friend and spend the night there.

We are here for you, but it might be a good idea to have a one on one conversation, I am thinking even to go to the emergency department of an hospital and talk it over with someone. I am sure that they can help.

Someone that does not know you at all, might be able to bring up a different perspective and ideas to your situation, thus finding the next steps for you to proceed.

All that matter right now, is YOU, and you are going to be OK. I just know it. Take care.

 


Offline Boo Radley

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  • Not a "real man" and damn proud, mithter... FAB
    • Animal Rescue New Orleans
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #8 on: December 10, 2006, 01:28:59 PM »
Biggums,

I'm really sorry to hear about your situation.  I wish I had a magic wand to change everything but obviously I don't. 

I don't understand how you could be fired so easily but don't know all the facts.  If your boyfriend's name was on the bank account he could withdraw everything and, like you said, you can't do a thing.  If he was not a co-signer then you should report the theft to the police.  I know that would be hard but he's got to face his demons some day.  Whatever method he used (e.g., ATM, check, etc.) there is a record and it can be used as evience.

I have a spare bedroom but I live in New Orleans so getting down here from the Show Me State would be a bit of a drive -- but I've taken in people before and will do it again.  You are more than welcome to come if you can stand a house with 4 dogs and 12 cats (I know, I know, but Momma Sookie was, unknown to me, pregnant when I adopted her and had a litter in June and I couldn't part with one of them).  If you have pets they'd just add to the bunch.

I'm serious about the offer and money is not an issue you need to be immediately concerned with.  Two can eat just a cheaply as one. 

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline Biggums

  • Member
  • Posts: 199
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #9 on: December 10, 2006, 02:19:15 PM »
hi,

Terpie thanks for your thoughts.  Maybe if I can come up with the 500 for my rent this month it will give me some time to find another job and I wouldn't need to move all this stuff somewhere .  I don't know.  Asking people for money is way down on my list of qualities.

As far my job, I am laying it all out so here goes.  A year ago me and a friend from work went out.  He's straight but I always had a crush on him.  Well, when he gets drunk he definitely turns bi, very affectionate and lots of touching.  We went back to his house and he laid on the couch and I was over there tickling him and such.  He laid there with his eyes closed smiling and I began to rub his chest and all and legs.  He let this go on for quite awhile then jumped up and started to wrestle me.  I asked him how he could go so long without laughing and he said he was a disciplined machine.  I asked him for a copy of a cool pic of himself he had so I could put it on my desk.  He said he didn't have one so I said well I'll just take a pair of your boxers to which he said fine.  So I did. 

Well the next day he feigned ignorance of all the touching and I got scared.  I never said anything about the boxer .....except to my bf.

So he calls the guy at my work and tells him I stole his shorts and was sniffing them at the house.  The guy freaked and reported me for sexual harassment )I am his supervisor) and the rest is histroy.  Pathetic yes, but that's the truth.

Boo I thank you for your offer and maybe will have to take you up on it if I don't choose option A.  That's still where I am heading at the moment.  I am sooo tired. 

I will try and check in later with y'all.  Love.
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline Christine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,069
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #10 on: December 10, 2006, 02:29:03 PM »
Hi biggums,
I am so sorry this has happened to you. It is unfair, and cruel especially during the holiday season. But, as the others have said, you are strong. Stronger than you know. Your past posts have all been thoughtful, caring, and insightful. You were strong for you bf when he needed it, and now you need to be strong for yourself.

Try not to look at the situation as a whole, break the problems that need to be solved into smaller sections. Take one at a time. Call friends, tell them you need help. Call a suicide hotline, tell them what happened, and that you need help. There is help available for you, ask for it. Right now take care of your self, your emotional self, then worry about a job and housing when you are better.

We are all here at the forums, 24 hours a day there is someone on-line who you can talk to. You are not alone, and you are strong.

Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline DanKenny

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  • Posts: 147
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #11 on: December 10, 2006, 02:43:58 PM »
Hi,  I am sorry this has happened to you.... as others have indicated.  You are stronger than you think. Even coming here to post and air your thoughts is a big initial step.  Continue talking....suicide is never a solution. I am sure the pain will be deep, .more so over someone who has evidently been so inconsiderate.  But think of all the good things and the beautiful people that will come your way next month, the next and the next.  The financial pain is also a temporary one...,I am sure you will over come it.  This forum is a great support.  Come here often, daily......it is a well of refreshing ideas and inspiration.

