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Author Topic: just need some courage  (Read 19490 times)

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Offline im scared

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just need some courage
« on: June 10, 2006, 02:29:38 AM »
im goin to try and make this short and simple...
i was once on these threads 1 yr ago and should have learned from my mistakes in the past..
Thank god i tested negative 1 yr ago from my last scare which i should have learned from.. I used to be Im so Afriad on here but this new board seems to not let me log in with that name since i haven't been here in about 1 yr...
I do know alot about hiv so i am not even goin to ask anyone to say if my symptoms are hiv related or not... But just want to get this off my chest

will i missed up again i was with 4 different girls this new year and 2 of them i did use a condom and the condom did not brake because i checked them with water after i used them so i know they didnt brake but they broke on one of the two girls....
But two of the other four girls i didnt use a condom being a dumb ass because i was in a relationship with these different girls and used a condom at first but eventually i didnt... So now yes i know i got to take the test again which i hate because this time im sure i will be positive because i feel i should have known better from the first time i had this scare but i didn't learn...... i do have symptoms of couse... like i got tonselitits and got a few colds this year so i think that is hiv related cause who gets sick so often, and i got these bumps on my arms that maybe Molluscum Contagiosum but im not 2 sure im just waitin my 13 wks so i can go get this test and then face the facts[/b][/b]

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #1 on: June 10, 2006, 02:42:31 AM »
if you have been here before, you will know the drill won't you?

get tested after 12 weeks after your last possible exposure.

There is nothing else that can be said.

Please re-read the lessons on transmission and testing.. .they have been updated since your last visit.

a complete std panel is in order as well...

of course, being here before, you already knew all this.


Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #2 on: June 10, 2006, 02:47:47 AM »
yea i know i knew but u know what i still did it and now im sure ill have hiv... because how many chances do u get.... i tried 2 use condoms but eventually i missed up  >:(

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #3 on: June 10, 2006, 02:51:56 AM »
i'm sorry if I can't feel any sympathy for you here.

You messed up.. you need to test.

test after 13 weeks.

i can dispense with the drama please.. you are talking to somebody who is actually hiv positive.

female to male transmission is rare... possible and documented, but rare.

again, i'm not telling you anything i don't think you've been told before.

What are you looking for here?

Obviously you don't have questions on testing and you understand the process.

That's all we can provide.


Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #4 on: June 10, 2006, 02:54:35 AM »
yea i understand its just hard u know the first time it was hard and this time is hard it sucks especially when i have symtoms

Offline DingoBoi

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #5 on: June 10, 2006, 03:02:56 AM »
well, being here before, you know we won't give any credence whatsoever to symptoms.

The only thing we can tell you is to test after 12 weeks.

Till then, remain busy, go on with your life.

You will not get counseling or comfort here.  We are not in that business.

We do risk assessment and you 'know the drill'.

Further comments really are not necessary till you report your status back after your test.


Offline alterman

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #6 on: June 10, 2006, 05:34:53 AM »
Its a good thing tobe afraid of HIV but in your case you need to be afraid of your ignorance,because that will be the cause of you getting HIV.

Offline Ann

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #7 on: June 10, 2006, 08:15:14 AM »
Quote
im sure ill have hiv... because how many chances do u get....

Scared,

It doesn't work quite like that. It sounds as though you think hiv is some sort of punishment - it's not.

Hiv is a fragile, difficult to transmit virus and more so from a woman to a man. The odds are in your favour of testing negative.

You need to keep using condoms in a relationship until you have tested negative together. If you don't feel comfortable discussing testing, then you'll just have to keep using the condoms. It's that simple.

About not being able to sign in under your old name, that is because this forum operates totally different software and we all had to re-register after the move.

Please read through the Welcome Thread for an updated transmission lesson as well as our forum posting guidelines.

Good luck with your test and remember - always use condoms until you've tested together in a securely monogamous relationship.

Ann
Condoms are a girl's best friend

Condom and Lube Info  



"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

Nymphomaniac: a woman as obsessed with sex as an average man. Mignon McLaughlin

HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #8 on: June 10, 2006, 09:09:20 AM »
Just a few additional thoughts. HIV is not an easy virus to transmit and in the situation in which the condom broke you were protected until that happened. Which leaves the major cause for concern being the unprotected incidents and as you know you do have to get tested at 13 weeks.

