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Author Topic: my story  (Read 3691 times)

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Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
my story
« on: December 07, 2006, 07:55:26 PM »
OK, so Iíll make it my turn. This will be boring stuff.

I was born in NJ, moved back to Long Island when I was 6, parents divorced and went back to momís area. Grew up relatively poor, not much child support from dad. Not much Dad , either. He was there, but never really there. Normal stuff, hated school, hated all the kids in school , except a few. Found my best friend to this day (though in different states for the past 20 years or so) when I was 16. Made getting through HS bearable. I was constantly picked on in my younger teen years by all the kids on the block. Learned to stay inside and play with myself. ;) We moved 13 times from the time I was born until 10th grade. This is why I enjoy stability in my life.

I took the proverbial Ďyear offí after high school. I worked in a privately owned menís clothing store. Bored to tears. I ended up in a technical school for a year course, and got a job in NYC. That lasted 5 months, I moved to California because my best friend lived there.  Stayed a month, spent my $, and flew home.

Started working the evening shift in a new job, met my first real GF, and took a few classes at local college during the day. I still hated school, so I withdrew. Couldnít understand why I had to take gym classes in college, when I had to be to work in a few hours!?

Virginity gone at 19. It lasted a year and a half.   So I went and took more classes next year. Made it through one of them, and the teacher told me she hoped I would continue in that line (accounting < boring , I know) but I had such a knack for it considering I may have gone to class once a week, if that. But I didnít, the California bug hit again, packed up the old mustang, and drove to California. Was quite a trip , considering my friend flew here to drive back with me, and she had to be to work in 3 days!

I got a decent job, made friends, dated my supervisor (married woman) and had a lot of fun, for probably the first time in my life. But the gay bug hit. I was hoping to finally be gay in California, but it never happened. After 11 months, I decided I needed to be back home, so I drove home.

Went back to work where I was before, dated some other girl, and then moved over to the beginnings of the job I have now, and have been at for almost 19 yrs.

1988, at age 24 was the year I decided to do something about being gay. I trolled a few parking lots Iíd heard of. After a few trips I started dating a guy. Moved out and got my 1st apartment. Changed my life completely. Though not out, I was having a good time meeting other gay men. Yep , this was the life for me. Sept 1990, I met my first real BF, lasted 7 years. I left him because the time was up for him to leave his sister. A big, overweight, pain in the ass, bitch of a woman with no friends. They owned a house together, and I just couldnít live with her. We shopped for houses to buy together that were big enough so she could have her own space, but she didnít care for any of them. I decided to buy my own house, and after that he made motions to get ready to possibly leave her, but he never did anything real about it. I felt I deserved more, so eventually I broke up with him. It was really hard to do, because I loved him so much. He was an amazingly wonderful, tall , gorgeous hunk of a man, with a heart made of gold. He was older than I was, and he taught me so much. We had great times together, nice vacations, the works. That was June, Ď97. He got cancer in Augí97, and died 7 months later. :(

 I spent the next year or so going out and dating. I ended up with a guy who already had a BF at home. Stupid thing to do, but it just happened. It did help me keep my mind off worrying about men so I could have a good time when I went out. I joined the gay bowling league, and had been in it for many years, up unto 2 years ago. I made friends in the beginning of bowling that I still have today. Small group of couples, and we all know what that means for single gay guys~

Oct, 1998, in walks a handsome , tall man with glasses. Holy shit! I was on my way out, but I decided to stay for another beer. I left the bar 4 hours later. Here is the next BF, we were together for 5 years. Was he as sweet, and wonderful as the 1st one?  No , not really, but loved him with all my heart. He was/still is a great guy. We got along quite well. Only issue with this one is that he wasnít out to his family. So no living together. The years rolled by, and he still wasnít ready to tell them, and it took it's toll on me. I met them, they met me, they knew, I told him so many times, but he just couldnít do it. So again, I felt I deserved more, and I broke up with him Sept, 2003. Started going out again, got online. Met plenty of men, but none for me. Except one, but he was way too cute, way too young, and our worlds didnít click.

I decided after the summer of Fire Island, 2005, that I was done with men, done with going out, for awhile. I had an awesome chat with an out of drag drag queen. She had started a conversation with me on line waiting for the ferry, and mistook me for a different ďtypeĒ of person. She had her views of gay life as sheís around it so much. Once I confirmed I wasnít that type of guy, she proceeded to read me, and tell me what my single life was like. She hit the nail so hard on the head, that she got me thinking. And I was tired of guys just wanting me to fuck them. So I was going to take a break from it. Mid-October, a guy I know from a store around my house ( a 25 year old kid, actually) came knocking on my door one night. And here I am, in Aidsmeds..

Iím on my second home, (5 years now) have a rental apt in it, and I spend most of my spare time remodeling it. (except now I really spend most of my spare time reding AM!)12 years to go Ďtil retirement. I dated once since Pos, didnít work out. Some other guy wants to date me that I know from before, but I donít want to date him.

My favorite vacations are tropical islands, and/or gay cities. I loved New Orleans, and SoBe. There is so little gayness in my everyday life, I like to see it every now and again.