Take care....and Keep the faith !!

Rgs, Danny
My Progress:

09/07:   771   ~    <50     ~   29%
03/07:   493   ~    227      ~   22%
02/07:   Began Meds ~~ ATRIPLA
01/07:   315   ~   45, 000  ~   18%
10/06:   350   ~   32, 430  ~   22%
04/06:   440   ~   23, 997  ~   24%
07/05:   621   ~   36,000   ~   24%
01/05:   842   ~   2306      ~   28%
07/04:   615   ~   3370      ~   27%
04/04:   674   ~   739        ~   26%
11/03:   439   ~   2800      ~   22%
Infected probably around 1997 / Diagnosed 2002

Offline Cliff

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #12 on: December 10, 2006, 03:00:15 PM »
Surely you can get a $500 loan from your bank?  Or withdraw some cash from your credit card, if that's all you need to tie you over until you find another job?  If not, perhaps speaking to your parents again and try to get them to help you out.  I'm not sure what the reap what you sow comment is in reference to, but maybe you can just ignore and get what you need from them and address it later.

Yes, if his name was on the account then it would seem unlikely you have any case to press charges, since legally the money was rightfully his.  If he wasn't on the account then you can file a fraud claim with the bank and they will refund you the money.  Someone stole money out of my account (not someone I knew) and the bank refunded the money to me within a couple of weeks. 

Do you have any stocks, you can liquidate?  Do you have an IRA, 401k or some sort of retirement account you can take out a loan against?

Start pounding the pavement tomorrow in search of a new job.  Update your resume tonight!  Get any job to tie you over.  Making some progress will make things seem less gloom and doom.

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,314
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #13 on: December 10, 2006, 03:13:32 PM »
This whole job loss thing is troubling me.

It reads like it happened all on one day.  So hard to get the whole picture thru this medium sometimes.  The whole thing sounds too sudden.  I just don't see how someone gets totally let go from a job based on 1 anonymous phone call from someone else.  That kind of thing needs some backing up.  I would challenge it...and ask the guy that raised the complaint if he is ready to take his accusations to that level.  I would not just fold and take dismissal without a challenge. 

Just my opinion based on what I read.
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Boo Radley

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    • Animal Rescue New Orleans
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #14 on: December 10, 2006, 03:16:24 PM »
Biggums,

The termination from your job is an unwarranted reaction on the part of Human Resources and the coworker who filed the complaint.   First, you did not coerce him into doing anything.  If you have been supervising him without problems for an entire year the previous incident should be water under the bridge and your record of non-harassment stands on its own.  Did you admit anything?   If not, hearsay is not a valid reason for termination but even if you did admit anything you are not guilty of sexual harassment.  I'd contact a gay-friendly lawyer.

If Option A is suicide I'll charge an airline ticket TODAY for you to come here or wherever you want to got to get out of the environment you're in.  Killing yourself isn't a reasonable solution to this problem!!!  Believe me, I know from experience. 

I can understand how you're feeling.  With all these different shocks you're bound to be depressed and feeling terrible.  Breaking up with your bf was bad enough but you've really been put through the wringer.  ALL of these problems are temporary and you have to focus on getting by one minute, hour, and day at a time and tell yourself life will get better.  It will.

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline thunter34

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  • His name is Carl.
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #15 on: December 10, 2006, 03:20:18 PM »
Thank you, Boo-  for more eloquently stating what I was attempting to get across about the job.  We seem to be in deep agreement about the job:  Fight The Dismissal. 
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline poet

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  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #16 on: December 10, 2006, 03:45:57 PM »
Biggums, my quick assessment is that you need to take a deep breath and then take what has happened and break it all up into pieces, looking at each one to see what you can do.  You said 'our' account, so my assumption is that he did have legal assess to the funds, even if he didn't add to them.  For work, the others have already said, let's look at what the reality is here and, if needed, fight to get your job back or at least a payment for your leaving without suing them.  What you did outside of work is and should be of no control of your employer: it's your personal life.  Yes, things were awkward, but that's it.  I hope, too, that if you have paid December's rent, you pause long enough to think through the go/stay question.  And keep posting here so that we can pull in our resources to help. Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline aupointillimite

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  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #17 on: December 10, 2006, 03:46:55 PM »
Don't you dare to a bloody thing to hurt yourself!