Your symptoms mean zilch in terms of HIV. Neither the presence nor the absence of symptoms will ever tell you anything accurately about your HIV status. Only an HIV test at the proper time can give you that answer. If you have troublesome symptoms you should discuss them with your doctor.

Intead of wringing your hands and feeling sorry for yourself you need to learn from your experience. Condoms aren't something you use when it's convenient. You need to use one everytime you have intercourse. It doesn't matter what you think you know about your partner's history or how great she looks or that you're so hot you don't have time to get a condom. Use one everytime. No exceptions. Period.

Now stop with all of this drama, stay productively busy and get on with your life. I expect you will likely come out of this ok but you do need to learn from this so that you stop putting your life at risk. No kidding.

Cheers,   
Andy Velez

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #9 on: June 10, 2006, 04:38:03 PM »
thanks 4 the advice... i hope i do come out of this again negative. but these 13 weeks are goin to be hard.. but i have been through this scare before and last time i was agaisnt the wall as bad as i am now and because of last times experience which i should have learned from i am a bit stronger than before... but this time it may be over 4 me  >:(

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #10 on: June 10, 2006, 04:51:14 PM »
Get off of the pity pot right now, no kidding. Hopefully you will have learned enough from this current experience and don't have to go through it yet again. Remember, those who do not learn from the past are condemned to live it again.

Now get busy and get on with your life.

Period.
Andy Velez

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #11 on: June 10, 2006, 05:06:12 PM »
yea i know i just wanted to get this off my chest.. it will be 13 wks since the last time i had sex in the middle of august so i got about 2 months of time 2 think about this and how to gain my courage once again 2 step into the clinic doors and go through this again man it sucks though... i actually have been on these forums just reading other peoples posts for a while in the yr that i havent posted but i finally decided 2 put my post up once again not because i remembered before what helped me get through this tough time...

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #12 on: June 13, 2006, 09:00:32 PM »
dam now i know i have hiv... it feels 2 me like im getting a fever again and it's 99.2 right now i was sleepin and woke up and its 99.2 dam it... i was just sick about a month ago with a cold now this again... who gets sick so often thats not normal and i got bitten by something im thinkin a misqueto but im not sure and were the bite is it got swollen and it hurts to even move my arm were i got bite and now i think im gettin a fever... its all over...... i know it ???

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #13 on: June 13, 2006, 09:10:42 PM »
dam now i know i have hiv... it feels 2 me like im getting a fever again and it's 99.2 right now i was sleepin and woke up and its 99.2 dam it... i was just sick about a month ago with a cold now this again... who gets sick so often thats not normal and i got bitten by something im thinkin a misqueto but im not sure and were the bite is it got swollen and it hurts to even move my arm were i got bite and now i think im gettin a fever... its all over...... i know it ???

You know nothing of the sort. Having been a participant here for 12 months or more, you would know that only an antibody test at 12-13 weeks from the date of the encounter can confirm your HIV status. Positive or otherwise. Symptoms mean nothing when it comes to diagnosing HIV.

Re-read the other responses in this thread and the lessons section on HIV transmission and testing. You'll find the link in the upper left hand corner of the page.

Regards,

MtD

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #14 on: June 13, 2006, 11:34:04 PM »
<< dam now i know i have hiv... it feels 2 me like im getting a fever again and it's 99.2 right now i was sleepin and woke up and its 99.2 dam it.>>

Please. Most people with HIV ARS symptoms would gladly accept a 99.2 fever. Mine was 104, and that was as high as the thermometer went.

If you "know" you have HIV, then go to a doctor and start antivirals. Then we can talk some serious symptomology.

Otherwise, take responsibility fo your choice to engage in unprotected vaginal sex. Get a full STD panel at 13 weeks past your last unprotected incident, and then simply use a condom until you and your parter both test reliably negative.

Seriously, this whole cycle has to stop, and making this forum a part of it simply isn't fair to any of us. It insults those who try to educate, and it stigmatizes those who are infected.