Iím just a nice, regular, boring person, the rest of the story you all know from my posts.

Paul

Pic will go away tomorrow night, just wanted you all to know who I am. (not entirely comfortable yet)



« Last Edit: December 08, 2006, 08:25:11 PM by Longislander »
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline allopathicholistic

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,258
Re: my story
« Reply #1 on: December 07, 2006, 08:03:47 PM »
Paul - Thank you, you hunk! Closets are for clothes!!  :D

 :-*

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: my story
« Reply #2 on: December 07, 2006, 08:08:30 PM »


    Glad to catch this in time to put a face behind the kind heart displayed here at AIDSMEDS...

    It didn't seem boring to me by the way.. :)


   Thomas
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Javicho

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
Re: my story
« Reply #3 on: December 07, 2006, 08:19:39 PM »
Paul, what an interest history, you really when to a lot, but I'm proud of you. looks like you really know what do you want from life and people. I love you more know :-*

Please leave your picture you are so HOT ;)

Offline aupointillimite

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,229
  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: my story
« Reply #4 on: December 07, 2006, 08:32:42 PM »
Anything but boring, I'd say. 

Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

Offline chadnla

  • Member
  • Posts: 84
  • Relaxed in SoCal
Re: my story
« Reply #5 on: December 07, 2006, 08:46:18 PM »
good to know ya better. going back to just the eye again soon, eh?
"I do not believe in a fate that will fall on us no matter what we do. I do believe in a fate that will fall on us if we do nothing."

Offline ChrisNCoronado

  • Member
  • Posts: 77
Re: my story
« Reply #6 on: December 07, 2006, 09:05:14 PM »
Paul -

Nice read.  "Boring" never crossed my mind. 

You mentioned that you like to travel; if you ever find yourself in the desert Southwest, I'd love to show you around the very gay-friendly town that is Scottsdale. 

-Chris
(who, thanks to Paul's bio, is thinking back to one fabulous summer he spent on Fire Island). 

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: my story
« Reply #7 on: December 07, 2006, 09:30:47 PM »
Alex,  ;), and closets are for some Gay HIV pos. men!!
Thomas-I'm glad YOU ARE HERE to catch it to!
Javier- you're a sweetheart, I am learning as I go, and the picture has to go, for now
Chris, definitely, thanks for the offer. I drove through Arizona on the way to Cal. middle of the night on one hell of a snow-filled mountain-scary stuff!

As far as you guys who didn't find it boring- perhaps my future therapist will help me see why I definitely find it boring! :D

And I'm not so sure I'll be able to sleep tonite knowing the pic is here :-\
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: my story
« Reply #8 on: December 07, 2006, 09:58:53 PM »
WOW! Thank you.  Its always nice to know who we are!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline DanielMark

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,475
Re: my story
« Reply #9 on: December 08, 2006, 05:40:21 AM »
And I'm not so sure I'll be able to sleep tonite knowing the pic is here.

Ah, so that's why you posted this in the Off Topic section.  8) (You had me wondering.)

Thanks for sharing your story, Longislander.

Daniel
MEDS: REYATAZ & KIVEXA (SINCE AUG 2008)

MAY 2000 LAB RESULTS: CD4 678
VL STILL UNDETECTABLE

DIAGNOSED IN 1988

Offline GSOgymrat

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,037
  • HIV+ since 1993. INTJ
Re: my story
« Reply #10 on: December 08, 2006, 06:06:20 AM »
Hey Paul,

Thanks for sharing your story and your pic. Nothing boring about it.

Ford

Offline MSPspud

  • Member
  • Posts: 613
  • Joined Mar 2005 - Formerly UofMurbs
Re: my story
« Reply #11 on: December 08, 2006, 11:24:14 AM »
Hi Paul -  I found your story interesting.  There's still plenty more to go.  Thank you for opening up and sharing!

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: my story
« Reply #12 on: December 08, 2006, 11:36:12 AM »
Thank you so much for posting that.  And thanks for posting a Pic of your sweet self.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: my story
« Reply #13 on: December 09, 2006, 12:23:14 AM »
For those who've responded to my 'life in a nutshell', I really appreciate you doing so.

*******************************(utterly ridiculous, unecessary ranting deleted)**********



DISCLAIMER: I'm in a lousy mood tonite
« Last Edit: December 11, 2006, 12:01:25 AM by Longislander »
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: my story
« Reply #14 on: December 09, 2006, 01:46:44 AM »
Hey Paul...

You have had a series of different experiences as you walk on your journey in this life. Amazing story that was shared with us. I'm with Alex on this one...Closets are for Clothes!



Happy Holidays!