I would focus on what you can do immediately now... go to one of those check cashing places and get a payday loan or ask a friend... I, like you, hate asking people for money, but you can always pay people back later... just focus on the need here and now, there should also be some charitable organizations in your area that have emergency help with bills and rent (my company has some clients who do that in the Richmond area and throughout Virginia), I found this website, it goes by locality.  If I remember my state projects, Missouri is the Show Me State, right?  ;)

http://missouri.uscity.net/Charity/

I also found some stuff by Googling "Missouri Emergency Social Services."

Also, regardless as to whether or not your boyfriend's name was on the account, I would call a lawyer ASAP.  A lot of times, just saying you're talking to your attorney makes results happen like you wouldn't believe.
« Last Edit: December 10, 2006, 03:50:36 PM by aupointillimite »
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Queen Tokelove

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  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #18 on: December 10, 2006, 04:03:57 PM »
Biggums,

((hugz))....I am so sorry that things have been going bad for you. I agree with what everyone has said, you have to be strong. Suicide is not the answers, I tried that option a few times. But I did have a thought, why not take Boo up on his offer? What I mean is go visit him since he is offering the ticket and it would get you out of your environment for a moment. Sometimes you can get more clarity on a situation if you're away from it, know what I mean? Just a thought.... :-*
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Teresa

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #19 on: December 10, 2006, 05:17:32 PM »
Biggums,

Everyone has given you some good sound advice. You know that I love you and you are in my thoughts and prayers!

Much Love
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline Biggums

  • Member
  • Posts: 199
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #20 on: December 10, 2006, 07:02:24 PM »
He just came over to get some more of his stuff.  Never said he was sorry.  I was mad.  He threatened to plant drugs in my car if I pursued it legally.  The police had to come and escort him out of teh place.  I can't take any more of all of this.  My life is just hell.
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline Eldon

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  • Posts: 2,664
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #21 on: December 10, 2006, 07:05:14 PM »
Hello Biggums,

I logged on today and I saw your thread describing your current situation that you are experiencing. Suicide is not an option. As everyone has said, you are stronger than this. Yes, you are.

It is an unfortunate act in which has occurred with your BF and his deceitful way of leaving you out in the cold after all that you have done for him. However, this advice is not about him, it is about you. I want you to understand that the most important thing right now IS YOU.

When I read your initial post, the thought of going to your parents had come to my thoughts. However, as you have mentioned, they are not willing to give you a helping hand with your situation. This is also an unfortunate choice that they have made.

Ok...

Your job. Human Resources tend to have a low tolerance for sexual harassment. You do have to right to appeal to their decision to terminate you. If you did not admit to any of the allegations that were placed upon you then you do have an option to fight their decision that was made. This is something that you will want to follow up.

Your housing. In the meantime, talk with your landlord and explain the situation to him/her. See if there is some sort of extention that you could get until you find another job. If their feedback is non-supportive, then go to a local check cashing store just as everyone else has mentioned and get yourself a $500.00 payday loan. It may be a bit difficult because then need to verify your employment to do so.

LIQUIDATE --- Take all of your Credit Cards and liquidate them for cash. If the limits are closer to their maximum, call the creditor and ask for a credit limit increase. You are more than likely to get approved from your oldest creditor.

BOO --- Boo has provided you with the option to fly down to his place in order to help you get it all back together. You do not need to be in your environment at this time. His offer stands with a place to stay and a plane ticket to New Orleans. This is another option.

LOCAL ORGS --- As it was also provided you can contact your local ORG in order to get emergency assistance with your rent and electricity. There are programs that are in place for this.

As you see, there are a number of different options that you do have in order to get through this setback in your life. Get on the phone and start making some calls. Boo's offer appears to be the best option as you will not get further in debt behind this. Definitely get his number and exchange your contact information. If I were in the position to do so, I would do just the same.

COMMUNICATION --- This is a very important part of all of this. Please DO keep in contact with us here on the forums as well as any friends that may be able to assist you as well.

Exercise your options that are available to you.If, there is something else that I can add I will update this post.

In the meantime, it is all about YOU and HELPING YOU through this unfortunate setback.

I am sending you my best wishes and positive energy out of concern and support to you.

First thing in the morning, jump up early and pound the pavement and start making some calls and looking at some other options for employment.

Take care of YOU.


