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When should I tell my boyfriend??

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Hi Lost,
       Glad you found this site! I have been diagnosed with AIDS for over 10 years now, and there are a lot of things I could help you with. First, let me give you a little more info about me.  Just so you know where I'm coming from. I am a bi married male, 45, have raised four kids already,benn through almost every med available.
        As far as letting peole know about my status, my wife was with me the night that I was diagnosed with PCP pnuemonia and when I went to the doc to finally hear what I had been dreading, my AIDS diagnosis. I went from thinking I was perfectly healthy to having Aids in one night,as far as being diagnosed. My wife stayed with me the entire time that I was in the hospital. They her stay the entire three days I was in there because they didn't think I was going to make it. But I did!
         I, myself, would tell him asap. Though the person I contracted my infection from was my first wife, my current and second wife has stayed with me throughout everything that I have been through. She has done this because she loves me. Really. It has been my experience that the general public is educated well enough that when they are told of a diagnosis, they accept it rather well. Most of the time they are generally curious about the virus more than they are worried about infection. But you are talking about your boyfriend. That is a bit different.
       Most of the rules about disclosure still apply, as there are legal reasons to disclose too. In my state,Indiana, it is illegal not to disclose to sex partners. in my state, I would have to disclose to keep from being sued by sex partners. Also, they could get me thrown in jail for not disclosing. There are also personal reasons that I would disclose.
       The last thing that I want is to infect another healthy, negative person with this virus. That would weigh too heavy on my conscience to know that I had done that. If your beau really cares about you, he will stay. If not, well, you can guess the ramifications. Either way, you must tell him. If only for your own well being.
        If he does leave you, fear not. There are plenty of men out there infected with this virus that would love to meet a poz woman. Sure, there are plenty of gay men with this virus, but the truth is that this is a human virus. There are almost as many hetero men with it these days. Many whom desperately desire to meet someone like you.
        So many women out these days spend there time being alone with this virus. They could be out there meeting others with it too. There are some things that you will need to know before dating though. The main thing being that you will want to find someone with the same type(strain) of HIV that you have. You want to avoid superinfection( being infected by more than the strain{s} that you carry). Your doctor has tests that can determine what strain(s) you carry.
         I have also found that disclosing is a VERY liberating experience. It is too much of a burden to keep this diagnosis to yourself. But you must take care to whom you disclose. There is still a great deal of stygma floating around out there. I tend to let people find out who I am before letting them know what I have. By doing this, I have had positive responses to my diagnosis. It does scare some, because they find out that this can happen to anyone. The ones who do not react very well to the news are either in denial themselves or they just need to get answers about the virus themselves.
         Another thing about whom I disclose to. I live in a county where I was the fourth person diagnosed. Also, I live in redneck country. The schools around here still carry the attitude that kids don't have sex. I'm working on that one. But, even though I live amidst such attitudes, I have still had 99% positive responses to my diagnosis.
        I have had to fight the local welfare office( and won) about my fitness as a parent with HIV. They found a scratch on my son's chin when he was in the second grade. They put us through a three year court battle. I finally went in with legal help when they tried to remove my son. At that point it was suggested that it was an HIV related case. Everyone knew, finally, what was the motivation behind their actions when they backed down at that suggestion. My son is now a junior in high school and still with me.
        So, disclosure still has a down side, but it is worth doing. At least it has been for me. I have had to learn to be responsible for my actions with others concerning the spreading of the virus, but that has not affected my working situation either. I work as an automotive technician most of time. In this field, my hands get cut quite often, but with proper care, I have managed my job quite well.
       To end up, disclosure is a must do for sex partners. It has many up sides to it and a few down sides. It has been worth doing for me, though. Good Luck and take care.     moparman

Hey Lost...

I agree with Pozgroup here on this one. You should tell him before having sex with him. Also, you will want to make sure that you use protection while engaging in sex.

"Don't Give Up, Don't Give In... Cause it is all within you to WIN!"


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