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Author Topic: Just as I am.  (Read 3074 times)

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Offline Lisa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,240
  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Just as I am.
« on: December 05, 2006, 11:02:33 AM »
I seem to be in the midst of a mental breakdown of sorts. There are too many things to articulate, and I am not of a mind to be an accurate accountant of all the things sieging through my thoughts these days.

I only know that I need you all now, and I will try to be forthcoming of all the things troubling my heart.
It seems I have allowed too many things to tear at my heart at one time, and I just want to tell you all that I need you, and I will try to explain it all soon.

I have not ever been this honest with the forum as a whole, but I am in serious need of uplifting right now.

My heart is so terribly sorrowed at this moment in time.
I don't know what else to say, but I have not been at this place in a very, very long time.
I am so very grateful to have all of you to come to right now. I am speechless, and deeply troubled.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2006, 11:04:19 AM by Lisa »
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline aztecan

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,398
  • 29 years positive, 57 years a pain in the butt
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #1 on: December 05, 2006, 11:06:41 AM »
Lisa,

I don't know all of what you have been going through, but do understand some of it.

Just know that my heart and thoughts are with you and I am doing my utmost to send positive energy your way.

(((((((BIG HUG)))))))

Mark
"May your life preach more loudly than your lips."
~ William Ellery Channing (Unitarian Minister)

Offline MSPspud

  • Member
  • Posts: 613
  • Joined Mar 2005 - Formerly UofMurbs
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #2 on: December 05, 2006, 11:08:14 AM »
Lisa -  You have been missed.  I am sorry to hear of your troubles and I hope we can provide the support you need to feel better.  Openness is a positive step.

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #3 on: December 05, 2006, 11:09:09 AM »
I am here for whatever you need!!!

Lunch in KC has its benefits if you are nearby!
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline bear60

  • Member
  • Posts: 4,104
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #4 on: December 05, 2006, 11:10:53 AM »
Hi Lisa
I know that everyone here is pulling for you.  I know you will get through this rough spot.  Talking about it helps.
Poz Bear Type in Philadelphia

Offline Boo Radley

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,252
  • Not a "real man" and damn proud, mithter... FAB
    • Animal Rescue New Orleans
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #5 on: December 05, 2006, 11:25:05 AM »
Lisa,

Please let us help in any way we can.  I've missed you and your little weasel.

Boo,
who used to be rfcnola (Rob)
String up every aristocrat!
Out with the priests and let them live on their fat!





Everything I do, say, think, excrete, secrete, exude, ooze, or write 2007 Sweet Old Boo, Inc.

Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #6 on: December 05, 2006, 11:31:34 AM »
lisa.

Our love is yours to share.  You've been in my thoughts and my heart breaks reading this.  I will do whatever I can to make you feel better.

robert
..........

Offline RAB

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,895
  • Joined March 2003
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #7 on: December 05, 2006, 12:50:23 PM »
Lisa,

You know how much you are cared for by so many here. 

These past few days have to be taking an enormous toll on you, now that the shock has begun to wear off,  the pain must seem unbearable. 

Let us help in anyway we can.  Even if it's just a sympathetic ear, a shoulder to cry on, or some suggestions about how to cope and understand, the love with which those hands that are reaching out to you are filled, is genuine and honest.

You're not alone.  We're all right here. 

RAB

Offline LatinAlexander

  • Member
  • Posts: 599
  • Bogota, Colombia
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #8 on: December 05, 2006, 01:09:51 PM »
Next to you sweetie.... Thinking about you

Alex
Poz since Jul 19 2006
Initial numbers : CD4-250 VL 3500
First labs after HAART (Dec 04-2006) : CD4-432 VL-<40 (Undetectable)  cd4%=25.11%
Started HAART: Combivir+Efavirenz Aug 26 7:38 pm
Feb 08 2007 - Gradually stopping HAART cause of Myalgia. Protecting Efavirenz. Stopped Efavirenz, ahead with Combivir....
February 17 Combivir stopped.
April 3 -07 : Started ddi+3tc+efavirenz...
Gay and positive (What a lack of Identity...:) )
Looking for my Ben....