Step up. Be that man you know you are. Get tested at the appropriate time, and take responsibility. It's YOUR body, and YOUR health.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #15 on: June 14, 2006, 01:27:17 AM »
will i went 2 the doc 4 the swelling of my arm and they told me i have cellulitis and i went online 2 look it up and it says people wit hiv get this often. so now im sure i have hiv cus i never had this problem and the doc gave me antibioctics 2 try and cure it cus it can be fatal if left untreated... now im sure im screwed >:( >:(

Offline casimir

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #16 on: June 14, 2006, 01:34:45 AM »
Hey man, Just relax, your not alone in all of this.  There are alot of people out here with the same anxiety you have.  Like me.  From what I have been reading alot of different sicknesses can be attributed to HIV.  If you type the right words in your google or yahoo search every disease or illness in the world can be contributed to HIV Infection.  Every time I type in something HIV comes up and it's very scary.  These people know what they are talking about and they have good advice.  Just get tested and try to be more safe.  That is what I am going to do.  I will be praying for you and hope all goes well.

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #17 on: June 14, 2006, 01:40:35 AM »
thanks bro just pray 4 me im sure i got this though

Offline AlexQ

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #18 on: June 14, 2006, 02:16:38 AM »
you really need counseling...and not just for your hiv anxiety...you are a wreck.  i don't pity you...just think you are quite idiotic and childish for the way you are behaving.   

do whatever you want...test or don't...live in fear of hiv for pepetuity...just stop being a drama queen...did you learn nothing the first time?...by the way you don't know shit...the odds are that you aren't even infected. 

pathetic.

this post really riles me up...



 

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #19 on: June 14, 2006, 02:37:31 AM »
Scared,

You really need to take note of what JK has told you, in particular:

Quote
Otherwise, take responsibility fo your choice to engage in unprotected vaginal sex. Get a full STD panel at 13 weeks past your last unprotected incident, and then simply use a condom until you and your parter both test reliably negative.

Seriously, this whole cycle has to stop, and making this forum a part of it simply isn't fair to any of us. It insults those who try to educate, and it stigmatizes those who are infected.

Step up. Be that man you know you are. Get tested at the appropriate time, and take responsibility. It's YOUR body, and YOUR health.

Fretting and stressing and wringing your hands isn't going to solve your problems. Getting tested will. Cellulitis can be a serious condition, but when properly treated it's not a problem, so there's no need to get hysterical about this. Celluiltis has nothing to do with HIV. Seriously, if you're having trouble coping emotionally at the moment you may want to discuss that too with your doctor or counsellor. Sitting on the internet and obsessing will only make things worse.

Casimir,

It's nice that you want to help out but it would be best if you stayed in your own thread and left us to worry about other peoples issues.

MtD

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #20 on: June 14, 2006, 08:15:01 AM »
will im goin to test sooner now because i think cellitius is caused by my weaken immune system cus i never had this before and thats 4 real...

Offline RapidRod

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #21 on: June 14, 2006, 08:20:51 AM »
Cellulitis is a skin infection caused by bacteria, not a virus.

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #22 on: June 14, 2006, 08:27:37 AM »
yea i know but it occurs in people with weaken immune systems

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #23 on: June 14, 2006, 08:28:34 AM »
If that makes you test, then I am glad for it. However, your "thinking"  that "cellitius" (I believe you meant "Cellulitis") is a bacterial infection. It is is NO WAY HIV specific.

http://www.webmd.com/hw/infection/tr5108.asp

As will ALL infections, from toothaches to sinus infections, having ANY SORT of impaired immune system (like, for instance, stress-related) can make one more susceptible. But it is NOT an indicator of HIV.

What boggles my mind is that you will selectively scour the net for information in the desperate attempt to link YOUR situation to HIV - but you won't even read THIS SITE and learn about what HIV is and isn't. what it does and does not do.

You don't need courage to test, if I might paraphrase Andy Velez. You can go in there shivering and peeing yourself. Just GO THERE. This forum is useless to you if you do not help yourself. As a matter of fact, it will make you sick.

You are an adult. Go do the grownup thing.

I will be happy to respond to any questions you have regarding your test results. Until then, I respectfully disengage from the conversation.