Offline Eldon

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #22 on: December 10, 2006, 07:12:44 PM »
Hey Biggums,

I was writing the other post as you were posting an update. As far as your BF is concerned, it is tough because you love him. However, consider it a lost cause. The ONLY thing that matters right now is YOU. Let him go on about his way. Karma will catch up with him.

Stay Strong. Regroup and take action tomorrow morning as to which option you are going to choose.


Take care of YOU.


Offline aupointillimite

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  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #23 on: December 10, 2006, 07:18:31 PM »
He threatened to plant drugs in my car if I pursued it legally. 

A couple of my friends have had to deal with threats of a similar nature.  That is total BS.  What is he going to do?  Call the cops and say, "I found drugs in this guy's car... what's that?  Yes, officer, I promise it's an unbelievable coincidence that it's the same guy whose place you had to escort me out of."

A shot across the bow. 

"Planting drugs" on someone is that thing that people say they'll do but can't because even if they were to successfully plant said drugs, what can the cops do?  If the cops responded to every call they got in which person x says person y has drugs... they would a) be doing nothing else, and b) be violating the fourth amendment. 

They probably get calls like that all the time from bastards trying to screw people over... and I imagine the cops completely ignore them because they see what a transparent and pathetic ruse it is.

I wouldn't let this stop you for a second in utilizing every legal channel open to you.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Longislander

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #24 on: December 10, 2006, 09:35:21 PM »
and he may just be dumb enough to leave his prints on the baggie!
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Biggums

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #25 on: December 10, 2006, 09:43:18 PM »
I am just sitting here falling apart.  I called teh suicide hotline and talked to her and she said to go to a hospital.  Will they lock me up?  Am I having a nervous breakdown I think.  I tried to call my insurance number on teh back to see what I shold do but they arent open.  God what sdhould I do?
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #26 on: December 10, 2006, 09:47:02 PM »
They won't lock you up against your will; it's against the law. 

Most insurance companies have a system set up regarding weekend and after hours admissions, your life is totally more important than buearacratic nonsense.

Please go to a hospital if that's what the hotline advised you.  Please.

Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Biggums

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #27 on: December 10, 2006, 09:50:11 PM »
i want you all to know how much i loved him
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #28 on: December 10, 2006, 09:50:43 PM »
Do you have a psychologist?  If you do, call his after hours number and speak with the on call psych doc... that person should be able to help you out. 
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Basquo

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #29 on: December 10, 2006, 09:56:27 PM »
If you go to hospital, they will get someone in to do a psych consult, and they might want you to voluntarily commit yourself, but they won't forcibly do it unless you demonstrate that you are a danger to yourself or others.  They'll bring in a social worker/counselor also, and that person has tons of contacts for those who help others in crisis.  It would be a way to have face-to-face with someone whose job it is to help you. Of course if you don't like them you can always ask to speak to someone else.

Is there someone that could drive you there? If they medicate you, they won't let you drive home. And maybe that same person can watch your pets?

Don't fall apart.  Break down, but don't fall apart!

Best,
Creighton

Offline Biggums

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #30 on: December 10, 2006, 10:07:39 PM »
I called my former shrink but she hasn't called me back yet.  maybe she is out of town.  I have no one around here.  I called my mom and she told me to pray and read some bible verses.  I guess I will just go out and sit by the river and think for awhile.  water seems to calm me down some.  but i am cryinbg non stop.  i am sorry this drama for you on a sunday.
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline Longislander

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #31 on: December 10, 2006, 10:09:38 PM »
Don't worry about us. How long are you planning to wait for the shrink to call you back? I think you should consider getting to the hospital. It may just be a good break for you, and tomorrow you can talk this out with the hosp staff.
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Christine

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #32 on: December 10, 2006, 10:17:44 PM »
Honey,
Go to the hospital. If you don't want to do it for yourself, can you do it for us, your forum family? We are worried about you, and want to help.

As others have said, they won't lock you up against your will. When I was 19, i was severely depressed, and spent three days in a psyche hospital. My family asked me to go. I went on my own free will. It was fine. The staff were wonderful. It was sort of like summer camp but with counseling. I was started on meds, and evaluated by doctors. I got the help I needed.

If it is what you need right now, then go get the help.

Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline aupointillimite

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #33 on: December 10, 2006, 10:25:02 PM »
Please go to a hospital, the people who are called in for situations like this are very competent and nice... I speak with them every day for my job.

They'll be able to help you out... and please go!  I'm worried about you!

Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline Eldon

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #34 on: December 10, 2006, 10:53:12 PM »
Biggums,

Log out and go to the hospital. This will be your best choice right now. It will do you good to be in a different environment right now. You can update us later.


Offline Biggums

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Re: Need Advice Please ***Updated****
« Reply #35 on: December 11, 2006, 02:28:30 AM »
I just got back from the hospital.  Thanks to all who have been thinking of me during this time.

I drove myself there and they rushed me right into a room because I was bawling like a baby.  I sat in a chair with my hospital gown on and just kept crying and crying, almost wailing.  I was screaming at my bf, did alot of screaming at God and just general stuff.  It felt good to get it out but it just kept going and going.  Several people tried to talk to me but I didn't even acknowledge them.  I did realize this chair they had me in was the only item in the room and that there was a camera on me so the reality of my situation was sinking in more and more.

After about an hour and a half of just emotional exhaustion, something came over me.  Almost instantly I just took a deep breath and let it out slow and put my chin onto my chest.  It was weird, I felt at ease, and it was so quiet inside my head that I remember checking myself to see if I was breathing or if God had entertained my request to die.  Maybe it was some of Eldons positive energy or someone else's, I do not know.  I just know at that moment I thought, "Maybe I can get through this." 

I talked to the psych alot after that and she wanted me to check myself in.  But she did say if I did that I could not check myself out at will.  The Dr. would decide if and when.  That scared me.  So she gave me the name of a free Psych I can go see and I will call tomorrow.

I still would prefer to be dead, but maybe this whole thing will be for the good.  Maybe.  He was treating me like shit for awhile and I did hate my job anyway.

I want to share one other thing.  Two people on here whom I have never ever talked to, one western unioned me 100 bucks and the other is sending me a 20.  That's incredible to me and just shows how awesome the people in here can be.  That money will go towards my rent of 540.00. 

Gosh I am tired.  I love all of you who stood with me today.

44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline Eldon

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #36 on: December 11, 2006, 02:57:27 AM »
Hey Biggums,

Earlier, I had logged off to tend to some other things I needed to get done. As I was typing, I felt the need to log back on this AM to see what was going on. You had updated your thread.

Truly, it was the right choice that you had made to drive yourself to the hospital. You were bawling like a baby because there was an accumulation of stress, anxiety, and a ton of distasteful emotions that you needed to get out of your system. In fact, crying is a way of cleansing your heavily weighed spirit of your soul. In the past, I too had experienced a similar breakdown. The good thing is that you got it all out.

That something that came over you that you had experienced was the accumulation of all of our positive thoughts and prayers for you with your situation. We are all connected in one way or the other. In fact, it was a divine intervention that had taken place. The Spirit within you had spoken to you to give you that strength that you needed to pull through this. Yes, you can get through this.

At the point of talking to the psych doctor on duty, it then had become your choice as to whether you were going to stay or not. It is an uncomfortable feeling as to not be in control as to when you could check yourself out from the hospital. In fact, it creates an additional inner anxiety that you do not need at this point.

Follow-up in the morning with the Psyche's number that was given to you and go to see them and sit down and talk to them. You will want to at this time to lay it all out with him/her so that him/her will know how to help you better in your situation.

Your blessings are coming to you in many different forms right now. I truly believe that there will be a way for you to make rent when it is due.

As we have said and shared, we are all here to help you as you go through this experience during your journey in this life.

My positive thoughts and my prayers to the heavens are sent to you and for you that you WILL get through this.

Take it one-day-at-a-time. Please DO keep us posted.

In Universal Love...

Eldon

Offline Cliff

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #37 on: December 11, 2006, 03:08:17 AM »
I'm glad you're in a slightly better space at the moment, and that you were able to go to the hospital to speak to someone.  In terms of your rent, have you given any more thought to some of the other suggestions for obtaining the necessary cash to pay your rent? 

I assume you have already paid December's rent since it's the 10th.  If so, then you probably have some time to come up with the remaining amount you need for January's rent.  Also, the job that let you go, did you have a retirement account with them?  If so, they will be liquidating your positions and sending you the balance of your account. 

Plus, don't forget to look into getting a small, $500, loan from your bank or withdrawing cash from a credit card.  And if push comes to shove, you can simply delay paying the rent.  They can't evict you quickly and depending on your relationship with them, you may want to explain the situation and ask for some additional time to pay the rent (without racking up late charges).