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,630
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #9 on: December 05, 2006, 01:57:17 PM »
Lisa,

You know I love you honey, and I've been concerned about you over the past few weeks.  You are in my prayers.

with love,

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline Teresa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,753
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #10 on: December 05, 2006, 02:42:26 PM »
Lisa,

You have been in my thoughts and prayers. I will continue to pray for you and your family!

Big Hugs
Teresa
Hubby HIV+ 5/5/06
CD4:320
  %: 26.7
 VL: <20
Atripla (started it 8/24/06)
 

Offline JohnOso

  • Member
  • Posts: 816
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #11 on: December 05, 2006, 02:51:57 PM »
Lisa,

sending you positive energy and hugs from afar. 

Take care,
John


Offline Christine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,069
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #12 on: December 05, 2006, 03:13:43 PM »
Hi Lisa,

I am so sorry you are hurting right now. Take a deep breath, and know that I am sending you good thoughts, and prayers your way. My arms are around you in a warm and supportive hug.

Take one day at a time. You will get through this.

Christine
Poz since '93. Currently on Procrit, Azithromax, Pentamidine, Valcyte, Levothyroxine, Zoloft, Epzicom, Prezista, Viread, Norvir, and GS-9137 study drug. As needed: Trazodone, Atavan, Diflucan, Zofran, Hydrocodone, Octreotide

5/30/07 t-cells 9; vl 275,000

Offline Lisa

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,240
  • Formerly known as sweetieweasel/Joined Nov. 2004
    • http://www.myspace.com/lisanowak58
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #13 on: December 05, 2006, 04:47:20 PM »
Thank you all so very much. Your kind words and thoughts, are succor for my heart.
I just need to lean on my forum friends and family at this moment in time.
I've never been let down by this place. I always know I can come here, but I try to be too many things at once, and sometimes get myself swamped with this mindset.
Silly me.

I know I don't say it very often, but you all mean so much to me. This place has been my solace, and my strength. I can come here any day of the week and find something or someone that brings meaning to my day, regardless of my personal diatribes...... ;)

Thank you.   Thank you all so much.
No Fear  No Shame  No Stigma
Happiness is not getting what you want, but wanting what you have.

Offline skeebo1969

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,705
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #14 on: December 05, 2006, 05:32:03 PM »


    Lisa,

      Try not to let things overwhelm you.   I appreciate everything you have done for me.   If you need someone to talk to you know I am only a phone call away.

   (((HUGS)))

   Thomas
I despise the song Love is in the Air, you should too.

Offline Jerry71

  • Member
  • Posts: 955
  • {Lexiva, Norvir, Complera} Still Breathing!!!
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #15 on: December 05, 2006, 06:03:31 PM »
You can talk too me anytime also I'm always here for you and will always will be. If I call you can get everything off your chest and let me have it good girl. I love to listen.  ;) Don't let your kids run you over like they do tell them you brought them into this world and your not going to take anymore sh#% off of them anymore! They should be the happiest kids in the world to have a loving mother like yourself. Just glad I got to know Lisa she is the best friend anyone could ever ask for. You hang in there girl and I will give you another call in a few days. :-* Love you always.  :-*

Offline Queen Tokelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 6,033
  • Smokey the Smurf
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #16 on: December 05, 2006, 06:39:50 PM »
Lisa,

My heart goes out to you and I will keep you in my prayers. You know when you need to vent, we will all be here for you. So when you are ready to talk, we will always be ready to listen.
Started Atripla/Ziagen on 9/13/07.
10/31/07 CD4-265 VL- undetectable
2/6/08 CD4- 401 VL- undetectable
5/7/08 CD4- 705 VL- undetectable
6/4/08 CD4- 775 VL- undetectable
8/6/08 CD4- 805 VL- undetectable
11/13/08 CD4- 774 VL--undetectable
2/4/09  CD4- 484  VL- 18,000 (2 months off meds)
3/3/09---Starting Back on Meds---
4/27/09 CD4- 664 VL-- undetectable
6/17/09 CD4- 438 VL- 439
8/09 CD4- 404 VL- 1,600
01-22-10-- CD4- 525 VL- 59,000
Cherish the simple things life has to offer

The Royal Blog

Offline Life

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,388
  • Member 2005
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #17 on: December 05, 2006, 08:53:03 PM »
Lisa, you know you dont have to shoulder all of this yourself.  Your a smart gal and I pray that these things are lifted one by one so you can breath easier...