"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline RapidRod

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #24 on: June 14, 2006, 08:31:09 AM »
Yes and it also occurs with a lot of other things that aren't related to HIV.

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #25 on: June 14, 2006, 08:32:45 AM »
will ill find out one way or the other... im just more scared because i never had this b4

Offline RapidRod

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #26 on: June 14, 2006, 08:37:19 AM »
If you have it in your head that you have cellitius then you should be tested for it and treated. You won't find out by an HIV test.

Offline Andy Velez

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #27 on: June 14, 2006, 08:37:29 AM »
Alex, you are definitely entitled to your opinion(s). But that kind of nasty reply is really not any better than the one you're putting down. So if you can't come up with something more constructive as a response then please, just don't bother.

No kidding.

 
Andy Velez

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #28 on: June 14, 2006, 08:43:32 AM »
no i dont have it in my head i went to the doc and was diagnosed with it..

Offline RapidRod

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #29 on: June 14, 2006, 09:03:36 AM »
Then all you have to do is wait on your test results when you have them done.

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #30 on: June 14, 2006, 09:10:59 AM »
yea im just tryin to cope with wat im sure will be a positive result for hiv... its goin 2 be hard especially because my family is poor >:(

Offline Morgan

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #31 on: June 14, 2006, 10:29:57 AM »
I wish I had a nickel for every person who has come through this forum absolutely certain they were infected, and ultimately test negative.  You  are not the first to make that assumption. 

Give some credence to the expert advice you've been given and go get tested.  Just because something is going on with your body does not mean it has to be hiv related. 

Morgan
Morgan Landers

Offline david25luvit

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #32 on: June 14, 2006, 11:49:47 AM »
Sweetheart...If you continued to practice unsafe sex, what do you expect will happen?
If you're going to play the field...repeat after me," No Glove...No Love"
In Memory of
Raymond David McRae III
Nov. 25, 1972- Oct. 15, 2004
I miss him terribly..........

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #33 on: June 14, 2006, 12:39:03 PM »
will yea i know and im goin to get tested today im sure im goin call and make a apointment.. this thing is freakin me out especially because i never had cellitius before and it sure dont look like its getting better right now even after the antibiotic shot and antibiotics pills i have taken it hasnt even been a full 24 hrs yet but still

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #34 on: June 14, 2006, 09:01:31 PM »
will i made the appointment and they didnt have any openings til tues. the 20th so i got 2 wait til then.. man thats a long time 2 wait... and this cellitius is a bit better but still pinkish red and i dont want 2 be hospolized by this because the doc told me if the antibiotics dont show any improment i will have 2 check in to one. And then when im their i guess thats were i will find out if its hiv related or not... what a way to find out.... i dont have the confidence right now 2 go through wit that

Offline jkinatl2

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #35 on: June 14, 2006, 09:12:00 PM »
It's not about confidence. It's about finding out whats going on with your body and treating it.

What if you have something... not HIV ... but something serious? How stupid would it be for you to die from a minor infection because you lacked "confidence?"

Seriously. Bag that ego and get the help you need. Please.

And I suspect you won't find your answers here.
"Many people, especially in the gay community, turn to oral sex as a safer alternative in the age of AIDS. And with HIV rates rising, people need to remember that oral sex is safer sex. It's a reasonable alternative."

-Kimberly Page-Shafer, PhD, MPH

Welcome Thread

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #36 on: June 14, 2006, 09:15:29 PM »
thanks 4 ur replys i guess thats wat i got 2 do then but it really is something i havent been through b4

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #37 on: June 14, 2006, 10:00:03 PM »
i have 1 question is cellitius considered a OI??

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #38 on: June 14, 2006, 10:01:05 PM »
i have 1 question is cellitius considered a OI??

No.

MtD

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #39 on: June 15, 2006, 03:29:47 PM »
do anyone know if cellitius bacteria antibodys will interfer with the hiv test and make it come out positive??

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #40 on: June 15, 2006, 05:39:59 PM »
No, it will not affect the outcome of an HIV antibody test.

MtD

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #41 on: June 15, 2006, 08:16:11 PM »
now they have put me on bactrim ds and im still taking clindamycin to kill this thing man i must have a weak immue system.....