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: my story
« Reply #15 on: December 09, 2006, 02:08:12 AM »
Yes Eldon , I have.  For the most part, I've always thought of my life as unremarkable. But tonite I realize that some things have had a marked affect on my psyche, and remain unresolved. I understand all I've been through, the life I've led. So much, little stuff that isn't so little to me, has been left out to save readers agony-lol.  I have rationalized mostly all of it as it has happened and dealt as best I could. I thought all along I was winning that one. I'm afraid all that will be left is a shell of a man if I don't get help with it.
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,399
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: my story
« Reply #16 on: December 09, 2006, 02:39:22 AM »
Hey Paul,

Great story. Funny thing is, I always thought you were years younger than I am. I guess it was the eye!  ;)

By the way, I am still on a bowling league. Not gay though. But the straight boys do like to get physical.  8)

HUGS,

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: my story
« Reply #17 on: December 09, 2006, 03:06:03 AM »
Hi Mark,

I can only guess it's because you've lived 10x the life I have! lol ( yeah, I read your bio!)

I don't think I could take being around all those str8 men that much! I'd end up arrested for sexual assault!
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: my story
« Reply #18 on: December 09, 2006, 10:20:56 AM »
Paul,

Sorry, sweetie, I thought I had overlooked it but when I read it, I realized that I had already read it. Why I didn't comment, I really can't say. It seems like you had an interesting life. I would say more but I'm in a fog right now. Please forgive me...
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: my story
« Reply #19 on: December 09, 2006, 12:48:21 PM »


   Queen don't fret I double reply to PM's sometimes because I forgot I replied to them before.
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: my story
« Reply #20 on: December 09, 2006, 04:10:04 PM »
Yes, Michelle, don't fret over it. It was my own insecurities, no one is required to comment!

Thomas, I don't double reply, I think I just don't because I think I already did (PM's)! Have to start checking off that 'save in my outbox' more often!
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Catman

  • Member
  • Posts: 419
  • Blessed with more than 9 lives! + since 1986
    • Who is the Catman?
Re: my story
« Reply #21 on: December 09, 2006, 04:21:58 PM »
Hey, man. I've been so busy at work that I've barely had time to check out other posts besides those "two" hot topics that we already know of.
  Anyways, I'm very glad to know you more and to be able to get into your words to try to feel the way you are feeling at this moment. As aztecan said, I also thought you were younger than myself and I'm 43. Something in the way you express yourself gives me the impression of a vibrant young man appear in my mind. I do think you are that man way deep inside. Stability is a thing very hard to find in the gay world. It is great to have but if you are "too" stable some people consider that boring. I really don't go out to any gay related club except maybe once or twice a year, usually Halloween or Christmas. I'm happy just at home or going to the movies or dinner somewhere. I have been to restaurants by myself because I enjoy my own company when nobody else wants to go. If you were my neighbor I bet we'd be talking a lot on our free time. Probably on a porch with a hammock just enjoying our company and drinking lemonade or whatever you like to drink. What do you like to drink?
   In regards to your ups and downs in life and love, well nothing is perfect so we must find how to "stabilize" ourselves and not find that stability in someone else. Whoever wants to share your true person will be there and not for sex only. These persons appear when we least expect them too. I wouldn't mind being with you or many of the persons on this forum one afternoon just watching the waves hit the shore and smelling the sea mist. Talking about life or talking about each others personalities. One thing is for sure, the sincerity I perceived in your "intro" really made me feel you as a nice person who has a big heart for love and commitment. These are the two main things I always seek in my partners. Goods looks are great and so is a hot body, but stability is the main trait in a person for me to take that relationship seriously. Everything else is bogus. My relationship with my partner is not perfect, but our commitment to each other has kept us together for 13 years already. As long as that is alive, no young guy with an amazing body will make me leave my partner. You have good traits and if I was near you I'd probably "approach" you and tell you so...meow. :-*

Darn it! I missed your foto.
« Last Edit: December 09, 2006, 04:23:31 PM by Catman »
Catman

Meow to the birds
Meow to the tree's
Meow to the end
of this dreadful disease...

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: my story
« Reply #22 on: December 09, 2006, 04:49:08 PM »
Catman, thanks for that reply. I don't get the part about you guys thinking I was younger, I feel every bit of 42 3/4's!

I would love to live in a neighborhood with nice gay neighbors, close enough to walk on over and hang out. Sit a spell with some soda, water, beer, a cosmo, (or some other sweet alcohol drink)-lol. ;)

So true, I worked so hard at being stable, that I bacame boring , right along with it!

One of my favorite memories was walking the beach in East Hampton early morning on NY's Day with my 1st lover and alot of our friends (we all stayed the night out there at a friends house). It was chilly as hell, the sun was out, the water was beautiful. Thanks for prompting the memory.

I'm glad you have your man in your life, and I wish we were neighbors!

Paul
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline Christine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,069
Re: my story
« Reply #23 on: December 11, 2006, 04:15:41 PM »
Hi Paul,

Stability is not boring at all. It was actually one of the most important things I talked about with my husband before we were married. Parts of my childhood were so chaotic, that all I wanted was a quiet, stable life.

A wonderful night for me is cuddling on the couch with my husband and my doggies.

Thanks for sharing your journey.
Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: my story
« Reply #24 on: December 11, 2006, 05:33:28 PM »
thanks Christine,

would you mind sending over your husband and doggies for a few nites ???
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

 


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