Offline Boo Radley

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #38 on: December 11, 2006, 03:47:28 AM »
Biggums,

I'm relieved and happy to know you're in a better frame of mind and hope the psych you schedule tomorrow can offer more help.   It doesn't surprise me anyone sent you money because most of the people here are truly caring and loving and giving.  You've probably needed a good cry for some time now and tonight was an affirmation of the cathartic power of tears and acknowledging emotional pain.  Anyone who is afraid to cry is afraid to be human, IMHO.

I don't want to sound negative but if you're like many of us some of the pain will return but you have a way of coping with it now.  You aren't on Easy street yet but with each passing hour and day you can deal with inner turmoil as it arises and continue to escape the despair that has engulfed you recently.  This bromide does not hold true in every case but for most of us "time heals all wounds," or at least it puts distance between the inescapable raw emotions and moving on with your life. 

It took some time to get over finding my (soon-to-be) ex's AZT in 1989 after he'd been on it for 6 months but today I can actually laugh at the dumb fuck, knowing him as well as I do.  People like my ex aren't worth crying over for too long and I'm much happier without him, especially since the cheap bastard never picked up a restaurant tab in his life (except on one or two occasions when I stuck a fork into his thigh when the bill was placed next to him... he got the message).

At 2:38AM I am tres overdue for bed-time but I hope you'll wake up later this day and feel as good as you can given the cards you were dealt.  While it's important for you to start working on short and long-term strategies you also need to know when to take a break to avoid being overwhelmed by everything.  You must think of what's ultimately best for you and maintain focus on YOURSELF for a while.   

At 2:44AM I wonder if what I've written makes any sense.

Keep up the good work!

Boo
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline Ann

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #39 on: December 11, 2006, 07:42:59 AM »
Hi Biggums,

I'm sorry you're going through all this right now. I'm glad you stayed in contact with this forum and I'm super glad you reached out to us from the darkness.

Regarding the job, it may be a blessing in disguise, considering you hated it. BUT... that doesn't change the fact that it doesn't sound like what they did was legal. In fact, to me it sounds like homophobia dressed up as "sexual harassment". If you've got nothing to lose there anyway, think about pursuing the matter - even if it means outing this "straight" co-worker. You are likely to be in line for compensation for ... can't think of the whole phrase... *something* dismissal. (damn brainfog!)

Hang in there Biggums. Keep reaching out.

Hugs,
Ann
xxx
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Offline Lisa

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #40 on: December 11, 2006, 08:23:18 AM »
I think Ann is trying to think of wrongful termination. And your case is pretty clear cut. If you are given an exit interview, I would make it clear that you intend to seek legal counsel. As long as your performanc4e has been up to snuff, they cannot summarily dismiss you without at least going through the motions of valid warnings, even if you are in an "at will" state. I'd go in guns blazing if I were you. Even if you didn't like the job, it has been a steady source for you, considering your benefits package. You can always look for work while going through the motions with the old job.

Isn't it amazing how our bodies/psyche leads us to a safe place to work through a soul jerking moment in time? I am glad that you made it to the hospital for the worst of the maelstrom.
I know you loved him,    .....but he has committed the ultimate act of evil. Put this behind you, and do what you must to take care of yourself now.

Let the dawning of this new day be the first day of your survival. I know several people from these very forums, who have literally risen from the ashes to better lives. I am confidant that you can too. You have far too much going for you, to give up on yourself. And besides, we will all be here to prop you up along the way.
My heart is with you, and I will keep you in my thoughts each day. (I'm also going to PM you.)

It can only get better from this point, love.

No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline Dachshund

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #41 on: December 11, 2006, 08:59:28 AM »
If you reside in a "right to work" state your chances for justice are slim. Right to work means you have the right to quit and your employer has the right to fire...no questions asked. Right to work laws are used as a cover for union busting. I hate to be a downer, but the cards will not be stacked in your favor when it comes to dealing with the company. Gay men are not counted as a legalized minority...you can forget pursuing that angle. If you believe you have a case, and in some jurisdictions you might, I would go on line and research local, state and federal laws. The EEOC might be a good place to start. Forewarned, it will not be easy...be sure to document everything, especially the names of every person you talk to.

That being said, Lisa makes the best point. There are too many to count the number of people who got up from death's door to claw and fight their way back. Shining examples to one and all of the unbelievable power of the human spirit.