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #42 on: June 15, 2006, 09:12:03 PM »
man so hiv is almost a real posiblity 4 me more so than b4 >:(

Offline RapidRod

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #43 on: June 15, 2006, 09:20:18 PM »
Just because you were given Bactrim ds, that does not mean you have a weak immune system.

Offline Matty the Damned

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #44 on: June 15, 2006, 11:02:58 PM »
man so hiv is almost a real posiblity 4 me more so than b4 >:(

Bactrim is an antibiotic used to treat a range of infections. Just because you're taking Bactrim doesn't in anyway mean you have HIV. I suggest you re-read the Welcome Thread before you keep posting the same questions over and over or question the reliable advice you've been given thus far.

MtD

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #45 on: June 15, 2006, 11:10:02 PM »
yea i understand but wat i meant was i have proof now that my immune system is weaken because i am now currently taking two different antibiotics 2 treat this infection and i think if i had a strong normal immune system it probley would have took one if at even that infact i should have not even gotten celitius if i had a good immune system!

Im not tryin to make anyone angry i know i can be hard to convence but i know alot about hiv trust me.. the first time around i read this entire lesson thing even the part with information on having hiv and ive read alot of posts in the living with section and i have also been to many websites and read about it all.... so yea i know wats up im just a nervous wreak.... im making my ma go nuts as well tryin to clam me down..... please forgive me if im bothering u all

Offline RapidRod

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #46 on: June 16, 2006, 04:43:22 AM »
No, you're incorrect. You were given one antibiotic for one thing and now you were given another antibiotic for a different issue. There is not a catch all antibiotic.

Offline Ann

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #47 on: June 16, 2006, 06:56:11 AM »
yea i understand but wat i meant was i have proof now that my immune system is weaken because i am now currently taking two different antibiotics 2 treat this infection and i think if i had a strong normal immune system it probley would have took one if at even that infact i should have not even gotten celitius if i had a good immune system!

scared,

The only thing you have proof of is that you are adding two and two and getting five.

Infections happen even to people with perfectly normal immune systems. If they didn't, it wouldn't be so difficult to get a timely appointment at the doctor's.

It is increasingly common for more than one antibiotic to have to be prescribed to treat common, ordinary infections. This is because many people with infections do not take the whole course of antibiotics - they stop as soon as they start feeling better. This is a big mistake because it is leading to infection causing bugs to become resistant to being easily treated.

You can insist that you are infected all you like, but only the antibody test will tell the truth of the matter. I'm willing to bet that you are hiv negative. Hiv is a very fragile, difficult to transmit virus and you seem to be forgetting that fact.

Keep taking your antibiotics exactly as prescribed, and take every last one of them, even if you think you're better, and you will be just fine.

And do try to calm down. You aren't doing your body any favours by stressing out so much.

Ann
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"...health will finally be seen not as a blessing to be wished for, but as a human right to be fought for." Kofi Annan

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HIV is certainly character-building. It's made me see all of the shallow things we cling to, like ego and vanity. Of course, I'd rather have a few more T-cells and a little less character. Randy Shilts

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #48 on: June 16, 2006, 01:31:18 PM »
thanks ann u are really a good person, i have read alot of ur posts and u seem 2 give good advice.. i know hiv is difficult 2 transmit but it sure can happen look at how many people have it, the cdc has the statistics on it and they r high... it just a scary condition to have and im impressed that you could have it but have the will 2 survive. everyone makes mistakes but i know i must learn from this... im sure i will because it sure got me goin its like a flashback of the first time i was scared of this ???

Offline im scared

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Re: just need some courage
« Reply #49 on: June 16, 2006, 06:44:13 PM »
so if i do test postive man i mght not even be able to drive home after that.. im just running it through my mind... how will i tell my ma or dad?? how could i concentrate @ work??? How can i enjoy anything again without thinking about hiv and what im goin to have to go through with it??? dam im so stupid for puttin myself back in this situation.... if only i could get one more chance.... only god can save me now.... im just tryin 2 gain that strenght to hear the most likey outcome of this.... preparing myself venting ??? ??? ??? ??? ???

 


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