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Author Topic: Think before you speak  (Read 1114 times)

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Offline bluelove

  • Member
  • Posts: 178
Think before you speak
« on: November 30, 2006, 12:58:38 PM »
 Here are six reasons why you should think before you speak the last one is great! Have you ever spoken and wished that you could  immediately take the words back...

Or that you could crawl into a hole
 
 Here are the Testimonials of a few people who
did....

FIRST TESTIMONY:>  I walked into a hair salon with my husband and three kids in tow>  and asked loudly,"How much do you charge for a shampoo and a blow job?
I turned around and walked back out and never went back My husband didn't say a word...he knew better.

 SECOND TESTIMONY: I was at the golf store comparing different kinds of golf balls. I was unhappy with the women's type I had been using.

After browsing for several minutes,I was approached by one of the good-looking gentlemenwho works at thestore. He asked if he could help me.Without thinking, I looked at him and said,"I think I like playing with men's balls."

 THIRD TESTIMONY:

My sister and were at the mall and passed by a store that sold a variety of candy and nuts.
 As we were looking at the display,case
the boy behind the counter asked if we needed any help.
I replied, "No, I'm just looking at your nuts." My sister started to laugh hysterically.The boy grinned, and I turned beet-red and walked away.
To this day, my sister has never let me forget.

FOURTH TESTIMONY :
While in line at the bank one afternoon,my toddler decided to release>  some pent-up energy and ran amok.
 I was finally able tograb hold ofher after receiving looks of disgust and annoyance from other patrons.I told her that if she did not start behaving> "right now" she would be punished.
To my horror, she looked me in the eye and said in  voice just as threatening,"If you don't let me go right now, I will tell Grandma that I saw you>  kissing Daddy's pee-pee last night!"
 The silence was deafening after this enlightening exchange.Even>the tellers stopped>
 what they were doing.
 I mustered up the last of my dignity and> walked out of the bank with my daughter in tow.
The last thing I heard whenthe door closed behind me,were screams of laughter.

FIFTH TESTIMONY:> Have you ever asked your child a question too many times?
 My three-year-old son had a lot of problems with potty training and I was on himconstantly.One day we stopped at Taco Bell for a quick lunchin between errands.
It was very busy, with a full dining rooom.While enjoying my taco,I smelled something funny, so of course I checked  my seven-month-old daughter, she was clean.Then realized that Danny had not asked to go potty in a while. I asked him if he needed to go,and he said"No". I kept thinking "Oh Lord, that child has had an accident, and I don'thave any clothes with me."Then I said,  "Danny, are you SURE you didn't have an accident?"

"No," he replied. I just KNEW that he must have had an accident,because the smell was getting worse.
Soooooo, I asked one more time, "Danny, did you have an accident?"This time he jumped up,yanked down his pants,bent over spread his cheeksand yelled "SEE MOM, IT'S JUST FARTS!!"
 While 30 people nearly choked to death on their tacos laughing,  he calmly pulled up his pants and sat down.
An old couple made me feel better,thanking me for the best laugh they'd ever had!

LAST BUT NOT LEAST TESTIMONY:This had most of the state of Michigan laughing for 2 days  and a very embarrassed female news anchor who will, in the future, likely think before she speaks.

What happens when you predict snow but don't get any!

 We had asked a female news anchor that, the day after it was supposed to have snowed and didn't, She turned to the weatherman and asked: "So Bob, where's that 8 inches you promised me last night?"
 Not only did HE have to leave the set, but half the crew did too they were laughing so hard!.

 Now, didn't that feel good? Pass it on to someone you know who needs a laugh and remember we all say things we don't really mean, so think before you speak

Offline wellington

  • Member
  • Posts: 508
  • Don't sweat the little things.
Re: Think before you speak
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2006, 01:14:39 PM »
Priceless. :D

Offline ACinKC

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,994
  • Bring it VIRUS! #2 Ranked In-crowd Member!
Re: Think before you speak
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2006, 01:16:12 PM »
FUNNY AS HELL!  Thanks
LIFE is not a race to the grave with the intention of arriving safely
in a pretty and well-preserved body, but, rather to skid in broadside,
thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming--WOW! WHAT A
RIDE!!!

Offline thunter34

  • Member
  • Posts: 7,305
  • His name is Carl.
Re: Think before you speak
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2006, 01:19:42 PM »
Oh

My

Lord!


That was the funniest thing I have read in ages.  I am passing this one along for sure!  Thank You!!
AIDS isn't for sissies.

Offline Javicho

  • Member
  • Posts: 268
Re: Think before you speak
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2006, 02:22:13 PM »
That was the best,  ;D ;D ;D

Offline cph9680

  • Member
  • Posts: 325
Re: Think before you speak
« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2006, 02:28:33 PM »
Fantastic!  ;D ;D  ;D

Offline Longislander

  • Member
  • Posts: 2,486
Re: Think before you speak
« Reply #6 on: November 30, 2006, 06:35:42 PM »
 Hysterical
infected 10/05 diagnosed 12-05
2/06   379/57000                    6/07 372/30500 25%   4/09 640/U/32% 
5/06   ?? /37000                     8/07 491/55000/24%    9/09 913/U/39%
8/06   349/9500 25%              11/07 515/68000/24     2/10 845/U/38%
9/06   507/16,000 30% !          2/08  516/116k/22%    7/10 906/80/39%
12/06 398/29000 26%             Start Atripla 3/08
3/07   402/80,000 29%            4/08  485/undet!/27
4/07   507/35,000 25%            7/08 625/UD/34%
                                                 11/08 684/U/36%

Offline aupointillimite

  • Member
  • Posts: 3,229
  • FUS DO RAH!
Re: Think before you speak
« Reply #7 on: November 30, 2006, 07:16:46 PM »
Ha ha ha!  Love it!

I'll always remember when I was in French 3 in high school... this girl, out of nowhere says...

"Qui est-ce que je fais?"

What she meant to say was "Qu'est-ce que je fais?"

That means, "What am I doing?"

She had, in fact, asked, "Who am I doing?"

It was funnier because she had something of a "reputation," if you catch my drift.
Your tastebuds can't repel flavor of this magnitude!

 


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