Offline Biggums

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #42 on: December 11, 2006, 09:14:18 AM »
Good Morning,

Goals for today:

1.  Go see my ex's probation officer
2.  pick up my western union money
3.  call the president of my company and set up a meeting to talk to him
4.  work on my resume

I did not pay Dec rent yet so I am still 420 short.  Cliff, great ideas but I have no assets to liquidate and my credit sucks as to a loan.  I do not use charge cards either, I have none.  So I am hoping something else comes through somehow.

My eyes are so dry I can not type.  I will keep you up to date.  Thanks all.
44 year old gay man .......just broke up with the only man I've ever really loved.

You can love completely without complete understanding.

Offline Lisa

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #43 on: December 11, 2006, 09:40:55 AM »
Hi honey,
I hope you will add social services to your list of "to do" to see if you can access some emergency help. There are also charities that help in emergencies with rent, and utilities.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline pozgroup

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #44 on: December 11, 2006, 09:50:39 PM »
I agree with everyone Biggums. When you have a problem, you find a way to solve it. Suicide is never a solution. Yes, your immediate family may not play a hand in solving the problem, but look at the family you have on here. There are many who care about you and want to see you succeed and be happy. As for what your family said to you, I can only say shame on them. That's not love...that's hate. For those of us on here, a family member of our's need our help. Times like these test our strength and unity, and from what I experienced this summer in Montreal, there's nothing more unified than a group of poz folks and our allies. Maybe start a small fund or offering Biggums temporary housing? I'm willing to contribute to either, just say the word.


Yes. This is a special family for all the poz folks. It is full of acceptance, support and caring.
http://www.pozgroup.com--Living with STD, but not lonely!

Offline Longislander

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #45 on: December 11, 2006, 09:58:01 PM »
I"m glad you decided on the hospital last night.

What about contacting the Llambda people? Maybe they can refer you to a similarly qualified atty in your area.
If you can get a free consultation, what would it hurt to see if you're entitled to anything.

But first secure your housing and food. Then deal with that stuff. Don't wait too long.
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Eldon

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #46 on: December 11, 2006, 10:02:01 PM »
Hey Biggums,

You are right on track with your Goals List. If your Goals are clearly defined, then YOU CAN achieve them. You may want to have that talk with your Landlord as well under the circumstances.

There is MORE positive energy and thoughts headed your way as well as sincere prayers.

We are here for YOU!

"Don't Give Up, Don't Give In... cause it is all within you to WIN!"
« Last Edit: December 12, 2006, 12:46:24 AM by Eldon »

Offline seekay70

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #47 on: December 12, 2006, 12:25:47 AM »
I am from Kansas , at the missouri border (although living in Alabama now) and if my memory serves me correctly, (which it sometimes fails to do) the state of Missouri is NOT a "right to work" state, in other words they cannot fire you due to sexual preferance, the clothes you wear or the color of nail polish you have on your toes.   Now Alabama is that kind of state so I watch what i do here.  But good luck to you, you have a great support system here, use it to the fullest!

Sherry

Offline seekay70

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #48 on: December 12, 2006, 12:30:56 AM »
just did a web quick search and these are the following states that have right to work laws.....

The following 22 states are right-to-work states:

Alabama
Arizona - (established by state's Constitution, not by statute)
Arkansas - (established by state's Constitution, not by statute)
Florida - (established by state's Constitution, not by statute)
Georgia
Idaho
Iowa
Kansas
Louisiana
Mississippi
Nebraska
Nevada
North Carolina
North Dakota
Oklahoma - (established by state's Constitution, not by statute)
South Carolina
South Dakota
Tennessee
Texas
Utah
Virginia
Wyoming
The territory of Guam also has right-to-work laws.


So there you go Missouri is NOT a right to work state!

Woo Hoo

Offline Queen Tokelove

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Re: Need Advice Please
« Reply #49 on: December 12, 2006, 05:24:27 AM »
Biggums,

I have been keeping up with your posts and praying that things come together for you. I'm glad you did go to the hospital and talked with someone. I felt like my world was crumbling before and actually signed myself into the psyche ward for about a month a few years ago. It was the best thing that happened to me. It gave me time to get things in order and also taught me the lesson of not losing it over things I have no control over. We are all in your corner and it does not surprise me at all that people here actually sent you money to help you out, the same has been done for me..Great group of people here!  I still think you should take Boo up on his offer but that is your choice of course.....
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
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8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
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6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
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