A forum member shared this with me today...   

Oh, please don't walk in front of me.
It's hard to follow all you do.
I need some guidance constantly,
And depend... alot on you.

Perhaps my progress may be slow.
Perhaps I'll need some extra care.
With faith, I'm sure you'll get to know.
There are blessings we can share.

And, please don't walk in back of me.
Don't push me quickly on my way.
I need your patience, and I plea
That you'll teach me what to say

I may be known as handicapped.
Some folks may say I'm just "not right"
And though I often don't adapt,
Angels keep me in their sight.

So, please except me... this I ask,
Although I'm different than the rest.
The Lord has given me a task,
And with childlike faith... I'm blest.

Such peace of mind can stir much love
Somehow my innocence was planned
I'm on a mission from above
WALK BESIDE ME ~ HOLD MY HAND

There are so many holding your hand right now Lisa...

Love

Offline Iggy

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,435
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #18 on: December 05, 2006, 09:12:07 PM »
.
« Last Edit: January 10, 2007, 08:52:35 PM by Iggy »

Offline Nadine

  • Member
  • Posts: 1,253
  • Member since: August 2005
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #19 on: December 05, 2006, 09:20:11 PM »
Lisa,

My heart breaks for you. Just know that we are all here praying for you.


Offline Robert

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,645
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #20 on: December 05, 2006, 09:40:45 PM »
Oh and Lisa....

one more thing.  I was walking the dogs this morning thinking about you.  Here's what came to mind.  When I'm down, deep down, in the dumps I think of you dancing to Baileys' music in Montreal.  I'll never forget you dancing there on the floor, just completely lost in the music.  That's picks me right up.  The idea of you dancing and enjoying life makes me feel like a million bucks.

so I'm thinking maybe just knowing that might help you feel a little better.

robert
..........

Offline AlanBama

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,630
  • Alabama: the 'other' 3rd World Country!
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #21 on: December 06, 2006, 02:05:43 PM »
Lisa,

How are you doing today honey?   I'm woried about you.   You are on my mind and in my heart constantly these days....

I love Robert's image of you on the dance floor; we have some pics of that, there is one of me, you and Cliff dancing and laughing that I loved....

hugs & kisses,

Alan
"Remember my sentimental friend that a heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others." - The Wizard of Oz

Offline anniebc

  • Member
  • Posts: 5,939
  • AM member since 2003
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #22 on: December 06, 2006, 03:56:45 PM »
Lisa

I have been looking for you on skype...please log on and lets talk...promise me you will do this...you don't need to deal with whatever it is on your own.

Love and hugs
Jan :-*
-----------------------------------------------------------------------
Never knock on deaths door..ring the bell and run..he really hates that.

Offline poet

  • Member
  • Posts: 934
  • Poet living and working in Central Maine
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #23 on: December 07, 2006, 07:08:49 PM »
Lisa, we are all pulling for you and hope that as you are able to start opening some of the doors, we can offer even more specific help and support with what you are going through.  I can't say enough for the feeling of a true family I have found here, as though we gather around a common, shared table daily.  Best, Win
Winthrop Smith has published three collections of poetry: Ghetto: From The First Five; The Weigh-In: Collected Poems; Skin Check: New York Poems.  The last was published in December 2006.  He has a work-in-progress underway titled Starting Positions.

Offline Eldon

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,664
Re: Just as I am.
« Reply #24 on: December 07, 2006, 09:04:42 PM »
Hey Lisa,

You are in my thoughts and prayers as you go through this. This too shall pass.



Happy Holidays!

 


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